IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO TEACH YOUR KID HOW TO BEHAVE IN A RESTAURANT?

[Wishing on a star]

Reighngold, That goes for parents, too....
It is like we have to face the looks and comments, and the total assumption that we, as parents, are THOSE PARENTS.
(Believe me, I am anything but one of 'those parents'.)

Slo, about your comments, it is the scourge of narcissism.

 

[Plaid Princess]

It was all I could do to not walk past and say "You know what Jonas? Your drumming sucks and so does your upbringing."

Best line ever. And to answer your original question: no, it's not that hard.

 

[SM101]

True story of when I worked in a restaurant. I saw this happen.

There was a child playing under a table - and not a young child, she was probably 7 or 8. Popped out from under the table, and a server carrying a full tray tripped over the child, fell onto the emergency exit door which opened and out onto the sidewalk. The server broke her arm and ended up needing surgery on it. Out of work for six months.

She was a single mom who depended on that job to pay her bills. She did get her medical bills paid and workman's comp fortunately but WC does NOT pay as much as actually working does. Lost her apartment. Fortunately she was able to move in with her parents until she got back on her feet financially.

All because parents couldn't teach their child to sit in a chair at a restaurant.

 

[Turn the Page]

At this point in history, I honestly do not care who is in the ladies room. As long as there is TP, hand soap, and no sprinkle on the seat, I am good to go. I could come out of that stall and see an entire men's soccer team and I wouldn't bat an eyelash.

Heck I would. Have you seen some of those men? I would just be happy if I could keep the gaping to a minimum.

 

[Turn the Page]

True story of when I worked in a restaurant. I saw this happen.

There was a child playing under a table - and not a young child, she was probably 7 or 8. Popped out from under the table, and a server carrying a full tray tripped over the child, fell onto the emergency exit door which opened and out onto the sidewalk. The server broke her arm and ended up needing surgery on it. Out of work for six months.

She was a single mom who depended on that job to pay her bills. She did get her medical bills paid and workman's comp fortunately but WC does NOT pay as much as actually working does. Lost her apartment. Fortunately she was able to move in with her parents until she got back on her feet financially.

All because parents couldn't teach their child to sit in a chair at a restaurant.

I'm pretty sure I have told this story before but I will again.

Back in my serving days I was working at an Applebee's type place. One time, around Christmas, I had a large table, about 18 people or so. It was a Christmas party for a very small office as the employees brought their spouses and kids. Everything was going fine until the kids were done eating and the parents wanted to hang out over a margarita or two. The kids started getting antsy and the 3 and 6ish year olds decided to start running all over the place. I mean ALL over the place. No one tripped over them but it was a near thing. One waitress nearly dropped a full tray of drinks from the bar because these kids ran right in front of her. At one point the mom looks up from her margarita long enough to wonder where the 3 year old was. All of a sudden, everyone realizes that no one knows where this little girl is. The mom was freaking out thinking she had been kidnapped, she was just sitting at the table sobbing, the men were going out in the parking lot to see if she went out there and got run over by a car, all the servers were searching all over the place, even in the kitchen and the bathrooms and behind the bar. We finally found the kid hiding under a table. She was playing hide and seek. The mom took the kid in the bathroom and spanked her. I kind of thought the mother was the one who deserved the spanking.

The policy at that restaurant was that any parties over 8 had an automatic 18% gratuity added. The boss didn't notice and tipped me on top of that amount. I didn't feel bad about not saying anything.

 

[honeydiane1953]

You have to teach them at home first!

 

[AmazingGrace]

I think a huge problem these days is society's tendency to make children the center of the universe. I'm a childcare provider and I see all the time, these parents come in and drop off their kids and everything revolves around them, like they are the only child in the room.
These kids live a life of endless treats, trips to yogurt zone, endless play dates, endless fun photo ops, all the time. There are times when children should be seen and not heard and not everything should revolve around what they want. I had a child in children's church stealing offering one day. I tell mom and two hours later, this kid is all over my newsfeed, covered in chocolate out for an ice cream date with mom. I know I would've not been on an ice cream date if I had stolen money as a child. It's ridiculous. And it's getting worse. These kids need more home training. And by that, I mean the parents should stay home with the child and teach them how to behave, without so many fun activities and special treats.

 

[Maxpowers]

Yes I do expect a bunch of excited kids to be neat and clean while eating. That is called teaching your kids manners. When I am excited I don't fling my food all over.

