IS IT REALLY SO HARD TO TEACH YOUR KID HOW TO BEHAVE IN A RESTAURANT?

[englishteacha]

We always get complimented on how well Z behaves in restaurants, but it didn't come easily. There were a few times when we took her out because of her behavior, and when she calmed down, we came back in. She was overtired one day and had a meltdown in Friendly's. My husband took her out, calmed her down, and when she came back she apologized to our server for "crying so loud in your restaurant." The server accepted her apology and winked at me. I'm guessing my girl was not the first to have a meltdown in that Friendly's! It's down the street from a small amusement park for little children.

 

[LetsTalkWDW]

I knew what he meant. I was just picking on him.

Well you "liked" my post, so all's well that ends well!

 

[PigletsPal2]

We insisted on restaurant manners at home. Please, thank you, no fidgeting, no playing with utensils, no open-mouth chewing, no talking with food in one's mouth, no interrupting someone else speaking, using inside voices. And our meals were pleasant family times. The one time my girls acted up at a restaurant, my nephew was with us and he was the instigator. I had finally had enough and said to DH, loudly enough for diners around us to hear, "I don't know if I can marry you. Your kids are bratty!" He gave me a death stare, settled the kids down, and the meal passed peacefully after that.

Queen Colleen

 

[bethy]

My boys are now 13 and 15. We've been taking them out to restaurants with us since they were still in the little car seat/carrier thing that we brought in and put on the bench next to us. Maybe not 5-star places but certainly nicer than McDonald's. They know how to behave. Period. They've never gotten out of their seats. They've never thrown anything. They apologize if they drop something on the floor. They know inside voices. Heck, they've ordered for themselves and said please and thank you to the waitress since they were preschoolers!

It's really not that hard. Set expectations and consequences--and then be consistent. It's just like anything else with parenting. It seems so common sense, but sooooooo many are lacking!

Two of my three children are like this. Your sons deserve just as much credit as you do.

Not every child is like this. They just aren't. Until you have tirelessly parented one of these other children for years on end you absolutely cannot claim to know what will work for every child. Period!!

 

[DisneyOma]

Two of my three children are like this. Your sons deserve just as much credit as you do.

Not every child is like this. They just aren't. Until you have tirelessly parented one of these other children for years on end you absolutely cannot claim to know what will work for every child. Period!!

"Other" children can learn consequences to behavior. It might mean that they leave a lot of restaurants though. Not knowing the specific details of your 'other' child, it's hard to understand what makes this one have different expections coming from you than your other two children.

 

[Christine]

"Other" children can learn consequences to behavior. It might mean that they leave a lot of restaurants though. Not knowing the specific details of your 'other' child, it's hard to understand what makes this one have different expections coming from you than your other two children.

Having had an other child: some children just cannot control their impulses to play with things like nice, big, shiny restaurant flatware and leaving a restaurant or never going to one again with them, doesn't bother them--while it might bother other children. At ages 2-3 years old, there's really very little else you can do with regard to finding different consequences for them. They don't own cell phones (yet) ;-), they don't have electronics you can remove, etc. Plus, at that age, consequences have to happen in that moment.

In general, just not taking them until they reach a better level of maturity is all you can do. If you've never had a child that didn't fall lock-step into behaving like your other children did, you will probably never understand or never believe it. Some kids just can't do everything (and some kids can).

 

[diz8297]

Parenting: sometimes it's short term sacrifice for long term gain

 

[Wishing on a star]

Sorry Christine, while I understand that there are children who are FAR more difficult than others.
And I also see an issue with the "But my perfect child never....." posts here. Just gotta love those.
In your post, I believe I see an underlying tone of helplessness, and 'just let kids be kids'.

I have to very strongly disagree. If I thought my son would want to be up and out of his seat, we made sure we were situated where we had him penned in between us. If I thought that my son would want to use utensils like drumsticks, I would have made darned sure that he did not have metal utensils in his hands. Packs of to-go plastic utensils are a very cheap and easy answer to this one. (PS: BUTT iN THE SEAT was my mantra since my son was an infant!!!!)

IMHO, there is almost always an answer. A proactive and pre-emptive approach. Many parents just do not want to do what they should as parents and take these steps. They simply do not want to find a way to be 'responsible'.

 

[Christine]

Sorry Christine, while I understand that there are children who are FAR more difficult than others.
And I also see an issue with the "But my perfect child never....." posts here. Just gotta love those.
In your post, I believe I see an underlying tone of helplessness, and 'just let kids be kids'.

