Is my DH weird?

[peacelover]

Assuming you don't get your Bday money from your husband, what happens when you no longer receive bday money.... at some point in your life it will stop. Does that mean you never get any new clothes for the rest of your life?
I would just shop without him.

 

[marie1203]

I don't agree with your husband at all. Where would he get this idea? We spend our birthday, christmas money on things we want and when we go clothes shopping we spend our money. I really don't think it will be fair otherwise.

 

[dzorn]

Hi Budget Boarders! I have a somewhat strange (and budget related) situation that I want your opinions on please.

DH and I have been married for almost 15 years. We both work full time, and make a similar amount of money. Bank accounts, credit card, etc are all joint. We don't normally disagree too much about money, and I take care of all of the banking business, paying bills, etc. We aren't rich by any means, but we are comfortable.

He has a very strange view (in my opinion) toward buying clothes, shoes, etc. He thinks that all clothing items that I buy myself should be paid for with money that I receive for Christmas, birthday, etc. Our families aren't extravagant with gift money, so that amount only totals around $200 a year.

I am NOT at all extravagant with buying clothes and shoes. I shop sales and clearance, so I probably only spend around $300 a year, if that. (The only exception to that was the year I lost a significant amount of weight and had to replace my entire wardrobe.)

This isn't normally a conversation that comes up between us, since we rarely shop together. However, we were both at Kohl's last weekend, and when I picked out 2 shirts and a pair of pajamas that were on sale and put them in the cart, he asked me if I was paying for them with my birthday money. My reply was, "No, why would I"? To which he replied, "Oh, you buy your clothes out of our money?"

I work in an office setting, so I can't go to work looking like a complete bum, although we are allowed to dress casually. So, I would consider the majority of my clothing purchases as being work related. On the other hand, he works outside, and wears coveralls, work boots, etc. If I'm expected to pay for my clothing out of gift money, wouldn't that mean that he should pay for his work clothing out of gift money as well? (For the record, he doesn't...his gift money always goes toward hunting and fishing equipment, etc.)

So, what's your opinion on this? Is my DH just completely off-the-wall about his views on this?

Just to add...this really isn't an argument between us. But, I just don't understand where he gets these ideas from. I'll continue to buy (and pay for) my clothing like I always have, regardless of his opinion. But, I'll probably avoid going clothes shopping with him in the future.

Yep thats strange.

Denise in MI

 

[deedeecee]

I would like to give your husband the benefit of the doubt. I don't think he's odd, I just think he probably thought your purchases were frivolous, especially if you didn't go to Kohl's for the purpose of buying new shirts and pajamas. (He might be like my husband, who cannot understand the appeal of a really good sale!)
Since marriage, I have tamed my free-spending ways. However, I still enjoy shopping, and sometimes my husband would cringe, remembering how I used to spend money. To keep the peace, we get a monthly amount of money to spend on anything we like. (Necessary purchases still come out of our joint account.) Now that we get an 'allowance' for purchases, he knows I can't go crazy spending money.

 

[Marionnette]

I always thought of birthday money as "fun money". It doesn't get spent on necessities like food, clothes or gasoline. I think your husband's viewpoint is very odd.

 

[v.t.]

Don't most DH's (just like DW's) have strange little quirks? While my DH never complains about what I spend on clothes, he hates to spend money on clothes, even for himself. We went to the boot outlet store to get him some boots, ended up with 4 pairs for him. Once we got to check out he had to leave the building while I paid for them. We share cc's and banking account (I'm a sahm) so it's not like we have money in seperate accounts. But as long as I sign the receipt, he is not 'spending' the money. Too funny!
My motto is, "His job is to make the money, mine is to spend it."

 

[StitchBuddy]

Perhaps your dh, like mine and I'm sure many, have no idea what clothing costs. I cannot believe you manage to keep your clothing purchases to around $300 a year. I just spend $100 at Victoria's Secret on 2 bras and 5 panties!

I am going to piggy back on this and say I spend at least $200 a year on just bras! My husband never says anything about what I spend on me, but he sometimes makes foolish comments on what I spend on DD14. He just doesn't get why she needs clothing?? I guess he wants her to go to school naked. JK, he just doesn't get why girls need more clothing than boys. He only had brothers, and thinks a all you need is 3 pairs of jeans and a few t-shirts.

 

[elainesj]

Your DH just has some weird thinking in his brain. For him, it sounds like some clothing are "needs" and some are "wants". "needs" should come from the household budget and "wants" from birthday/fun money.

Where the rub is...is how clothing is classified. His clothing is a "need" and he thinks yours are "wants". My DH is much better of when he considers my clothings "needs". So I will tell him I need "such and such" when I shop for it. However, things like buying an expensive, good quality fall jacket was a "want" and I waited until I had birthday money to do it. Ditto with my expensive winter coat. My cheap one was a "need" and came from the household budget. I "want" a new watch right now and am using birthday money for that as well.

Of course, my DH usually leaves it to me to classify what"s a need and what's a want. But I do try not to take him shopping with me!! Men just don't get why women "need" yet another pair of shoes. And yes, shoes are always a "need" LOL!!!

Just tell your dh it's a "need" and not a "Want" and he'll get it a little better. I totally get where he's coming from because that's how we think of things in our house too.

