Is this too mean of a punishment?

[disneymom3]

DD has just been a brat lately. Her birthday is coming up and she always goes through some kind of emotion growth spurt thing around this time of the year, but right now I am sick of it.

Her latest thing is complaining about lunch. It doesn't matter what I am serving it seems like, she figures out a way to complain about it. Used to be she only liked Turkey hot dogs. Then it was turkey with cheese. Now it is beef only. I don't really care about it, because her brother greatly prefers beef and the other brother really prefers turkey, so I buy both in any case. Today, she tells me she hates hotdogs. She has also recently decided she hates quesadillas, pb&J, the specific type of chicken nuggets we buy, ham from the deli, the list goes on. Pretty much the only thing she likes is noodle cups and mac and cheese (which of course, must be Kraft) Now, don't think I am giving in to all of this nonsense! I tell her this is what we are having and she can eat it or she can go hungry but I am SICK of all this whining!!!!!!!!!

So, this is what I want to do and I am going to let you DIS friends tell me if it is cruel and unusual punishment. Next time she complains, I want to tell her she gets no more food for the rest of the day. I would settle for she doesn't get that meal. She is turning 10 as I know that will make a difference. I wouldn't do that to a four year old.

If you don't think I should do that, I need some strategies to get her to knock it off.

 

[foolishmortal]

DD has just been a brat lately. Her birthday is coming up and she always goes through some kind of emotion growth spurt thing around this time of the year, but right now I am sick of it.

Her latest thing is complaining about lunch. It doesn't matter what I am serving it seems like, she figures out a way to complain about it. Used to be she only liked Turkey hot dogs. Then it was turkey with cheese. Now it is beef only. I don't really care about it, because her brother greatly prefers beef and the other brother really prefers turkey, so I buy both in any case. Today, she tells me she hates hotdogs. She has also recently decided she hates quesadillas, pb&J, the specific type of chicken nuggets we buy, ham from the deli, the list goes on. Pretty much the only thing she likes is noodle cups and mac and cheese (which of course, must be Kraft) Now, don't think I am giving in to all of this nonsense! I tell her this is what we are having and she can eat it or she can go hungry but I am SICK of all this whining!!!!!!!!!

So, this is what I want to do and I am going to let you DIS friends tell me if it is cruel and unusual punishment. Next time she complains, I want to tell her she gets no more food for the rest of the day. I would settle for she doesn't get that meal. She is turning 10 as I know that will make a difference. I wouldn't do that to a four year old.

If you don't think I should do that, I need some strategies to get her to knock it off.

do it!

I would tell my son (also 10) that but he knows I would so he doesn't complain.....lol. He goes to mom who tells him go tell that to dad, and that's the end of that complaint.


Tell her if she doesn't like it go grab some money from her bank and buy her own food from somewhere.

 

[RadioFanatic]

I wouldn't do that. What I would do though is that every time she complained, I would make it ___ number of days until she got her fave food, i.e., the Kraft mac and cheese. I would even keep a chart. That way, if she complained that she got hot dogs for dinner, then well I guess you're not eating mac and cheese for 3 days or whatever. good luck!

 

[jennyl772003]

I would just put her lunch on the table and tell her that until it is gone, that is all she is getting for the day.

Ya got to nip it in the bud. I had a cousin who was like that and it only got worse.

 

[Grumpy's Wife]

If it were my daughter and I have two I would say this is what we are having for lunch. If you don't want to eat this than fix something yourself.

 

[paigevz]

I'm not a big fan of punishment without warning. I would at least tell my child that I am frustrated and that this is what I'm planning for the next time.

I'm also not really into withholding food as a punishment.

If she's 9, she's capable of getting something herself to eat. Why don't you just tell her that since you don't seem to know what she'd like, she needs to make her own lunches. Use it as a teaching tool, on portions and balanced meals.........not no-holds-barred.

