Is it just me or was this a strange request from SIL?

[lecach]

So DH and I are leaving on a cruise Saturday - 7 days. DS (17 months) will stay with my SIL/MIL Friday - Tuesday and then my Mom Tuesday - Sunday. DH and I had discussed taking MIL and SIL to lunch at a restaurant near my office tomorrow ($12 sandwich type place) to thank them for taking care of DS.

So as DH was firming up plans my SIL (she's a pharmacist who only works part time and still makes much more than DH and I put together not that that matters) asked DH if we were leaving any money with DS. In case they "do stuff". Or go out to eat. Okay what stuff is there to do with a toddler? Nothing that costs that I know of around here. And if they go out to eat it would be about $3 for a kids meal. I just thought that was really odd. It never in a million years occured to me to leave money. Everyone seemed so excited to have DS for a few days - its not like we ask them to do this much or that they dont want to. They jumped at the chance. Heck - my Mom would have loved to keep DS all week but the inlaws really wanted their share.

So now we'll take them to a nice lunch, and leave money.

So - is this strange? Or is it just me?

 

[golfgal]

A little strange for a toddler. I always leave money with the older kids though. If people are staying at our house and watching the kids I leave about $100 for any groceries they many need even after I stock the kitchen. If they are planning on going somewhere that will cost money, I will leave money to cover that. The only ones that have ever used the money is when I hired a teacher at the kids' school to stay with them for a week. When it has been family, they never touch the money.

 

[ElizaB39]

Yes a strange request. However, I always leave a fully stocked pantry and fridge, and money ($100), for whoever is taking care of my kids at my house. This covers any groceries, out to eat dinners and pizzas (for those that aren't used to cooking for a family - all of our care givers) and any incidentals that may arise at school etc. This doesn't seem to apply to your case though, and when I recently offered my sister money when she took care of my two kids for a weekend at her house but upon my request, she gave me a wierd look and said, "no way!" (She makes more than me and DH combined and she and her dh don't have any kids)

What does DH say? Let him handle it, it is his sister.

 

[Stitchfans]

IMO strange and rude. Considering they made a big deal about having him for part of the trip. It is not like he can eat them out of house and home for pete's sakes he is baby.

 

[Sherri]

Your right that seems strange. Not only is it a strange request, buy if I were the SIL I wouldn't even accept money as you are doing a favor and the child is a toddler. How much could they possibly spend on him?

 

[disykat]

I agree, it's strange. Maybe asking again if they're sure it's not an imposition is in order?

Is MIL hurting for money and this is SIL's way of letting you know?

If I were you, I'd be hard pressed to come up with an amount of money that would be appropriate for a one year old's "expenses".

 

[Beth76]

Yes it's strange. I've left my kids with my parents several time and never left money for them. We bring them back a nice gift.

 

[lecach]

Just for clarification DS will be staying at their house. I was planning on sending his snacks and breakfast and toddler meals with him too.

Oh I am letting DH handle it. Even though I think its ridiculous I am leaving it up to him. Its not worth starting a war over. I told my Mom and she is mad. She cant believe it. She said she would be more than happy to keep him all week at no charge.

Oh well - families....what can you do?

 

[Buttercup26]

I think it was a bit rude for her to ask, especially since he's only a toddler. I do always leave money for my DD when family watches her over a weekend or whatnot, but she's older.

For all she knows you may have already been planning to leave her money, the outright asking ahead of time seems a bit shocking.

And if you didn't leave money, it's not like a toddler is a huge expense for a few days, I don't quite understand why she would be so worried about it.

 

[mickeyfan2]

I would leave money for any age kid. We do this when we leave a pet with friends and all the supplies.

 

[budbeerlady]

I would have Dh see how much she was thinking she would need? Is she taking him to the zoo or something? I'd be curious what she would be thinking costs money for a child that age?

 

[lecach]

I just talked to DH. He doesnt think its as strange as I do. He said that he was thinking of instead of buying lunch to give them $40 or so and say "use this on your lunch and use whatever is left however you want". Then he said "why dont you ask your Mom what she thinks" . He does NOT want to know what she thinks. She was horrified. Ha ha. I told him she was surprised by it.

Im not getting in to it too much. I will let him handle it.

budbeerlady: I hope she's not taking him to the zoo, I want to take him his first time. Guess thats a good question though.

 

[Becky2005]

OK...this just popped into my head - do you think she was really meaning in case she ran out of diapers (I'm assuming at 17 months he's still wearing them) or something like that? I'm sure you would be sending whatever essentials you need but heck, *I* ran out of diapers while we were at Disney and I'm the mom! I miss guessed how many I needed, I would feel awful if I gave what I thought was enough stock and for some odd reason went through the diapers faster than normal and then expected the person watching to foot the bill for it.