I have to very strongly disagree. If I thought my son would want to be up and out of his seat, we made sure we were situated where we had him penned in between us. If I thought that my son would want to use utensils like drumsticks, I would have made darned sure that he did not have metal utensils in his hands. Packs of to-go plastic utensils are a very cheap and easy answer to this one. (PS: BUTT iN THE SEAT was my mantra since my son was an infant!!!!)

IMHO, there is almost always an answer. A proactive and pre-emptive approach. Many parents just do not want to do what they should as parents and take these steps. They simply do not want to find a way to be 'responsible'.

No, not a tone of helplessness at all.

I was lucky that my son didn't want to get up and roam, and I agree with your approach of pinning him between you. I also removed all the utensils from the table until it was time to eat and gave him his own. But you know what, at the end of the day, doing those things (and various other things) made going out FOR ME a real pain in the butt. I just didn't like having to be all over him all the time. So I just stopped taking him until he was better able to control himself.

Now, I could have been like Jonas' mother in the first post and given up on my parental responsibilities and encourage his "musical talents."

 

[powellrj]

Y'all are right, I was being facetious and it didn't come across well let me rephrase to McDonalds or a similar play place type eatery. I didn't let my kids be ill mannered heathens in McD's anymore than any place else but if I am going to a fast food type eatery, my expectations are much lower and it is a good environment to begin to train children to sit at the table, use their manners, inside voices etc. in a "out to eat" type atmosphere

My rooty tooty comment was tongue in cheek, I did mean the rest of it.

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

To answer the OP's question: Yes, for some it seems to be.

 

[mom2AidanAndEli]

Two of my three children are like this. Your sons deserve just as much credit as you do.

Not every child is like this. They just aren't. Until you have tirelessly parented one of these other children for years on end you absolutely cannot claim to know what will work for every child. Period!!

My sons definitely deserve the credit!!! I totally agree.

And, no, not every child is the same. But just because it might require a little extra effort on the part of the parents doesn't mean it's impossible. If it takes more, you do more. If A doesn't work, you try B.

There are way too many parents willing to sit back and say, "He's just too strong willed. He's just too hard to handle. He just doesn't listen to me." And then they give up and let the kid do whatever they want.

 

[PaulaSB12]

When I read this I remembered this article
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...e-noisy-brood-summer-eye-rolls-strangers.html
'But I refuse to apologise any more for my children being inquisitive, engaging, lively and yes occasionally overbearingly loud.

'My kids have enquiring minds. They love new experiences and want to know, well, everything. I think that is great. I would rather have kids who are engaging and engaged than the alternative!'


The newsreader admits her children are not ones to be seen and not heard and describes them as 'spirited'.

Samantha describes a trip to a Spanish doctor when her four-year-old insisted on putting him through a medical inquisition, a raucous rendition of the Spitting Image theme tune at Marbella airport and a host of other cringe-worthy holiday moments courtesy of her three kids.

Samantha explained: 'Landing at Malaga airport after being cooped up on a plane for three hours my kids quite naturally needed to expend some energy.

'This manifested itself in them performing a rather loud and energetic rendition of the theme tune from – of all things – Spitting Image.

'I’m sure you remember the words “Throw a chicken in the air, stick a deck chair up your nose, fly a jumbo jet and then bury all your clothes…….”!

'Why? I’m not quite sure. How they know the words, I am equally unclear. But as they galloped through the airport you defintely couldn’t miss them.

 

[Art 1]

When I read this I remembered this article
http://www.dailymail.co.uk/femail/a...e-noisy-brood-summer-eye-rolls-strangers.html
'But I refuse to apologise any more for my children being inquisitive, engaging, lively and yes occasionally overbearingly loud.

'My kids have enquiring minds. They love new experiences and want to know, well, everything. I think that is great. I would rather have kids who are engaging and engaged than the alternative!'


The newsreader admits her children are not ones to be seen and not heard and describes them as 'spirited'.

Samantha describes a trip to a Spanish doctor when her four-year-old insisted on putting him through a medical inquisition, a raucous rendition of the Spitting Image theme tune at Marbella airport and a host of other cringe-worthy holiday moments courtesy of her three kids.

Samantha explained: 'Landing at Malaga airport after being cooped up on a plane for three hours my kids quite naturally needed to expend some energy.

'This manifested itself in them performing a rather loud and energetic rendition of the theme tune from – of all things – Spitting Image.

