Is there a word for mothers like this?

[diznygirl]

I think she did the right thing, but feeling ill or no, she should have taken him away if he couldn't settle down. I'm sure there were others in the waiting room who were sick and didn't feel up to dealing with an obnoxious kid.

Where was she supposed to take him? She was waiting for her turn to see the dr.

I think she did the best she could under the circumstances. It's not easy to discipline your child in public these days.

 

[pearlieq]

I think she did the right thing. Giving in would only have taught the kid that screaming and making a scene is effective for getting what he wants.

That being said, I'm glad I didn't have to sit there listening to him, but I would have been OK with it if I was there. I consider it "taking one for the team".

 

[DisneyPhD]

I think she did the right thing, but feeling ill or no, she should have taken him away if he couldn't settle down. I'm sure there were others in the waiting room who were sick and didn't feel up to dealing with an obnoxious kid.

As diznygirl said, what was she supost to do? It isn't like there was 2 parents and one could take the child out into the hall or car. What about the second child too. She was waiting for the Dr. There wasn't a lot of options.

On a good day I would of steped out into the hall way, or taken him across the room to talk to him in private and explain there would be consequces after we left the office if he did not quiet down. However this women wasn't having a good day.

I agree. I would rather see this then someone who gave in to bad behavior or allows her kid to run a muck in the waiting room.

 

[LindsayDunn228]

Bravo to that Mom! Finally, a parent who apparently believes in being consistent and doesn't give in to their child's every whim! If I'd been there I would have made sure Mom knew she was doing the right thing.

Uh, same here. I read the post 3 times in case I was missing something. I think the mom did the right thing.

 

[Marseeya]

Personally, I wouldn't care where she took him! Out to the car, ask the receptionist if she could go into an exam room, or whatever. Or yes, even giving in to his whim for the time being to shut him up. (I didn't quite get how loud he was being from the OP's post, but I'm just ASSuming he was being loud, otherwise why would she have a problem with the parent's discipline choice?) Why does one sick parent's rights trump those of everyone around them?

A while back, I had to take DH to the doctor and there was this elderly woman sitting in a wheelchair, very obviously miserable. This one mother brought in her young kids with her (probably no other choice I imagine) and that poor elderly woman was in tears from these kids. Everyone else in the waiting room was tired of it as well. I just felt so bad for this lady having to deal with not feeling well AND being bothered by somebody's energetic kids. They weren't being bad, but they were definitely too much energy for sick people.

Nobody should have to sit through that. I'm not trying to be rude, but I honestly have always practiced what I preached in this regard. I've inconvenienced myself plenty of times when my kids weren't the little darlings they should be in public.

 

[gallaj0]

Going out into a public place like a doctors office, family restraunt, store, etc. means just that; you are going into a place where the public has every right to enter. Unless it's obviously an "adult" place like a fancy restraunt, business office, or a gernotology specialist, you should expect that there may be people there that will "get on your nerves".

Wether its some guy with a very loud Ipod next to you on the bus, or some 30something yelling into there phone, or some mother and her kids in the doctors office, that's one of the things you need to deal with in public.

 

[Sparx]

She did a good job. She told him not to, he did, then he was punished. She was consistent, and it evidently worked. Kudos to mom.

 

[RitaZ.]

I don't see a problem with the way the mom handled the situation. It's a lot harder to stand firm than to give in.

 

[mommaU4]

Personally, I wouldn't care where she took him! Out to the car, ask the receptionist if she could go into an exam room, or whatever. Or yes, even giving in to his whim for the time being to shut him up. (I didn't quite get how loud he was being from the OP's post, but I'm just ASSuming he was being loud, otherwise why would she have a problem with the parent's discipline choice?) Why does one sick parent's rights trump those of everyone around them?

Nobody should have to sit through that. I'm not trying to be rude, but I honestly have always practiced what I preached in this regard. I've inconvenienced myself plenty of times when my kids weren't the little darlings they should be in public.

Well, giving in is just never the answer. It will set a pattern for later down the line.

And I think most of us that are parents have also inconvienced ourselves plenty of times as well.

I personally have left shows, restaurants, stores, etc if my child is not behaving and resuses to calm down.

However when your alone in a doctors office with two kids and are waiting to be called, your options are mighty limited.