I know she said meals and things but maybe she was just thinking overall for "just in case".

I don't know, I have only left my little ones with my mom and never really gave it much thought but I could see how I would ask that of someone innocently enough if I wasn't used to having kids around and wasn't necessarily sure what may be needed.

 

[disykat]

I would leave money for any age kid. We do this when we leave a pet with friends and all the supplies.

Seriously? What expenses could a pet have if you're already leaving food and supplies? We leave authorization that we'll pay later at the vet. We always give a thank you gift after (or payment if it's a "for pay" arrangement), but my friend would laugh herself silly if I left her money "for the dog's expenses".

 

[hentob]

I would leave money.

I see nothing wrong with having responsible family members taking youngsters while moms and dads take a break. Infact, I think it is wonderful! The only problem I would have is not paying someone to do it. I would never want to "owe someone". I am weird like that. And someone (even if it is a family member) taking a toddler for seven days is a very big favor/responsibility.

My kids are at an age where we take them everywhere now, but "back in the day", I would give their caregivers $$ and say "I know you are doing us such a great favor, please take this money and order out dinner while we are gone". I always felt that was the least I could do. Of course, it would always end in a friendly argument of them saying "I don't want your money, blah, blah, blah". I would just get gift certificates to local restaurants for each night then.

Just trying to put a different angle on this.

 

[Keggy]

I think it is an odd request. I the first question I would ask is, what kind of expenses were you thinking? I would also think about having him stay with your mom for the whole week - I am sure that WWIII would errupt over that suggesstion though. Maybe you could say, you know - my mother is willing to take him for the whole week if it is an imposition. Maybe they will get a clue?

We have friends who have a 11 yr old who we often "take." They always try to give us money to cover her food, but we always send her back with it. I appreciate they gesture (they make more $$ than us). But, I would never, ever ask them for money to take their kid out to eat. We enjoy spending the time with her and we know it gives them a much needed break.

Kelly

 

[OhMari]

Make sure you leave permission for them to take your child to the Dr. if he becomes sick. I think the Dr's office even needs their name on your child's records that someone other than you will be bringing them to the Dr. Same with an ER visit.

 

[disykat]

I would leave money.

I see nothing wrong with having responsible family members taking youngsters while moms and dads take a break. Infact, I think it is wonderful! The only problem I would have is not paying someone to do it. I would never want to "owe someone". I am weird like that. And someone (even if it is a family member) taking a toddler for seven days is a very big favor/responsibility.

My kids are at an age where we take them everywhere now, but "back in the day", I would give their caregivers $$ and say "I know you are doing us such a great favor, please take this money and order out dinner while we are gone". I always felt that was the least I could do. Of course, it would always end in a friendly argument of them saying "I don't want your money, blah, blah, blah". I would just get gift certificates to local restaurants for each night then.

Just trying to put a different angle on this.

That makes perfect sense - that's "thank you" money. The OP was planning on a thank you already. The OP was asked for money for her son's expenses. The thing people are scratching their heads over is what "expenses" a one year old would have.

 

[vettechick99]

I would leave money for any age kid. We do this when we leave a pet with friends and all the supplies.

Yeah, it's not strange to me either. I used to babysit my nephews in their home overnight (at the time, I was 29 and they were 5 & 8) and my sister would leave me at least $100 for incidentals. Of course, she's rolling in it and I'm not, but what other expense is there for me if I'm just driving them to school and eating dinner at home? You just never know I guess.

While a 17 month old won't need money for pizza per se, I probably would have left $20-30 for whatever they needed (and assume it would be returned if nothing was spent).

Oh, and I'd buy them a nice souvenier!! What a nice thing they are doing for you!

Maybe you could say, you know - my mother is willing to take him for the whole week if it is an imposition. Maybe they will get a clue?

Oh, I wouldn't go there! Talk about causing some hard feelings. No matter how sweet the child, taking on someone else's baby for a few days is an imposition. I would give her some incidental money, take her out to lunch and still buy her a gift.

 

[kimmikayb]

How in the world do you expect that kid to buy his beer and cigs if you don't leave some cash, geesh, the nerve of some parents!!

Seriously, as an aunt to some great kids....I would never expect my sister, or sister in laws to give me any money to keep the kids. I do think it's an odd request. It's not as if he is an older kid who wants to do "things". He'd be happy to play with her pots and pans (well I don't know about your son, but mine would have been).

I guess following your husband's lead is what you have to do but you might want to double check and make sure the zoo isn't going to happen (since you want to take him yourself).

Of course if it was ME (and I have "issues" with my in laws) I would very nicely ask sil if it would be too much trouble for DS to stay with her as your mom has offered to keep him the entire week.

Your way is probably better