is this rude? re: dining out

[KimR]

OK, I'd like to get some opinions here on a matter DH and I cannot agree. Say you go out to dinner and order an entree off the menu and, after ordering the waiter/waitress suggests a different entree that he/she thinks is better. It is rude to stick with your original choice? DH insists it is and claims you should always order what was suggested.

This has happened a few times, and, mind you I didn't ASK for a recommendation,...I ordered what I wanted and the waiter made an alternate suggestion, which did not appeal to me. We go to a few places specifically because I enjoy certain dishes. I am not an adventurous eater, I know what I like....it's my dinner, my money and I am going to order what I darn well please. I don't mind the waiter suggesting something different, but I don't think there should be any obligation on my part to then agree to it.

What is really funny is that DH gets embarrassed when I do this, and the last time it happened HE then ordered what the waiter had recommended. It was a salmon dish...DH has never in his life ordered salmon at a restaurant. He's not a big fish eater...I think it's ridiculous, but is this really rude? Not that I am going to change my behavior either way...I do enjoy my dinners out and if it's rude, I'm just going to have to be rude in this case, but I'm interested in hearing what others think.

Kim

 

[preshi]

I agre with you.. its your money and you are hungry for what you are hungry for... why should you eat something you dont like? It's not rude to not take the suggestion... they arer merely offering other options and I'm sure wont be offeneded if you dont take it... may even be part of their job description.

 

[grinningghost]

Not rude at all. I order what I want, I don't care how many suggestions they make. Usually their suggestions revolve around foods I detest. I've worked in restaurants, and management makes you offer suggestions or recite specials. It's their job, they don't take it personally if you don't want the stuff.

 

[newmousecateer]

I order what I want. That is why I am going out to dinner.

I hope I am not phrasing this rudely, but as far as I am concerned, the waiter could give diddly what you order.

 

[allicat]

I would only order something the waiter recommended if I really thought I would enjoy it. I doubt the waiters will care one bit whether you take their suggestion or not!

 

[disykat]

I'm chuckling here - it is so NOT rude! Just because a waiter suggests something doesn't mean you have to take it. When the gal at McDonald's asks if he wants apple pie with his meal, does he take that too? I think it's great that your dh cares so much about the waiter's feelings and cares about being polite (too many people don't bother), but it's still giving me a chuckle.

 

[Saffron]

I would like to suggest to your husband that he buy me that cute little Mercedes I was looking at last week.

It's not rude at all, just like if your husband declines my suggestion that wouldn't be rude. The waiter or waitress really doesn't care what you order. It probably doesn't even cross their mind one way or another whether you take their suggestions or not, it's just part of their job.

 

[Mermaid02]

Of course it's not rude! Unless you laugh in her face and tell her you wouldn't feed THAT to your dog! In that case you oughta just leave cause she's gonna spit in your food anyway!

 

[Jeafl]

I asked a friend of mine who used to be a waiter at a very expensive restaurant in Chicago. He said that it is absolutely NOT rude to order whatever you want. His boss always wanted him to recommend items for 2 reasons. 1) They had a lot of that item and they needed to move it out quickly. 2) The item they recommended was usually more expensive and it beefed up the bill. He said he hated recommending things unless people asked him what was good. And then he would give his honest opinion on his favorites. He also said even then it was hard because everyone has such different tastes.

 

[WDW Poly Princess]

I think suggestions by the waiter are to be taken as just that- a suggestion. They really won't take it personally if you go for something else!

 

[KimR]

Thanks, everyone! I think I'm going to print out this thread and show it to him so I don't have to listen to him gripe about my rudeness next time. Oh, and Saffron...what color and where should we have it delivered? 0

Kim

 

[jipsy]

LOL - as an ex-waitress this made me giggle.

Tell your husband that it is NOT rude to NOT order what is suggested. We always had a few dishes we were told to suggest every day, usually because they were the specials and they were a little more expensive. Waiters/waitresses don't care what you order; they care what you tip them. LOL You should order what you want, and you should tip according to the service you receive.

 

[RUDisney]

I'd look at the recommendation two ways:

1. the restaurant has alot of that item to move, or it is already getting to the "use it or lose it" phase.

2. the waiter knows something bad about the food that you've ordered.

I would ask if there is a problem with what I ordered if the waiter is suggesting something else. Maybe he's trying to steer me clear of something bad. If he insists that nothing is wrong with what I wanted, unless I didn't see his recommendation and it sounds wonderful, I'll stick with my original selection.

I don't see any rudeness in this at all.

BTW, if your DH eats salmon that he really isn't too fond of, he better never tell you that he doesn't like to eat something that you might prepare for him at home.

 

[Bunchkin]

Jeafl hit it on the head!!! They are either pushing what they have an abundance of or the pricey items.

And again as others have stated IT'S A SUGGESTION!!

I find this a little funny too!!
I can't believe your DH thinks that it's rude to order what you feel like eating!!
The last time I wanted a particular item to eat and someone suggested something else and I ate it instead was when I still lived at home with MOMMY & DADDY!!!

And as someone who has waitressed in the past I too can agree that what you order is of little concern, it's whether or not you left a tip!!

 

[cinmell]

It's not rude at all! I order what I want and I wouldn't feel bad about not ordering the waiter's suggestion.

 

[airhead]

You pay,you pick!!! Its your $$ and your choice.

airhead

 

[DawnCt]

Please don't take offense, but I would be more concerned about your husband feeling obligated to order, eat and pay for a server's suggestion than I ever would when you decline. It sounds like he is possibly a "people pleaser" and hopefully not to his detriment. Sometimes suggestions are made because a certain food item is not selling. I would work on changing your husband's behavior before I would change my own.

 

[delswife]

Its all about the tips, baby

Dont worry about being rude about not taking the suggestion, its just a suggestion.

 

[KimR]

Don't worry Dawn, I'm not easily offended, and yes, you hit the nail on the head. He is most definitely a people pleaser. Initially, it was what drew me to him as I am fairly quiet and reserved, and he is so outgoing, funny, loves to make people laugh, 'life of the party' type of person. It is so true what they say that the things you initially love about the person you marry eventually winds up driving you crazy in the end, because it does get to be too much at times.

kim

 

[Cindy B]

As a former waitress myself I can think of a few reasons for the suggestion of another entree


1) Sometimes the restaurant has an "incentive" for the wait staff regarding a certain menu item. If someone on the wait staff had the most orders of the "suggested entree" they would usually get a "tip bonus" or an extra day off, or something like that. (Where I worked there was a "incentive" alcoholic drink, entree, appetizer, and desert every weekend night).

Personally I never cared what someone ordered or ate.


2) The "incentive" entree usually did roll around if the restaurant was either a) discontinuing the item, and was going to get it all out of all the restaurants 2) it was a "new" item they wanted to promote.

I hope that helps. No, you would never offend me if you ordered something else that I was "told" to suggest.


BTW, I worked at a Bennigans. I was told Friday's/Chili's was the same way.