'I’m sure you remember the words “Throw a chicken in the air, stick a deck chair up your nose, fly a jumbo jet and then bury all your clothes…….”!

'Why? I’m not quite sure. How they know the words, I am equally unclear. But as they galloped through the airport you defintely couldn’t miss them.

That's written by someone with misbehaved children

 

[Chocolate Cake]

The newsreader admits her children are not ones to be seen and not heard and describes them as 'spirited'.

Code for 'brat'.

 

[Skywalker]

There are way too many parents willing to sit back and say, "He's just too strong willed. He's just too hard to handle. He just doesn't listen to me." And then they give up and let the kid do whatever they want.

I agree, I hate it when parents relinquish control to their children. If your kid was impulsive by running into the middle of traffic every day, you would dang well find a way to stop it. If its important to you, you will do what it takes. But it is easier to throw your hands up and say they are just that kind of kid. You can get away with it because there are seemingly no dire consequences, but there actually are: You are raising a self-centred, self-important, entitled, oblivious, snowflake (oh yes I did!) who thinks the world revolves around them. The crash is never pretty.

Jonas's mom took it even further though, by not just ignoring it, but encouraging it! What the heck is that?

 

[littleblackegg]

When I see a child/parent dynamic like that at work, I make it about me so the parent has no choice but to stop the disruptive behavior. I'll say stuff like, "Could you do me a big favor? I get really scared when I hear loud noises and it makes me sad. Could we find something else for you to play with? You are so nice to help me!" I have about 10 scripted responses based on what kids are bashing, banging, or destroying. I just ask nicely and make it about my needs and focus on me being "sad" or "upset" or "scared." Works every time because it gets them to extinguish the behavior without judging the child or the parenting.

 

[littleblackegg]

I agree, I hate it when parents relinquish control to their children. If your kid was impulsive by running into the middle of traffic every day, you would dang well find a way to stop it. If its important to you, you will do what it takes. But it is easier to throw your hands up and say they are just that kind of kid. You can get away with it because there are seemingly no dire consequences, but there actually are: You are raising a self-centred, self-important, entitled, oblivious, snowflake (oh yes I did!) who thinks the world revolves around them. The crash is never pretty.

Jonas's mom took it even further though, by not just ignoring it, but encouraging it! What the heck is that?

That is about some hippy-dippy crap, reading too many mommy blogs on the internet, being terrified to say no or cast judgement so going to the other extreme, having poor boundaries, and a whole bunch of other sad stuff wrapped up in a stifling, over-protective and perhaps scapegoated childhood. Just a guess.

 

[kirstenb1]

No, not a tone of helplessness at all.

I was lucky that my son didn't want to get up and roam, and I agree with your approach of pinning him between you. I also removed all the utensils from the table until it was time to eat and gave him his own. But you know what, at the end of the day, doing those things (and various other things) made going out FOR ME a real pain in the butt. I just didn't like having to be all over him all the time. So I just stopped taking him until he was better able to control himself.

Now, I could have been like Jonas' mother in the first post and given up on my parental responsibilities and encourage his "musical talents."

Christine, couldn't agree more. Going out to eat is a want, not a need. You totally get this, and did what was right for your family. Our younger dd has autism, and she's 10. Going out to eat with her is a real gamble. Our 17 yr old has been pretty reliable in restaurants since she was 4 or so. With some kids, you just have to decide how badly you want to go out. We often will opt to do carry out with our youngest. We choose our battles with this kid.

No, not a tone of helplessness at all.

I was lucky that my son didn't want to get up and roam, and I agree with your approach of pinning him between you. I also removed all the utensils from the table until it was time to eat and gave him his own. But you know what, at the end of the day, doing those things (and various other things) made going out FOR ME a real pain in the butt. I just didn't like having to be all over him all the time. So I just stopped taking him until he was better able to control himself.

Now, I could have been like Jonas' mother in the first post and given up on my parental responsibilities and encourage his "musical talents."

 

[littleblackegg]

Is it so hard? Well of course it is hard. It's hard to learn how to say thank you and pee in the toilet and learn to read books on your own and tie your shoes and be gentle with your baby brother and a million other things that must be mastered. It's hard. On parents and kids. But it is done. We all see kids in restaurants sitting politely and passing the butter all the time. That isn't some sort of Hogwarts magic. You can bet those parents worked on that for years. It's a priority to some families. Whenever I hear kids can't or won't learn social skills (obviously kids who have baseline neurocognitive skills) I am always baffled. Even kids with developmental disabilities learn some of these skills. But it is not easy.