Is your Olive Garden like this?(Clarified in Post #30)

[Caropooh]

My big gripe at resturants is when the server asks if "we" are ready to order. Unless they are planning on sitting down and eating with us, then there is no "we" involved. I have always wanted to say, "yes, why don't you order first" to the server but I think my family would probably disown me and i don't have the guts to do it anyway!
We were at a resturant on Saturday. I don't know how many time the server called my DH "dear." He says she did it to me too. My DH and DD's were laughing at me because I kept glaring when she would walk away. It was getting preety funny, but annoying.

 

[clarabelle]

Isn't a Madame the person who runs a brothel?? Maybe if I was receiving the money they make I might think different, but being called a prostitute is not a compliment.

That is only ONE of the definitions. I certainly am not calling anyone a prostitute. Do you think we are all stupid enough to go around calling people prostitutes?
Get a dictionary and look it up for goodness sakes. Madam is a term of respect. Like Madam Ambassador or a mistress of a household. Or just a polite term to address a woman. Madame is the word for a married french woman.

 

[inaminute]

I don't think I'd mind being called "dear."

I don't have to worry, though. Around here it's always, "Hi guys" or "Can I help you guys?" "Can I get you guys something from the bar?" So, I let my DH do the talking. I figure they're not talking to me, anyway. Last time I checked, I looked like a girl not a guy. They'd change their minds quickly if they knew who their tip was really coming from! (Is it very obvious that this is a huge pet peeve?)

ETA: I just read the messages regarding being called "Ma'am." I'm Connecticut born and bred and have NEVER been offended when someone called me "Ma'am." I consider it a sign of respect and of good manners. Granted, there was a time when I didn't think of myself as old enough to be Ma'amed, but NEVER thought of it as rude in any way.

As for madame being a term for the mistress of a brothel...well...it sounds as if someone needs to step away from the porn channels and learn a few things about life in the outside world.

 

[kydisneyfans]

We do not go often as the wait for a table is just too long-and the time quoted is about a third of the time it actually takes to be seated. I also have a hard time justifying a $40.00 meal that I can make in 30 minutes at home for about 5 bucks.

 

[Tigger&Belle]

I guess it is a Northern vs Southern thing. Here it is insulting. If you say "ma'am" up here - the common response is "I am NOT a ma'am!".

We're in Maryland, so not exactly the north or south as far as that goes (we're called mid-Atlantic for a reason, I suppose ). If I were to call someone my age or older ma'am and they had your response, I'd then say, "yessir". And if someone were to call my 18yo DD ma'am and she gave your response I wouldn't be happy with her unless it was obviously done with humor.

I think it always rude to follow manners or a compliment with rudeness. I was just talking with my family about this a couple days ago. I used to sometimes have people tell me what a cute girl I had when they saw my boys. Thank you was always my response, since it was a compliment, afterall (a few of those and I got his haircut ). A Merry Christmas is follow by a "thank you, same to you", not a "we're Jewish".

I won't get my panties in a wad over polite behavior and look at someones intentions, not my interpretation. I might laugh to myself or my DH like I did when the waiter called me "miss", but I wouldn't get snippy to him.

 

[J.C.&ALI'SMOM]

ETA: I just read the messages regarding being called "Ma'am." I'm Connecticut born and bred and have NEVER been offended when someone called me "Ma'am." I consider it a sign of respect and of good manners. Granted, there was a time when I didn't think of myself as old enough to be Ma'amed, but NEVER thought of it as rude in any way.

As for madame being a term for the mistress of a brothel...well...it sounds as if someone needs to step away from the porn channels and learn a few things about life in the outside world.

Good one...I really had no idea that people thought of "ma'am" as a derogatory term! It has always been viewed as a sign of respect and manners in my area (and my experience). I'd rather be called ma'am than dear!

 

[Missy1961]

I was just at Olive Garden Saturday night. (worked all day, too tired to cook) No fake conversation at this Olive Garden. It's always busy because this one is great--it's clean, the servers are friendly without being cloying. And they told us it would be a 45 minute wait, and it was 25 minutes. We had a great server, who we never had to ask for a refill, got us breadsticks before we asked, and was just great. I had a coupon & a gift card, so the 2 of us had dinner & I had dessert for $20 before tip. I take my nieces there all the time, because it's so family friendly. The girls love olives, and every time we go our server will bring a huge plate of olives when we ask for "extra" olives.

 

[Chattyaholic]

I'm a waitress and I never call my customers "dear" or "hon" or any kind of endearing term such as that and I HATE it when they call ME any one of those names!!! I just want to say "excuse me, but I am NOT your "dear"!!! I just grin and bear it though, as I don't want to see my tip go down or become non-existant!!