We can't just assume there was an open exam room, usually there's not. And maybe there was no hallway to go to. Without being there it's awfully hard to judge the situation, but it sounds like she did the best thing given the circumstances.

 

[Marseeya]

Well, giving in is just never the answer. It will set a pattern for later down the line.

And I think most of us that are parents have also inconvienced ourselves plenty of times as well.

Do you honestly believe that one instance of giving in is going to undo consistency all the rest of the time?

I give kids far more credit than that.

Parents can be flexible without sending the child the wrong message. In fact, just the opposite sends the wrong message -- if a parent refuses to change her mind no matter what, it teaches kids that the parent is inflexible and unreasonable. We all have to strike a balance, and I'd rather err on the side of consideration for those around me.

Regarding the comment that "most" parents inconvenience themselves, I'd love to know where they live, because I sure don't see much of that around where I live. Maybe that's why I have such a strong opinion about it.

 

[Disney Doll]

Regarding the comment that "most" parents inconvenience themselves, I'd love to know where they live, because I sure don't see much of that around where I live. Maybe that's why I have such a strong opinion about it.

I'd have to agree with you there, Marseeya. I don't see a lot of parents oinconvceniencing themselves where I live either, They don't have a lot of problems inconveninecing everyone else, but themselves...never!

As far as this situation was concerned...if the kid was going on and on for an extended period of tiem, I probbaly ewould have gone to the receptionist and said "My kid is driving everyone in this waiting room crazy. I am here, but I will be stepping out into the hall to see if I can calm him down. Would you come get me out there if my turn comes up?"

Other than that though, not much else she could have done. I am in the camp of if you start giving in, then every time you're in public, you're going to have a scene cuz your kid will figure out that you give in when you're in public to avoid a scene.

Kids are too darn smart for their own good!

 

[WIcruizer]

First, everyone's definition of "out of control" kids is different. We all have varying levels of tolerance.

Secondly, With kids that age it's almost impossible to have them sit still and be quiet. Unless you never take them to public places, you're sure to annoy someone- probably just about every day. I'm still missing what the mother did wrong.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I really feel for that mother! Two preschoolers, and obviously ill enough to have to see a doctor.

What time of day did this happen. I am assuming that if Noah was indeed 5, he would be in Kindergarten? I am thinking he may have been slightly younger. I know that I would try to make a Dr.s appt. when my kid was in school if at all possible.

I do have one huge problem with how the mother handled the situation. This is just two little kids. And, she very obviously expected perfect behavior, possibly behavior that should be expected of a slightly older kid, from Noah. she obviously expects Noah to be able to play 'nicely' with his younger sibling. And, when anything at all goes wrong... (Hey, three year olds sometimes grab toys and do not want to share) it seems like she is very quick to blame Noah and to expect him to handle it all by himself. Noah is to simply let the three year old do this? He is to completely defer to the younger child at all times? He is to act like a little adult?

It sounds like the mother actually exascerbated the whole situation by coming down on Noah so hard, instead of stepping in, providing a distraction, separating the two, or saying calmly, to BOTH kids, "We need to play nicely and share". Instead, she completely blames Noah... "Noah, do not argue with your sister...' In other words, just play nicely and let her have/do whatever she wants.

What is this teaching these kids!!! The three year old is learning that they get their way all the time. Noah learns that he is always in trouble.

While I agree with consistant discipline. The mother did not diffuse the situation. Seems she made it worse.

Now, I know that she was ill. And I feel SO sorry for her. But, I am not so sure that this is not her usual way of handling the two kids. As I was reading this, I kind of felt bad for Noah. The way she was quick to jump on him, calling out his name very directly. It seems like this is her usual mode of operation.

This escalated the whole thing. Made it more unbearable to everyone around. And, I think this is why the OP feels the mother was wrong.

 

[Hillbeans]

Just by the mere fact this doctor's office has "waiting room toys" it's obvious they get children often - so that leads me to believe it's an office that welcomes children.

I have to agree with WIcruiser that people have very different definitions of out of control children. Some people feel that just a child's presence is bothersome.

Unfortunately many people go to the doctor because they are sick and not feeling well. I know no one wants to deal with wild children misbehaiving in the office, but in the OP's post, it does not sound as if the mother was letting her children act up and she was doing nothing to try and stop it. I know when I was 4 or 5, I probably did the same thing at one time or another.

