It just keeps getting better

[BernardandMissBianca]

So my MIL calls me tonight to tell me she fell, yesterday!! Why she waits until 7pm to call me I have no idea. She wanted to turn the overhead light in her room off and decided to climb up on her bed to do it instead of calling the night time manager to do it for her. It's a ceiling fan and she wanted the fan on and not the light.
Well she fell off the bed and broke her pelvis. Thankfully she does not need surgery but she's in all sorts of pain. And her mind is just not there anymore either. the Dr is trying to find out what happened and she's rambling on about DH.
Honest to God I have no idea what to do with her. She can not live alone anymore but all the nursing homes around here are crap! And of course all this happens after DH gets on the plane!

Oh and the kicker, she was pissed at me because I called DH and told him! She didn't want me to say anything. Hello?? He was going to call the house when he landed in Dayton and would be suspicious that I didn't answer the phone at 10:30 at night.

So what ever the next speed bump is, can you just get it over with now. Go ahead, throw it at me!

And if you have read this far, thanks for sticking with me through the latest drama.

 

[lewdyan1]

I don't know if there is enough hugs and pixie dust I can send you, but whatever you need, I'm sending them your way!

 

[party of 3]

OH NO! you are really being tested Buffy. ok take a deep breath. We are hear for you. I just wish there was something we could do.
Sending you lots and lots of prayers, pixie dust, love, hugs and support.

 

[AlexWyattMommy]

There are some decent nursing homes here. My neighbor and her two daughters work at one. The neighbor has been there for years because she said the workers are treated well and the residents are treated very good. Not sure what happens when you switch states like that, but I can get you info if you need it.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

You poor thing!!! As I told you last night... I'm here if you need me...anything, just ask!!!

As for MIL...please remind her we are NOT lying to DH... DH has to know what is going on....because it's his MOTHER!! Tell her that we are NOT going to ruin our marriage by lying to DH! HELLO!!!!

 

[WDWMom]

Sorry to hear this Buffy. Maybe MIL doesn't need a nursing home but an assisted living facility. Somewhere she can be a little independent, but where they will watch her, do meals. Good luck! And I would tell her you don't lie to DH about such things. Maybe on how much you spend on SB supplies, but never about his mother

 

[rlovew]

Buffy- so sorry to hear this, I hope you are able to work out some solution. I know from the sound of things that you can't have her with you so finding someplace good is important.

Rebecca

 

[joyah]

Buffy
I know it's not the closest to you but Weymouth Mass has an absolutley wonderful nursing home. My grandmother has been their almost 2 years now.
They have everything that is needed right there. My mom and aunt are fanatical about how Nana is treated and they have been very pleased. Only once has mom gone to the director and that was settled so quickly your head would spin.
Please feel free to email me if you'd like some more information about it.

 

[ddavis860]

Buffy, so sorry that this happened!

We had to do the nursing home thing for DH's DUnc96 and it's not an easy thing to deal with at all. More than just the place, there were all these emotional issues to face too. Best of luck finding a good situation for her!

Oh, and sorry she is miffed, but Nancy is right, DH needed to know...not hiding a serious health issue about mama. She will just have to get over it...

 

[aroyer]

Lots of hugs for you and DH! Prayers too!

 

[lovingthemouse]

Buffy - I am so sorry you have yet one more issue to deal with - any good nursing homes or assisted living facilities in the Norwich/Groton/New London area?
No question that you did the right thing in calling your DH - it is his mother and he absolutely should know.

 

[New England Eeyore]

Sorry you have to deal with this on top of everything else. Big hugs to you.

My dad and his siblings are currently going through the process of finding a nursing home for my grandfather (precipitated by his falling and breaking his hip) so I know that is a whole new set of enormous challenges for you to deal with. Does DH have any siblings or does it all fall on you guys?

 

[Michellepooh]

Sorry to hear that you are going through all of this, Buffy.

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

So the news just keeps getting even better. Apparently her Medicaid expired yesterday! The paper work came for the reevaluation when she was in the hospital a few months ago. Did anyone bother to call me?? Um that would be a no.

Ann, I will see how well she recovers, I may need those numbers. DH can't keep doing this travel thing with his mom in such a state. He is trying to come home tomorrow. If he could just work, visit her and come home everything would be soo much better.

Sue, MIL does need a nursing home, she is wheelchair bound now. She lives in an independent living facility/assisted living. It started out as the first but there are so many people who need help they have outside people coming in but it's only during the day. The night time is when it gets dicey. The have someone on the desk from 4 - midnight but they are just as old as MIL is.
As for the lying, sure I withhold the truth all the time about the little things but I most definitely won't lie about his mother breaking a bone. I have no idea what she was thinking!

Rebecca, yeah she can't live with us. We have 1 bathroom and 2 bedrooms and the bathroom is upstairs. Plus with my life, I'm rarely home and she needs constant care.

Christy, I will look into it. I'm not sure how much of a drive it is to Weymouth though.

Caroline, I'm looking in those areas. The biggest problem is the list is limited due to the fact that she is on title 19. If I had gobs of money finding a great place that would treat her well would be no problem. But when you are dealing with the state it is a tough road.

NEE, It's just us. My FIL passed away when DH was only a week old and it's been the 2 of them ever since. She has a brother in FL but they have just started speaking again after 10 years of estrangement.

Everyone else, thanks for the hugs and prayers. I really think this is the beginning of the end. She just isn't there mentally anymore, the DRs say she keeps having mini strokes and honestly at her age (77 in Jan) and her poor over all health, I just don't see how she can recover.

My grandmother is in her 90's and in perfect health and when she fell and broke her arm, it took forever for it to heal.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

You have the papers now? Do you have all the documents you need to get her re-instated? Who do we need to yell at for dropping the ball for not getting her info to you??? You'd think the assisted living facitlity would want paid and get that info to you to turn in timely!!

I need to get my head wrapped around this.. I use to deal w/ this stuff for a living as I was an admissions counselor to a nursing home...and DH and I use to help families file for this stuff all the time.... let me get my thinking cap on...and we'll get this all taken care of...and I'll start pulling OH info too to make sure once we get re-instated we can transfer or get the ball rolling in OH too... pre-planning!!!

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I did get the needed paperwork to do the reinstatement but they said it would take 4 -5 days. I'd love to know whose head to roll, they of course are blaming us for not making sure it was done. 1 freakin phone call would have cleared it all up. I told DH she's gonna be POed but I'm having all her mail forwarded to me.
In the mean time very few rehab/nursing homes will take a Medicaid "pending" patient.

Believe it or not this is all a blessing, now DH and I can get up to her apartment and clean it out and hunt for her will and other papers.

 

[PrincessNancy96]

That needs to be done... Is there a billing office at the asst. living complex? If so, they are the first ones you need to talk to.... All that stuff went to the billing office at our nursing home...(I know every place is different)...

I'd be cleaning house while she was in rehab and get those need papers found....(ie will, etc)...

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

I got the paperwork like the rent cost and the part the state pays today. A copy of her medicaid card, Drivers license, etc. There were no changes from the last eval so it should go smoothly.

I think I will drive up there every morning, see her, and then go to her place to clean. It smells horrible! If it weren't for the cat I would have opened windows today, it was 57!

 

[SusieStone]

I am thinking about you throughout the day abotu this and the only thing I know is it sucks.....but it will get better. Hollow words I know - but it will.

I don't know what I can do but I am a great texter if you ever need to vent.

Or I can talk, ask Tinker

 

[BernardandMissBianca]

Thanks Susie! I know you have been through so much too. It means the world to me that you would offer your time and ear.