Is it just me or was this a strange request from SIL?

[Cindyluwho]

We left our daughter with my SIL every year when we went to Mexico until she was 6yo. I always gave them a gift certificate to a nice hotel or restaurant as a thank you. Usually $150-200. They never asked for it though, that would be a little uncomfortable. But realistically, 7 days with a toddler is worth thousands....

 

[AnaheimGirl]

I think that's what it boils down to the difference in the families.

As I was reading through the posts, it's obvious that everyone's family does it differently and since it's your in-law it sounds like it's normal mode your DH's family. She probably just asked matter of factly, not really thinking anything about it. I'm sure it didn't even register on her radar that this might be an odd request if that's the way things work in her family.

These are my thoughts as well. My dh's family might be the type to ask, if we didn't already leave them money on our own. If they did, I'd guess I'd just chalk it up to their (IMO) wierd money issues. They don't go quite as far as the OP's in-laws do, but would split restaurant bills down to the penny , and finally figured out to ask for separate checks.

In my family, dad paid or we took turns buying for everyone, and with friends we just split the bill down the middle, regardless of who ordered what.

As for us, we're the type that wouldn't not leave money, but then again, we also refuse money offered to us in the same situation. To me, it does seem strange that she asked. It's something that I think is polite to offer, but I wouldn't expect it from someone else, especially not to the point of asking for it.

 

[hentob]

But realistically, 7 days with a toddler is worth thousands....

Isn't that the truth

 

[Minnesota!]

Doesn't seem strange to me. I have never left DS (22 months), but if I did, that would have been one of the first things I would have thought of. I would figure they would do the CHildren's Museum, McDonald's, Zoo, pizza, that kind of stuff. Would have left about $100 for the week..

 

[marlasmom]

I would never ever take money for taking care of my grandkids. I buy diapers before they come so they don't have to lug them. Also formula, baby laundry soap - whatever they need.

If we spend $ on them it's my pleasure. I stock my house with new toys for them when they come. Holy cow - I cannot conceive of asking for $.

 

[PaulaSue]

Honestly it is you. They are doing you a big favor taking care of him at least you can cover any of his bills while in there care.

 

[mickeyfan2]

Seriously? What expenses could a pet have if you're already leaving food and supplies? We leave authorization that we'll pay later at the vet. We always give a thank you gift after (or payment if it's a "for pay" arrangement), but my friend would laugh herself silly if I left her money "for the dog's expenses".

What if they run out of food or I forgot to give them something? Also we give our pets fresh food so they need money for that too. They always get a gift in the end. They are doing me the favor so I want them to be as inconvenieced as possible.

 

[disykat]

Honestly it is you. They are doing you a big favor taking care of him at least you can cover any of his bills while in there care.

His bills?

 

[disykat]

They are doing me the favor so I want them to be as inconvenieced as possible.

No - that would be my line. I'm the one not leaving money for my dog's expenses.

Sorry, I know what you mean - I just couldn't resist! I always leave so much food that's not an issue.

I honestly can't think of anything my dog would need unless it's a vet issue - and I do arrange for that before I leave. Seriously, my friend thinks I'm nuts over my dog - I'd never live it down if I left money for her expenses.

I get what people are saying. I just don't see how that's an issue with a one year old.

 

[mickeyfan2]

No - that would be my line. I'm the one not leaving money for my dog's expenses.

OOPS. I just read what I posted.

 

[bridegirl]

I would have DH thank her for her kind offer, tell her your plans have changed, and that he will be staying with your mom the whole time.

There is not a clear right and wrong, but as we've seen in lots of posts, people see this from very different viewpoints. Asking for money makes me feel like it's an imposition on her, and I would feel bad leaving my child with someone if I felt like I was imposing.

I think you'll have less stress on your vacation if you leave him with your mom.

The SIL sounds like the type where you will owe her forever, and god-forbid he does something totally normal likes throws food or wets the bed or throws up on her, you will never hear the end of it for years to come.

