Is It Just My Husband? Just a Vent

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I just have to vent. My husband likes to spend a little bit of money a lot of times in a month. He averages 20.00 a day (sometimes more sometimes less). He does this almost everyday. This adds up to anywhere from 5-6 hundred dollars a month. But even that is not my real complaint. He thinks that it doesn't count. Like somehow that money doesn't disappear from the account.

For example... Last week he took 100.00 out of the ATM. I just balanced the checkbook last night and saw that he took another 100.00 out. During that same time frame he went to Sam's Club (his weakness) and spend another 200.00. I also have debit cards deductions for another 100.00 wort of junk. This is all on snacks and lunches and dinners and such (except for Sam's). Now he's upset with me because he thinks that there should be 500.00 more dollars in our acount than is in there. UGH! Now I know he works hard and he deserves snacks and such but I wish he would 1..cut it down and 2..stop acting like whatever he spends doesn't count.

Thanks I feel a bit better.

 

[Handbag Lady]

And this is why we have separate accounts. I make my money and he makes his.

I don't give a hoot what he spends his money on and vice-versa, as long as the bills are paid. We split the bills and we each have some to pay.

It sounds crazy, but it works for us. We also make almost the same amount of money, so it is fair-square.

 

[SC Minnie]

That's why we have separate accounts too. The one he uses is a joint account but I don't even know the PIN number to get money with the ATM. I keep enough $ in my account to cover my 'incidentals' for the month. Our household $ is kept in the joint account.

 

[just4today]

Sounds like it's time to figure out just how much you can afford and each have a spending money allowance.

 

[GOOFY4DONALD]

I am a SAHM so having a separate account would only hurt me. I am just curious (I guess I am just wondering outloud) how you can spend 100.00 dollars and think that is still in your account.

 

[wdwmom2]

And this is why we have separate accounts. I make my money and he makes his.

I don't give a hoot what he spends his money on and vice-versa, as long as the bills are paid. We split the bills and we each have some to pay.

This is the way it works for us too

 

[DVC Sadie]

And this is why we have separate accounts. I make my money and he makes his.

I don't give a hoot what he spends his money on and vice-versa, as long as the bills are paid. We split the bills and we each have some to pay.

It sounds crazy, but it works for us.

Your way is the same as us, and it has worked for over 20 years. Separate accounts is a marriage saver for a lot of couples.

 

[Pikester]

I am a SAHM too. Share and share alike. If we didn't do that then I would have had no money for over 10yrs!

I have no idea how you can spend over $100 and still think it is there. I have no advice but I will give one of these .

 

[just4today]

I am a SAHM so having a separate account would only hurt me. I am just curious (I guess I am just wondering outloud) how you can spend 100.00 dollars and think that is still in your account.

I can see how that happens if you're spending it in small increments. I tend to lose track of how much I'm spending when it's $10 here and $20 there.

 

[wdwfan16]

And this is why we have separate accounts. I make my money and he makes his.

I don't give a hoot what he spends his money on and vice-versa, as long as the bills are paid. We split the bills and we each have some to pay.

It sounds crazy, but it works for us. We also make almost the same amount of money, so it is fair-square.

How does this work when you need to buy a costly item, like an appliance, and saving for college or retirement?

What will you do when you hit retirement and the saver has a million dollars and the saver has nothing? How do you split the bills then? What if the million is not enough and you both run out of money?

Thankfully DH is less of a spender than I am and we are both on the same page about saving.

 

[Piecey]

DH isn't that bad.... but he'd do that if he could.

He has a seperate account that I can access online (I have his password) but I'm not on it. I deposit his monthly "stipend" I guess in it and we go on with our lives.
He gets $244 (odd amount, I know ) and the rest goes int he bill account.

He charges most things on his credit card but snacks/video games/etc. come out of his account. If the credit card balances are too high at the end of the month I tell him and he'll usually put some of his money from next month toward them.

The majority of our money is kept in a joint account but I'm the only one who does anything with the money. He knows better because I balance it meticulously and I'd get pretty irritated if some money disappeared and I didn't know where to/why.
Works for us.

 

[ols386]

At our house, I control all the finances/money. My dh gives me his paycheck at the end of the week (he has direct deposit, so he goes and gets it out of the bank). He keeps whatever he needs for the week, which is mainly for fuel, (he takes his lunch to work each day....I wouldn't care if he kept money out to go out for lunch, but he likes taking a lunch). If he needs money for something in particular, he just tells me how much he needs and what he's buying. Neither one of us are particularly spendy.

I take care of managing our finances, paying the bills, saving a bit each month, etc. He likes that I control it, and he doesn't have to concern himself with it.

It works out extremely well for us.

 

[Handbag Lady]

How does this work when you need to buy a costly item, like an appliance, and saving for college or retirement?

What will you do when you hit retirement and the saver has a million dollars and the saver has nothing? How do you split the bills then? What if the million is not enough and you both run out of money?

Thankfully DH is less of a spender than I am and we are both on the same page about saving.

