Is this strange or is it just me?

[poeticdiabetic]

I have two sons, ages 14 and 16 respectively. This is my hard and fast rule on dating: My 16 year-old can date. My 14 year-old can date with other people. Have a great time!

However, there will be no vacations and trips. That's too serious of a commitment. She can vacation if you put an engagement ring on her finger and set a date, but not before.

To our family, dating is to mature socially. That's it. Going on our family vacations isn't going to happen because we have no intentions on making her family. Why? Because my boys are still children. Doing the vacation thing may be forging a commitment and bond that they would not be ready for.

 

[dpswift]

No I do not think this is strange. In this day and age the kids have become the go between. I think that maybe your DD should have said something earlier or that as a PP poster stated they got such a great deal on airfare that it was worth the risk that one of the guests could not go.

We took one of my DD's boyfriends on a trip when they were 15 and both DD's have taken trips with friends with them being the go between.

 

[robinb]

The only strange thing here is the airline ticket and even that may not be all that strange. Does the dad or mom travel a lot for business? It could be that they booked the flights using their refundable airline points. I have done that before for my DD's friend because the points "price was right" and I could simply cancel if the friend did not get permission.

 

[Disneylover99]

The only strange thing here is the airline ticket and even that may not be all that strange. Does the dad or mom travel a lot for business? It could be that they booked the flights using their refundable airline points. I have done that before for my DD's friend because the points "price was right" and I could simply cancel if the friend did not get permission.

I agree. Based on your relationship with this family, and the fact that they travel a lot and have money, I get how they would just book airfare first without mentioning it to you. But, they should have contacted you right after doing so.

 

[tcherjen]

I'm not for sure if this is the case.... Sometimes my kids would mention, like my friend's family wants me to go on vacation. There were times when I didn't hear about it at all, the family may of changed their mind, or they would ask a few weeks before they went. I wouldn't call and ask the family, just because it may be the same type of thing. As it got closer if they want your daughter to go they will call you. Hope this helps...

 

[pigletto]

We took my then 15 yr old dd's best friend with us to Disney in 2012. Dh and I were out for dinner by ourselves when we cooked up the plan, and called the friends parents first to see if they would be ok with the idea. We did this before mentioning it to either girl to avoid any possible snags or disappointment. Once her parents were on board we then told the girls about it. We are friendly with the family and have known them for years, but the bottom line is it is their home, their rules, their schedule and their child. Just seems like common courtesy to let them have the first say.

DD is 17, almost 18 now. Her boyfriend will likely come to the family cottage with us for a long weekend this summer. In that scenario we've already asked the boyfriend to talk to his parents and see if it's ok, and when it gets closer I will call and go over the details with them quickly. But this isn't a cross country plane trip and it's only 3 days. A far cry from booking someone else's child to go away for a week without ever mentioning it to their parents.

 

[L&Lfan]

All I can say is I hope SOMEONE brings protection!

 

[mi*vida*loca]

All I can say is I hope SOMEONE brings protection!

They've been together 18 months and are 15. They most likely are already having sex so that's besides the point. It's probably easier for them to have sex at home than on vacation with crowded hotel space. Unless they're getting a grand villa.

 

[L&Lfan]

I was glad to see Disney sells condoms in the resort marketplaces. Just in case in their excitement over the trip they forget...At 15 I probably would!

 

[hookedonears]

Well, my DD (15) has been with the same boyfriend for almost 18 months and his family loves Disney. She's also been friends with his younger sister even longer. The family is quite well off (they own some national chain restaurants) and travel to Disney a couple of times a year. Unbeknownst to us, they invited our daughter to go to Disney December 31st-January 7th. They have already booked the flights and the rooms at the Contemporary. Now, we like this family and have no problem with her going (she'll get to go twice in 2 months as we're going in November!), but wouldn't you think they should have asked us prior to buying her an airline ticket? And we thought that once they knew she told us that they would call, but still no word. Would you call them or just continue waiting for them to call you?

