It has started already

[la79al]

Today we were at my aunts house and my mom mentioned that we are headed to DW in December. She went into how she's not sure how fun it is going to be, the last time she went was when us kids were little (and there were 4 of us, ages 5-14). Then my aunt said something about it being different this time because we aren't kids anymore and my mom said something about yeah but I'll still have the baby, meaning my daughter. She then acted like my DD was going to be such a chore for her and drag her trip down and everything else. I pointed out to her that DSis and I were the ones that originally planned this trip and mom made the decision to join us. I told her I am more than capable of taking care of my own child and I never once asked her to help. I have been prepared to spend every second of this vacation with my baby attached to me and when this means missing out on rides, that's what I signed up for when I agreed to this trip. I just can't believe my mother decides to come along, telling us that she is only coming to hang out with the baby, and then turn around and tell people she is going to be stuck with the baby. This is the reason that I did not want to be the one to decide whether mom came along. And with the exception of a few rides where we could have used baby swap anyhow, I can't think of a single time when we are actually going to even be split up. Urgh....family.....

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

I simply do not know why people tolerate this sort of behavior from "family".

In our home, we have a prominently displayed quote:

Family
those who share laughter, joy and sorrow,
those who share memories, hopes and tomorrows,
not bound just by ties at birth,
but by our journeys on this earth.
Annie Danielson

We do not welcome people into our home simply because they are related by blood. Love and respect are a requirement to be included in our "family", and most of our family members are not blood relatives...

 

[ms_missy66]

In a weird way, I'll bet this is your mom's way of making herself feel important. If she sets it up that she's "stuck with the baby" and she ends up watching her at any point, then she was right. If she ends up dragging her on a ride (or whatever she said) and it turns out that way, she can say "I told you so." It's a weird control thing. This is sucky, but I would totally tell her, in a few days and in a non-confrontational manner, "You know, I've been thinking about it. It sounds like you're pretty stressed about the trip. We can definitely manage without your help, so why don't you just stay back and pick up our mail." I've got a family member in our group that's whining about a few things before we even get there and I'm *this* close to saying, "we have vacation insurance on you. Let's use it and spare us you peeing on our good time." I swear my mantra for this trip is "Choose to have fun!"

 

[kmk1180]

i know what you mean..but family is family.
I don't think you should close your door on a blood relative just because they annoy you. (serial killer and such, ya probably) but just annoying?
come on, follow your heart not a slogan or what anyone else says.


I have a simular story. We offered to take my parents to disney and pay for their room in 2009. They were like no way, we can't go then it would be too hard for mom to take week off just before she retires.
they want to go in 2010 with the grandkids.
fine so we change our plans and plan on sept 2010 but we won't be able to afford their room then.
Well things have happened we're moving up our plans to April instead. We have our room booked but the trip isn't final yet so we haven't told my parents the dates. (oh and when we would talk about it, my father would complain that, that's all we talk about it)
then last week my father goes..."when are you planning on going to disney? we have other places we want to go to and you don't know when we're going and your holding up our plans"
???????
We waited for YOU!
So I said just go then. we're going in April of 2010, you can come with or not your choice, but that's when we're going.

As for the trip, we'll get their imput as to where they want to eat if any
so they can do things they enjoy but plan our trip and tell them in advance, here's what we have in mind to do and when..if you want to just us your welcome, if your too tired, you are free to rest at the resort.
and leave it up to them to say how much time they want to spend with us.

 

[smkiya]

We invited my SIL and her 3 kids to join us in October. We were taking care of the accommadations for them. I'm kinda relieved that she said that she couldn't go. We're of different schools of thought, mine being lets do something separate for the day to give each of our families a little alone time considering we'll be sharing a house... and hers is lets do everything together. She's a total neat freak and uptight and I'm (especially on vacation) like so what if I left my towel by the pool, I'll get it later. That would drive her crazy. I love her, don't get me wrong, and we would've had fun with them there, but I think for our first family trip to Disney we'll have a better time without them. Depending on how this trip goes, we may go again in May, and we may invite them then. It's good to set the record straight about your expectations for the trip, but sometimes its hard because if the other person doesn't 'get it', it can turn into a pretty uncomfortable vacation. To the OP, good luck with your mom.

 

[stella27]

I think I would just tell her (privately) that you don't appreciate her comments about being "stuck with" the baby, and that if she is going to act resentful and not "choose to have fun" (love the philosophy!), then you would rather she didn't come because her resentment at spending time with her granddaughter is already ruining your fun trip.

 

[DisneyBamaFan]

i know what you mean..but family is family.
I don't think you should close your door on a blood relative just because they annoy you. (serial killer and such, ya probably) but just annoying?
come on, follow your heart not a slogan or what anyone else says...

Slogan? How about values?

You seem to miss the point - people treat you poorly only if you let them. When you demand better treatment, people that want to be in your life step up. If they don't, it is their decision, not yours.

Yes, I have closed the door on more than one blood relative. My "family" is much better for it. Any person who uses or manipulates you is better left in the rear view mirror...

 

[williamson_ja]

I definitely worry that this is how our trip will end up as well. When we went to WDW last year, my inlaws made me promise that I would take them with us next time. BUT they are completely manipulating and make little comments like this all the time. So, then we were stuck with either trying to go on a vaction without them knowing, going on vacation and just telling them that they were not invited (and the harsh consequences of that!), or just letting them come with us. We chose to let them come with us but I worry every day that they are just going to ruin it with their bad attitude. Uggh. Well, my family is going to choose to have fun regardless of what they decided to do. I decided that if they start up with stuff like that, we are just going to go to a different park (hurray for park hoppers) that day and keep our distance. They begged to come on this vacation and it is a priviledge for them to spend time with us that they will have to earn. WDW is huge. We can go somewhere completely different from them and have a good time on our own.

 

[adventure_woman]

I am SO not a drama person. I would talk to her and if she is going to act that way, then don't come.

In my personal opinion - you will have a blast with the 14 mth old! They will be more fun and less work than the older kids anyway! (My DD is almost 3....I have heard so many older kids whine and cry about who knows what. I'm grateful that she is still at the cute stage and although she does have her moments, it seems they are fewer and far between than the older kids. No mind you, in a couple of years SHE will be the older kid - whining and crying about who knows what....but for now I enjoy her innocentness!)

 

[JerseyMamaBear]

Yes, I have closed the door on more than one blood relative. My "family" is much better for it. Any person who uses or manipulates you is better left in the rear view mirror...