Is this strange MIL behavior or is it just me?

[lecach]

MIL is not the worlds worst MIL. She takes care of DS whenever we ask. If DS is sick, or daycare is closed she will drop everything and come help. But she has some strange behaviors. Examples include giving DS pre-cooked bacon at Christmas two years in a row (all wrapped like a gift too) because "he likes bacon". Also whenever we go there for a meal, usually a holiday, she wont ask anyone to bring anything but we're presented with our share of the bill (down to the penny - like $32.52).

DH and I went on a cruise last week for our anniversary and DS stayed with IL's the first half of the week and my Mom the second half. It had been pretty hot here in NC so I sent mostly shorts (about 8 pairs) but also two pairs of pants. Apparently it turned cooler and on the day of transfer when my Mom called to find out what time to meet, my MIL tells her "you'll think I am crazy but I dressed DS in shorts today even though it's cold because he didnt have any clean clothes". She then went on to say "I didnt have enough to do a full load so I didnt wash anything". My Mom said she did indeed think it was crazy but wouldnt have said so. When my Mom got DS she said there was a big bag of dirty clothes that she then had to take home and wash.

I havent said anything to DH because really there's not anything that could be done. But who would rather dress their 5 year old grandson in shorts on a cold day than to wash a partial load of clothes? I do different sized loads all the time - my washer has different level settings and since MIL has a brand new washer I am sure hers does too.

Anyone else find this really strange?

 

[lovemygoofy]

She didn't have any dirty laundry that could be washed with your son's clothes to make a full load?

 

[lecach]

She didn't have any dirty laundry that could be washed with your son's clothes to make a full load?

Apparently not....

 

[lovemygoofy]

Apparently not....

Next time send your dirty laundry with your son as well as his clothes. Pack it in a suitcase

 

[NotUrsula]

It's a little odd, but what it sounds like to me is that she's either running really short of money, or has gone on a frugality kick. (Perhaps has become really obsessed with frugality?)

IME, the big clue that she might be getting obsessively frugal is toilets ... does she have rules about how often one can flush?

It does cost more to run a partial load than a full one, because the energy used is the same, so it pays to do fewer, larger loads.

The bacon thing is funny, but does the kid like getting it? If so, it's a good gift for a frugal person to give, because she can't be spending more than about $7 for a lb. of it.

 

[lecach]

She is frugal about some things but not others. They are doing pretty well financially. She is just about finished with the $10,000 project to make their walkup attic a game room......like we'll all want to hang out up there when we go over 4 times a year? And they just finished building FIL a huge work building/shed in the back yard.

DS is 5 so he is very confused about the bacon thing.

Sure - maybe it costs the same to run a full load as a half load. But to send your grandson out in shorts when it's 40 degrees out to save a dollar? Strange.....

 

[Ceila]

I think that's very strange. I can't imagine keeping someone's child and not running laundry enough to keep them in clean (and warm enough) clothing. How dirty were the pants? If they weren't that dirty I'd rather have had the MIL use them instead of sending him off in shorts when it was cold out.

 

[iwrbnd]

Did she wrap the bacon like a present? Did she keep the present in the fridge? Did he get any other presents? Seriously odd but she does sound sweet!

 

[lecach]

Did she wrap the bacon like a present? Did she keep the present in the fridge? Did he get any other presents? Seriously odd but she does sound sweet!

Yes, the bacon was wrapped like a gift. It's the Oscar Meyer precooked bacon that doesnt need to be refrigerated. He also got money for his college fund, a Hess truck and some books.

 

[disneydreamersx4]

Was bacon the only thing she gave your son? If so, I think it's a little strange. Although my MIL gives DD8 a box of mac & cheese for her birthday plus a real gift - DD loves the mac & cheese. It is strange that your MIL wouldn't wash the clothes maybe she was being lazy. I've never heard of getting a bill for the holiday meal that you didn't expect. My inlaws host every holiday except for Thanksgiving and we always bring dessert and something like vegetables. If you don't like getting the bill, maybe before the next holiday you could have a talk with her about it?? strange.

 

[celestialred]

As much as my family likes bacon, that's weird to give a 5 year old bacon for a Christmas present. Like a PP mentioned, maybe she's on a frugality kick and maybe she has lost sight of the forest for the trees if they're as well off as you indicate? You may also want to pay closer attention to her mental faculties, it could be an early indicator of something too if she's displaying more "eccentric" behavior.

 

[MyDizneyBoyz]

It's a little odd but in the grand scheme of things these are all harmless quirks.

The next time you go over for a holiday meal, remember your checkbook as you know what to expect.

The next time DS spends time with MIL, make sure he packs enough clothes that all his dirty ones will make a full wash load.

