Is It Just My Husband? Just a Vent

[GOOFY4DONALD]

Thanks for all the interesting replies. I did let DH take over the bills once...NEVER AGAIN!!! He paid all the bills and was pleasantly surprised when he ended up with WAY more money at the end of the week. Almost twice the money as when I manage the finances. He then "scolded" me for wasting money. He rewarded himself with a new portable electronic gadget and few accessories to go with it. The only problem was he 'forgot' that groceries, gasoline, kids lunch money, misc. items that always seem to pop up they actually cost money. It was a horrible month. He was better for a while but he slipped back into his old ways. At least with me everything gets paid for.

 

[apirateslifeforme]

Sounds so much like my ex-husband. We had three accounts; mine alone, his alone, and a joint one for bills. Both paychecks went into the joint account, then we each took a weekly allowance from each paycheck for our sole "fun money" accounts. His allowance was $120/week (mine was $50...go figure). He claimed that wasn't enough, since he was plowing through it in 2 days and demanding more money from the joint account. I handled the finances (he'd been deep in credit card debt 2x before, once to the tune of $47k; the second time was $20k and we were still paying it), so I said no, we need that money for the bills! So what did he do? He started going to the bank, showing his license, and withdrawing money from the joint account. And not telling me, until I looked up the account online and saw a bunch of withdrawals that I didn't recognize!

One of the reasons why we're divorced now...

 

[kristilew]

It sounds like maybe you and DH need to have a bigger talk than just about cutting back on spending. Like how you view your finances over all, and what your shared goals should be. Do you have a yearly budget? This really forces couples to make choices about what's important to them. If your hubby values his little purchases that add up, what might he be willing to give up in another area? That type of thing.

If you are at all religious, crown.org has great tips for financial stewardship. If not, there are a lot of software programs for budgeting out there. We use Quicken and it works great. Every January we set the budget for the year, and every month we compare our actual to our budgeted spending. If we've gone overboard in one area, we cut back the next month. This also prevents the "there's plenty in the account" syndrome by holding back a set amount each month to pay for once or twice a year expenses like insurance.

I've found it really helps me to do the math on my little weekly throw away expenses and see what they are costing me a year. A $20 manicure doesn't seem like too big a luxury, until I think about getting one every other week. Then I have to decide if that's really where I want to spend that $500 this year. The other thing that helps is to have a mental list of my wish list items and what they cost. Then when I am considering purchasing something, I can say would I rather have this OR the other that costs the same, b/c I can't have both.

Of course, if your hubby doesn't agree with you about the importance of budgeting, etc, then it will be hard to get him on board. And back to my first sentence.

Good luck!

 

[chicagodisneyfan]

My sweetie is a spender too. He gets so much money a month it is embarrassing.

He has his own savings and checking and it works out great. My husband buys things with tires (car, moped, foldable bikes etc). With his own account he never has to tell me!

 

[CowboysButterfly]

Those debit/ATM cards are evil and they must be destroyed. My situation is a bit different in that my son and I share a home with my Mom. We split everything but I am in charge of all of the finances because she just isn't very good with money.

I had to take her debit card away from her because she didn't realize she was spending so much every week on ....well nothing. She was $2, $5, and $10 the bank account to death and then wondered why she didn't have as much in there as she thought.

Now she takes out a certain amount of cash and when it is gone, it is gone. It is really weird to have to do this with a parent but some people are just better at certain things than others and money is not her strong point. She is more aware of what she is spending now.

What I'm trying to say, in this small novel I have just written , is it is very easy to spend money when you can just swipe a card and then don't have to deal with all the other stuff. You may have to take away his debit/ATM card and replace it with cash or let him take over the bank account and bills for awhile.

 

[DisneyBabies]

I have been taking care of DH's expenses since we started dating 10 years ago. He could do it on his own, he just didn't like to. He hated it so much he had his parents do his taxes ! That worried me and I told him no wonder they had had so much information about his finances (and called often to ask for money that they didn't pay back ), so I started doing it for him.

Fast forward 10 years and I am a SAHM and he is the sole bread winner, so I get paid when he gets paid . We had trouble a few years ago where he was getting $180 every two weeks for his expenses and after paying bills and getting groceries and gas I was left with $20 or so. He finally asked me why I wouldn't bring the kids and come meet him for lunch any of the times he asked me to and I told him yet again that I didn't have any money. He said that's impossible . . . I just got paid! So I showed him the checkbook and he finally realized how excessive $180 every paycheck was. We gradually reduced the amount of his "allowance" and he is now down to $120 every two weeks. It helps that we live so much closer to his work now and he comes home for lunch a couple of times a week and doesn't have to spend so much on gas. And I have gotten better about my own "allowance" as well since I walk DS to school most days, so there is no reason to "stop really fast and get a drink/snack on the way home" which is where most of my money was going.

And I will put in that DH has a debit card only to get his bi-weekly payout and if he needs to get something he has to call me first and verify that the money is in the account and that it is truly extra money and not my "allowance". It works for us.

to the OP. I know it isn't easy when they don't "see" where the money is going.

 

[~Kik-Kik~]

He seems to be irrisponsible and unrealistic with money. Maybe have himdo the check book to show him where it all goes, lol!

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I could not imagine my husband spending $500-$600.00 a month.

DH and I have been married for 19 years and we have always only had a joint account. He is a big saver. I like to spend, but definetly not like OP's husband. What a waste of money and there is so much more that could be done with all that money.


DH takes care of the money and I as well as him get an allowance. There is always money for needed expenses, as well as the fun stuff. We make less money than most of our friends, but live in a nice , new house, drive newer cars and go on 2-3 vacations a year.

The kids as well as I wear nice clothes and we usually want for nothing. We are frugal in our spending, such as we always take our lunch, and always ask ourselves do we really need it, or just want it.

Sometimes the wants come, such as the new Coach purse I bought this weekend. But those are things I can do because we waste very little on unnecesary things.

 

[MAKmom]

DH wanted to know where all our money was going 6 years ago. He sat me down & we started to list all our expenses. It was very painful to do. DH was horrified to find out he was spending all our money. $20.00 a day adds up.