Is it wrong for a male teacher to hug his students?

[Jodijo]

Hell my preschooler came home last week to tell me they were told they can't even hug each other!!

Really? Four yr old kids can't hug each other? Two little "best friends" girls can't hug each other?

It really has gotten out of control.

That's right - No hugs at all at in my school (preschool to 8th grade) between teacher and kids and/or kids and kids!

I am a female that teaches 3rd grade and we do not have any physical contact at all. In fact we don't even shake hands. Because of germs, we now do fist bumps. It drives me crazy. I have kids that open their arms wide to hug me and I have to put up a hand to fist bump them instead. So sad!!!!!

 

[castleview]

It might not be wrong, but it's INSANE. DH will try to not be alone with a female student and if he is, the door is wide open.

 

[FergieTCat]

It's sad, but with our litigious society today, I'd err on the safe side.

 

[Jodijo]

It might not be wrong, but it's INSANE. DH will try to not be alone with a female student and if he is, the door is wide open.

Not wrong - I wont be left alone with any student in the classroom. If there is just one student, I stand outside the doorway until they leave. Just not smart to put yourself in a position to get accused of something. And there are crazy people out there that are looking for just the right opportunity!

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Gender shouldn't matter.

 

[robinb]

I was a volunteer at my local YMCA's "Child Watch" a few years ago and we had to take a class on child abuse every year. We were taught how to hug in a certain way and to never be alone with a child. And it's not just the schools. I have a friend who coaches other children on my DD's swim team. If she was my DD's coach she could not bring her home to me even though we are friends. It's sad that the predators have ruined working with children for everyone.

That being said ... third grade was the grade where my DD was asked by her (female) teacher to be more mature. No big hugs from the teacher. Working quietly alone. Waiting for the teacher to acknowledge you when you needed something instead of demanding attention. Even if hugs were allowed and encouraged, I think 3rd grade is the time to wean children off of physical attention from their teachers in order to become more autonomous.

 

[Ana~n~Joseph]

This thread makes me sad. It's amazing how times are changing - I guess I am really getting old. I remember giving and receiving hugs from my teachers all the way to high school - but that was 10 years ago.

 

[bicker]

One of the offensively unfair double-standards in our society: Men hugging children automatically evoke suspicion in more people than women hugging children in the same circumstance.

It is safest for both men and women to avoid the opportunity for people to fabricate an appearance of impropriety, regardless.

 

[Ilivetogo]

I'm sorry but I think this whole thread is just sad. How pathetic is it that when our kids want a hug from their teachers who are as close as a second parent- that people get all freaked out about them being inappropriately touched.

Very sad that this is the world we live in...then we wonder why kids are showing more and more human to human detachment.

Ditto.

 

[happygirl]

I find it so sad, that teacher of young kids are afraid to give there students hugs.

 

[marcyinPA]

I was a volunteer at my local YMCA's "Child Watch" a few years ago and we had to take a class on child abuse every year. We were taught how to hug in a certain way and to never be alone with a child. And it's not just the schools. I have a friend who coaches other children on my DD's swim team. If she was my DD's coach she could not bring her home to me even though we are friends. It's sad that the predators have ruined working with children for everyone.

That being said ... third grade was the grade where my DD was asked by her (female) teacher to be more mature. No big hugs from the teacher. Working quietly alone. Waiting for the teacher to acknowledge you when you needed something instead of demanding attention. Even if hugs were allowed and encouraged, I think 3rd grade is the time to wean children off of physical attention from their teachers in order to become more autonomous.

The sad part is that there are many kids who get no physical attention from ANYONE and are not emotionally mature enough to be weaned from physical attention from their teachers. I saw it all the time when I subbed in an elementary school. Nobody at home cared for them, and they craved the attention and would take it from ANYONE. It's just sad that a teacher, who spends 7 hours a day with these kids, can't give the kids a hug. I understand the reasons why, but it's still sad.

 

[jme829]

When dd11 "graduated" from 5th grade last year, she had the only male teacher of the group. When they called her name to get her "diploma" she gave him the biggest hug (only a few did).


I actually got a tear in my eye because to me, it meant that he had earned her trust. When she was a toddler, she was afraid of most men (including my dad, and bil's) for no apparent reason other than they were men. (she' was also afraid of the doorbell, and to this day is deathly afraid of that stupid billy bass singing fish...but thats a whole 'nother thread...lol). So for me to see her give her male teacher a hug, really showed me how much my baby girl has matured.


My son's first grade teacher still gives him a great big old hug when she sees him. And dd17 just "graduated" from HS volleyball (she's a senior...and the season just came to an end ) and at the banquet the JV coach (who is a single 40 yr old male) gave her a huge hug (and he got teary eyed). He is the most awesome coach, and has been her favorite through all the years that she has played .

I agree its best to play it on the safe side, but all in all I don't see an occasional hug from a teacher (male or female) as that big of a deal. I would have to see other "red flags" before I would worry about it.

 

[honugirl]

It's not just in elementary/middle/high school either. I was in chem lab at college a few weeks ago and one of my lab partners did something awesome and the prof gave her an air pat on the back because he was told not to touch students. It's so ridiculous that we're even supposed to give air high 5's. It's a big joke now, if we pass each other in one of the buildings we do the air high 5's.

