Is it the Grandparents responsibility??

[Chris2597]

My question is: Is it the Grandparent's responsibility to buy a carseat for their car for the grandchild? I do Grandma time with my grandchildren and love doing it. My dd asked me if I could start picking up the almost 3yr old so she could have some one on one time with me and she could have one on one with the baby or vice versa. I could take one or the other to allow some alone time with mom or grandma. I told her that would be great. She said that we could put the carseat from her car into mine on those occasions....This is where the problem started. I know this sounds picky but her car, even though it is new and very nice is a wreck and smells like sour millk.The car seat is a mess and smells from wet diapers and milk spills. I have a new car and in the heat of our area I dont want my car smelling this way if I use her carseat. I told her that I would be happy to help her but she needed to provide a carseat that would remain in my car. Money is not the issue for either one of us. However, she feels I should provide the seat, because afterall I am getting to spend time with my grandchildren, which is true but I feel that she is getting a much needed break. She is also the one that asked me to do this. It isnt the $$, but for some reason this really rubbed me the wrong way.
So what is the norm? Do most GP's buy the carseat or do the parents provide the seat? It just seems like it is always dh and I providing everything. Again, this is not a $$ issue and dd and her dh have more $$ than they know what to do with.

 

[RunDanceSkate]

Since she doesn't see anything wrong with the current seat and it bothers you (It would bother me too) I would say that you should buy the seat.

Cindy

 

[fan_of_small_world]

If she was insisting on a second car seat, then she should pay for it. If you are not willing to use the one she offered, then I would say you should buy it. Does she know that the carseat covers come off and can easily be washed in the washing maching? I even dry mine in the dryer.

ETA...409 works wonders on getting stuff off of the base of the carseat, too!

 

[sugarpie]

I bought an extra carseat for my mom, not that it gets used very often. I can't imagine expecting my mother to pay for my childs carseat.

 

[lindalinda]

I dont think she needs to buy you one, if she offered to just swap them out. If it bothers you, I would buy your own.

 

[Hannathy]

She is providing a seat YOU don't like it so You should buy a new one. It sounds like you would only have the seat on a day you would have your Granddaughter so it isn't going to be in there 24/7.

My parents bought a seat so I wouldn't have to keep bringing mine when I flew in.

 

[NotUrsula]

Well, you could just wash the carseat cover if it bothers you, but honestly, I'd just buy a seat you like. You don't have to splurge on a Britax, a $40 Cosco Scenera will be just fine for this kind of occasional use.

I don't think there is a "rule" a la wedding costs as to what is whose responsibility. I think it depends somewhat on income, and somewhat on whose idea the time with grandparents is. If you suggested it because you just want to spend more time with the grandkids, then it makes sense for you to equip yourself accordingly. If you are doing it as free baby-sitting on a regular basis, then it would seem only right for the parents to provide a seat.

We did buy my MIL seats to use in her car, but she couldn't afford to buy them herself. We always borrowed them back for travelling, so that we didn't have to remove ours -- shifting the seat in and out all the time is a pain, as toddler seats are tricky to properly install.

 

[Alex2kMommy]

My DFIL asked to spend more time with my son, and asked us to pick out a carseat for him to buy. We already have two pair of carseats (a carseat for each boy in each of our vehicles.) We didn't want him to buy one that would get used only occasionally.

So we do what your DD suggested; we transfer the one from DH's car into my FIL's car.

You could refuse to use DD's carseat. It would be nice if she would buy another seat, since you are doing her a favor; I don't really know why she isn't willing to do that if money isn't an issue. If she wants you to watch the child enough, she might change her mind and buy a separate carseat. However, in the interest of family peace and getting to spend quality time with your grandchild, if money is not an object for you either, you could just buy the darn thing.

You don't have to spend a lot of money and get the top of the line seat with all the cushy padding and cute fabric. Read Consumer Reports or Baby Bargains (book) to find a good, safe seat without spending a lot.

