Is it O.K. for 14 yr. old girls to stay overnight @ a boys house ?

[bumcat]

Best thing to do (since some parents dont bother to call and let you know what's going on) in the future is to ask your son who all would be spending the night and let him know that you would be calling the parents to get the details. Since his girlfriend was there he probably knew about it though I'm not blaming him at all just another way for you to cover everything.
When my oldest daughter was 17 she use to want to go to parties, I would always tell her to give me the number so I could call and make sure the parents were going to be there, funny thing most of the time I never received the phone and she would change her mind about going, LOL, like I didn't know why.

 

[jipsy]

Did it ever occur to anyone that MomE@Home's son might have been asked by the parents of the other boy "Have you told your parents these girls are spending the night?" and he told them "Oh, my parents won't mind." So perhaps they took him at his word and didn't think it was necessary to call.

I would get the whole story from the parents of the other boy before I started getting totally upset. And I would also be upset at my son for not telling me beforehand (if he even know beforehand) that this was going to occur. He is 14 and old enough to have that kind of responsibility; part of the blame lays on him.

That being said, I agree with Beauty. I also used to attend alot of church sponsored functions that included boys and girls (lock-ins, weekend trips to Gatlinburg, Opryland or Six Flags over Georgia). They were adult chaperoned, but usually only a few adults to as many as 30 kids. Some kids might have snuck off to hold hands and/or kiss but that was about it.

And, if what your son says is true and the boys slept in one room and the girls in another, then you have to trust your son at some point and trust yourself that you raised him correctly.

I think alot of it depends on the maturity of the kids, as someone else already said.

 

[Jenzebelle]

Growing up, my 2 best friends were guys. We had sleep overs all of the time. Our parents never batted an eye. And I can assure you not once did we engage in anything sexual. I didn't lose my virginity until 6yrs after the sleepovers began and I was out of high school.

To assume that girls and boys are going to engage in sex just because it's nighttime and they are sleeping in nearby rooms is ridiculous and it comes across to me that you don't have much trust in your teen to behave in a mature manner.

 

[zurgswife]

OLD SCHOOL here also...why tempt fate...

My dd's best friends are all boys and I wouldn't think in a million years of inviting them to spend the night....

 

[jipsy]

It's not a matter of tempting fate - it's a matter of trust and realizing that sometimes friendship is just that - friendship.

This summer, my BF's kids stayed with us. The oldest is 17. He had a friend he made last summer at art school who is also 17, and she came to visit him. Since it was a two hour drive for her, her mother told her to see if she could spend the night rather than making a four hour round trip.

We agreed. She slept in Austin's room; Austin slept on the couch.

Did we tempt fate? Some may say so. I say no. They have always been friends since they met, nothing more. Could he have snuck upstairs and had sex with her? Probably, and we probably wouldn't have known it.

I do know that I get up every night in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom around the same time (3 am). That night was no exception. Where was Austin?

Snoring on the couch.

Where was he when I got up at my usual 5:30 am? Snoring on the couch.

We trusted them and they proved us right. She is a sweet girl and welcome in my home any time, with or without Austin around.

 

[browneyes]

I guess I'm old fashioned too. I'd be upset.

I wonder what the girls' parents think about the sleepover.

 

[MomE@Home]

Wow ! A couple of replies from some of you have been down right nasty ! I wanted to know what others think but if you are going to be mean than keep it to yourself. Also, my DS told me that he did not know the girls were spending the night untill later that night. I trust my DS and he trusts me and his Dad-otherwise he would not have told us about it in the first place.

 

[disykat]

I have no problem with supervised lock-ins/retreats etc. at church or school. The problem I would have with this is that the parents didn't make sure that all the parents involved approved of this arrangement.

We have had coed sleepovers of a sort - I have a friend who has watched my kids overnight, and I have done the same for her to allow a getaway etc. for the adults. Our kids, ranging ages 7 - 12, have a giant sleepover. I assume we'll probably do that more as the kids get older. Our kids are like cousins almost and they are supervised.

Other than an organized program or a babysitting situation, I really don't see the reason for coed sleepover parties.

 

[jan/cape]

I am another old fashioned mom. If my daughter asked to spend the night at a boy's house the answer would start with a laugh and end with NO .
We took the girls to Six Flags a few week ago. We spent 2 nights at the Holiday Inn (2 room) She asked if a guy friend could come (I've known this boy and his family since they were in kindergarden and they are a terrific family).
This guy friend has just "come out". She said," Mom he's not remotely interested in girls 'that way'."
I like him, but the answer was still NO.

 

[Briar Rose 7457]

if you want everyone to agree with you, don't ask a question that invites discussion, differing opinions and debate.

I have two daughters in middle school.

I guess I should stop letting my dd's sleep at their friends' houses if their friends have older brothers?

they both attend travel camp. during trips, they stay at hotels. girls room with girls and boys room with boys, and the counselors stay up all night to make sure boys don't go into a girl's hotel room and visa versa.

I don't have a problem if the sleepover is properly chaperoned.

if teens want to have sex, they'll find a way -- when the parents aren't home, in the back seat of a car, whatever. sleeping in the same house but in different rooms isn't going to make a difference.

 

[jipsy]

If you are referring to my posts being "nasty" or "mean" I think you need to re-read them. You asked what people thought, I assumed that meant anyone here could reply. My posts aren't "nasty" or "mean"; they perhaps may not be what you wanted to hear since it's obvious I don't agree with you, but they are no where near being "nasty". They are just my opinion.

