It is not that we don't want them to go, but...UPDATED, OH NO!

[FreeTime]

Have you ever invited someone and then thought that they shouldn't go? We have a trip planned with family during the school year and their kids have failed last year (they are still in summer school trying to make it up). In addition, this family is having financial problems. I don't want to place a hardship on them financially and I feel like we are contributing to the kids failure in school. We have suggested to them that we plan a trip for next summer when school is out but they have said, "No, we are going!" Do we just go ahead with the trip and hope the kids do better in school and that the family can afford to pay their bills when they get home? I know that they are looking forward to the trip and it is probably an escape from all of the problems that they have been having. Help!


Hey all! Thanks for your previous advice. This situation has gotten worse! They are so far past due on their utilities that they are going to be shut off. Some of them tomorrow if they don't pay up. Guess what?! They are not planning on paying them even though tomorrow is pay day! I am overly anxious and figure they are going to cancel (I think they should) and the date is almost here. They of course are still saying that they are going. My trip is going to be ruined because the entire time I am going to be thinking about bills they are not paying. I know it is none of my business (their family BTW). DVC is no longer fun for me!

Thanks for listening. I really needed to vent!

 

[MrsToad]

It would be hard for me to take back an invitation once it had been offered. I might also be worried about the family thinking I was stepping on toes if I tried to tell them what was best for them rather than letting them make their own decisions on their children's education and the family finances. If it were me, as long as I didn't think I'd end up paying for more of the vacation than I could handle (or lose points should the family back out at the last minute), I think I'd let the invitation stand. But then, I'm not in your shoes at the moment...good luck!

 

[kathleena]

I think you have done all that you can - you suggested that you might go at another time - and they have turned that down. So go with your original plans and don't worry about them.

Sometimes NOT putting things off is a good idea - we can always find reasons to put things off.

 

[lurontravel]

Here's my 2 cents...

You have given them an opportunity to not CANCEL, but CHANGE the vacation (with no penalty or annoyance on your part, I gather), and they have decided to go with the original plan. I would leave it at that. You don't want to tell them what to do, b/c no matter what happens, if they "listen to your advice", no matter how sound your advice might seem to be, they'll blame you if things don't turn out the way they anticipate. You mentioned that the change was possible, they truned you down, and have made their own decision. They are completely responsible for the consequences, be they good or bad.

I would also remind them that you must cancel 31 days in advance, just in case they should change their minds (hopefully before the last minute when your points would go into holding).

 

[Cruelladeville]

You have done pretty much what you can, but I suggest that you make a list on the approximate costs that they will incur if they go, so that they really understand the ramifications of their decision. WDW isn't cheap, and if they go, you may well have committed yourself to paying their way on food and tickets, etc. when they are down there. I agree that this isn't a good time for them to be planning a trip--they can't afford it, and neither can their kids--but they are adults, so you need to protect yourself by making a list of costs so they understand what kind of cash they will have to have for the trip. Maybe that will be enough to have them reconsider. Maybe reality will set in.

 

[Patty3]

Free Time, I totally agree with Mrs. Toad on this. Once an invite has been extended, it should not be taken back unless there are extenuating circumstances, which I do not think these are. If you want to keep them as friends, let well enough alone.

 

[OneMoreTry]

Originally posted by Cruelladeville
WDW isn't cheap, and if they go, you may well have committed yourself to paying their way on food and tickets, etc. when they are down there.

Whoa!! Potential disaster here!

I agree with all the posts above. You've invited and given them a chance to back out. Canceling or giving them more advice would be tacky unless it looks like MAJOR disaster for their finances or their marriage. I think it would OK to warn them again about the cancellation deadline. Here is my other two cents:

Plan a budget trip. YOU should go budget too if you value the friendship at all. Eat in the room. Carry food and water into the parks. Eat at cheaper restaurants. Buy water and fans and bottle carriers and stuff outside WDW. Limit park days if they can't afford many. Etc. Etc.

Enjoy it WITH them and not in spite of them.

