is this mean?

[binny]

MIL "forgot" dd's Birthday yet again. Not a card, a call, nothing. She is 6 an old enough to notice.

I went out and bought her a present from Grandma just to preserve her feelings. Someone suggested that I send MIL a thank you card ( along with everyone elses).
Kaylee is making cards for everyone that sent her presents so she would probably notice if she didnt make one for MIL.

Is that mean to do to MIL?

 

[MosMom]

Yes, but do it anyway!

 

[jimmiej]

Is she a forgetful person (not an good excuse) or just downright mean? Have you or your husband spoken to her about this? If she did it on purpose, I think having your DD send a thank-you note might be a wake-up call.

 

[Lynn CC]

Well since you already bought a gift from your MIL to give to your DD, I guess she can make a thank you card, but I wouldn't mail it.

 

[Beauty]

How old is she? Which brings me to the same question as jimmieJ is she forgetful or mean?

I think I would definatly do it. Thats wrong. Does she usually have a good relationship with your DD?

 

[leahannpen]

Does grandma have forgetful issues with others as well?

 

[Patty3]

Coming from a Grandma, I would never intentionally forget my children's or grandchildren's birthday and so far I have not. My MIL on the other hand is very forgetful and presents/phone calls are always at least a month behind. She is a good woman but totally disorganized. I know that your feelings are hurt and I do not blame you. But, the old saying, too wrongs do not make a right. I would let your daughter write the card, but I would not mail it.

 

[mom2alix]

Is it possible she's just late? I know I just sent DH's nephew a card a few weeks late. In my defense, it wasn't so much that I forgot what day his birthday was as tht the month of August somehow slipped by a little too quickly. (No excuse, I know, but at least I remembered and sent a belated card.)

If your MIL is doing this to be mean, then you have a whole 'nother situation to deal with. Why would anyone be mean to their 6 yo grandchild?

 

[Bob Slydell]

As long as you want your DD to continue to think that MIL bought her the gift you bought, you kind of have to let her make MIL a thank you card. Otherwise, your DD is going to wonder why she doesn't have to make a card for her.

Is she mailing out the thank you cards? If so, you could conveniently forget to mail the card for MIL.

 

[mickeyboat]

I agree with Bob.

Denae

 

[CookieGVB]

Could your MIL be having money issues? I'm sure there's a non-mean reason for this.

Maybe your DH could give her a call and tell her how excited your DD is to be "turning into such a big girl - a 6 year old!" - and see what she says.

I agree with others - have the thank you note written, but don't mail it out.

 

[MosMom]

By the way Binny put "forgot" in quotations and said it was 'yet again' I assume this happens often and is a problem between them.

 

[chrissie123]

I know exactly how you feel ... send the card...It`s certainly not you thats being mean here...My MIL remembers her 2 grandsons birthdays (SIL`s kids) she even remembers our eldest DDs but when it comes to youngest DD thats another story, & believe it or not the same applies to christmas too...

 

[binny]

it isnt a money problem, its a " Im too wrapped in my own life to think about the Grandkids" issue. This *is* a constant issue unfortunately. Sometimes I wonder if she just doesnt want to admit to being old enough to have Grandkids.

My FIL ( MIL's Ex Husband) is scared of forgetting everyones Birthdays so he sends us money each year in Jan to buy gifts for all the kids so this doesnt happen. Im fine with that. yeah it isn't personal but what does a 70 year old man know about little kids when he's never around them? I appreciate the fact that he thinks about them and wants them to be happy.

She doesnt want to worry about shipping ( she's in another country) which I totally understand but would a card be too much to ask? Or, as shes done in the past when she has remembered, order from a catalog so she didnt have to worry about it.

DD worships this Grandma and always talks about her so it would really break her heart if she thought that Grandma forgot.


Please know this isnt a money issue for me either, I couldnt care less what she bought for her, a card would be wonderful or even just a phone call. Just SOME form of acknowledgement would be nice.

DH is all for sending the card which really surprised me!

When confronted with forgetting Birthdays she gets really defensive and says things like " I just have so much on my plate I cant talk about this right now"

I thought we were really making progress in our relationship too but this really bothers me

 

[ZachnElli]

I think my in-laws have given Elli 1 birthday gift and Zach 2, maybe 3, but as you know, they are 5 and 9! I've never made a big deal out of it. Dh did one year when they didn't show up to Zach's first b-day party (he was 5 and yes he did notice they weren't there). They didn't speak to us for like a year after that. They don't like being told when they've done wrong, they are the parents, not dh (their son). They actually said that! Whatever! I obviously don't have any advice and am getting upset myself! LOL!

 

[binny]

yikes D Werent they just here too? Did you survive? I was going to call you today but the day got away from me, sorry.

 

[DD2Disney]

I can not imagine my mom or MIL not acknowleding DS birthday. Could she be going though something, that she has not shared with you and DH?? Sometimes its easy to forget whats not in front of us. Not that that is an excuse.

 

[Disney Doll]

I'd have DD do the card and you can send it with a little note from you(slipped in there when DD isn't looking) saying "I got her a present that I said was from you so as to not hurt her feelings that her grandmother forgot her birthday".

No judgements, no quarrel, just the facts. If she calls with an excuse, I would simply say "I did that so as to not hurt my daughter's feelings, and I told you I did it so you wouldn't say something to her about not knowing what she was talking about by thanking you for a present". Be matter-of-fact.

 

[EsmeraldaX]

Originally posted by Disney Doll
I'd have DD do the card and you can send it with a little note from you(slipped in there when DD isn't looking) saying "I got her a present that I said was from you so as to not hurt her feelings that her grandmother forgot her birthday".

No judgements, no quarrel, just the facts. If she calls with an excuse, I would simply say "I did that so as to not hurt my daughter's feelings, and I told you I did it so you wouldn't say something to her about not knowing what she was talking about by thanking you for a present". Be matter-of-fact.

I agree with Disney Doll.

I'm sorry you MIL forgot your DDs birthday.

 

[rip109]

Sometimes kids are much more perceptive than we give them credit for. I have 4 children, ages ranging from 21 down to 10. My BIL has 2 children ages 5 and 10. Now those children have a relationship with my INL's. Years ago my older kids figured out Grandma really didnt care to associate with them, and there is just so much one can say to make lame excuses for some people. AS I say they figure it out on their own after a while. Unfortunately my MIL would love to have a realtionship with my 3rd child only. This my husband will not allow at all. He told his mother it was all 4 or none, and she chose none. Her loss. My kids have learned to appreciate my father, and remember my mom even 5 years after we lost her with great love. And that was what my parents gave them was that love. The In laws, nope not at all. As I said, it is their loss and you daughter will figure it all on her own, sadly.