Is there a man-code that says men can't diss each other?

[cardaway]

IMO the OP was wrong to put son her in the middle, it's her fault he felt the heat.

These are also football games. The point is to watch the whole thing (unless of course it is a blow out). One should be able to assume they are going to watch the whole thing. No different than turning off a movie in the middle.

 

[foolishmortal]

IMO the OP was wrong to put son her in the middle, it's her fault he felt the heat.

These are also football games. The point is to watch the whole thing (unless of course it is a blow out). One should be able to assume they are going to watch the whole thing. No different than turning off a movie in the middle.

I totally agree with you, but my wife is one who can watch a show and then just switch to something. It makes me mad to get into something and then all of a sudden a whole different show is on...what happened in the other show I wasted 20 minutes watching???? lol

 

[VSL]

I am not going to comment on where the rudeness started, or who was right and who was wrong.. I will only say this:

Your FIL's behaviour towards your DS was disgraceful (regardless of who was 'in the right') and your DH needs to realise that, and should be protecting his little boy.

 

[minkydog]

IMO the OP was wrong to put son her in the middle, it's her fault he felt the heat.

These are also football games. The point is to watch the whole thing (unless of course it is a blow out). One should be able to assume they are going to watch the whole thing. No different than turning off a movie in the middle.

Oddly, I agree. i can't stand football(and thank GOD my husband doesn't like it either!) but I would feel the same way if I was watching "House" and someone switched the channel. Great mayhem would break out right in my living room! DH goes to great lengths to make sure there are no interruptions on Tuesday night, and I make sure he gets his 2hour naps on the weekends.

 

[disykat]

I think FIL was rude in not letting go of this when he could have moved easily to another tv. They had plenty of warning that the main tv was going to be used by the rest of the family for awhile - they'd had five hours. They could have easily changed rooms during a commercial break knowing that you were planning on watching the movie at 5.

I'm guessing Grandpa has no understanding at all of your child's behavior issues and a lot of this is about what he thinks of as bad behavior from your son and it just errupted that day. He was out of line.

In our house, only one tv has a DVD player. If the same thing had happened at our house we would have expected the football players to move. I don't think it would have been an issue.

 

[sharbear]

Boy I think that holidays bring out the rudeness in the family. I certainly had my share of them this weekend. Not my FIL but my DH's brother. I am so mad, I don't want to visit them for a long time.

First of all, I would have handled this a little differently. Since your MIL has mobility issues and could not watch Polar Express in another room, it makes sense that the movie would be watched in the family room. I would have warned your DH an hour before that this event would happen and could he and his dad watch the football game somewhere else. The problem and it's not your problem is that the game was really exciting and I'm sure once people were invested in the game, they didn't want it to be turned off. If you had warned your DH, he could explain to his Dad, hey dad, mom and the kids really want to watch this movie. How about we go down to the basement and watch the game down there.

Now your FIL was being an a**, yes, but it really ticks people off when they are into something and poof!, someone changes everything.

Now on to my problem! LOL! We drove 6 hours so that my kids could visit with their cousins. On Saturday my BIL decided to take his kids skiing. He didn't ask what we wanted to do but I guess my kids could have gone skiing with them. It would have cost me $200 for my kids to go and a month before x-mas I don't have the money. So we sat at my BIL's house while he and his family left on the only full day that we were there. When I complained to my DH, I was in the wrong. I didn't have to be asked what I and my family wanted to do after we drove 6 hours. I should have gone into debt to have my kids do something they don't even want to do and I'm an a** for even thinking that it was rude.

Yea men don't want you to diss them. It's a man rule. They can be rude and thoughtless but hey, they're family and don't criticize them.

 

[CajunDixie]

Also you say football was on for over 5 hours already, that is just about impossible.

Depends on what channels are available. The other day I knew ND played Sat. night but while playing a card game with DS he had a ND game on the TV. I thought I was losing it...I asked how they could be playing then when their game was for Sat. night. Seems he found an old ND game on some sort of classic channel and decided to watch it because he knew he would be sleeping by the time ND won. Plus I'm sure ESPN had precoverage of the games.

As for the OP I wouldn't worry about FIL. It's your house and if it is tradition to watch a family movie I wouldn't change it. Maybe have the "men" begin watching their precious game start it in a different room so as not to be inconvenienced by family time.

