Yet sometimes I do sense that the most charitable thing that I can do is just let an angry or sad person be honesst. I wonder how much telling someone to count their blessings when they are in distress adds to their distress.
I can tell you as absolutely as I can that if I had let others tell me how to feel, I would likely not be here today, after something that was incredibly stressful and awful for me. So many people wanted me to be grateful for other things, to tell me it wasn't a big deal, to blah blah blah. But I was NOT grateful, the other outcome was always going to be that outcome, it WAS a big deal, and so on.
So I cut those people out for a time, surrounded myself by people who would let me talk and talk and talk some more, and I got through it.
And while I will never be "over" it, I now don't need to talk about it all the time (this whole process also worked after my dear mother died suddenly thanks to her doctors, so I had, unfortunately, had practice). So that when I DO need to talk, I can choose who I want to talk to, or where I want to share it, so I won't be slapped in the face.
I think that telling people to "be happy", being weirded out when someone is in a bad mood and shows it, etc, cause many more problems than if we just let people be who they are. I'm not saying that a customer service person gets to be nasty to customers b/c she broke up with her boyfriend, but I'm saying that her co-workers shouldn't expect her to be sweetness and light while on break. That sort of thing.
But part and parcel of it all is that you need to go towards working things through. I'll tell you, the idea of trying to be "over" my mom's death made me even sadder. But working THROUGH it, so that I could have some times off from the grief, that was OK to think about. Then again, sometimes it did feel like I was never going to get through it all, and I"m sure to my friends who would hear me, they thought they would never get me on another subject. But here we are, almost 9 years after my mom died, and there are long stretches of time when I don't get sad about it all (right now is hard b/c it was her b'day and then my b'day inside the last month, and I saw my stepdad and his new wife recently), so even with the longest processes, you do come through it all.
It just might not feel like it to those kind enough to hear the grieving speak. (yay for those who listen when people grieve!)
Ya got a point. It is very sad to witness FORCED Happiness.
