Is it just me or was this a strange request from SIL?

[Buckalew11]

budbeerlady: I hope she's not taking him to the zoo, I want to take him his first time. Guess thats a good question though.

Ut-oh. I think you should prepare yourself.

 

[lecach]

WAIT A MINUTE! I JUST HAD A THOUGHT - THEY'D BETTER NOT BE TAKING HIM TO WDW! Ha ha - I know thats not the case. But SIL loves it as much as I do.

OhMari: we've typed out a letter to leave with them stating who is allowed to obtain medical care for DS while we're gone. And I have spoken to the pediatricians office and they are aware of the situation too.

kimmikayb: I like the way you think! DS would be more than happy to play with their pots and pans, their toilet and their hairdryer. Heck - he'd be happy to eat nothing but animal crackers too! He aint used to that fancy stuff! I'll make sure to mention that if it becomes too much to please call my Mom - she would be glad to take over if they need her to .

As far as supplies go, I bought a huge package of diapers to send. And a full container of wet wipes. Enough clothes for two weeks. A brand new giant bag of animal crackers (or as he calls them - ca ca's). All the bottles and nipples will be washed. And there will be plenty of disposable sippy cups and disposable bibs. I would be shocked if they had to buy anything other than milk and meals out. And they do not eat out that often.

 

[pirateofthecarolinas]

I always leave $100 for my mom. She is very FRUGAL. She has never once bought a diaper for any of my three children.

My MIL wouldn't hear of it. She stashes $20.00 bills in the diaper bag for letting them come visit!

Lori

 

[Shagley]

I agree that it is a strange request. Maybe you could just say "That isn't a problem, we will leave some money for expenses, what type of expenses were you planning on?". Then you would have an idea if she was planning on taking him to the zoo or anyplace else.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Yeah, it's not strange to me either. I used to babysit my nephews in their home overnight (at the time, I was 29 and they were 5 & 8) and my sister would leave me at least $100 for incidentals. Of course, she's rolling in it and I'm not, but what other expense is there for me if I'm just driving them to school and eating dinner at home? You just never know I guess.

While a 17 month old won't need money for pizza per se, I probably would have left $20-30 for whatever they needed (and assume it would be returned if nothing was spent).

Oh, and I'd buy them a nice souvenier!! What a nice thing they are doing for you!



Oh, I wouldn't go there! Talk about causing some hard feelings. No matter how sweet the child, taking on someone else's baby for a few days is an imposition. I would give her some incidental money, take her out to lunch and still buy her a gift.

I agree. They are doing a great thing for you. Taking care of another person's child for a week or half a week is a lot of work, especailly a todler. (and especially so they can go on vacaction.)

Does your SIL have older kids? Maybe she was just thinking along those lines. As far as the zoo goes, you better take your kid now. I don't think you can expect others not to do fun things with them becasue you want to 1st. (especailly when your child is 17 months old, but then again we live 2 miles from our zoo and go weekly since they were a month old.)

 

[mtemm]

we left our 3 year old and 17 month old twins with my inlaws for a week last summer and we definitely left them money, I think around $100 or so, to use for whatever. I probably wouldn't ask for it, but I would have definitely left some for them to use. Its up to them whether or not they want to use it (in our case the inlaws footed the bill for whatever pizza/cheeseburger/etc).

 

[Marseeya]

Hmmm, it wouldn't occur to me to not leave money! I've left my kids with my parents a lot over the years and I've always left money. My parents always gave it back, but I don't know... it just seems like the right thing to do!

 

[grimley1968]

I don't think it's a strange request at all. SIL is doing a big favor for the OP, and having to pay money out of her own pocket for the child's care would be a further imposition. Maybe she makes a lot of money, but the principle still exists. The SIL may well not use any of that money and may offer it all back in the end, but for us it's just courteous to leave some money with anyone who sits for our kids (even if relatives) just in case something comes up that requires money.

