This would be my list of do not miss rides in DL:
Indy
Big Thunder
Splash Mountain
Matterhorn
Pirates
Haunted Mansion
Jungle Cruise (ride it at night, the guides are a lot funnier then)
I'm sure others would also have their suggestions, but these are the rides I try to ride whenever I get over there. Space Mountain would be on the list, but it's down for refurb until next year.
For DCA:
Soarin' Over CA
CA Screamin
Grizzly River
Maliboomer
and I'm sure Tower of Terror belongs on the list, just isn't open yet.
For shows in DL:
don't miss Fantasmic or Believe (I love watching Believe from the river area)
I haven't managed to see it yet, but I hear the Snow White show is good.
DCA:
Aladdin is a must see (upper orchestra in the center is the best spot to see it).
I've never stayed in a resort since I'm local and just go for day trips.
For food: I prefer DCA's fast food/counter service over DL's. The fries in DCA are better (cut from real potatos and not the reconstituted stuff DL uses). I haven't done any of the sit down places in DCA since they closed the Soap Opera Bistro

. I haven't eaten in the hotels either, though I hear the Goofy's Kitchen character breakfast is fun. In DL, I do like Rancho Del Zocalo pretty well for Mexican. You get a lot of food, it's pretty tasty and the price is reasonable compared to a sit down Mexican place outside the park.