 

[snowy76]

Assuming you don't get your Bday money from your husband, what happens when you no longer receive bday money.... at some point in your life it will stop. Does that mean you never get any new clothes for the rest of your life?
I would just shop without him.

This!!! OP, I'm not sure how old you or DH are, but does he think you guys are going to receive birthday money forever ?? With the exception of the smallish check from my mom and dad, that ended for me when I started working full time - about 15 years ago.

So to answer the OP's question - yep. Weird.

 

[mjantz]

Its odd but he probably sees his work clothes as just for work & your clothes are not just for work. So if you buy a shirt just for work & you wear it to church or on a Girls Night Out then its not work clothing, its 'play' clothing.

My FIL wears coveralls to work every day. I'm not sure he would understand the amount of clothing necessary for a business casual workplace.

And, as others have said, what happens when the gift money goes away? Are you to wear rags a/o be naked once those last gift purchases 'die'? I wouldn't bring it up right when you're out shopping but definitely bring it up. I think his expectations are unrealistic. What if you would like to buy a bottle of perfume with that money or an iTunes giftcard for some new music? IMO you shouldn't have to spend YOUR gift money in order to have new clothes for the year. Its a gift of money for YOU and you should be able to spend it as you wish.

 

[Bob NC]

Who knows if he's weird. You just never know how somebody is raised and how they do things in their family growing up. If this was the way his family always did it, he just doesn't know any different.

Of course, this being the DIS...

"You can have him....."

"Better you than me....."

"He's a tightwad....."

"He's weird......"

MY opinion is, maybe he's weird, maybe he isn't. Just leave him at home when you go shopping.

 

[GAGirlInVA]

I don't think he is weird. I think it is unreasonable to expect you to do something he doesn't do or isn't willing to do.

 

[hereyago]

I think he has lost his dang mind.lol.

but HE has no problem going into joint account-which you put money into from your work-so HE can get things for HIMSELF?

yes all that should have been discussed prior to getting married.

 

[crisi]

Yes, that is odd.

I haven't gotten cash as a gift since my grandmother died (and that was $5 in a card). The only cash available to spend in our house is generated from salary or investments.

We used to do the allowance thing that allowed us some cash that we didn't need to be accountable to the other person for. Eventually, it wasn't necessary.

 

[grafxgirl]

That is a strange thing. I would let my husband know that if he expects me to use my gift money to purchase clothes then he had better be doing the same, otherwise he should just suck it up and deal with me using our joint account to buy myself things because I work too, and provide money that goes into the joint account as well. If he had a real problem with it, I would open up my own account and have my paycheck direct deposited into it, and tell him I am using the money I earned to pay for my things, and he can use his own account to pay for his things.

Thankfully, my husband isn't like that. He does take care of our finances so if I want something for myself or the kids I usually ask if we have the money for me to spend. If it's there great! If not, he'll tell me to either wait until next payday or spend the money I have in my own account.

 

[grafxgirl]

Don't most DH's (just like DW's) have strange little quirks? While my DH never complains about what I spend on clothes, he hates to spend money on clothes, even for himself. We went to the boot outlet store to get him some boots, ended up with 4 pairs for him. Once we got to check out he had to leave the building while I paid for them. We share cc's and banking account (I'm a sahm) so it's not like we have money in seperate accounts. But as long as I sign the receipt, he is not 'spending' the money. Too funny!
My motto is, "His job is to make the money, mine is to spend it."

Mine usually says to the person at the register "Just ring it up, don't tell me what the total is, I don't want to know. I'm just here to swipe the check card."

 

[SandrA9810]

I think this would turn the current "non-argument" into an argument. This would just escalate things, IMHO.

What I would do is sit down with your DH and write out a budget. Look at other example budgets from the internet for categories. A clothing allowance should be one of the categories of a normal budget. As long as you are spending within that budgeted amount, your DH should not be able to comment on your clothes shopping. If you want to go over that agreed to clothing budget, then you should use your gift money. Same should go for him and his work/non-work clothes.

Maggie

Not trying to create an argument, but to show it works both ways. He gives a little, she gives a little, he takes a little for himself, she takes a little for herself. It's always easier to see some one else doing something, than yourself doing the same thing.

Like when my bf wants to pick up a mt dew at the grocery store, it's easy for me to say no on the spot. But I sometimes forget how often I ask to stop to get a drink when we're out and about.

 

[krcit]

Not trying to create an argument, but to show it works both ways. He gives a little, she gives a little, he takes a little for himself, she takes a little for herself. It's always easier to see some one else doing something, than yourself doing the same thing.

Like when my bf wants to pick up a mt dew at the grocery store, it's easy for me to say no on the spot. But I sometimes forget how often I ask to stop to get a drink when we're out and about.

You say no to him buying a Mountain Dew? Is he 5?

 

[mrsklamc]

1) Let me clarify that I said OP's DH was weird, but everyone probably has something weird.

2)I'm not judging anyone, I'm just truly ignorant here - two people have commented about their DBF's. I know that the vast majority of people live together before marriage (or with no plan to marry), but is it common to combine finances prior to marriage? I guess I thought people might have a joint account for household expenses but it just never occurred to me that money would be totally combined. Maybe that's what's weird about me.

 

[Bob NC]

You say no to him buying a Mountain Dew? Is he 5?

I saw that coming a mile away. This IS the Dis.