 

[offwegotoneverland]

Hmm...I've only left my son overnight with grandparents (he normally spends a week with each) and I send spending money (but he's 10 now).

When he was two we left him with my in laws for a weekend and didn't leave money...but every possible type of food, clothes etc was sent (and I had prepared food for them as well that I sent... plus it was our honeymoon).

When I babysat for my Brothers honeymoon (ok as family we have issues with order...)they didn't provide any money but also didn't have enough stuff...we likely spent 20-30 bucks on the things we ran out of. Plus they changed the time they came back at etc...perhaps your sister in law heard my story and thinks the same thing will happen to her?

It was a long long time before we babysat again. (I don't mean a few hours I mean we got in the night before but can you keep him an extra day kind of late)

 

[sha_lyn]

Seriously, as an aunt to some great kids....I would never expect my sister, or sister in laws to give me any money to keep the kids. I do think it's an odd request. It's not as if he is an older kid who wants to do "things". He'd be happy to play with her pots and pans (well I don't know about your son, but mine would have been).

Add me to the list that thinks it is a strange request. When DNi comes over for a week or more in the summer (Xmas break etc), we pay all her expenses (although I do limit what she orders when out to eat that child will beg for an appetiser, meal and dessert but fill up on the app and bread) including fun trips and an outfit or too if I've tan my kids shopping for clothes. DSi does the same if my kids go visit her. If would never occur to anyone in our family to give $$ when a child was sleeping over no matter if it were for a night, or the entire summer.

 

[lecach]

Its not so much that I mind leaving the money. Its just that she asked for it. She has no kids of her own by the way.

I guess a lot of it is difference in families. In my family no one would ever think to ask for money. When we have family dinners whoever is hosting usually foots the bill (others will bring side dishes of course). At DH's family dinners they divide up the costs and everyone pays their share. If we go out to eat with my Mom and stepdad they pay for the meal. We always try to pay but they wont let us. If we go out with DH's family everyone pays their own. If my Mom sees a shirt she thinks I would like she'll buy it and give it to me. If MIL sees a shirt that she thinks DH would like she'll buy it and tell him what he owes her. Not that being thrifty is bad - its just very very different than I was brought up.

SIL asking for money really made me feel bad. Like we were imposing on them. Honestly if I didnt think it would have caused WWIII I would have just had my Mom keep him all week. But the inlaws would have been crushed.

Its not going to ruin my vacation or anything. I know I am incredibly lucky to have people to watch DS. I am grateful to them all.

 

[Missy1961]

It's a strange request. I watch my 2 of my nieces frequently. My sister used to leave money for meals, but I love treating them & I'm more than happy to pay for them. My sister & BIL usually take me out to dinner to thank me, however. What they don't know is, I'd pay them for the priviledge of watching those girls--they bring me such joy.

 

[Maleficent13]

When I babysat for my Brothers honeymoon (ok as family we have issues with order...)

This just made me giggle...

I am fortunate that both my mom and my MIL are like the OP's mom...my mom is along the lines of the poster who said her MIL slips $20s in the diaper bag for letting her come over...

 

[Hannathy]

Whenever my sister or Sil has kept my kids I always send incedental money and the kids spending money of course. We also always send money to buy everyone a lunch or dinner during the stay.

At 17 months he'll never remember if you took him to the zoo first or not he's not 7. Don't stress over it IT will be the first time YOU take him. It's not worth ruffling feathers.

 

[Brutie]

I think its very rude to ask ahead of time, but since she is family she probably didnt think anything about it. I really dont see what kind of expenses her and the baby would have and just find it appaling that she would even ask.

I'd go ahead and take them to lunch, and tell her whatever she spends on him to keep the receipts and you'll pay her when you return.

 

[hentob]

No matter how sweet the child, taking on someone else's baby for a few days is an imposition. I would give her some incidental money, take her out to lunch and still buy her a gift.

I agree with you vettechick!

Yes--They are family, but the fact that the SIL ASKED means she is thinking $$$ somewhere in this equation. This may mean that she may bring up the fact that "she watched your child while you were away" someday in the future.