Prepare to either go without them if they cancel or to have to carry some of their financial load if they don't.

 

[DIZNYFAN]

Well you asked if they wanted to change dates and they have said no maybe you should consider coming up with a work related reason you can't go at that time if you are that concerned. That way you take the onus off of them deciding and you can change the plans.

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks everyone! I guess you are right. We should just go ahead with the plans and hope everything works out. Maybe I will volunteer to help their kids with school work when school starts as well. Hopefully we will have a great trip. Thanks again!

 

[Patty3]

You are doing the right thing and I am sure that you and your friends will have a wonderful time!

 

[flyinglizard]

Hmmm... left hand, rock... right hand, hard place.

I'm sure you made the suggestion with good intentions. It's not your job to make the decision for their family. They seem to be excited about the trip. Very possibly you will be amazed at what a little magic can do! Maybe that family needs a little Disney magic!

 

[MDonley]

When my DS was quite a bit younger, we'd ask for any advance homework that he could take along. We saw that he did it too! I believe that in 3rd and 4th grade, the teachers just asked him to keep a journal of everything he did each day ... that covered the writing skills and it really was fun as we all sat down to remember what we'd done. For the mathematics end of things, he had to keep track of how much money was spent and where it went. We stuck him with figuring out the tips.

Something along that line could serve a dual purpose. The journal could be turned in at school and, when he gets it back, they'd have something truly memorable from what may be a once in a lifetime experience. Especially if they added artwork. The part of the money, could be beneficial in helping the family keep close tabs on finances.

You might tell them that you read about this great idea and they might be able to work something out with the teachers. Taking a school book or two along couldn't hurt if they're planning on having some downtime. Just don't attempt to bring so much that they'll never open them as our DS did in middle school.

 

[canwegosoon]

Perhaps you could speak with your friend again. And say, I don't think it's fair that this trip could potentially have a set back on your children's education, and I don't want to see them in summer school again, next year. Then offer by the end of the marking quarter before the trip (at least 31 days out) if the children are getting good grades, the trip is a go. But if they are not doing well, then let's agree to postpone the trip until a school vacation or summer break. I have a funny feeling that they might be thinking that if they "cancel" perhaps they won't be invited again because they were "difficult", but this might give the kids a little incentive to apply themselves. Good luck...I hope you can work this out with your friend

 

[Desperado]

If your uncomfortable about it, it could add to anxiety on the trip could be a set up for a problem. One option could be to just cancel the trip based on your own personal family reasons indicating it doesn't have anything to do with them. That gives them an out and an opportunity to save face. Then set up another vacation of your own at a different time without extending the invitation. Just another option, which is why you were asking I believe. Best wishes.

 

[manning]

maybe you should consider coming up with a work related reason you can't go at that time if you are that concerned.

Isn't that being dishonest?? The best way is to handle it honestly.

 

[mowog]

Remind your family members to get work assignments for the kids while they're away. Perhaps you can help them with some school work as their parents maybe havn't done such a good job (sorry). This could be a nice break and a fresh start for your guest. "If you do well in school we could do this again sometime" could be an incentive showing them that hard work has its rewards. This could be a very nice rewarding trip or one that will make you say "never again". Just learn by your mistakes and make the best of it you can. Good Luck

Jean & Bob

 

[Desperado]

Originally posted by manning
Isn't that being dishonest?? The best way is to handle it honestly.

Sometimes a bit of discretion and a fabricated excuse can be of benefit to both parties. Confronting them about thier money and children's education may not be the best plan with family friends. If they were that close, this wouldn't be an item for an internet discussion. By the way, do they read DIS?

 

[manning]

If a true friend can't handle honesty then he/she is not ............ a true friend. Also the majority if not all of the time the lie is found out.

 

[FreeTime]

Thanks for allowing me to vent in my update in the original post!

 

[karebear1]

Are they the ones giving you this info? If so- I would tell them that you are not comfortable taking them with you on vacation when they have bills and utilities that are overdo, and that you are withdraming the offer. Their childern's WELFARE is at stake here.