We have name tags we place on our tables so our customers can call us by name if they need/want something but many don't take the time to even notice and still snap their fingers, wave their arms in the air, say "hey, girl", or "waitress." It's always appreciated when they take the time to look at the tag and see what my name is, and use it.

As for it being "rude" to call someone ma'am....yeah, right. I can't believe anyone would really think it's rude!! Wow!! I call my customers "sir" and "ma'am" all the time, I've always been taught it's a sign of respect. As far as I know none of my customers have ever been offended by it.

 

[Patch'sD]

I just don't get it, Polite Service, Comments about the way you dress, Polite Terms of addressing someone; dear and Sir and one complains. If this happens everytime you go there, why go back. By the way was your husband wearing the same tie and suit everytime you went?

 

[Tiggerlover91]

You know what, I'm a waitress too and depending on who I am waiting on depends on what I call them. A table of older gentlemen, I call them gentlemen, they get a kick out of that! A table of younger guys I call them sweetie or babe. They LOVE that! A table of older women, in their 60's or so, I have called ma'am and ladies. After feeling out the table to make sure it's okay, while they are eating I will say, "Girls, how'd the kitchen do cooking everything?" I get smiles and then different responses. I hope that doesn't offend after reading a post from a older woman about being called girl. My tip doesn't reflect they were offended. If I have a family, I refer to the parents as mom and dad and their children I call sweetie. Older children I will say young man or young lady and to most of the females I will say Princess. Seems to tickle all my tables when I do that! I've even gotten bold at times when I have tables of ladies and given them all titles: Queen, Queen Mother (now I have to be careful with that one as everyone thinks of the Queen Mother as being OLD! I explain that they are not the Queen Mother because they are old, they are Queen Mother because they have the most experience of the ladies at the table. Works everytime! ) I'll also give the title of Duchess, Princess, etc. I guess after 18 years of waiting tables I've gotten pretty good at it. I use very good judgement before doing it and I can often see other tables around smiling or laughing as they listen to me interact with my tables.
So tell me, as customers if you were sitting in my section, how would this make your feel? Be honest, I need to hear from those who are on the other side of it. Understand this, I don't overdo it and it's done very professionally.

Blessings,

Denise

 

[imsorry]

There is nothing wrong with genuine politeness, of course we should all practice it. What the OP has a problem with is phoney, scripted "politeness" which is insincere and intrusive. I agree with her on this one.

 

[va32h]

I really can't believe anyone thinks that "ma'am" is rude. I live in Texas, and know a few families in which the children are brought up to to call every adult (including their own parents) "ma'am" and "sir".

As to the Olive Garden - we ate there a few weeks ago. It's overpriced, but then, all restaurant pasta dishes are, pasta is so cheap to make! I was amused at our OG's attempt to make themselves over into a fancy-schmancy restaurant. The waiter gave us wine list and waxed rhapsodically about the latest dishes prepared by the culinary masters at Olive Garden's culinary institute in Italy.

Olive Garden is a nice enough restaurant, but it's still a suburban-mall chain restaurant, no matter how many fake frescoes they paint on the walls.

I do understand the frustration with a wait staff that constantly interrupts your conversation to ask how you are doing. But that is better than the server who vanishes into thin air!

 

[Tigger&Belle]

Tiggerlover91, I think that you sound like a lot of fun and I would not mind that kind of service and interaction at all. Of course I'm the one who LOVES 50's Prime Time Cafe, so what do I know?

 

[HoneyPooh]

You're kidding me...my mama always said yankees were a little strange about Ma'am, but I never believed her. I guess mama knew what she was talking about.

Born and raised here in New Jersey and I don't ever remember having a problem with being called Ma'am. Makes me feel a bit old, but I consider it a respectful term. We have a Coast Guard training center in town and we hear ma'am and sir a lot from the recruits.

I don't take anything that a waiter calls me personally, unless of course they were to call me a jerk or something! Strangely enough although I get annoyed easily sometimes, that hasn't ever been something that annoyed me.

 

[Crankyshank]

I guess it is a Northern vs Southern thing. Here it is insulting. If you say "ma'am" up here - the common response is "I am NOT a ma'am!".

It doesn't bother me to talk to or to be talked to by "service people" - I worked as a waitress for many years!



Isn't a Madame the person who runs a brothel?? Maybe if I was receiving the money they make I might think different, but being called a prostitute is not a compliment.

Ma'am is short for Madam or Madame (French Ma Dames which means my lady). Traditionally Madame is a formal way of addressing a woman. The head of a brothel is a madam.

