Is this strange MIL behavior or is it just me?

[sdmom]

Your post just made me laugh. I love the part about her giving a bill for the meal.

I should be getting the guest room all cleaned up for my MIL, who is on her way to bother, I mean - stay with us for the weekend, but instead I'm reading the boards.

 

[samshane]

My MIL is quirky as well... bought DH some socks and underwear (he never asked for) and then proceeded to present him with the bill to be paid. She also bought DD9 a Hello Kitty shirt and told us we owed her $25 for it.

The clothing issue does seem a little odd though... my parents do like 1 load a week because my mom won't wash til she has enough to wash. But when we visit, she washes all the time.

 

[GAGirlInVA]

Very, very interesting.... I've had the great pleasure (/end sarcasm/) of being a daughter in law three times. My Ex-MIL, my-MIL and Step-MIL... they all have their "things." My husband was raised by his grandmother and so in ways she tries to assert her "Grandmother in law-ness" on me too.

I try to remember that I'll be a MIL to possibly 4 other adults one day, and hope I treat them better than I have been treated.

 

[wdwdasiy]

As far as clothes, I wonder if it was also not a dig at you in some small way. Like showing your Mom that you did not pack well for your son and instead of coming right out with, "Suzie did not pack Johnny enough pants," she said she did not wash them. So while acknowledging her lack of washing, the bigger picture painted was that "Suzie did not pack enough clothes and so I would have had to do a partial wash to keep him clothed properly." If I am learning anything about Southern charm, it is read between the lines and the unspoken is more likely the point then the spoken.

Passive aggressive way to make herself feel better that you are not perfect.

This would be like when my DMIL said to me as she watched me play with my DD as a baby, "You may not be a good house keeper but you are a wonderful mother."

My ILs rarely give the grandchilren gifts. They put money in a fund for them and send them the investment statements for birthdays and Christmas. This was very hard for the young ones to understand. You should have seen my FIL trying to explain it to my DS when he was 4. He is almost 8 and still doesn't understand. DD is 14 and likes the idea of money waiting on her for school.
They also don't understand why we go to Disney as they see more than one visit a waste of money (topic for another thread) But then FIL has always tried to tell all his kids (5 of them) how to spend their money. All his kids are over 40 and he still tries to control them...whole other issue. The funny thing is that I'm the DIL and I am always asked to talk to FIL for his kids. I'm the only one who will stand up to him and he backs off....just like a bully

I think as long as you don't have other issues then you/she are ok. And I do think the not washing clothes thing was a dig at you to your mom. She may not have been thinking too much about it but if she is insecure then it may have just slipped out.

 

[Aristocath]

I think I'm also a bit biased towards giving MIL's a lot of slack as I have 3 boys and will be "the dreaded MIL" to three different women... God willing!

This is exactly what I was going to post! I have three boys, too.

 

[ajh88]

I haven't read the entire thread, but I don't necessarily think it is strange...just different.

The bacon - well, maybe he really likes it when she watches him and thinks he would like to have some? We have done that before - DD loves Vienna sausages and Santa brings her a pack of them every year. It is just kind of a funny thing.

The clothes - well, I do think it is a strange reason and not something I would do. I guess it is just that I can totally see my in laws doing some of the same things - they are just a little "different" in some ways (not bad people or anything, sometimes they are just odd).

Of course, I suppose there are things me and DH do that my in-laws probably find incredibly weird or odd too.

 

[bookgirl]

My grandparents (both sets) were depression era. One grandmother ended up not giving presents or very small (like $2 inside a card for a birthday present) ones and being very cheap. Not frugal, Cheap! The other my paternal grandmother use to give me homemade jewelry, soap, hair clips, and food for presents (cheez Its/meat sticks/sometimes candy). To her those were luxeries.

Maybe your MIL is a mixture of both. Bacon as a luxury, and no small loads of laundry in the name of frugal.

 

[PrincessKsMom]

Yes, the bacon was wrapped like a gift. It's the Oscar Meyer precooked bacon that doesnt need to be refrigerated. He also got money for his college fund, a Hess truck and some books.

Considering he did receive other gifts, I don't think the bacon is all that strange. My daughter would be thrilled if someone bought her bacon, just not as her primary gift.