If you want only posts that are in total agreement with how you feel, you should state that up front.

Also, my DS told me that he did not know the girls were spending the night untill later that night.

Did he call you once he found this out? Obviously if you all trust each other he most likely knew it would upset you.

Look, I'm not saying the kids parents shouldn't have told you up front; they should have and that's their fault. It should have been your right to be able to choose whether or not you wanted to allow your son to spend the night there under those circumstances.

But I'm also saying that if your son found out the girls were spending the night, and he knew you would disapprove, then it is up to him to call you and tell you the situation as soon as he knows. If he didn't, then part of the blame lies on him also. That's all.

 

[Planogirl]

I would allow it assuming that I didn't have to work or do something else the next day. I'm a night owl and would have no problem staying up all night which is what I would do. It's not a matter of not trusting the kids but I would just want to be on hand for any eventuality.

I would be angry if another parent set up something like this though and didn't consult with me. I would certainly check with other parents if they situation were reversed. I might even invite them if I knew them well and they were night owls too!

 

[Dan Murphy]

The biggest concern I see here is the lack of communication and information given to you guys by the other parents BEFORE the sleepover, in order for you to make your decision for your son's okay or not.

 

[snowball22]

No Way!!!!!!!!!!


Two stories to tell. The first is a church sleepover that my ex-aunt attended when she was 15. While the grownups were sleeping she snuck off with the Minister's grandson and had sex in the church and got pregnant. She ended up having an abortion to cover up the whole story.

The second story is about a neighbor. When her son was 8 she wanted to have a co-ed sleepover with lots of boys and girls(my daughter included). My daughter was 9 at the time and was already developing curves. Anyway, I told the mother no. First of all I am old fashioned. Second of all I did not want my daughter around a bunch of boys that I did not know . The mother got mad at me and our relationship has been strained ever since. She does invite a girlfriend over for her son for sleepovers. They sleep in different rooms but I think it is just asking for trouble! The son is now 11 and so is the girl.

 

[Tinkerbellish]

Wow, I'm around the age of these kids, and even I would say no to myself going to a co-ed sleepover. For me it would be like sleeping in the same room as my brother. REALLY WIERD! It seems like the people I know are different, we don't have parties like that or let alone think of it. We are all just to close to each other I guess. I mean most of us have know each other since we were like 2.

 

[Freyja]

Why does everyone seem to believe the teenagers will only have sex in the middle of the night while sleeping at somebodys house?

My mother always had that perception too. Sure, I had boyfriends but they were not allowed to spend the night and I was not allowed to spend the night at their house (I was 15 at the time). My mom kept saying she didn´t want me to end up having sex at such a young age.

Was that going to keep me from sleeping with someone I was in love with and really cared about and wanted to have sex with??? Hell, no!!!

So, guess what! We just had sex in the afternoon instead. After school, at my house, his house or friends houses. Just any place where no one was home.

I did end up getting pregnant and having a baby when I was 16. Maybe I wouldn´t have if I would have felt I could discuss contraceptives with my mom. Not that I´m blaming her. I take full resonsibility for my actions and have not regretted for one minute that I had my beautiful son. I´m just lucky that my wake up call came in the form of a beautiful baby and not the one of a deadly disease!!!

Freyja

 

[MScott1851]

Hmm.. I am thinking about this one..

It is easy for me to say that my children will never do this, it's inappropriate, etc, etc. But when I was that age, I frequently spent the night at my best friend's house, and she had two brothers who always had company. We would all stay up late and watch movies, eat popcorn, sneak out and roll yards, etc. Nothing amiss ever happened, and truthfully, it never crossed my mind. Come to think of it, even my super strict, Church of Christ parents never had a problem with it, or maybe it just never occurred to them that what we were doing amounted to a coed slumber party. Not to mention there were countless church lock-ins and even my high school basketball teams (not just us, but the boys too) had an all night practice/party in the same gym to kick off the season.

I think that overall, coed slumber parties sound absolutely horrific in theory, but in reality, probably everyone has been part of one at one time or another, even without planning it.

But you are the mom, and you know what is best for your children, even if no one else agrees with you!

(Gosh.. I dread having children and having to face these issues...I was such a party girl in college that I will never trust my children.. I have already been to the puppet show and I've seen the strings! Hahaha! )

 

[Gette88]

No Way!!
DD will be 13 in 2 weeks and DH won't even let boys call our house. I think it was very irresponsible of the parents to allow a co-ed sleepover. I would be furious.

 

[Freyja]

I just have to ask. Why would a boy not be allowed to call your house?

My best friend, whom I´ve been best friends with since I was 13 years old, is a boy. Now, I´m 25 and he is 30.

What a shame if he would not have been allowed to call my house. I would have missed out on a friendship that has lasted for 12 years and survived beeing thousands of miles apart. Why would any parent, who respects it´s child, want to do that?

 

[kidzmom3]

What would bother me the most about this situation is not being told about the arrangements beforehand. I personally dislike when parents do things with my children, that are out of the ordinary, and do not notify me. I will give a couple of examples of what I mean. My 10 yr old DS slept at a friends and the mother let them watch rated R movies, including Black Hawk Down. Another example was my 7 year old DD who went to a friends house, the mother then proceded to take the girls to lunch, but she let them sit in the back of her suv unbuckled, just loose like the family dog (lol, a small joke). I like and trust my childrens friends families, but do feel that if they are going to do something that is ouside the realm of normally accepted rules, they should let me know, and let me make the decision for my children. Then, there is no conflict between the parents, because both sets are in agreement.