Is this inappropriate?

[sweet angel]

DS15 knows a girl (16) whose brother (11) is mentally handicapped. I am not sure to what extent, but I know that he goes to a special school and special camp. DS just informed me that the girl sometimes has to change his diaper and bathe him. The mother does not work, they live with the grandmother. It's not a matter of her doing it when the mother isn't home.

I don't think that seems right, or appropriate, but perhaps I'm over-reacting.

Your thoughts?

 

[Beth76]

I'm no expert, but I think 16 is old enough to help care for her brother. You said it's sometimes, not always. If she was the primary caregiver, it would be different.

 

[MagicalMom]

It seems fine to me, but I'm a nurse. I've seen daughters bathe fathers & sons help with their mothers. I think it's great that she helps care for him.

 

[kelleigh1]

It is possible that she is being given some responsibility in caring for him in the event that should anything happen to the parents, he could possibly be left in her care. And it's better than she know now how to care for him instead of being thrust into a situation where she needs to but doesn't know how.

 

[Cool-Beans]

Someone has to do it. I don't think it is wrong to make her help out with things that need to be done, nor do I think it is sexually inappropriate.

 

[my3kids]

Very appropriate, in my opinion. Just because the mom is home doesn't mean the mom needs to be the sole caregiver 24/7. Good for the sister for stepping up to help a brother in need. (and helping the mom)

 

[lulugirl]

It doesn't sound inappropiate to me, it's nice that she's willing to help w/ his care.

 

[Talking Hands]

Not inappropriate at all. It is a medical need that the daughter needs to know and better learned now than in an emergency situation.

 

[caitycaity]

I don't think that seems right, or appropriate, but perhaps I'm over-reacting.

yes, i do think you are overreacting. i had to care for my sister when we were growing up sometimes. in a family you help out when it's needed.

 

[VSL]

I think it's good that she knows how to do it - in case of emergency and whatnot - but I'm not sure if she should be doing it too often, as it is primarily the mothers responsibility.

But then, is there a specific reason why the mother does not work - such as some kind of disability? If that's the case, then I can understand it more.

 

[kdibattista]

Very appropriate, in my opinion. Just because the mom is home doesn't mean the mom needs to be the sole caregiver 24/7. Good for the sister for stepping up to help a brother in need. (and helping the mom)

 

[MerryPoppins]

I'm a little confused by the OP. What about it bothers you? Is it the fact that the girl is helping out when mom is home and should be doing it?Personally, I think it's cool that the daughter is helping out. Just like she might if they had a baby in the house. This little brother is a family responsibility and I don't see it as being solely the mom's job. Nor do I think it should all be dumped on a 16 year old. So I guess it depends on how much she is responsible for.

Or is your discomfort due to the nudity involved? Again, I don't see that as a problem. No more than I would be uncomfortable with my daughter changing a toddler's diaper.

 

[inaminute]

But then, is there a specific reason why the mother does not work - such as some kind of disability? If that's the case, then I can understand it more.

Perhaps she stays home to care for her disabled son? If, at 11, he's still in a diaper, I would imagine he has some pretty serious disabilities. Maybe she's also taking care of the grandmother? Of course, I'm just guessing, but I can think of lots of reasons the mother might not work.

This mother is going to have the responsibility of caring for this child for the rest of her life. I see nothing wrong with asking family members to help out. Besides, as others have posted, they'll need to know what to do and how to do it if something happens to the mother.

 

[sweet angel]

Okay, apparently it's just me!

I'm not sure what about it bothers me. I agree if it was an infant or toddler it would be fine. Perhaps it has to do with the ages, I'm not sure.

As far as I'm aware, the mother has no disabilities, just does not work. It's also not a full brother...it's a half brother...not that that really makes a difference.

Again, I guess it's just me. I thought it seemed odd. Perhaps I just don't really care for the mother and I'm reading into everything.

 

[Pop Daddy]

if she does and likes it, then you have a problem

 

[Biscuitsmom31]

I don't see a problem either. My DH is physically handicapped and there have been several times when he's had a problem in the shower or on the toilet that has required my children's help as well as mine. They're not traumatized by seeing him naked. They are helping their dad. There is absolutely nothing sexual about it.

 

[VSL]

Perhaps she stays home to care for her disabled son? If, at 11, he's still in a diaper, I would imagine he has some pretty serious disabilities. Maybe she's also taking care of the grandmother? Of course, I'm just guessing, but I can think of lots of reasons the mother might not work.

Good point!

I'm really not 'on the ball' today... I think it's the heat

 

[Shugardrawers]

Dh's ex had a son by a previous marriage when she met Dh. The son has severe cerebral palsy and needs help with everything, including bathing and assistance on the toilet. Since she was old to enough to start helping out, DSD has been helping to care for him in all those ways. If something happens to her mother, someone needs to take care of him and it may very well be Mary. They are 19 and 26 and very close. I don't see anything inappropriate about her seeing him nude or helping him wash personal areas. Neither do they.

Dh's ex did not work outside the home until after they were divorced. It's hard, hard work to take care of someone severly disabled and even with a part time nurse she needed help from other family members. I would guess the woman in the OP has decided to stay home to take care of her son. There's no reason she shouldn't have that choice just as most other mothers do.

 

[pozey]

Perhaps I just don't really care for the mother

There's your answer.

Very appropriate, in my opinion. Just because the mom is home doesn't mean the mom needs to be the sole caregiver 24/7. Good for the sister for stepping up to help a brother in need. (and helping the mom)

very well said.

 

[sweet angel]

Okay, I've already admitted that it's MY view that is apparently wrong!

Sure, there could be a gazillion reasons why the mother doesn't work. Of course, the son is in school most of the day, and there is no husband (and never has been, yet there are 4 kids with 4 fathers), so one would think she could be working SOMEWHERE. Whatever the case, it's really not my business.

No need to jump on me any further. I get the point.