Issues with Uninvited Guests

[midwestprincess]

Hi Ladies!
I was recently engaged to an amazing man, and as soon as he popped the question, I knew that I wanted to have a Disney wedding. However, I can only afford a Disney wedding if I keep costs down, which includes limiting my guest list. Once I announced to family members that we were going to have a Disney wedding, everyone began proclaiming that they would be there with us, even people who were never invited. How do I explain to these individuals that they're not invited without sounding rude? Did this ever happen to others?

Thank you!

 

[Cmdbuddy]

I clearly failed at this one. We sent newsletters to people who we thought would never come... And guess what, they are... I'm the worst person to ask advice on this one

 

[sambycat]

Every wedding book, magazine and website discusses this, so, no, you are not alone. We had a very limited guest list and we made it more limited by making it immediate family and close friends, period. We sent out stuff only to those people. Fortunately I think due to our ages and location to family, we didn't have to deal with showers or things like that that can turn awkward because some people are invited and some not.
As far as people just going to WDW and "inviting" themselves, obviously there is no law against it and you don't have to spend time with them we got married at the WP and we actually had 2 small groups of people come to the ceremony that weren't invited it was fine. There weren't seats for them at the reception though and they didn't try to crash or anything.

It comes down to being clear, assertive and also sensitive (I think) in how one discusses their wedding plans and around whom they do it. I would have loved to invite s close aunt and uncle but we couldn't host that entire side of the family (15 people+) and there is the other aunt/uncle combo that we aren't close with and my mom always said you invite everyone in situations like that or no one!


Having said that, some cuckoo people will do cuckoo things. As long as you honestly aren't encouraging it out of wanting to avoid the situation, what can you do? They say WDW weddings have a higher attendance then other destination weddings, but it sounds like you are very early in the planning process and even though its normal to stress, I'm betting most if this is slot of talk at this point. GOOD LUCK!!

 

[tric8783]

I would start expressing you really want a small wedding now and try to discourage people from thinking it's going to be a big affair. Unfortunately I would keep your excitement under wraps about getting married in Disney until people realize it's going to be small and they arent invited. Once your plans for exactly who is coming and how big it is are out, then I'd discuss it again. That's what we did anyway and it seemed to work

 

[Sweet Melissa]

First of all, don't talk about your wedding to people who aren't invited. Don't post about it on Facebook. Don't share wedding plans with co-workers. It's just easier for everyone that way.

Secondly, when people ask you, just say that your actual ceremony is going to be an intimate gathering of just immediate family (even if you're inviting more than just immediate family, nobody who isn't invited needs to know that). Say that you hope to celebrate with everybody back home with a casual get-together some time after your honeymoon. That way they'll know that you would like to celebrate with them in some way while managing expectations about who will be invited to the actual event.

 

[2012DisneyWorldBride]

Were in a little bit of a different situation, as we are only 50 days out, but I am having trouble with people wanting to bring a guest that I clearly did not put on the invite "& Guest". I purposely did not put & Guest because it is people that are not married and do not have significant others, and are dating around. Plus our wedding is only 30 guests total and I am not having people bring guests that I have never met, as it is close family and a couple of friends... so I know how annoying it is... Luckily my dad talked to these people and explained how much it was per head and that we didnt include guest because our guest list is only close people.

 

[NeverlandClub23]

I am a horrible wedding guest list keeper! Ugh. We went back and forth on whether to invite just immediate family or our extended family too (my parents both have 7 brothers and sisters so I have a ton of cousins that I see often). I ended up inviting our extended family, but then hoped and prayed it didn't get out of hand. Luckily, a huge group of my extended family are planning a joint WDW trip next year so most of them aren't coming. I had invited almost 60 people and everyone did the "We'll be there!", but as the response cards come in, those people are opting out. We're down to about 25-28 guests .

The funny thing is one of my cousins created a Facebook page for my wedding (like discussing where everyone is staying, what other people plan to do on non-wedding activity days, etc.) and invited some family members I had left off the invitee list . Whoops!

 

[Emily11212]

For anyone who was like, "AWESOME! We'll be there!", the best thing to say is the standard, "We wish we could celebrate with everyone, but we are planning just a small, intimate gathering." I would never say, "Only family and close friends" b/c then you're essentially telling them that they aren't on that list, lol. And since it sounds like you have so many awesome people who want to be there for you, it is best to have a celebration when you come back, maybe even Disney-themed??

You can also ALWAYS use the money excuse... Disney weddings are EXPENSIVE. I can't believe how much we are spending, and I think we are at the lower end of things for the most part, lol!! Actually, I DID have one friend who wanted to bring a guest, and she says to me, "I could cover the cost of him... is it like, $75 a head?" And I laughed! Between the meal, cake, open bar, cocktail hour, dessert party, fireworks... it is nothing near that! We were able to say that our parents are only giving us so much, and we are trying to save for a house in the future, so that was one of the reasons we had to keep our list down.

Anyone who truly cares about you, and anyone who has ever planned a wedding before, will completely get it. After this, I will NEVER be upset if I'm not invited to a wedding again, I completely get how expensive and rough it can be. Anyone who gives you attitude about not being invited... well, in my opinion, they aren't a true friend and have proven that they definitely should not have been invited in the first place.

Remember, this is your and your fiance's day. Don't let anyone else take that away from you.

 

[rosworms]

if you have an escape package wedding, you can always quote the part of your contract that says if you have too many guests, disney has the right to cancel your wedding right then and there without any warning.
i pulled that one out a few times.

 

[Queenie122]

My Disney wedding is my second wedding and this is part of why I am having my wedding at Disney! My first wedding here where I live was "small" for my family at 120 people that was the bare minimum and it was such a headache dealing with aunt and uncles yelling at me for not inviting cousins that I hadn't seen in ages and people wanting to bring guests I didn't know, etc. Let's face it, some people can be kind of selfish!

I am having an Escape wedding with only immediate family and MAYBE 1 or 2 friends and that is that. I won't go through that headache and stress again. Don't let anyone bully you!! And don't feel bad about it! With age comes some wisdom, let me tell you, lol.

You can be polite but be firm, and say, I am sorry but I have to keep the numbers down, Disney is strict about that. I wouldn't even get into that much explanation, honestly. But if you feel you have to, of course it is about money and numbers that can fit in the chosen venue and yes, about being with people you know and love on your day!

Good luck.

 

[kkbutterfly]

I know its too late for you, but I'm posting in case any lurkers who haven't gotten engaged are reading. We actually knew we were having a Disney wedding before we got officially 'engaged' and we had our guest list complete (invited 45, expected 25 - 27 RSVPed yes) and as soon as we started calling family we immediatly said 30 people was our max and that it would be a small and intimate wedding to make sure people knew this wasn't a free for all. It kept from some family members calling everyone else and announcing we were getting married and people to start making plans.