 

[Dreamer04]

A word to describe that mother? Mom.

 

[tiff211]

I agree with all the posts.

She did the hardest thing of all.....she stuck to her decision. Good for her.

I remember one time in Target when DD was about 3 and right as we were getting ready to get in the checkout lane she saw a toy she had to have. Started screaming and crying when we said no. It was only a $4 toy and it would have been easy to say fine here, but when we say no once we can't give in.

I told DH to take her out to the car while I paid. She cried and screamed the whole way out the store. I was almost in tears because everyone was staring. Then the lady in front of me turned around and said "I just wanted to say you did a good job of handling that. It's not easy to say no and stick with it."

OMG, I could've kissed her!!! Maybe next time in a situation like that you could say a few kind words to the mom. I'm sure she'd appreciate it.

ITA! I love when strangers comment on how well behaved my children are. So many times you are being judge negatively for the parenting choices you make, it makes you feel good when someone gives you kudos!!

 

[DisneyPhD]

Do you honestly believe that one instance of giving in is going to undo consistency all the rest of the time?

I give kids far more credit than that.

Um that is the defination of inconsistancy.

It apears to me that being a parent is a damned if you do, damned if you don't type of thing. I can see some one starting a thread because the mother gave in and let her child run a muck around the center (something that personally would bother me more.) I don't think she did anything wrong.

I think that instead of griping about other people we should consider what WE can do to make situations better. Not only for our own parenting skills, but even to help other people. Did anyone else there even consider for a moment that something they could do could make it better? A smile to the mother, the receptionest offering to let them sit in a waiting room, an offer of a book to look at?

I have been a social worker and therapist for 10 years and belive me I have seen all kinds of parents. Some good, (but with huge challenages,) some not so good. Never have giving disaproving looks helped, ever. Many of them have become better parents with help support and encouragment. Please keep that in mind.

 

[Wishing on a star]

I just added this to my post above.
So, I thought I would copy it here, for those who have already read past that.

It sounds like the mother actually exascerbated the whole situation by coming down on Noah so hard, instead of stepping in, providing a distraction, separating the two, or saying calmly, to BOTH kids, "We need to play nicely and share". Instead, she completely blames Noah... "Noah, do not argue with your sister...' In other words, just play nicely and let her have/do whatever she wants.

What is this teaching these kids!!! The three year old is learning that they get their way all the time. Noah learns that he is always in trouble.

 

[tiff211]

I really feel for that mother! Two preschoolers, and obviously ill enough to have to see a doctor.

What time of day did this happen. I am assuming that if Noah was indeed 5, he would be in Kindergarten? I am thinking he may have been slightly younger. I know that I would try to make a Dr.s appt. when my kid was in school if at all possible.

I do have one huge problem with how the mother handled the situation. This is just two little kids. And, she very obviously expected perfect behavior, possibly behavior that should be expected of a slightly older kid, from Noah. she obviously expects Noah to be able to play 'nicely' with his younger sibling. And, when anything at all goes wrong... (Hey, three year olds sometimes grab toys and do not want to share) it seems like she is very quick to blame Noah and to expect him to handle it all by himself. Noah is to simply let the three year old do this? He is to completely defer to the younger child at all times? He is to act like a little adult?

It sounds like the mother actually exascerbated the whole situation by coming down on Noah so hard, instead of stepping in, providing a distraction, separating the two, or saying calmly, to BOTH kids, "We need to play nicely and share".

While I agree with consistant discipline. The mother did not diffuse the situation. Seems she made it worse.

Now, I know that she was ill. And I feel SO sorry for her. But, I am not so sure that this is not her usual way of handling the two kids. As I was reading this, I kind of felt bad for Noah. The way she was quick to jump on him, calling out his name very directly. It seems like this is her usual mode of operation.

Bill Cosby talks about just that in his stand-up "Bill Cosby, himself". Just giving in to the youngest, to keep the peace. He says he hears his two youngest fighting and he goes toward the shrill scream of the younger one "Mine, mine!" They are having a tug-of-war with a toy and he yells at the older of the two to give it to her (the baby). The older one says "But Dad, it's mine." Bill Cosby says "so what, she has things that belong to me too!!"

 

[Wishing on a star]

Tiff!!! too funny!!!

sounds like you get my point exactly!!!!