Is it okay to let yourself "go" after marriage?

[ChicagoFitnessClub]

After marriage, no. But that first year or two after you've just had a baby..... well.... I'm far more understanding about that situation now that I've had one of my own. When you're exhausted from waking up at all hours, always busy nursing the baby, and your only fashion consideration is "how can I lift up that shirt discreetly?", you do tend to let yourself go a bit I think.

True but you could always just watch your food intake to offset not having the time to be physically active

 

[dakcp2001]

True but you could always just watch your food intake to offset not having the time to be physically active

Actually lactation requires a huge increase of calories and fluids. Well about 2500 cals a day give or take.

 

[ChicagoFitnessClub]

Actually lactation requires a huge increase of calories and fluids. Well about 2500 cals a day give or take.

This article says 1800-2200.

http://www.kellymom.com/nutrition/mom/mom-calories-fluids.html

 

[amyren]

I think it's important to maintain a healthy lifestyle and take pride in your appearance weather you are married or single. DH and I have been married nearly 8 years and we have one child. We try to make healthy food choices and we both work out. I appreciate that DH exercise regularly and is conscious of his weight / appearance and I'm sure he feels the same about my efforts. I don't plan to ever "let my self go".

 

[Ember]

Sadly, caring about your appearance seems to be almost taboo. Any time this sort of thing comes up words like "shallow" get thrown around... Yes, your partner should ultimately care about what's on the inside. I think everyone can agree on that.

However, sexual attraction is based largely on our senses. How someone looks, sounds, and smells all have an affect on how attracted we are to them. This is just biology and is well studied, both in animals and humans. (And before someone brings out the flame throwers: No, I don't think physical appearance is the be all and end all of attraction. But to say that it doesn't matter would be equally silly.)

I don't think looking and feeling good about yourself is shallow. There's also something sweet in knowing that even after more than a decade, your DH still worries about how he looks before taking you on a date. Making an effort is never a bad thing, whether it's in appearance, romance, communication, or any other aspect of a relationship.

 

[chloelovesdisney]

Sadly, caring about your appearance seems to be almost taboo. Any time this sort of thing comes up words like "shallow" get thrown around... Yes, your partner should ultimately care about what's on the inside. I think everyone can agree on that.

However, sexual attraction is based largely on our senses. How someone looks, sounds, and smells all have an affect on how attracted we are to them. This is just biology and is well studied, both in animals and humans. (And before someone brings out the flame throwers: No, I don't think physical appearance is the be all and end all of attraction. But to say that it doesn't matter would be equally silly.)

I don't think looking and feeling good about yourself is shallow. There's also something sweet in knowing that even after more than a decade, your DH still worries about how he looks before taking you on a date. Making an effort is never a bad thing, whether it's in appearance, romance, communication, or any other aspect of a relationship.

Romance is very important imo for health and happiness. I agree, it is not shallow to want to look and feel good and want the same for your spouse.

 

[dakcp2001]

Sadly, caring about your appearance seems to be almost taboo. Any time this sort of thing comes up words like "shallow" get thrown around... Yes, your partner should ultimately care about what's on the inside. I think everyone can agree on that.

However, sexual attraction is based largely on our senses. How someone looks, sounds, and smells all have an affect on how attracted we are to them. This is just biology and is well studied, both in animals and humans. (And before someone brings out the flame throwers: No, I don't think physical appearance is the be all and end all of attraction. But to say that it doesn't matter would be equally silly.)

I don't think looking and feeling good about yourself is shallow. There's also something sweet in knowing that even after more than a decade, your DH still worries about how he looks before taking you on a date. Making an effort is never a bad thing, whether it's in appearance, romance, communication, or any other aspect of a relationship.

Neither do I. But I also dont think looking and feeling good about yourself is tied to physical appearance, nor should it be tied to someone elses opinion or standards. We all know people who look nice and are healthy at all different weights and ages. I think it is the term "letting yourself go" that I have issue with. To me it implies something negative, like an intentional decision to look bad. I dont think anyone would actually do that. I think as people age and have children the priorities change. Everyone wants to look good and be healthy. That is what is important. I am from the other spectrum, started off heavy (met my DF when I was big) and lost weight after we were together. Not to please him. I think my appearance should be based on what makes me happy, not anyone else.

 

[Liberty Belle]

True but you could always just watch your food intake to offset not having the time to be physically active

Sure, you could if you wanted to. But then there's extra calories for lactation purposes. Plus some women develop issues (hypothyroidism, ppd, pure exhaustion) that makes losing weight difficult.

And it's different for every woman.

 

[happygirl]

I consider it a non-issue. I married DH because he's a wonderful man, a hard worker, he can offer me a challenge in cribbage, he cries at sappy movies, he's an involved dad, he loves to travel, whenever I call him on his cell he answers "Hello Beautiful". His eyes light up when he sees me, and even after 25 years he still turns me on. I really don't give a crap if he lets himself "go" or not.

Well said

 

[robinb]

Question: Is it okay to let yourself "go" after getting married?

Only if you change your name from "ChicagoFitnessClub" to "ChicagoFattiesClub".

 

[Eeyores Butterfly]

Is anybody else just waiting for the advertisement associated with this? With the username, I can't help but wonder if there is some sort of ulterior motive.

Of course everybody should strive to be healthy. But when you marry, your vows are for better or for worse, and if your spouse starts getting that wander lust because you put on a few pounds, they are not staying true to their vows. If it comes down to hygiene and stuff like that, that can be an indicator of some psychological illness like depression.