As for the laundry, well that I did think was odd. But my mom and MIL have done some odd things, so I kind of tend to let it roll off my back. I'm sure your son wasn't outside in the 40 degree weather long. It's no different than my daughter wearing a skirt to school in the winter.

All things considered, I think you'll just have to deal with these little quirks. JMHO

 

[Mrs. Charming]

I'm gonna say she's quirky and leave it at that. My MIL is a nice woman, but she doesn't help us *at all*. She was supposed to come with me to my OB ultrasound last week... she cancelled at the last minute. My mom had to take the day off to come help me!

I'd give her a hug and thank her for what she does, and just roll your eyes when she's not looking when she's doing something quirky, lol.

Oh and my (adult) cousin gave me bacon bits for Christmas once. Why? Because I like them. And ohhh yes, I ate the whole baggie of 'em.

 

[gr8leg8]

I should show this thread to my DH.
My mom is the quirky one in our family and
I am blessed with a very loving FIL & step-MIL
who embrace my mom and celebrate who she is.

On our wedding night
our families decorated our bridal suite with
balloons, flower petals and small gifts.

My mom left us a rubber chicken!!
My exhaused DH and I laughed until tears rolled down our cheeks.

her explaination:
on our first date I made him "Shake and Bake" chicken.

by the way...
my DD loves bacon...
you might have given me an idea

 

[C*Beans]

Yeah, it's all a little strange. Although, I'd actually like it if my MIL contributed money toward the LO's future, rather than buying them junky toys.

And I kinda like the bacon thing. It's thoughtful and personal in it's own way. We do that kind of stuff in our family sometimes and it's more of a fun extra thing than a serious gift. And she did give him a truck that he could play with and some books too.

The receipt for families dinners is strange though. Do you ever have them to your place? I'd be curious to what that is like.

The clothes thing, I don't care for. But if it's a one time thing, and she normally takes really good care of your DS, I would probably let it slide, but keep an eye open in the future towards making sure his needs were properly met under her care in the future.

 

[bdoyledimou]

My Ex MIL was very much like the OP's in ways...

such as referring to me as "that boy" even though i was in the room, for the 5 years i dated her daughter and the 3 years leading up to the birth of my son. (then i went from "that boy" to "my wonderful son in law") She would even ask "is that boy staying for dinner too?" AFTER we had been married and moved to another city 3 hours away and come to visit.

She gave me a Glade Suncatcher air freshener for christmas one year, and a loaf of bread another year.

5 years later when the kids were in school, she showed up AT their school and pulled them out of class to try on some clothes she had bought them. And the crazy thing was she is a TEACHER herself.

 

[1116lexi]

Her behavior may be a bit odd, but we are a military family who only get to see grandparents a couple times a year, I would LOVE, LOVE, LOVE to have my somewhat annoying MIL near me for help sometimes, even if she is a bit odd! At least she remembers to get him a gift and knows he loves bacon.

 

[OceanAnnie]

My Ex MIL was very much like the OP's in ways...

such as referring to me as "that boy" even though i was in the room, for the 5 years i dated her daughter and the 3 years leading up to the birth of my son. (then i went from "that boy" to "my wonderful son in law") She would even ask "is that boy staying for dinner too?" AFTER we had been married and moved to another city 3 hours away and come to visit.

She gave me a Glade Suncatcher air freshener for christmas one year, and a loaf of bread another year.

5 years later when the kids were in school, she showed up AT their school and pulled them out of class to try on some clothes she had bought them. And the crazy thing was she is a TEACHER herself.

That's a whole lot of crazy!

 

[EKW]

Has she always been like this? These quirks could be early signs of dementia, if not.

I cared for an elderly relative for the last 15 years of her life. The last 7 or so she had dementia. Not all dementia is Alzheimers...my relative seemed totally normal if you were to have a passing conversation. Matter of fact, out of state family accused me of being a not-so-nice word and making up concerns I shared about her.

Looking back, there were odd behaviors that were early signals of her dementia that stretched back almost 25 years! She would "hide" things...make inappropriate comments about family to guests...etc. Things that I'd just shake my head at...and wonder why she was being so oddly mean.

She was in her late 50's when these type of things began.