I don't think it is an "imposition", since they offered (I am assuming), but it is a massive responsibility to take care of the life and well being of a young child for 7 days.

Again, I am just the type that never wants anyone to think they did me a huge favor. And therefore, I compensate big time when it comes to watching my children.

The last thing you want your SIL to do is to sport a shirt that says "My brother Went on a Cruise, I Watched his Kid and All I Got Was This Lousy T-Shirt (oh--And a Sandwich Too!)"

I am not making fun of the OP...I am laughing b/c some people think this way, and maybe the SIL is _that_ type, since she is already asking about money.

I do know that if I were the OP, I would be clearing things up with ALL parties involved before I left for a seven day cruise. I know you were kidding, but if SIL decided to take your son to the zoo--What could you do about it? She is basically going to do with him what she wants for the time she has him. If this is a "favor" on her part, she may think she has full reign and you should go by "her" rules, since she is doing you a HUGE favor.


These things can get quite tricky

 

[Becky2005]

Its not so much that I mind leaving the money. Its just that she asked for it. She has no kids of her own by the way.

I guess a lot of it is difference in families.

I think that's what it boils down to the difference in the families.

As I was reading through the posts, it's obvious that everyone's family does it differently and since it's your in-law it sounds like it's normal mode your DH's family. She probably just asked matter of factly, not really thinking anything about it. I'm sure it didn't even register on her radar that this might be an odd request if that's the way things work in her family.

 

[hentob]

I think its very rude to ask ahead of time, but since she is family she probably didnt think anything about it. I really dont see what kind of expenses her and the baby would have and just find it appaling that she would even ask.

I'd go ahead and take them to lunch, and tell her whatever she spends on him to keep the receipts and you'll pay her when you return.

While this approach may seem logical, it is sort of "Chip on the Shoulder-ish", bordering on slightly hostile. And that is the last thing you want when someone is taking care of your child while you are away.

As I posted prior to this, maybe the SIL was thinking--"Hmmm, I'm watching her kid for a few days and all the thanks I get is a $12 sandwich"? I don't know the type of person the SIL is, but she could have been thinking this.

Again, some people are like this. Obviously, the SIL is concerned about paying for "extras" for the child or else she would have NEVER asked about the money.

Red flags all around on this one. OP mentioning that SIL makes more money. SIL mentioning money for extras. OP wondering if it is strange. My advice to the OP--If I had a SMALL doubt about a person watching my child, even if they "rubbed me the wrong way", I wouldn't care WHAT they thought. That little guy would be with my mother (your mother that is ) for the entire vacation.

 

[wide awake]

I don't see anything wrong w/ SIL asking for some money before the OP and husband leave for vacation. Any of us w/ children know how unexpected things come up...at toddler age he could go through a ton of diapers, need pedialyte by the gallon, refuse to eat at grandmas and only eat from McDs...he could miss mom and dad and need a ton of outings to keep him happy...and maybe MIL doesn't have the extra, and SIL is trying to point that out to the OP. Just because MIL wants to take care of the child doesn't mean she has the resources, and SIL may have been trying to protect her mother. I adore my nephews, and my sister adores my son, but neither of us would expect the other to babysit AND foot the bill...because something always comes up.

 

[Mishetta]

I didn't have time to read all the posts (just a few on page 1), but why don't you suggest they keep a running tab & then you can cover it when you return! I mean for heaven's sake, it's his aunt/grandma that he's staying with & you need to leave money? I would think that would be in order if it was not a family member but who knows?

Sounds like to me that SIL has a problem with you guys taking this cruise (that's what I got out of that remark.)

Have a great time & if it comes to nickel & diming your DS, then why don't you suggest leaving him with your Mom for the entire time. It must be an imposition if your SIL has to think about how much money her nephew is going to cost her for a few days! I have to wonder if your MIL knows that your SIL asked for you to leave money?