 

[Honu]

In our house it was eat what's served or get yourself a bowl of cold cereal. Not sugary cereal either. It was stuff like grape nuts, shredded wheat & bran flakes.

 

[cristbaby]

My daughter (who is now a grown adult) was that way when she was 10. I finally refused to make her lunch and said she would have to make her own and also clean up her mess. She was aloud to make whatever she wanted providing we had it on hand. (I didn't buy special food). She was happy and I was happy that I didn't have to hear her whine anymore. Try it.......it really worked!

 

[disneymom3]

I'm not a big fan of punishment without warning. I would at least tell my child that I am frustrated and that this is what I'm planning for the next time.

I'm also not really into withholding food as a punishment.

If she's 9, she's capable of getting something herself to eat. Why don't you just tell her that since you don't seem to know what she'd like, she needs to make her own lunches. Use it as a teaching tool, on portions and balanced meals.........not no-holds-barred.

YOu bring up a good point. I would definitely warn her. I don't do punishments without warnings either.

The problem I have with the make something for yourself is #1 she would see it as a reward and #2 she has two little brothers and I am not going to have 3 diff things being made for lunch. That does not help to simplify my life and they would want to make their own food if she got to.

 

[lyzziesmom]

I definitely agree with the above posts... if she doesn't like it, then she can either get herself something or wait until the next meal. There is no need for you to fix her something else to please her ever-changing palette.

I grew up with major food issues, and was often either force-fed things I didn't like until I gagged on it, or made to go hungry until the next day (or both). Guess what? I am still hands-down the pickiest eater you will EVER encounter, still with major food issues. If I had had more options available to me (such as making myself something or helping to plan meals & choose items at the store) I can't help wondering if things may have turned out differently.

 

[mickyzzzzz05]

I have 3 grown children and this happened at some point with all three of them.
I fixed the meal - made no comment when I was told that they didn't like it except for informing them that there would be no snacks or treats allowed until the next meal. I covered the plate with plastic wrap and it went into the ref. At any point during the day when they came and said they were hungry - out came the plate.
Sometimes they would end up eating part of the meal and a couple of times they would not.

At the next meal, the previous plate was thrown away and we would go with whatever menu was planned. I felt this was fair since I seldom (ok - never) served just liver & onions & brussel sprouts.

Usually we had some type of meat, a vegetable, a fruit and some starch - either pasta, bread or potato and they would like at least some part of the meal.

My husband doesn't care for green peppers so I didn't use them in cooking. None of my 3 children liked onions when they were young, so I would make their side of pizza without or part of the sauce without onions. I tried to be reasonable!

 

[CathrynRose]

Noodle Cups are cheap and easy to make. I'd let her have at it. No skin off my back.

 

[irishbosoxfan]

I agree with the others who said let her get her own but then what is to stop her from making herself the same thing over and over refusing anything else then starting to pull the same thing at dinner??

Here everyone eats what I cook or goes without (this includes DH)--no snacks later either because they would not eat counting on getting some type of snack later on

 

[diznygirl]

I refuse to argue about food - it's not about the food, it ends up being a power struggle and you end up saying things like, "If you eat three pieces of meat and two pieces of broccoli, you can watch another 1/2 hour of TV." And then they counter with, "two pieces of meat, no broccoli, and 1 hour of TV..."

We do the "eat this or nothing until the next meal." It works. If it's something that will keep, it stays in the kitchen until DS comes and apologizes and asks for the food.

Now, before everyone starts seeing "Oliver" here (May I have some more porridge please?"), DS is just like the OP's daughter - narrows down his list of foods on a whim, but will eat any junk in the pantry.... so he gets no junk (goldfish, teddy grahams, popsicles) until he eats his hot dog or whatever.

If it's something new he's trying, he has to at least try it before telling me he doesn't like it. He's very good about it. He has found some new favorites that way.

Good luck!