Giving someone a food gift is very common and maybe your MIL considers it to be perfectly normal for cultural or generational reasons. I know my Grandma used to give us kids oranges as they were such a treat when she was little during the Depression and to her it was still a "special gift". And I can't even tell you how many Hickory Farms sausage baskets we get from mine and DH's work... think of DS's bacon as a food gift basket in miniature.

Try to focus on all the good things your MIL does and let the quirks slide. Overall, she sounds like a great relative who loves your son and that's always a good thing.

 

[lecach]

It's a little odd but in the grand scheme of things these are all harmless quirks.

Oh I know that the odd quirks are harmless. I am used to it. Paying for meals - we've done it from the beginning. Bacon - weird but better than the clearanced Holiday decor that she used to buy the day after Christmas the year before and give to us as our gift the following year. I just find it strange of a Grandma to send a child out under-dressed for the weather just because she didnt have a full load of laundry.

 

[scrappingizlife]

Honey, if this is the only gripe you have about your MIL, be happy.

The bacon thing is a little odd, I will say.

 

[Minnesota!]

Oh I know that the odd quirks are harmless. I am used to it. Paying for meals - we've done it from the beginning. Bacon - weird but better than the clearanced Holiday decor that she used to buy the day after Christmas the year before and give to us as our gift the following year. I just find it strange of a Grandma to send a child out under-dressed for the weather just because she didnt have a full load of laundry.

I wouldn't say he was underdressed. I would send my kids out in shorts in 40'. I do it now! It's been about 37 each morning the last few weeks and they get shorts.

I think they are all little quirks that aren't that big a deal...

 

[kirstenb1]

Yes it's odd.

 

[tigger813]

I got 2 bottles of Ketchup one year for my birthday but it was kind of a joke as I used to put ketchup on everything!

 

[disykat]

I prefer to run full loads and will wait a few days to accumulate a load - but if ds's clothes were getting dirty, wouldn't hers have been too?

Personally, I would have put him back in already worn pants. If both pairs were dirty enough not to be able to wear again, that would seems to indicate it would have been enough days to come up with a load of laundry between a few people.

It's definitely odd. To me "I didn't get a chance to do laundry" would have made much more sense.

 

[okeydokey]

A little odd but it was nice of her to help you out so you could go on your cruise. Some people have their little quirks.

 

[Dizneydawn]

Here is my opinion.

Is she nutty about the bacon - maybe but she did think of him and it was personal for something he likes so there is thought in it. That goes a long way.

Regarding the splitting of the holiday meals - weird again but I am wondering if she is thinking it will be easier to have you contribute via $ then bring food over and preparing food with a young child. The other thought is this way she is 100% control of her kitchen and then is guaranteed what she wants, even if you can say you contributed. Maybe someone in her past used to rub her nose in, "look what I did for you" type of stuff so this way she feels you don't have to feel indebted to her.

The "why" is what I would like to know. Maybe if you live close, invite her out to coffee and get one of those books that grandparents fill in about stories from their childhood and growing up. I got one for my Dad who I never knew or understood well, and while after he gave it back, not everything was easier, I got him more than I ever did before. You can ask her to fill it out with you. That you want to know her better and are interested in her life so your son always knows his grandma well. People like to talk about themselves, she loves your son, she will probably come at you with some interesting stories.

As far as clothes, I wonder if it was also not a dig at you in some small way. Like showing your Mom that you did not pack well for your son and instead of coming right out with, "Suzie did not pack Johnny enough pants," she said she did not wash them. So while acknowledging her lack of washing, the bigger picture painted was that "Suzie did not pack enough clothes and so I would have had to do a partial wash to keep him clothed properly." If I am learning anything about Southern charm, it is read between the lines and the unspoken is more likely the point then the spoken.

You say they are making a game room now. Finishing something you all can enjoy even if it is a few times a year. That is a huge sign IMO of someone who regrets not being able to do the things she would have wanted for her life and her kid(s) while they were still at the home. I think it is great, please don't get me wrong but if as a Mom, she feels she failed her child(ren) and looks at you as being able to do more, provide better or maybe as a type of mother she is not, that could be why the clothes episode happened.

Passive aggressive way to make herself feel better that you are not perfect.

I will say, count your blessings and I would not even mention it to your husband. So small and from someone who has kids who would love to have grandparents who spent time with them like what you describe, don't risk ruining what good there is for your son.

My ex MIL just told my kids 3 months ago, that she thinks they would have been better people if they had grown up in a small town.

If you knew my kids, you would love them. Everybody does. She is just an insensitive witch most of the time unless it comes to herself and her wants.

I would have traded anything in the world for grandparents who loved my kids enough to make them a priority, bacon and all.

Hope you get some answers to your questions. Look for the why and keep an open mind that we all have our quirks and even if hers might be extreme in some ways, taking the time to understand her more might lead you to a better relationship and a better future for her and your son.

Best wishes!