There are vast differences between yourself and a 3 year old (I would hope). These differences would be multiplied when you add Mickey Mouse to the mix.

It's interesting that you use the word "teaching", which would imply that they do not already know it. Which would further imply that that there will be mistakes made (i.e. not being 100% neat and clean all the time). Which could end up with food being dropped, knocked over, spilled etc... then "ground into the floor".

Then you wait your turn. You (a general you) need to keep your kids at your own table and wait until Mickey or whoever comes to you. The end. There is no excuse except rudeness to think it is okay to let your child go hang around someone else's table.

In a normal restaurant situation (not a WDW restaurant aimed at children), I would agree with you. But again we are not talking about Victoria and Albert's here, Mickey Mouse in real life is there. I can forgive a 3 year old for wandering a bit (a parent should rein them in though). Should they not be excited? Should a 3 year old be able to sit still 100% of the time while Mickey Mouse is there? If you (a general you as well) tell me your 3 year old would have 100% perfect manners while at a brunch with Mickey Mouse and Co, I will need to doubt your honesty. How about in a restaurant where the serving staff throws things and there's a giant horse race in the middle of it (AKA Whispering Canyon)? Would a 3 year old be able to sit down and and be a perfectly behaved child after horse racing through the restaurant? Get exactly 0% of their food falling on the floor (never mind the adults that have problems keeping their food the plate)? If you think a 3 year old should live up to those standards 100% without error while at a WDW restaurant aimed at children with carton character's come to life, then I have a school suggestion for you:

 

[Turn the Page]

I think a huge problem these days is society's tendency to make children the center of the universe. I'm a childcare provider and I see all the time, these parents come in and drop off their kids and everything revolves around them, like they are the only child in the room.
These kids live a life of endless treats, trips to yogurt zone, endless play dates, endless fun photo ops, all the time. There are times when children should be seen and not heard and not everything should revolve around what they want. I had a child in children's church stealing offering one day. I tell mom and two hours later, this kid is all over my newsfeed, covered in chocolate out for an ice cream date with mom. I know I would've not been on an ice cream date if I had stolen money as a child. It's ridiculous. And it's getting worse. These kids need more home training. And by that, I mean the parents should stay home with the child and teach them how to behave, without so many fun activities and special treats.

In response to the bolded, perhaps she thought he acted out as a bid for attention? That's big now. Parents think kids act out because they need more attention. I don't doubt that that could sometimes be the case but I often wonder if that happens because kids are used to being the center of the universe and when suddenly they aren't getting all the attention in the room lavished on them they start acting out so they do get it all.

How much is enough attention and how much is too much?

 

[ColoradoDisneyFreaks]

There are vast differences between yourself and a 3 year old (I would hope). These differences would be multiplied when you add Mickey Mouse to the mix.

It's interesting that you use the word "teaching", which would imply that they do not already know it. Which would further imply that that there will be mistakes made (i.e. not being 100% neat and clean all the time). Which could end up with food being dropped, knocked over, spilled etc... then "ground into the floor".



In a normal restaurant situation (not a WDW restaurant aimed at children), I would agree with you. But again we are not talking about Victoria and Albert's here, Mickey Mouse in real life is there. I can forgive a 3 year old for wandering a bit (a parent should reign them in though). Should they not be excited? Should a 3 year old be able to sit still 100% of the time while Mickey Mouse is there? If you (a general you as well) tell me your 3 year old would have 100% perfect manners while at a brunch with Mickey Mouse and Co, I will need to doubt your honesty. How about in a restaurant where the serving staff throws things and there's a giant horse race in the middle of it (AKA Whispering Canyon)? Would a 3 year old be able to sit down and and be a perfectly behaved child after horse racing through the restaurant? Get exactly 0% of their food falling on the floor (never mind the adults that have problems keeping their food the plate)? If you think a 3 year old should live up to those standards 100% without error while at a WDW restaurant aimed at children with carton character's come to life, then I have a school suggestion for you:

Yes, I do, and did, darn well expect my child to have decent table manners at 3 and stay in his seat when Mickey came into the room. Did he? You be he did. If he had gotten up, I would have been about 1/2 a second behind him putting him back into his seat. Even when we ate at Whispering Canyon, both kids were expected to behave. I absolutely allowed them to have fun in the spirit of the restaurant, they enjoyed getting ketchup, but when they weren't in the stick horse race or delivering ketchup, they were in their seats. They don't have to sit 100% still and only be seen and not heard, but they don't get to run around like little crazy people and cause problems for other diners either, and it's perfectly acceptable to expect that other parents have the same consideration.