 

[va32h]

Lunch is a very informal thing in our house. I don't make a point of preparing an actual meal - we all eat whatever we feel like that day. My 10 yo daughter always makes her own lunch, and my 6yo can make himself a sandwich too, if he needs to. I only make the lunch if it requires using the stove, or for my 2yo.

Dinner is a different story - I do make one meal for everyone. But we never used food as a punishment or reward. If anyone at the table does not like what is being served, they will simply have to wait for the next mealtime. We also have a rule that no one is allowed to complain about the food or say "that's gross" or whatever. That is spoiling the meal for others, and if that happens, the child has to leave the table, whether they are done with dinner or not.

I wouldn't withold food for an entire day, for any age child.

 

[wide awake]

I wouldn't withhold food for the rest of the day. My own feeling on vocal picky eaters is that it is an attention getter...so...if she doesn't like lunch, complains...oh well, don't eat it...but no snacks till dinner, including the lunch she dissed. Ignore the whining and go on to other topics. I bet she stops pretty quick. I have a SIL and BIL who were ridiculously picky even as young adults...SIL's fiance then DH made it very plain that he thought picky eaters were childish and stupid...amazing how her tastes blossomed...BIL lives w/ a noncook so has kept to his babyish habits...

 

[disneymom3]

I have been ignoring the whining and saying, "eat this or eat nothing" and carrying through for what feels like forever and it is not getting any better. I am just really tired of the griping. I know I couldn't actually starve her for a day, but sometimes being mean has a certain imaginary appeal.

 

[hydster]

Been there done that with my 12 yr old dd and it was about the same age as your dd too. I was so tired of making 3 different dinners every night because someone didn't like something in it. Lunch around here is very informal and you eat when and what you want but dinner we had the same issue. She would whine and cry and moan about yuck it's a gross dinner..blah blah blah.

One day I "snapped" and everything clicked into the right place from then on. I had just finished the chapter on eating in Parenting With Love and Logic and so I had some idea of what to try. We told her what we were planning on having for dinner. I'd fix it and set it in front of her. If she continually whined about how yucky that looked or she didn't like it I would tell her she would have 1 more warning to get started on it otherwise it was going in the disposal and she could wait until Breakfast the next day. Well she decided to test me on it and sure enough I gave her the warning and she kept moaning about it so I said fine, took her plate, dumped it in the disposal and told her to go ahead and go play or whatever. Later when I found her raiding the fridge for something to eat I told her she owed me 1.75 for the items in her hand and she could pay me from her own cash she had or she could work it off. I got a lot of "it's not faaaiiirrrr" in the whine and I just walked away, told her I wouldn't even listen to her until she talked like a 10 year old and it wasn't up for discussion. It took 2 times of her being really hungry and owing us money before she'd find SOMETHING on her plate she'd eat. Now she is a pretty good eater and we have had no issues with it.

This phase will pass but you need to nip it NOW. Maybe she could help be involved in the grocery shopping process and could pick out 1 or 2 things that SHE wants and you get the rest. Then every other day or so she could have whatever it was SHE picked out from the store and the rest of the week she had to eat what you picked out.

I hope you can figure something out soon! I remember how frustrated I was with this!

 

[WatchinCaptKangaroo]

I wouldn't do the rest of the day, but lunch is lunch. She doesn't want it, put it in the fridge. She can have it until x time (enough time where she'll be hungry for dinner if she eats it). After that time nothing until dinner.

But at 10, I think she is old enough to make something for herself (a sandwich or something). You say you don't want 3 different things to be made, but really, is it worth the hassle of making her eat what her brothers want or letting them see that at 10 you can make your own lunch if you don't want to eat what mom is cooking.

 

[Ub_Iwerks]

If it were my daughter and I have two I would say this is what we are having for lunch. If you don't want to eat this than fix something yourself.

I agree with this strategy. She's old enough to make her own, if you're willing to give her that responsibility. It also will prepare the way to have her help with other kitchen chores.

I personally wouldn't make too big of a deal about it. You don't want a 10 year old girl to have food issues. It is one of the few things they can control.