 

[Chris2597]

thanks for the quick replies. I dont know why this is bothering me so much. I think I just feel that it is always me giving and giving and she is the one that is wanting time with just one child at a time. i babysit at her house or she brings them to my house several times a week so she can have a break...this arrangement is fine with me...this whole car thing is her idea. Yes, she mentioned that she could wash the car seat covers and clean the frames, but they wont stay that way. It will be clean the first time it goes in my car but then she will call, i will go over to pick up GD and the seat will be a mess again...then I will be the bad guy if I refuse to put it in my car. If she kept her carseats clean i would have no problem using them. I realize it would only be in the car for a few hours each time but in the summer heat, over 100* the sour milk will smell up the interior of my car and that smell doesnt go away.

 

[rt2dz]

If SHE WANTS you to have an extra seat, her responsibility. But since you just don't want to use her seat, which is what she suggested, and YOU WANT the extra seat I think you should buy it.

 

[shirleyb]

Sounds like there are bigger issues than a car seat???>

However, in answer to your question, since you don't like the carseat offered, I don't see why she should have to buy another one.

 

[ckay87]

If money is not the issue, then there is no issue. This is really really not worth putting a dent in your relationship with your daughter. I don't know, I'm lucky that my parents and I will go to the ends of the earth for each other without thinking twice.

I do know where you're coming from; it's just not worth it.

 

[Beth76]

Sounds like there are bigger issues than a car seat???

That's what I was thinking. The OP makes it sound like she's doing the daughter a favor by spending time with the grandchildren. My parents are all over spending time with their grandkids. And they bought their own carseats, high chairs, baby swing and two cribs. Sorry, OP, but if you don't like the seat that your daughter is providing you, then it's your responsibility to buy a seat that you like. If it won't break your bank, I honestly don't see what the problem is.

 

[lulugirl]

I agree w/ the poster who suggested that there are bigger issues at play here.

I think it is the parents responsibility to provide their child w/ a carseat no matter whose car the child will be traveling in.
Your Dd IS providing a carseat , if it doesn't meet your standards just buy one.
Honestly, since money isn't an issue here this all sounds rather petty.

 

[We4mickey]

When my kids were young I provided car seats for the grandparents. That being said I have bought my own car seat to use in my car for the little one.

 

[RadioNate]

That's what I was thinking. The OP makes it sound like she's doing the daughter a favor by spending time with the grandchildren. My parents are all over spending time with their grandkids. And they bought their own carseats, high chairs, baby swing and two cribs. Sorry, OP, but if you don't like the seat that your daughter is providing you, then it's your responsibility to buy a seat that you like. If it won't break your bank, I honestly don't see what the problem is.

I agree, you seem to have some issues about your daughter and you watching her kids.

I also agree with nearly everyone else. You daughter IS providing you with a car seat. YOU are choosing not to use it because of IMO some really nit-picky issues. Therefore you have 3 options 1) buy your own car seat 2) use the one being provided for you 3) don't pick up/watch your grandchildren any more.

You really sound like the current arrangement is NOT fine with you.

 

[sugarpie]

I think your daughter sounds completely spoiled. Not everybody has parents close by to help out with the kids. I don't. I get by. I manage to have 2 kids in the car with me. I take them to the grocery store. Everything I do, I do with 2 kids.

I don't think it sounds like you don't want to be with your grandchildren. I think it sounds like you don't want to be a caretaker for your grandchildren. And you shouldn't. You should enjoy them.

 

[Snow_White]

Since NONE of us know your or your daughter's real financial situation it's impossible for anyone to give you quality advice.

 

[minkydog]

When people say "It isn't the money...", it's the money.

Grandma, why don't you just go buy yourself a nice carseat, one that fits your car and matches everything. Then it won't be stinky and everyone will be happy.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It isn't about the carseat. You are feeling taking advantage of and instead of addressing it you are "using" the carseat to deflect what is really going on.

Tell your dd that the "extra" bonding time is not necessary. You have stated you see your grandkids several times a week.

I think it is OK to set boundaries and it goes both ways. Children do not get a "free pass" to invade your space.

If your dd was here and was complaining that you were constantly bugging her we would all tell her to set boundaries with you.

JMO