Is this appropriate? (long)

[tar heel]

I wrote my post before I read your last one. As someone old enough to be your mom, I can tell you that kegs at parties are not that uncommon, especially outdoor ones. You don't have to worry about all that ice and coolers for the beer with a keg.

Okay, are you going to East Carolina?

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Originally posted by WDWAurora


I am not at all immature, thank you very much for your opinion. We are fine at restaurants, we just prefer avoiding drunkeness.

I did not call you immature what I said was you need to develop a mature attitude toward handling this kind of situation.
When attending things with dh there are people from 21-65 gettting blasted.
I would have never believed that people of this age and money are drinking to excess but they do. I am sorry you misunderstood me.

 

[WDWAurora]

tarheel-Nope. They do have an excellent program in my field however, and if it weren't so far away, I would have loved to attend school there. That library is awesome!

 

[totalia]

If its mandatory, go long enough to be seen, don't drink and then leave. You can last all of 15 minutes.

I find it weird that the school would be having a mandatory kegger though. I'd check with a professor if I were you.

 

[WDWAurora]

My professor, the dept. head, is the one who told us about the party, as well as about it being mandatory. That's the main thing I thought was strange too. Who'd have thought one of my graduation requirements would be attending a kegger? It doesn't fit my "schema" of school...

 

[tar heel]

Wow, the grad student/faculty parties I went to didn't include anyone getting soused. People were actually very careful at those parties. I think it's a bit strange that professors are talking to new students about how much they drank.

There may be some nuts and bolts issues covered at the party -- they've just chosen to make it a party so it will be fun. They also probably want everyone to get the opportunity to meet each other. I went to one of these during my brief grad school career and a I can't remember whether there was alcohol.

Also, the party may be bigger than you think. The professors, their spouses, students, their significant others, departmental staff, their significant others.

Just go to the party, plan to leave early if people start drinking too much, then do it if that happens.

 

[mickeyboat]

Aurora - I agree with many other posters that you should go to the party, decline an offer for alcohol and enjoy socializing with your peers. I doubt anyone will make you feel uncomfortable for refusing a drink.

IF the get together turns into a drunken debachle, just quietly leave. You have put in an appearance and done your socializing. You should not have to endure that kind of behavior if it makes you feel uncomfortable.

D Although, it sounds as if unruly behavior will not be a problem. Kegs come in smaller sizes too, so maybe there won't really be THAT much beer.)

Hope you have a good time.

Denae

 

[SC Minnie]

If its mandatory, go long enough to be seen, don't drink and then leave. You can last all of 15 minutes.

Go long enough to be seen and meet people. If it starts to get out of hand you can say you have a previous engagement and leave. This wasn't commonplace at the school I went to but seems that it is at others. Go, have a good time.

 

[tar heel]

That's pretty weird about the department head. I sure hope this isn't my beloved Carolina or State, where my hard-earned $ goes for my son's tuition. When you say "party school," I think ECU or UNCW, though.

 

[Maleficent13]

As one who was at grad school and was also invited to "mandatory keggers", I can assure you that the keg is not the reason they're having the party. They want to have a meet and greet, and they want to let you all know that this is a whole different environment than undergrad.

Just a tip, too. Often after classes, professors and students will go out and socialize. If you refuse to do so, you may be left out of some important dialogue. I'm not saying that you'll get flunked out or you'll get a worse education if you don't go. I'm just saying, a big part of grad school is networking, especially if you are planning a career in education. These people you're socializing with will be guiding your educational career, and possibly your life career as well (letters of reference, etc.). The better you know them, the more help they will be.

Do you have to drink? Absolutely not. But should you socialize? I think it's important, but that's JMHO.

 

[Antonia]

Go and if people bug you about why you're not drinking just say something like "Oh, I'm sorry - I'm on medication for my sinuses." That way you don't have to explain and they'll probably leave you alone. That's what I'd do rather than make a big issue of why I'm not drinking.

 

[Bob Slydell]

Originally posted by WDWAurora
My professor, the dept. head, is the one who told us about the party, as well as about it being mandatory. That's the main thing I thought was strange too. Who'd have thought one of my graduation requirements would be attending a kegger? It doesn't fit my "schema" of school...

They didn't actually refer to it as a "kegger", did they?

 

[disykat]

I would also find a mandatory keg party very strange. I would never willingly go to a party with a keg, because my in my experience that means excessive drinking and telling drinking stories. (I have no problem with people drinking, but if someone starts a story about the time they drank so much they threw up - I'm out of there!)

I do not see ANY reason why your fiance should have to go. If I were you, I'd go by myself and just plan to leave if you get uncomfortable. I find it highly offensive that people are telling you to grow up and that your fiance is controlling simply because you prefer not to be around heavy drinking.

 

[lulugirl]

Originally posted by disykat
I would also find a mandatory keg party very strange. I would never willingly go to a party with a keg, because my in my experience that means excessive drinking and telling drinking stories. (I have no problem with people drinking, but if someone starts a story about the time they drank so much they threw up - I'm out of there!)

I do not see ANY reason why your fiance should have to go. If I were you, I'd go by myself and just plan to leave if you get uncomfortable. I find it highly offensive that people are telling you to grow up and that your fiance is controlling simply because you prefer not to be around heavy drinking.