I am born and raised in the North. I do not like to be addressed as ma'am because I'm only 30 and it makes me feel older than Methuselah's Mom, but I don't think you're being rude, calling me a *****, or insulting me when you call me ma'am

ETA: To answer the OP's question about the Olive Garden, I honestly couldn't tell you. I'd much rather go to any of the many authentic Italian restaurants that are much closer to me than the local Olive Garden.

 

[NMAmy]

If I have a family, I refer to the parents as mom and dad and their children I call sweetie.

So tell me, as customers if you were sitting in my section, how would this make your feel? Be honest, I need to hear from those who are on the other side of it. Understand this, I don't overdo it and it's done very professionally.

Blessings,

Denise

Denise, you sound like a great waitress and I'd love to sit in your section. The only thing you mentioned that I dislike (and believe me, you are NOT the only one that does this) is to call the parents mom and dad. Although I've never fussed at anyone for doing this, it just gets on my last nerve. It seems to happen mostly at the doctor's office--not our regular dr who calls me by name but if we go to Immediate Care or the hospital. I hate it when they call me Mom. I'm not their mom. And DH isn't dd's dad which makes it really weird although he appreciates that more than if they call him her Grandpa!

 

[JuliaEeyore]

Oh my goodness!

I'm a native and current New Englander... While I don't LIKE being called Ma'am as I am 28, I certainly would never be OFFENDED! I agree with all the posters who have clarified that a "madam" runs a brothel... Madame is polite.

Not all Northerners are completely and totally offended by Ma'am. I just don't prefer it as I feel it's better suited for my grandma.

As for the service as Olive Garden, I think it sounded pleasant. I'd much rather that than some of the apathetic, downright rude servers we've had elsewhere.

And to be honest, if I'm in the middle of a conversation and a hostess wants to say something to me, I feel RUDE that's I've been continuing on my conversation!!! I know it's just me, but I like to be courteous to those around me, including servers in restaurants. I tend to chat with them and when they're GONE, continue my previous conversation.

 

[shortbun]

funny thing, down here, we are offended if we are not called "mam". I don't really see the harm in fake friendly's. These kids are doing what they are trained to do, and they don't usually realize how it comes across. I am sure they don't want anyone to get angry about complimenting them on their suit.

BTW, I showed DH this thread...he's a GM at the OG.

The point about the "training" is that it is BAD training. Good sales people are natural and have more than one comment they use to greet clients and they NEVER comment on clothing in an insincere way. It's simply fasle, fake and bad form. Also, familiarity is NEVER good service, never. Have you not heard the saying, "familiarity breeds contempt?"
It's true and as a mark of good training, young staff people in restaurants should NEVER call a patron "dear", "Hon", "sweetie." The word, ma'am, is appropriate and polite when used with proper decorum.

Hey, I love the food at OG but the service leaves MUCH to be desired. Good wait staff never cross the line by being 'familiar.'

 

[Bob Slydell]

The point about the "training" is that it is BAD training. Good sales people are natural and have more than one comment they use to greet clients and they NEVER comment on clothing in an insincere way. It's simply fasle, fake and bad form. Also, familiarity is NEVER good service, never. Have you not heard the saying, "familiarity breeds contempt?"
It's true and as a mark of good training, young staff people in restaurants should NEVER call a patron "dear", "Hon", "sweetie." The word, ma'am, is appropriate and polite when used with proper decorum.

Hey, I love the food at OG but the service leaves MUCH to be desired. Good wait staff never cross the line by being 'familiar.'

Olive Garden hostesses and servers are far from sales people and if they were "good" wait staff, they'd probably be at a fine dining establishment.

 

[JuliaEeyore]

Have you not heard the saying, "familiarity breeds contempt?"

I don't believe that saying is exactly appropriate in this situation... "Familiarity breeds contempt" means the more you know someone, the more you start to see their faults and start to dislike things about them. For instance, travelling with a best friend who you usually just see for lunch dates. Suddenly, you're spending too much time together and seeing things a little too "up close." JMHO though...

So the waitstaff don't know a thing about the customers they serve. They're just being pleasant. So they don't understand that it's a little too casual to say "hon" and "sweetie." It's the Olive Garden. I'd rather someone be kind and friendly to me, than cold and impersonal. Or worse, be called "Hey you"!

As to the repetition of the greetings, again, I would rather the person be repetitive than rude!!! In my field, I run into grown up professionals that I see every few months and we politely say the same stuff to each other, time and time again. "Hi! How are you? How's business? How is your wife? That's good to hear. Yes, things have been going very well. Nothing to complain about." And on and on... Give me idle banter over being completely ignored!!!