We don't have kids, so we don't have any more college things to save for in the future. Neither of us has students loans.

I have a ROTH IRA and a 401k. He has the same. We both put in the same percentage to each. (again our salaries are just about the same.)

He is an only child and will also get his parents estates. I will split my parents' estates with my sister.

I don't think you need to worry about me but I like your concern. You ask good questions if you are not set up like we are, too.

And as for buying a costly item, we split it right down the middle. The same goes for vacations. Here's a great example. We want to do a big 10th anniversary trip, so we are both putting in $x per week for the next year into a vacation account just for this purpose. Once it hits a certain amount, we will turn it into a short-term CD or whatever my banker suggests and sounds good to us.


Just imagine, we just DON'T ever fight about money. There are no "he's or she's spending more!" or anything like that. You can't fight when it is all 50/50.

 

[lovepurple]

My DH is the same way. I tell him he likes to spend the same dollar twice or more. He'll buy something and say he used the birthday money his mom sent him and I have to remind him that he already spent that 3 months ago. He also gets upset when I say we are running low in the bank account. Just last week he had to take two business trips back to back and he has to buy the plane tickets and hotel rooms and the company reimburses him. I told him that would make us very low in our account due to the house payment coming out this week. He got $140 cash out before one trip and was going to get more out for the next trip and I asked him where his first $140 went. He didn't really know because he uses the debit card for gas and food etc. It is very frustrating. I won't say it is a guy thing, I just think some people have no concept of money. My DH is very spoiled because I have always taken care of paying the bills. I don't think it was every something he had to deal with growing up either. His parents never really told him no to anything he wanted.

 

[Handbag Lady]

At our house, I control all the finances/money. My dh gives me his paycheck at the end of the week (he has direct deposit, so he goes and gets it out of the bank). He keeps whatever he needs for the week, which is mainly for fuel, (he takes his lunch to work each day....I wouldn't care if he kept money out to go out for lunch, but he likes taking a lunch). If he needs money for something in particular, he just tells me how much he needs and what he's buying. Neither one of us are particularly spendy.

I take care of managing our finances, paying the bills, saving a bit each month, etc. He likes that I control it, and he doesn't have to concern himself with it.

It works out extremely well for us.

See, that's the key. If it works for you, then great.

I don't think the OPs way is working for her. I'd suggest she put DH in charge of accounts for a few weeks so he can see each time he takes out money, that it actually DOES deduct from their accounts. He'll find that missing $500 fairly quickly and then he can make spending adjustments on his end.

 

[wvjules]

At our house, I control all the finances/money. My dh gives me his paycheck at the end of the week (he has direct deposit, so he goes and gets it out of the bank). He keeps whatever he needs for the week, which is mainly for fuel, (he takes his lunch to work each day....I wouldn't care if he kept money out to go out for lunch, but he likes taking a lunch). If he needs money for something in particular, he just tells me how much he needs and what he's buying. Neither one of us are particularly spendy.

I take care of managing our finances, paying the bills, saving a bit each month, etc. He likes that I control it, and he doesn't have to concern himself with it.

It works out extremely well for us.

What?

 

[KAMKIM]

My DH is the same way. I tell him he likes to spend the same dollar twice or more. He'll buy something and say he used the birthday money his mom sent him and I have to remind him that he already spent that 3 months ago. He also gets upset when I say we are running low in the bank account. Just last week he had to take two business trips back to back and he has to buy the plane tickets and hotel rooms and the company reimburses him. I told him that would make us very low in our account due to the house payment coming out this week. He got $140 cash out before one trip and was going to get more out for the next trip and I asked him where his first $140 went. He didn't really know because he uses the debit card for gas and food etc. It is very frustrating. I won't say it is a guy thing, I just think some people have no concept of money. My DH is very spoiled because I have always taken care of paying the bills. I don't think it was every something he had to deal with growing up either. His parents never really told him no to anything he wanted.

 

[Arielle22]

I always tease DH about his magic ATM card where he gets free money. DH doesn't take large amounts or even take that much so it isn't a problem with us.

I also manage our money. When DH complains that a bill isn't paid, I explain why and if he still complains I tell him he can take over the finances. Funny thing, he never takes me up on it.

 

[Kirby]

Why don't you let him take over the checkbook for a month? Then he would see what is and isn't there.

I am a SAHM that works for her husband. I take care of not only the personal side but the business side also when it comes to the checkbook. My husband is too busy working to handle it all and it's cheaper for me to do the office work than to hire an outsider. I went back to work 13 years ago and within three years, he had the office in such a mess that I had to quit work to take care of it. He just asks me now what he can spend and which account he can write a check out of.

 

[Jennasis]

You can do like my friend dod...take away his debit card. She is a SAHM and manages the household finances. Her DH simply cannot keep track of what he spends, so he gets a cash allowance and NO debit card or checkbook. He is the breadwinner (A doctor).

Sounds like your husband has almost a compulsive spending disorder.