This isn't an issue of the kids not behaving, this is an issue of the parents doing nothing about it. Even if your 3 year old gets up when he/she sees Mickey, you, as the parent should be telling them they need to stay seated so that Mickey can come see them. If they don't, they you, as the parent, need to put them back in their seat, if they still don't stay seated, then you, as the parent, need to give them consequences for not behaving properly and remove them from the environment. It's rude to the other diners, rude to the other kids who are waiting patiently to see Mickey, and rude to the character and the handlers who now have to figure out how to still provide a good experience to the people they are supposed to be interacting with while also dealing with your little brat who has been allowed to wander around unsupervised.

 

[Maxpowers]

Yes, I do, and did, darn well expect my child to have decent table manners at 3 and stay in his seat when Mickey came into the room. Did he? You be he did. If he had gotten up, I would have been about 1/2 a second behind him putting him back into his seat. Even when we ate at Whispering Canyon, both kids were expected to behave. I absolutely allowed them to have fun in the spirit of the restaurant, they enjoyed getting ketchup, but when they weren't in the stick horse race or delivering ketchup, they were in their seats. They don't have to sit 100% still and only be seen and not heard, but they don't get to run around like little crazy people and cause problems for other diners either, and it's perfectly acceptable to expect that other parents have the same consideration.

This isn't an issue of the kids not behaving, this is an issue of the parents doing nothing about it. Even if your 3 year old gets up when he/she sees Mickey, you, as the parent should be telling them they need to stay seated so that Mickey can come see them. If they don't, they you, as the parent, need to put them back in their seat, if they still don't stay seated, then you, as the parent, need to give them consequences for not behaving properly and remove them from the environment. It's rude to the other diners, rude to the other kids who are waiting patiently to see Mickey, and rude to the character and the handlers who now have to figure out how to still provide a good experience to the people they are supposed to be interacting with while also dealing with your little brat who has been allowed to wander around unsupervised.

Did I say anything otherwise? That it's okay for a kid to have free rein? Or that it is okay to "fling food all over" as mouse house mama put it? My only point is that I can understand if kids are not 100% perfect in this situation. That, yes, it is okay is if something gets spilled or a little food is dropped accidentally (which tends to happen when kids are excited). Expecting a 3 year old to be as clean and neat as I, a grown man, am is unrealistic based on pure motor skills alone. Thus, citing food ground into the carpet as a reason to not go to a character brunch and an example of children/parents being being self centered/inconsiderate is unsound. Can you say with 100% certainty that your kids didn't drop one single piece of food at WC?

For the record, my 1.5 and 3 year old children were well behaved at WC. Were they 100% perfect without a single piece food dropped? No they were not, Did I do my best to pick up after them? Yes I did. Am I 100% certain I picked up every single thing they dropped or spilled? No I am not.

 

[Christine]

Here is a story of "non parenting" that I experienced this weekend.

I went to Costco at noon this past Saturday (I know, nuts, right--it's one of Costco's BUSIEST times). I finally get through the checkout line and I am navigating my cart to the exit where I have to get my basket reviewed by the exit clerks. In between that is the food service area, the tire center, and the membership desk. So there's just people ALL OVER the place. In front of me is a younger man, his wife, and their two small children (estimate to be just a little over a year old and the other one might have been 3 y/o and that's generous). Their cart was so full of cases of diapers and other products that the man, who was pushing the cart, could not easily see in front of him on each side. His wife was walking ahead of him with the two children. She did not have her hand on either of the children and they were "straying" here and there, over to the sides, then darting in front of their own cart--walking as slow as toddlers are want to do. The mother was oblivious. Oblivious to her husband shouting out her name three times (it was Rachael), oblivious to how slow she was walking, oblivious to the line of people backing up behind her. Her husband finally really yelled, got her to stop, and said "I cannot navigate my cart without running over the two girls, can you please DO something." Her response was to look at him like he was crazy, look at me and the others and said "What? I'm just walking, geez." Nevermind that several of us were having to avoid these kids. I'm sure I would have gotten an earful if I had accidentally bumped one. At least her husband was cognizant. She was clueless and then felt she was totally correct in everything she was doing.

It's just really odd to me that a parent wouldn't consider holding their young toddlers' hands or even carrying the younger one in a situation like that.

 

[Maxpowers]

I went to Costco

Costco...the place where courtesy goes to die.