Funny how Thanksgiving is supposed to be about being thankful for what you have and a time that is usually spent with family. People should care more for their families and the time they are allowed to be with them rather than on some game being played on TV. How would FIL feel if next year the MIL was no longer there or if the child who changed the channel was no longer there. Will FIL fondly remember watching a game on Thanksgiving and having a hissy fit or have regrets for acting so rude?

 

[sharbear]

Another thing, your FIL was really rude to his grandson. I think that older people (esp. men) have other ideas of how children should act. My MIL always likes to say that when she was young that kids would not talk back to adults and that adults ran the show. Personally I think that they have forgotten how things were but also I know that as a kid, we watched what my Dad watched. You would never think of what you wanted to watch because I was the kid and he was the adult.

 

[RadioNate]

Another thing, your FIL was really rude to his grandson. I think that older people (esp. men) have other ideas of how children should act. My MIL always likes to say that when she was young that kids would not talk back to adults and that adults ran the show. Personally I think that they have forgotten how things were but also I know that as a kid, we watched what my Dad watched. You would never think of what you wanted to watch because I was the kid and he was the adult.

While I think there were mistakes on both sides, this point really stuck out to me. I was going to ask how old your FIL is.

While I"m speaking in generalities, right now we are a very child focused society. We cater to our kids. They get control of what to watch on TV. Their wants and needs become center of the family focus. I know it happens in my house. But not to long ago the adults ruled, especially Dad!

I look at DH's grandfather (mine are no longer living). He'd be furious if any child, even his grandson, told him what to do. It is his way or the highway, period. He certainly doesn't understand or sympathize with issues like Asperger's. When we visited there in Aug, he yelled at DS for playing with a truck 'wrong.' DS was pushing it from the trailer instead of pulling it from the cab. Like you, I was horribly offended by the way he spoke to my DS. I was MAD and upset by his rudeness. Like in your situation DH, MIL and SIL all defended DH's grandfather citing that that's just the way he is.

I will add that I think you do have some issues with football in general. I don't like it either but some people, my DH included, love it and looks forward to games just like I look forward to Lost. It's a trade off.

But I agree that FIL acted like a baby and should have just gone to another TV. While it would have been nice, there was no reason that everyone had to watch the movie.

 

[foolishmortal]

Depends on what channels are available. The other day I knew ND played Sat. night but while playing a card game with DS he had a ND game on the TV. I thought I was losing it...I asked how they could be playing then when their game was for Sat. night. Seems he found an old ND game on some sort of classic channel and decided to watch it because he knew he would be sleeping by the time ND won. Plus I'm sure ESPN had precoverage of the games.

As for the OP I wouldn't worry about FIL. It's your house and if it is tradition to watch a family movie I wouldn't change it. Maybe have the "men" begin watching their precious game start it in a different room so as not to be inconvenienced by family time.

Funny how Thanksgiving is supposed to be about being thankful for what you have and a time that is usually spent with family. People should care more for their families and the time they are allowed to be with them rather than on some game being played on TV. How would FIL feel if next year the MIL was no longer there or if the child who changed the channel was no longer there. Will FIL fondly remember watching a game on Thanksgiving and having a hissy fit or have regrets for acting so rude?

Not really it doesn't.

The OP stated Thanksgiving day! On tday there are only 2 nfl games. The first starts at 12:30 eastern, the other 4:00 eastern. there was around 20-30 between the 2 games this year and the afternoon doesn't kickoff at 4 more like 4:15...but yea I wouldn't know that since I only watch all games everyweekend

And I'm sorry but pre-coverage does not constitute watching a game since it isn't a game....sorry don't want to argue or get myself in trouble but just wanted to let my side out.

The OP could have stopped all of this if it was mentioned Beforehand. Also you say they could have watched football in a different room as to not interupt "FAMILY TIME". Why is it that when women want what they want it isn't an inconvienve to anyone, but the second the "guys" are watching a game it inconviences everyone?

I need to shut up before I gt myself in more trouble because I know I wont win this debate on the Dis

 

[NMAmy]

Another thing, your FIL was really rude to his grandson. I think that older people (esp. men) have other ideas of how children should act. My MIL always likes to say that when she was young that kids would not talk back to adults and that adults ran the show. Personally I think that they have forgotten how things were but also I know that as a kid, we watched what my Dad watched. You would never think of what you wanted to watch because I was the kid and he was the adult.

