Is this inappropriate?

[MerryPoppins]

I'm sorry if you took my post as jumping on you. That was certainly not my intent. I was just wondering where you were coming from and stating my view. You are more than welcome to have a different way of looking at the situation. No skin off my nose. Sorry it made you feel bad.

 

[sweet angel]

I'm sorry if you took my post as jumping on you. That was certainly not my intent. I was just wondering where you were coming from and stating my view. You are more than welcome to have a different way of looking at the situation. No skin off my nose. Sorry it made you feel bad.

No no...I didn't really think anyone was jumping on me, even though that's exactly what I said.

I guess, not having any experience with such a thing, it simply seemed odd to me to have a teenage girl be doing that.

 

[Pop Daddy]

Okay, I've already admitted that it's MY view that is apparently wrong!

thats not good enough, we want you to cry

 

[sweet angel]

thats not good enough, we want you to cry

Good luck with that.

 

[terri01p]

If I didn't have a handicapped dd myself, I might would question this, truth me when I say when you have a disabled person in your house it's a family event, I also am a SAHM and I get so drained from bathing etc... I could see her getting help, until your in that place you will never truly understand, my dd is in a wheelchair and she is my full time job, please don't think nothing of her having as much help as she can, it's a family affair, 24-7, the kids will grow up not thinking anything of this, my dd 23 and it's nothing for my dh, or my other dd to change a diaper, if needed, when you love someone, the rules change to help as a family...your so lucky not to know how this feels.

 

[azgal81]

I don't see the problem either it's good that she's willing to help out!

 

[sweet angel]

If I didn't have a handicapped dd myself, I might would question this, truth me when I say when you have a disabled person in your house it's a family event, I also am a SAHM and I get so drained from bathing etc... I could see her getting help, until your in that place you will never truly understand, my dd is in a wheelchair and she is my full time job, please don't think nothing of her having as much help as she can, it's a family affair, 24-7, the kids will grow up not thinking anything of this, my dd 23 and it's nothing for my dh, or my other dd to change a diaper, if needed, when you love someone, the rules change to help as a family...your so lucky not to know how this feels.

Thank you for being able to see it somewhat from my side.

I don't know HOW handicapped he is -- I mean, he goes to school, he swims, sort of talks...bites a lot, I know that!

I see the point you all are making.

 

[L107ANGEL]

if she does and likes it, then you have a problem

Where have you been You open a bar and disappear

 

[Disney Doll]

I can see how you might think it is odd, but I think the difference lies in the fact that he is handicapped, so that probably changes the dynamic a bit, if you KWIM.

As far as why the mother doesn't work...well, I guess because she doesn't have to. Maybe financially she doesn't need to work to make ends meet, and her working would just add that much more stress to her life beyond dealing with her handicapped child.

Truthfully, if finances didn't require me to work, I wouldn't. I could be perfectly happy staying home, volunteering for those charities that are important to me, taking care of the house, doing the crafts and creative things I enjoy. I derive no "sense of self" from my job.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Sue, sue, sue.

For what it is worth, I think I would feel a little bad for the DD. I know we all need to pitch in and help with family, but I get the feeling it's a little more than just helping.

 

[imsorry]

I don't see where the OP said it was wrong for the mother not to work. People are jumping on that and taking it personally. Her question was whether it was appropriate for a 16 year old girl to change her 11 year old brother's diaper. It was a legitimate question from a person who does not
have experience with a handicapped child.

 

[MushyMushy]

I kind of feel that it's a bit inappropriate -- not so much from a "ooh, she sees his pee-pee" kind of inappropriate, but it just seems like a bit much for a 16 yo to have to change an 11 yo's diaper. But then it depends on the degree to which she has to do it, and how often.

I'm really big on not giving older siblings a lot of responsibility towards younger siblings.

BUT, on the other hand, I do have a friend who is sole caregiver to her younger brother (he's got pretty severe CP). I'm not sure how much responsibility she had towards him when she was a teen, but her mother died when she was in her 20s, so she became his caregiver then. Imagine how hard that would have been if she hadn't had much exposure to the more difficult aspects of his personal care... again, I'm not sure how much exposure she did have. I'll have to ask her what she thinks of this.

 

[ChrisnSteph]

When you have someone in your family with special needs, you live a different kind of
"normal". Many people don't understand it, but it's the way it is. I'm sure the DD doesn't like having to change her brothers soiled diapers (who would, really?). But that's probably a pretty normal thing in her family. In this day and age, I think this boy is a lucky kid to have a sister that loves him enough to do these these things for him. The world could use a lot more siblings like her.

As for the mom, who knows what her story is, or why she stays home. There could be a hundred reasons - all of which are really none of our business. However if the DD is the only one partaking in caring for her brother, then there's a problem that needs to be addressed. If not, then I don't see anything inappropriate regarding the situation at all.