Good luck and happy sailing,

Susy

 

[poohluvrs]

I guess I'd be a little put off if she was watching for the afternoon, but 7 days, I would absolutely be planning on leaving $ for them. You are lucky to have someone you can trust who's willing to watch your DS. And maybe your Mom expressed her disgust over SIL b/c it was an opportunity to make her look better, at least I can see my mother doing that!

Be grateful for your SIL - Leave $$$!

 

[lecach]

Believe me - I am grateful and blessed to have so many people that love my DS and want to keep him. My Mom said when she talked to MIL that she was giddy about keeping him and they are all excited. I know not everyone has this so I am very thankful. Even if DH's family IS weird . I know they love my DS and would do anything for him so I cant ask for more than that.

As far as my Mom is concerned - she reacted the way she did because of past history. They all get along but the inlaws do a lot of weird strange things that my Mom would never do. So this was not really a big surprise.

Thanks everyone!

 

[auntpolly]

His bills?

You know, his gambling debts and stuff .

I think if I wouldn't have assumed my SIL would have wanted an expense account (if fact, my SIL would not have), but if she asked for one, I'd just give it to her and be happy someone that loved my DD was watching her. No big deal.

 

[poohandwendy]

I guess I think it is strange for her to mention it, but I would be leaving some money for any incidentals anyways. Not that a toddler requires much, but I would want to make sure they had some cash on hand if they needed to buy something he needed (like diapers, or whatever). Not that my family would even expect or need it...but it's just what I would do.

 

[lecach]

UPDATE:

So when we returned from our trip we asked the inlaws if we owed them anything since we had not left them any money. They said no. Two weeks later they all came over to help us start packing up our house for moving. I tried to buy them all lunch and they wouldnt let me - told me that they didnt mind and that we should save our money.

Yesterday MIL called DH. She had offered to organize our kitchen and bathrooms in our new house. I had accepted. I assumed that meant that she was just going to put things away in a neat and organized manner. She called DH to ask for $100 for supplies to organize . I told DH that if I had $100 to spend for organization I would spend it on shelves and things for the garage. Of course DH is going to give her the money.

Oh well - guess I should just accept that their ideas about money are way different than mine. If anyone in my family offered to organize it wouldnt come with a bill. We're just different and I need to learn to accept that

Want to know what the best part is? Our new house wont be ready til 2 weeks after we move out of the old house. Guess where we're staying? With SIL and BIL. We're going to owe them big. Wont it be interesting?

 

[Keggy]

Boy are you handling this better than I ever would!

Good Luck to you!

 

[disykat]

I guess I'd be making sure you cover all your expenses and any they might incur due to your stay - and most importantly, any time they offer to do you a favor, just be sure to say no thank you! If you accept, they may interpret it as an excuse to go shopping on your bill.

I think maybe you need to clarify with your MIL what was meant by organizing your rooms. I would NOT want anyone else purchasing organizational systems for my home! I prefer to move in and determine my needs before buying. Going out and buying cool organization gadgets before even moving in seems like a giant waste of money to me - especially when you're not consulting the people who will be using the gadgets!

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

Not strange, just very rude.

I have a SIL who will INVITE my kids to stay at her house and will accept any and all money offered to cover my kids expenses even if the stay is just a couple nights. Come to think of it, I don't think she would ever refuse any money offered to her.

My opinion is, if you really can't afford to have guest, don't INVITE them. I also feel that the invitation may have started with good intentions, but with the acceptance of a good faith money esp. from family somehow makes the intention into a business deal of babysitting the kids.

I would never, never accept money from anyone, esp family to cover expenses for someone, esp kids I had invited to stay at my house. They are my guest and if the parents feel like they owe me any thanks, take me out to lunch.

 

[ItsonlyExperiment626]

UPDATE:



Oh well - guess I should just accept that their ideas about money are way different than mine. If anyone in my family offered to organize it wouldnt come with a bill. We're just different and I need to learn to accept that

I don't think it's so much the idea of money, but rather the idea of what a family is all about.

My in-laws are the same way.