Personally, I think it sucks. I'm at the point where my main chem prof is more like a mentor and an occasional high 5 or pat on the back or even a hug wouldn't bother me at all. Sometimes it's nice to have the prof pat you on the back and say good job in acknowledgment of all the hard work day in and day out I'm putting into the class, especially when I'm having a really crappy day. I spend more time with my 2 chem profs than I do with my own family. I consider them friends, if I can't high 5 my friend, then this world stinks.

 

[hollieplus2]

DS10 is in 5th grade and all his teachers (k-5) have given two arm hugs, side hugs, high fives, fist pumps etc. the teachers even hug me when I come to see him for lunches or something. We've run into teachers outside of school at the grocery store or resteraunt etc. and they all give him a huge hug. First day of school just meeting the teacher....big hug. Got an awesome report card, big hug. Had a bad day, big hug. It's no big deal where we live and never been an issue. We also have both male and female teachers and they've all done it.

I've noticed quite of few people who said no touching was allowed tended to be up north? I wonder if this is a regional thing? I grew up in the north and the west coast before I moved to the south and people in the south really like their hugs. Took a little while to get used to but now it's second nature to me.

 

[Hannathy]

It is not wrong, there is nothing wrong with a hug

HOWEVER unfortunately all the over protective parents and all the paranoid parents and the PC, sue happy climate we live in any male would be nuts to touch a student.

This PC, over protective, paranoid generation of parents is not doing anything good for this country or the children. It is very sad.

 

[MM27]

I'm friendly with my kids elementary school gym teacher and he can't hug anyone. It's sad. I have seen little 1st graders run up to him and try to hug him and he literally has to hold them at arms length and say 'remember no hugs." It stinks.

Wow, that's just cold. I would not want to work in that type of environment and I think it really send kids a message that they are not valued in that building.

I'm so glad that my school is not like that. I wouldn't initiate a hug, but I have 4th graders that still need a hug every now and then, and I would feel awful if I had to tell them to back off.

We have a custodian in our building that will stand in the hallway at the end of the day and will high five all 125 4th graders as they pass by to leave. That makes the day for some of the kids. When you come from a place where people don't always show you that you are important or that you are loved, a little gesture like that can go a long way.

For the most part, at this age (9 and 10 year olds) it's the girls that want to hug more, but I had a boy in my class last year that would come into my room every day with his arms outstretched and would say, "I need a hug". I pulled him aside one day because something about it didn't feel right. He broke down completely in my classroom and told me that his mom and dad were getting divorced and all they did all night when he went home was fight. I called his mom and sure enough, she told me the same story. This kid was already feeling crappy at home, I couldn't imagine what it would have done to him if I had pushed him aside at school as well.

The sad part is that there are many kids who get no physical attention from ANYONE and are not emotionally mature enough to be weaned from physical attention from their teachers. I saw it all the time when I subbed in an elementary school. Nobody at home cared for them, and they craved the attention and would take it from ANYONE. It's just sad that a teacher, who spends 7 hours a day with these kids, can't give the kids a hug. I understand the reasons why, but it's still sad.

 

[mousebymarriage]

I'm friendly with my kids elementary school gym teacher and he can't hug anyone. It's sad. I have seen little 1st graders run up to him and try to hug him and he literally has to hold them at arms length and say 'remember no hugs." It stinks.

That is so sad.

Last week I was in DS9 school right as lunch started (I am in the school alot because I am PTA president). I was standing in a door way speaking to another mother as the 1st graders were coming down the hall heading into the lunchroom. The principal (a man) was also heading into the lunchroom from a different direction. One of the first grade girls jumped out of line just as the principal passed and she ran over and gave him a huge hug around his waist from the side. He reached down and hugged her back as she clung to his hip and I heard him say to her " thanks Cameron,I really needed a hug today". The little girl had a huge smile on her face!
It was so sweet, especially since our principal is a very serious man (nice and polite but, very serious). It was really heartwarming to see the softer side of him and to see the expression on that little girls face.

 

[DawnCt1]

We are in a world of where "perception is reality". Avoid all hugs.

 

[robinb]

The sad part is that there are many kids who get no physical attention from ANYONE and are not emotionally mature enough to be weaned from physical attention from their teachers. I saw it all the time when I subbed in an elementary school. Nobody at home cared for them, and they craved the attention and would take it from ANYONE. It's just sad that a teacher, who spends 7 hours a day with these kids, can't give the kids a hug. I understand the reasons why, but it's still sad.

You're right. It's very sad . Poor kids.

 

[PollyannaMom]

My brother in law is a 3rd grade teacher and says he makes a concerted effort to avoid hugs by his 3rd grade students. He says he would like to hug them, but avoids it at all costs because it makes him feel nervous and that if a parent sees it they will look at it in a bad way. This got me thinking, female teachers hug their students all the time and it's totally acceptable, but he's kinda right, a male teacher hugging a 3rd grade girl will raise eyebrows and it's unfortunate. Thoughts?

Sad - on so many levels!

It's awful that there is a double standard in some places,

and it's awful that hugs are discouraged for all teachers and students in others.

And I agree with the posters who said that many kids need more affection, not less, and that these trends probably do contribute to the lack of connection and empathy we all read about lately (and, I think, to the lack of male teachers as well.)

Personally (as a female substitute teacher) I don't go around initiating hugs, but I certainly don't push away the little ones who hug me. - I was taught to respond with one arm, and not bend down too much, so it is very clear that the hug is child-initiated, but I think it would just crush them if we had to simply refuse to let them come near us.