Actually I believe the comments regarding her bf were made because she said he would "freak out" and insist she switch schools if she attended a party that had a keg. That's hardly the same as preferring not to be around heavy drinking.

 

[Aimeedyan]

I think you're jumping to some wild conclusions about this meet and greet, personally. Just because a keg is going to be there, doesn't mean much drinking (or drunkeness) is going to be there too. A keg is just cheaper than supplying loads of bottles/cans.

I would assume that they are advertising the alcohol as a way to get people to come without much complaint. We always advertise food at my school to get people to come

I honestly was QUITE surprised to hear that your boyfriend would be so appalled by legal drinking at an adult function. I won't say much more about that, since I think my thoughts have already been expressed by others, but I think he needs to step up and be a bit more mature about the whole thing. It bothers me that you both have assumed drunkenness will ensue, or that people will expect you to drink. For me, I have not felt "peer pressure" to drink since a teenager. I would hope graduate levels students wouldn't give a rats what you were drinking.

Go, leave BF at home if he can't handle it, and leave your expectations at the door. Networkiing and socializing is a HUGE part of graduate school, and I don't think you want to sit this out just because of your own conclusions as to what goes on. I think you ought to have a bit more faith in your peers/faculty as far as their behavior with alcohol present. I think you'll be pleasently surprised, and maybe even make some new friends.

JMHO.

 

[Disney Doll]

I would have to agree that socialization is important at a grad school level. My advice would be to go, stay and socialize, network, and mingle and if things seem to be getting out of hand, make a polite exit. Boyfriend doesn't seem like he'll be much of an asset to you if he's going to have an attitude from the minute he walks in the door, so think carefully about whether you want to have him there or not.

As far as drinking at more adult gatherings, I have not been at any parties since graduating college(I am 42) where anybody cared whether I drank or not. No issue was made if my not drinking, and I didn't make an issue of people who were drinking. I also didn't present an "I'm better than you because I don't drink" attitude, which may be part of the reason why people didn't take huge issue with me not drinking.

 

[danacara]

It's just a little bit of a red flag with respect to the boyfriend.

Is he extremely religious?

It may just be because we don't know him, but this depiction of him makes him seem controlling.

I wonder if he can come to peace with something along the lines of "my girlfriend is in grad school and making contacts is part of the value of her experience, parties are important for that, so even if it means that I have to humor a drunk dude for an hour (in an absolute worst-case scenario), I'll do it for her, because I'm mellow enough to not freak out and I love her."

 

[LScot]

My first thought was maybe they have the keg there to entice people to show up. LOL As someone who has been to a function or two and pressured to drink, it is an awkward place to be. Glad I read this thread though, I had no idea something like this would be mandatory.

 

[WDWAurora]

Bob Slydell-Yes it was referred to as a kegger, by 3 different teachers.

And if everyone would please reread what I said about my boyfriend, you're all taking it very much out of context. I should have used different wording, yes, I agree. What I meant is that he would just in no way understand why this would be a part of my educational experience.

disykat-Thanks for "getting it," by it meaning the actual point of my question. I was pretty offended, but I'm not going to speak to anyone else the way they commented to me.

Aimeedyan-I'm jumping to the conclusions based upon stories told by faculty and second year students. One teacher apparently "stripped down" last year while staggering around with her wine bottle...story told in front of her with no argument.

I'm not worried about "peer pressure" as I make my own decisions, but with parties I've went to while in college (including a few trips to the bar with a professor, she always showed up) I get questioned a lot, and it gets tiring saying "I just don't drink." No one necessarily tries to get you to drink, but they want to know why...and it's just none of their business, especially by the time it's been covered repeatedly.

Danacara-Yes he's religious, not extremely, but we're both religious and have basically the same values. That's probably why we've been dating for four years and plan to marry as soon as it's financially an option. He has come to peace with the idea you spoke of before, and I think if I can ease him into it and take the focus off the alcohol, he'll do it again.

 

[lulugirl]

Originally posted by WDWAurora
I am starting grad school (tomorrow is the first day of class) and I'm at a school we always considered to be a party school when I was in high school (I grew up nearby). Well, I didn't place too much importance in that, as my program here is accredited by the association, and that's all I'm here for. So here's the thing...I don't drink. At all. I'm fine with other people doing it, but I don't. My boyfriend isn't fine with being around alcohol. My dept. is having a "mandatory" party on Sept. 10th, and we're all supposed to be there and bring our significant others. They also told us we're having a keg there....Not only do I feel a little uncomfortable about that (I hate all the "why aren't you drinking" questions) but I know my boyfriend will FREAK....as in he would want me to leave this school. I wouldn't, but it would still upset him greatly. I don't know what I should do, I mean, I have to go I guess, but do other schools do this? Does anybody else think it's weird to have a keg with your teachers? At my alma mater, this would've been against rules, but it's not here (I've read them) so I'm not sure how it would work. Thanks for any comments!

Well, I reread your original post. Are you really offended that some people find it odd that your bf will "FREAK" (apparently to the point of wanting you to leave the school?)over alcohol being served at an adult party?
I sincerely did not mean to sound critical in my initial repsonse. You posted w/ the intention of seeking feedback, that's what you got, I really don't think anyone meant to offend.