Is it rude??

[luv4mylittleones]

Originally I thought having an Escape wedding would be ideal since it would be cheaper and I really didn't think many of my friends or family would want to travel so far. Apparently I was wrong. My family is elated and everyone wants to come! EEK! I was wondering though, would be rude to invite them all to celebrate with us in the parks the day before the wedding and dinner after the ceremony but arrange for the spouses and children to do something else during the actual ceremony so that we don't go over our 18 person limit?? Right now we are looking at 4 extra adults and 7 children. I really don't want to exclude anyone and feel if they are willing to make the trip, then we want them there. What do you think? Should we just bite the bullet and upgrade to a custom wedding even though it's out of our price range??

 

[luna99]

hey, that's what I"m doing and I don't feel rude about it.

Then again, I don't have everyone in my family trying to come.. but for instance... my DF's sister has two small children (6 and 4) and we didn't want to use two of our guests on these small kids who aren't going to remember the wedding or don't even really want to be there probably ... so it was decided that DF's sister will come to the wedding but her husband won't and he'll watch the kids during the ceremony. They decided on that themselves and while it would be nice to have DF's sister's husband (haha, you get that?) there.. he's ok with it.

There are a few of my family members who now are saying they want to go as it's getting closer to the date and we just have to explain to them that we only have so many spaces and unfortunately we can't have them come to the ceremony but if they want they can come to the dinner that night and celebrate with all of us we'd love to have them. (which causes another problem really with advance reservations and adding on people but that's another topic!)

it's your wedding and don't feel like you have to break the bank so everyone can come. maybe you could have a party back home with your entire family later so everyone can come together to celebrate your wedding?? I'm doing that next summer!

 

[AbbyPan]

Hi diane, I totally understand what you mean.

From the very beginning there were some of my family and df's family members who were all complaints about having the wedding at Disney. (even family that never even cared to speak to us before) Now, everyone wants to jump on the band wagon - and you know what? that's not very fair. Everyone has a budget and unfortunately, family members, who may mean well, but sometimes they are the ones who add more stress to it all.

I don't think you are being rude at all. I think you are trying to be understanding and accomodating - KUDOS to you for doing that!

Unfortunately, you will always have some issue or another when planning a wedding. That's why although I am having a custom wedding, sometimes I wish I could change it to an intimate, this way no one feels as if they were treated differently than anyone else.

Really Diane, do what you can, but don't let them change your arrangements or preferences unless it makes you happy - this is the one day you can do what YOU want!

 

[Tabetha]

You rude? No way.

I think "rude" is iniviting yourselves to a wedding!

Stick with your plans (and your budget)!

 

[Belle1981]

I do not think you are rude at all! We are having the same problem. We are already having a custom but now family that we DO NOT want coming is saving to be there! I feel like they are using our wedding as an excuse for a vacation and they don't care about us at all its just a way for them to get discounts on hotels and tickets!

 

[JandJ]

It's not rude at all! We had 11 people at our wedding - counting us - and that was exactly how we wanted it. We invited friends and family to come to Disney, go to MK and EPCOT and PI with us, and some did, which was fun, but others didn't, so whatever that was their choice. The friends who did come were appreciated and we enjoyed spending time with them after the wedding.

Also, the 7 kids likely won't remember the wedding, or care. So you are talking about going over budget (and into debt??) for 4 adults. To me that really does not make sense. We had a strict budget for the wedding and honeymoon and we stuck to it (in fact I came in almost $3k under!). Were people disappointed that we had such a small wedding? Yes, a couple friends and family members were unhappy about it, but it was what we wanted and that's all that really mattered. For me, honestly, it was a good excuse to not invite people we didn't want there in the first place

 

[luv4mylittleones]

Thank you guys so much for your responses! We have starting looking into a custom wedding, and I have to admit a living seas reception sounds totally amazing...BUT...we would really be stretching ourselves to do this wedding. I guess my fear is that we will change to a custom wedding only to find that thos relatives who say they want to come change their minds and we have an intimate sized wedding anyway. UGH! Maybe I'll just call everyone and feel them out before we make our final decision...wow...stress already and the wedding is still a year away...hahaha!

 

[luv4mylittleones]

It's not rude at all! We had 11 people at our wedding - counting us - and that was exactly how we wanted it. We invited friends and family to come to Disney, go to MK and EPCOT and PI with us, and some did, which was fun, but others didn't, so whatever that was their choice. The friends who did come were appreciated and we enjoyed spending time with them after the wedding.

Also, the 7 kids likely won't remember the wedding, or care. So you are talking about going over budget (and into debt??) for 4 adults. To me that really does not make sense. We had a strict budget for the wedding and honeymoon and we stuck to it (in fact I came in almost $3k under!). Were people disappointed that we had such a small wedding? Yes, a couple friends and family members were unhappy about it, but it was what we wanted and that's all that really mattered. For me, honestly, it was a good excuse to not invite people we didn't want there in the first place

You know...you are so right...this MY wedding!

 

[AbbyPan]

This is where Save the Dates come in handy!

I sent mine 10 months before my wedding because I wanted to get a pretty good idea of who would be willing to come. By the time I signed my contract, around the 7 month mark, i had a pretty good idea of the amount of guests to expect.

Also, be firm on your deadlines. Everyone's planning style is different, but if you give early deadlines and stick them (and you are in your right to give them since its considered a "Destination Wedding") then your family can't complain about not being included.
I hope it works out for you!!!