It's The Great Present, Chipper Brown

[Chipperdini]

I get a phone call from DH - a rare treat. He’s ready to head home from work - an even rarer treat. He wants to know if I need or want anything from Mal-Wart - a hat trick!

Then he says the oddest thing:

“I got you a present.”

Huh?

Come again??

“I got a present for you.”

When?!

Where??!!

Why???!!!

What on earth… ?!?!?!?!

Etc., etc.

"I'll give it to you when I get home."

Okay, see ya soon, drive safe, love ya.

“Love ya… ‘bye.”

’Bye.

*click*

*clunk*

In my best Kari (Incredibles) imitation: That was really weird.

Beyond weird, really, in that it is highly irregular for DH to get me presents. Highly irregular.

DH is a notorious prankster. He's more than likely up to something... prankish.

Hmm.

Best be prepared.

On guard.

*****

DH arrives home. After he gets settled, he hands me a small cardboard box. It’s a box from work. It’s not wrapped. It’s not sealed.

I take the box and sit on the edge of the bed.

I feel something.

I hear something.

So does the cat.

Whatever is in this box, it’s alive.

And it ain't a wheeter (guinea pig).

Even before I peek, I know what is in there.

My pulse quickens.

So does the cat’s.

Question: Whose present is this supposed to be anyway, mine or the feline’s?

The cat doesn’t wait for an answer. She doesn’t care who it’s for; she’s claiming it, regardless. Upon realizing this, my now-quite-active present -- naturally -- has an “accident.” Before another kind of “accident” can occur, we release it to pleasanter surroundings.

DH is pretty pleased with himself. (He got me a present.)

The cat is pretty unhappy. (We wouldn’t let her have “her” present.)

And me? I’m having visions of a Chipperdini-style Charlie Brown cartoon:

Picture if you will a gaggle of girls, eagerly displaying their respective romantic goodies:

Woman1: “I got a card and a gift certificate to the spa!”
Woman2: “I got flight tickets and premium passes to Walt Disney World!”
Woman3: “I got a “Me Day” and a basket filled with books, music, candles and bath stuff!”
Woman4: “I got 2 dozen red long-stemmed roses and Broadway tickets!”
Woman5: “I got a rock…… Two carats worth! I’m engaged!!”

Chipper Brown: "I got a toad."

*****

Yup. He got me a hippity-hoppity, hoppy-toad. A bit on the small side. Lots of warts.

My true-life fairy tale: I kissed a prince, and got a frog.

And they lived happily ever after.

Ain’t love grand?


(Lest anyone misunderstand: Happiness Is a Hoppy-Toad. I think toads are the next best thing to black raspberries. I LOVE, LOVE, LOVE toads. I find them irresistible. They never fail to delight me. They also never fail to pee on me, but that’s a wee, wee price to pay for the pure pleasure of holding them. )

 

[Blondie]

Um....just out of curiosity...what color is a toad's pee?

 

[Buckalew11]

Kathy!

Your DH sounds like mine. You just never know what he's up to. The other day he had a big surprise for me. It was a pineapple.

 

[Chipperdini]

Blondie - What, and ruin one of life's greatest little educational pleasantries for you? Far be it from me! Find thee a hoppy-toad, pick him up and he'll surely enlighten you.

Buck - Does your DH have siblings? If he's anything like mine, I pity them greatly. A pineapple, eh? Well, that's no quart of black raspberries, but fresh pineapple is still pretty yummy.

 

[Buckalew11]

Blondie - What, and ruin one of life's greatest little educational pleasantries for you? Far be it from me! Find thee a hoppy-toad, pick him up and he'll surely enlighten you.

Buck - Does your DH have siblings? If he's anything like mine, I pity them greatly. A pineapple, eh? Well, that's no quart of black raspberries, but fresh pineapple is still pretty yummy.

Chip, he has a sister and she has a wicked sense of humor. But his pranks stem more from friends--high school, college and the firehall. God knows firefighters have to pull a prank every day or else they'll lose their job, I think.
Better a pineapple than a porcupine.

And I'm guessing Blondie will never know what color toad pee is!!

 

[Chipperdini]

She probably needs it. DH claims that when he met me, I had no sense of humor (or at least, so little as to be negligible). I had to adapt if I hoped to survive. I'm still alive - barely.

Family, friends, co-workers - no one is safe.

Pineapple or porcupine, cactus or bed of nails - they're all pretty prickly.

Oh, I dunno. I'll bet Blondie's outside huntin' for toads even as I type.

 

[KatelynnsAuntie]

Your writing style is hysterical!! You need to write a book!!

 

[RNMOM]

Awwww, I love toads too. We stopped putting chemicals on our lawn and the past couple summers we have had a whole slew of toads. My son brings them in to "visit" me when he finds them when mowing. He has found some adorable babies that are bout the size of a nickel. I can't locate the photos I took of them or would post. We always put them back in the yard and they are still around so far.

Enjoy your gift.

 

[Chipperdini]

KatelynnsAuntie - Thank you. Glad you enjoyed.

RNMOM - A hoppy-toad heaven in your very own backyard! *Sigh/Swoon*

When I was young, I often hunted for toads at my paternal grandparents. One time I took an especially fat one inside to "visit" one of my aunts. She was less than amused.

I very much enjoyed my gift.

BTW, I've been wanting to tell you how much your signature makes me smile when I see it. Beautiful dog. I had an Irish Setter when I was a kid.