People are strange. Yes they should have called you prior to buying her airline ticket. It's the proper thing to do. Our daughter was invited to do things, parties even go out of town etc. throughout middle school and high school years by people we had never met, and many times they never called us either. Our daughter knew their daughters from school. My wife would always call and talk to the mother prior to giving our permission for her to go. If they haven't called you, it's up to you to call them.

 

[ShannonMB]

I didn't read all the responses, but my first thought here is that if I were to want to take another person's young teen on any type of trip, I wouldn't even mention it to the kid until I had cleared it with her parents FIRST. Asking her first puts you, the parent, in the position of being the bad guy if it didn't work out. I have a young teen daughter and my policy on bringing friends anywhere is to clear it with the parents, then paying the kid's way (which apparently they are planning to do). I don't believe in putting pressure on another parent to allow something they may not be comfortable with.

Very strange, indeed, and pretty darn presumptuous! That said, I would totally let her go.

 

[PrincessNelly]

I do think it is weird they didn't ask.

As far as you actually letting her go... That is your child. If you trust her then what anyone on these boards think/would/wouldn't do is irrelevant.

I started dating before I turned 15. As a matter of fact, the person I started dating at 15 is now my fiance! Been together for over 7 years. Still have no kids!

My parents trusted us and we started traveling alone (out of state) together when I was 15, doing overnight stays when I was 17, and he moved into to our house when I was 17. Lived there even when I went away to college, so he was like family from the beginning.

But if any concern about what they may be doing on vacation, then I would ask what the sleeping arrangements would be, if that would ease your mind.

 

[EPCOTatNight]

It's strange & inappropriate. As a father of 3 teenaged daughters, it's an easy one. The answer is no. The way it was handled, combined with the fact that she's only 15 and will be traveling away with her boyfriend makes my spine twist.

This.

 

[BabiesDaddy]

It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

 

[mm1971]

It's strange & inappropriate. As a father of 3 teenaged daughters, it's an easy one. The answer is no. The way it was handled, combined with the fact that she's only 15 and will be traveling away with her boyfriend makes my spine twist.

Dad of an 11 year old DD and I agree. Very strange that your permission was not requested immediately. It really comes down to setting parameters. You obviously set them at different levels than I would and that is your decision. To answer the question raised, yes I find it very strange-after reading through the entire thread, even though you know the family, DD has dated the boy for 18 months and there is clearly a trust level that exists, I would not allow my 15 year old to go on vacation with BF's family. Too many variables and not enough communication make it even more difficult to understand. I would assume there are some expectations that you will at least send spending $$. That alone would put me off a bit.

 

[mm1971]

It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission.

Answer: Your forgiven and you do not have permission.

 

[OfTheWind]

Whether the kids are sexually active or not, it is disrespectful for the parents not to ask your permission. But as someone said, teens lie, especially when they want freedom and maybe they're lying to both sets of parents.

 

[marlynnp]

Eons ago when I was 16 I also had a long-term boyfriend. His family invited me to spend a long weekend with them at their cottage. The invitation was extended to me and I was expected to speak with and get permission from my parents (which I did). I then reported back to them that I had said permission. As far as I know there was no communication between my parents and his re: the trip. It was up to me, the responsible teenager to get the appropriate permission and provide needed information to my parents. Obviously there were no plane tickets and such involved, but to be honest, if there were I don't think the dynamic would have been any different.

-SW

Same here.

And my 15yo daughter's boyfriend (16) has gone everywhere with us this summer, which includes several over-nights. I've talked to his parents a few times but never about any of the trips.

 

[lampshadehead]

One thing that would concern me is, what if she wants to break up with him later on? Will there be some type of "you owe me" vibe? Or will she feel compelled to stick around because this family has done so much for her?

Also, boundaries need to be set somewhere. So they don't bother calling you about this one thing now, what will it be next time? She is 15, be that a mature, responsible, smart 15, she is STILL 15 years old. No way would anyone be announcing to me that they have already planned a trip for her without having the courtesy of a phone call in the very least.

 

[crazedprincess]

It's strange & inappropriate. As a father of 3 teenaged daughters, it's an easy one. The answer is no. The way it was handled, combined with the fact that she's only 15 and will be traveling away with her boyfriend makes my spine twist.

THIS all the way!