I'm not sure how old you are, sharbear, but when I was a kid we only had one tv and we also only had 3 channels to choose from. Yeah, my parents got to choose and we had to watch whatever they decided upon. However, when I was older, we got another smaller tv and cable and my sister and I often watched tv on that one while my parents watched what they wanted to on the big tv. So even though my parents never catered to us, they did buy us a tv so we could watch what we wanted without nagging them. I remind my mom of this when she fusses about dd having a tv in her room sometimes. She bought us a tv for our room, too.

 

[Skylarr29]

I would have been extremely upset if anyone talked to my child that way. FIL is an adult... it doesnt matter who was right or wrong about the movie, he never should have said that to a child...especially his grandson. Also it is and was you husbands job to tell him not to speak that way to his child.... and I think everyone was childish for having the whole argument in front of children anyways.... children should never have to deal with "grownup" issues. If I were you I also would have said something to the FIL when he was there and telling him that I understand he is upset but to please not take it out on a child. I also would have made the plans known to everyone........ I still think the FIL acted like a jerk and kinda "ruined" the memory of the holiday for everyone. Yes he was upset about the game but there was a better way to handle it then upsetting everyone and being a rude jerk to a little kid and by saying what the hell.....FIL acted like a baby... I would also point out to DH that next time his father acts that way to your child he HAD best do something about it.... It is his job to protect his child.... and yes I know its not the end of the world and it wasnt that terrible but still.... I would never want my child to remember holidays that way.... how sad he must have been.

 

[Galahad]

I would also point out to DH that next time his father acts that way to your child he HAD best do something about it....

Now that's sure to foster family harmony - demand a man confront his father over a trivial matter? What's the "or else"? The child, if the incident is actually left alone, won't even remember it happened 10 years from now.

 

[Chuck S]

The child, if the incident is actually left alone, won't even remember it happened 10 years from now.

Don't count on it. I remember incidences with a wicked Aunt I had as early as age three.

 

[Galahad]

Don't count on it. I remember incidences with a wicked Aunt I had as early as age three.

And are you "scarred for life"? I think folks need to really think about it before the advocate the possible estrangement of an adult child from their parent. Is the issue really important enough for that - because it very much might be the outcome.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

Can you believe some of my fondest (seriously) memories of Thanksgiving are of my dad and my uncle fighting about who would help my Grandfather in preparting the meal??!!??!! The same fight would happen year after year. My cousins and I would bet when the fight would take place and laugh, and laugh when it did happen. We are a loud, strange family though.

 

[aprilgail2]

He was VERY rude to your son and I would have had to say something then and there to him. One of the only things I don't like about Thanksgiving is the fact that football is on all day long...we used to go to relatives houses on the holidays but they have football on the TV all day long and it got very boring to sit there while they all watched football...now I have it at home or we go out and come home after it...my brother usually joins us for Thanksgiving and I make sure to tell him there will be no football on the TV in the living room, he is welcome to go watch one in the bedroom if he really wants to see some of the game...my daughter and I usually watch the parade and then we get movies for the afternoon/evening

 

[CajunDixie]

Also you say they could have watched football in a different room as to not interupt "FAMILY TIME". Why is it that when women want what they want it isn't an inconvienve to anyone, but the second the "guys" are watching a game it inconviences everyone?

When one of the women is disabled maybe? When it's tradition to have such a family time? When the person being rude is a guest and not the owner of the TV? When an adult that is not a child's parent yells at them? When said child has a disability? The FIL should be glad he's able bodied and appreciate the fact his DIL was trying to help his wife enjoy her holiday too.

I usually am not one to pray but I must say I pray that no one in your immediate family ever has a physical or mental disability if that is your attitude.

 

[Chuck S]

And are you "scarred for life"? I think folks need to really think about it before the advocate the possible estrangement of an adult child from their parent. Is the issue really important enough for that - because it very much might be the outcome.

Scarred for life is a little heavy, isn't it? So now, which is worse, the estrangement of an adult child from a parent, or the estrangement of a grandchild from a grandfather, especially when it could all be solved relatively simply by having the ADULT actually BE an adult and give a quick apology to the child.

 

[Skylarr29]

Now that's sure to foster family harmony - demand a man confront his father over a trivial matter? What's the "or else"? The child, if the incident is actually left alone, won't even remember it happened 10 years from now.

I think it is the responsibility of each spouse to ensure that their family behaves appropriatly.....ie. the Father should have said something to his father because the wife was upset.... and by the way you have no idea how something like that can affect that particular child since everyone is different. The FIL was still rude no matter how you slice it.