This is a loaded question. It's never "okay", but at the same time, it wouldn't be okay for somebody to walk away from a marriage because their spouse no longer looked or dressed the same.

 

[redlight]

I really don't like that phrase.

 

[Reginak]

I didn't let myself go; however, my self "went" without permission.

I am now working to return to my former self - boy, it is going to be a lot of work!

Regina

 

[Dan Murphy]

Question: Is it okay to let yourself "go" after getting married?

Welcome to the DIS, neighbor. Where is the club located?

 

[locolala]

Actually lactation requires a huge increase of calories and fluids. Well about 2500 cals a day give or take.

300 extra calories a day is what my doctor and lactation consultant told me. That puts me at eating about 2000 cals a day. If you're taking in the correct amount of fluids a day already, you shouldn't have to increase your fluids.

Having a baby isn't an excuse for letting yourself go. I may not be the norm, but I'm 6.5 weeks postpartum and already below my pre-pregnancy weight. I work out 3-4 times a week and I'm breastfeeding. It's not difficult to work in a little bit of exercise, there are several programs that even use your baby as weight

 

[Becky2005]

Letting yourself go means no longer caring about one's appearance.

I suppose it depends. When I was first married I would never leave the house without curling my hair (I never did wear make-up so that's a non issue)....4 kids later and I'm not even sure my hair would know what to do if a curling iron touched it. I just didn't have the time to curl my hair when the kids were younger, dealing with getting the older ones to school, etc... I just started brushing it and that was that. I probably could go back to curling my hair now that the kids are older & more self sufficent in the morning but it would probably just turn out like an 80's hair style (although isn't that coming back? Seems like it should be about time) so for the time being just brushing it works plus my hair changed magically to naturally curly after baby #3 was born so I'm not really sure what I would end up with the curling iron version.

 

[FireDancer]

Lots of people do and as long as their spouse has no issue with it it doesn't matter. It really isn't a matter of "is it ok" as much as "should you care". I think, however, that many times when people think their spouse doesn't have a problem with it they are kidding themselves.

I would personally not allow myself to gain 100 lbs just because I have a ring on my finger and will hopefully marry someone who feels the same. Fitness and health are very important to me and I don't think that changes with your marital status or age. It is way easier to stay in shape than to get back in shape.

Also, contrary to popular belief, it is not shallow to consider physical appearance as part of attraction. It really shouldn't be the only part but the majority of people (of both sexes but especially men) will always make physical appearance part of attraction.

Of course if a medical issue comes up that is one thing but despite what you read here that is pretty rare.

All my opinion of course.

Beauty is only skin deep..

There is a great line in the movie Liar Liar about that sentiment. That isn't addressed at you C.Ann, just at the saying.

 

[DisMN]

I consider it a non-issue. I married DH because he's a wonderful man, a hard worker, he can offer me a challenge in cribbage, he cries at sappy movies, he's an involved dad, he loves to travel, whenever I call him on his cell he answers "Hello Beautiful". His eyes light up when he sees me, and even after 25 years he still turns me on. I really don't give a crap if he lets himself "go" or not.

Very very much the way DH and I feel about the subject. Matters not one whit to either of us that we've moved into a more casual, slouchy, some would no doubt say slobby era of our lives. I adore DH no matter how much he "lets himself go" and he seems to like me having *gone" myself. LOL

My late DH saw me at my best - and at my worst.. I saw him at his best - and at his worst..

What matters is what is on the "inside" - not the outside.. Beauty is only skin deep..

I'm in utter agreement with you C.Ann.

I'm letting myself go to western Washington in about 3 weeks. No hubby, no kids. Heck yeah!

Depends on how shallow your spouse is I guess.

Ayyyep. Pretty much my views on the subject. LOL

However, sexual attraction is based largely on our senses. How someone looks, sounds, and smells all have an affect on how attracted we are to them. This is just biology and is well studied, both in animals and humans. (And before someone brings out the flame throwers: No, I don't think physical appearance is the be all and end all of attraction. But to say that it doesn't matter would be equally silly.)

It doesn't matter to many people, me being one of them. I seriously could easily have fallen for Stephen Hawking. I LOVE a man with a good brain! Most of the people I know in real life who "care" about their looks actually are pretty shallow. Luckily those types usually find a deep loving connection with someone equally shallow so it all works out in the end. LOL

I really don't like that phrase.

Detest the phrase myself.
We all age. Over the years, due to age, we ALL have bodies and faces that look like we've "let ourselves go."

 

[DisMN]

Letting yourself go means no longer caring about one's appearance.

There was never a time when I really cared one way or another. I guess I probably let myself go around the age of 4. It was a rough year.

I was simply gone WAYyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyyy before DH met me.

 

[Buckalew11]

If your better half has gained some weight, encourage her to lose some weight by walking together, cooking more healthy etc. But never, ever belittle or make fun of a few pounds (or many pounds). I would resent that so fast that I'd gain 50 lbs. out of anger, resentment,depression...

Dealing with weight gain is hard.

If she isn't taking care of herself by not doing her hair, brushing her teeth etc. then get her toa doctor because that's probably a sign of depression. If she's a mom then help her have more time and less stress.

Never weigh her (yes, I know someone who weighs his wife--eek!), never make rude remarks and never tell her she "shouldn't eat that" or "do you really need that?" (yes, I know someone who says those comments).

Love her for who she is on the inside above everything else. Make her feel good about herself and even if she's 25 lbs overweight, she'll be much better off than if you badger or scold her.

All this because I get the weird feeling that it is your wife who's gained weight and you aren't thrilled by it and can't understand why she doesn't just lose it.
Might be off base, just my gut feeling.