 

[mom2rtk]

It's just really odd to me that a parent wouldn't consider holding their young toddlers' hands or even carrying the younger one in a situation like that.

And what..... crush their free spirits?

 

[crazymomof4]

Just would like to answer the question the OP asked in the title of the thread. Answer is NO, it's not hard. I have 4 kids. At one time they were 10 and under and we could take them anywhere. Oh, I'd see the stares and the apprehensive faces on the guests already dining when we sat down with our troop. I just smiled. Guess what?....more than once we had those same diners stop by our table on their way out and compliment us on the behavior of our children. Am I patting myself on the back here? No! Because I honestly don't think I accomplished anything out of the ordinary. You see, when I was growing up (I'm 51) this was how ALL kids acted in public. It was the norm then.....now it's "a challenge"? When did kids change? Kids didn't change! Parenting changed!
PS- my kids were not natural-born angels and I didn't beat them into submission.
PSS- Now my youngest is 15 and I am the one complimenting parents of well behaved kids in public-- They deserve to know their efforts are appreciated!

 

[CampbellzSoup]

meh it doesn't bother me as most children actually ARE well behaved And patented correctly...

Just thank god you don't have to live with that m

 

[DisneyGuy758]

I never realized how much we expect from our kids when we're out in public, until we went to Vermont (it's a day trip for us) with my sister in law and her two kids and had lunch together. They are ages 6 and 3. The older one was singing and talk/yelling at the top of his lungs (poorly), and the younger one was hitting things with the fork (much like OP). Their mother was telling them, 'oh no, don't do that please.' or 'please quiet down.' While those are both the right reactions, there was no fear of reprimand from her. She kept saying it a few times to them, and they kept on going. Meanwhile, my four kids, aged 15, 9, 4 and 2 months, were sitting and coloring, and talking to us in a normal tone of voice and looking at their cousins like what the heck are they doing?! I wouldn't count the 15 year old in this, as he was more interested in his iPod than the kids really.

When we left, I told my wife exactly what I opened this post with. Our kids can act out when we are in public, but they know when they're told to stop we mean stop, or there will be punishment. You're not there to be their friends, you're there to be their parents. That doesn't mean you can't do friendly things with them, but they need to know where the line is in the relationship.

 

[cijay]

I don't have kids so I don't know how hard it is but is it so hard to stay home UNTIL they can sit well at a table? And the ones who let them run around...one time there was a kid running around slapping people. (OOooooh so tempting!!) The ones I feel bad for are the parents who are on date night to get away from the kids for some "them" time.

One time - it was just a food court but I'm surre it happens at restaurants with tthis kid, she was screaming for something and the mother was eating saying "I'm not listening until you ask nicely...I'm not listening til you ask nicely." Good plan but how about "we're not going out until you can ask nicely".

 

[HMANSION LOVER]

Parents can be so lazy or even worse, they think their precious child is just adorable even when he/she is being a nightmare. We have four (12, 14, 15 and 17) who are awesome in restaurants. It absolutely didn't come naturally and their manners were just as important at home for us. DH or I would spend time with them in the car if we had to while everyone else got to enjoy dinner. It didn't take years of training, it just took consistency. It's very easy to tell an out of sorts kid from an undisciplined one by how the parent is or isn't responding to bad behavior.

Bravo, I have missed some church services, parts of dinner lunch etc... taking one of my children out of the situation for a little "calm down and listen time". Just like you said it's all about consistency. Children are very smart and will learn very quickly that if they don't behave they will miss out.

 

[littleblackegg]

Bravo, I have missed some church services, parts of dinner lunch etc... taking one of my children out of the situation for a little "calm down and listen time". Just like you said it's all about consistency. Children are very smart and will learn very quickly that if they don't behave they will miss out.

I think you identified it precisely. Children are very smart, and are at the peak part of their lives for connecting behaviors with consequences. They will make the connection between the way they act and the consequences that happen. Often times, you don't even have to point it out to them. In my field, we call that allowing them to experience natural and logical consequences for behavior. Rapid, positive behavioral changes often occur from this process. Often, one parent undermines and rescues, sinking the plan and allowing poor behavior to continue. We must remember this is about the parents and their own problems and not the child. These issues are complex. Parents get information about parenting from dozens of sources. They are terrified of doing it wrong. It takes a lot of self-confidence to get in there and say, "We are not doing ABC, because there is other stuff we have to do right now," and then deal with all the tears and anger. These parents need our support.