Is it just me? Final Update post #83

[Disney Doll]

I was thinking about you guys and this situation today, and here's the thread again???

Any news?

 

[horseshowmom]

"Fingers crossed" - BF has now been broken up with (as of yesterday morning). DH finally had all he could take Friday night and told her that it was time for BF to go (she really hadn't make any changes since earlier in the week when we had tried to talk to her in the hopes of her doing it on her own). Of course, she thinks we've read him completely wrong, but she said that she did at least understand why we think these things.

Well, Saturday morning she got me up early to talk some more. She was really doing well (not happy about the situation but understanding and knew that it was totally out of character for us to feel this strongly about somebody and willing to accept that we might see more than she did). She decided to call him to break up instead of trying to see him (DH and I thought that was a great idea).

Well, after 3 and a half hours of phone conversation, she was a complete and total emotional wreck. BF makes comments that sound understanding and supporting but have an undertone. For example, "I know that it's hard for your parents to have you here at the university when they're used to having you with them all the time." IMO, that means that "they just aren't letting you grow up". She told him that she couldn't see him anymore. Of course, he wants to still "be friends" and get together to talk some. She told him that if he tried to see her, he'd have her daddy on his doorstep (as her DF had said), and she knows her DF well enough to know it's the truth.

She was pathetic all day yesterday after getting off the phone with him - wouldn't eat, talk much, etc. Finally, today after church, we told her that we'd had enough of this. Her behavior was completely out of character for her, and how on earth could she even begin to think that we were wrong about him considering she went from being okay before talking to him to being a basket case afterwards! Her DF told her that pharmacy school was important, but he'd pull her out and send her somewhere else before he let this jerk close to her again and that she'd better get a grip.

Shortly thereafter, she started perking up and started watching the basketball games with her dad. I think she's moving towards okay now. She knows that we know a lot of people at her university and in that town (as she told the guy) and that if we find out he's coming around, her DF will go see this guy (and she's already said she doesn't want that to happen).

We'll cross our fingers and hope for the best (and quite frankly, will keep a close watch on her for awhile - I was able to arrange to work in that town quite a bit over the next few weeks). I trust her but not him.

Thanks to everybody for your help and concern. As I said, "fingers crossed" that everything will start to get better now!

 

[horseshowmom]

2nd Update:

DD had a pharmacy meeting yesterday evening. One of the guys that she talks to now and then (she actually accidentally hit him in the head with a 2" x 6" last fall when they were unloading lumber for a Habitat for Humanity project ) started talking to her. To make a long story short, after talking for awhile (and finding out that she'd broken up with BF), he asked her to go to a baseball game tonight. She said she'd like to and had a smile on her face when she told me about it.

So far, so good!

 

[Nancyg56]

I am so glad. You must be feeling so much better!

 

[horseshowmom]

I am so glad. You must be feeling so much better!

Oh yeah!

Still cautiously optimistic, but feeling much, much better. She and the guy she just broke up with have a class in the same building at the same time across the hall from each other on Tuesdays and Thursdays, so that means they will see each other today (and twice a week thereafter until school is out). I feel a lot better about that considering she has a date with somebody else tonight.

 

[LiteBrite]

Oh, I'm so glad to hear this. Now if my DD will just break up with her boyfriend, too, we can get together and have a party!

 

[horseshowmom]

Oh, I'm so glad to hear this. Now if my DD will just break up with her boyfriend, too, we can get together and have a party!

I'll go get a truck load of pixe dust and start dumping it your way (and add prayers to it too!).

 

[Pooh93]

I am so glad to read this! I think you and your dh have handled this wonderfully and I hope when the time comes for dd's to date, I can have that type of open relationship with them. Here's to hoping the ex-boyfriend moves onto someone else and leaves dd alone.

 

[Disney Doll]

Good news!!!

The best way to get over an old BF is to find a new one!!!!

Be available tonight for talk of how the "encounter" with the ex went at school. I have this odd feeling that he is not going to go "quietly". Keep boosting up DD!!!!!

 

[horseshowmom]

I am so glad to read this! I think you and your dh have handled this wonderfully and I hope when the time comes for dd's to date, I can have that type of open relationship with them. Here's to hoping the ex-boyfriend moves onto someone else and leaves dd alone.

He recently got a letter from the Marines offering to reactivate him in a desk type job (due to the knee injury he can't do what he wants to do in the Marines). I'd love for him to take them up on their offer.

 

[horseshowmom]

Good news!!!

The best way to get over an old BF is to find a new one!!!!

Be available tonight for talk of how the "encounter" with the ex went at school. I have this odd feeling that he is not going to go "quietly". Keep boosting up DD!!!!!

Oh yes, I agree. I'm expecting him to be very pitiful (which is one reason I'm glad for the date!). I'll post when I find out how it went.

 

[mom2boys]

Oops! Should have finished reading all the posts before posting my own.

I knew your daughter had a good head on her shoulders.

 

[RUDisney]

I just read this today. I'm so happy that your DD was willing to listen to you and to heed your advice.

This guys sounds like my BIL. Years ago, when BIL was about 25, he was dating a college student. If she wasn't in and calling him when she said, he'd drive the hour to her school to check up on her. She couldn't do anything without him being there. When she broke up with him, his world crashed around him. It was the first time I'd seen him be abusive to his mother and siblings. Up until then, he was like a rising sun to them... so into family... so "I'll do anything for my family." When you spoke of her BF's relationship with his family, this is what I thought about.... to some abusers, there is "real" family and then there is the GF/wife... not real family.

So, fast forward to 3 years ago. He is in his 30's and dating a med student. There is again, at least 10-years difference. She is pushing to get married because all of her friends are getting engaged. She sees him as a ticket to everything she could ever want because he runs a successful business and can buy her anything she wants. (That's important to her.) She overlooked all the times that he was abusive to her when they went out with friends. We find it difficult to believe that he gives her no problem about having to spend the night in the hospital during her residency... but now they are married and living behind a closed door. She keeps a strong upper lip, but I can only imagine what her life must be like with him. My other SIL and I have wondered out loud where their marriage will head when she's finished with her residency.

I hope your DD's date was over the top wonderful!

 

[horseshowmom]

Well, yesterday went okay but not exactly the way it was planned.

She wound up having to miss the baseball game due to her afternoon lab. It generally runs 1 to 4 p.m. Yesterday, she had a Biology lab exam, so she had hoped to get out early. Unfortunately, they did stations, and it took the whole lab.

By the time she got out, she didn't have time to get her homework together for today and get ready to meet her date at 6 p.m., so she wound up coming home and working on her school stuff. She was disappointed but said the work had to get done (she doesn't have any free time on Tuesdays and Wednesdays).

She was on and off the phone with her Chemistry lab partner until past midnight trying to get their lab reports together for today's lab. The guy may not ask again considering she broke the date (of course, he's in pharmacy school too - a couple of years ahead of her - so he may understand).

As far as running into the old BF goes: She said that it went okay. They talked for a few minutes (of course, he told her how much he missed her, and they talked about how they hated not being able to see each other ). She said that she didn't get upset and made it okay (thought she did great on the Bio Exam that came the class after that one).

I don't like that they'll run into each other twice a week, but I can't do anything about it. I'm just counting down the days until school is out! So far, she's got two different jobs for the summer (one in May and one in June) plus she's had the parents of 4 different kids talk to her about helping their kids with their horsemanship. Plus, she's taking 6 hours online. Hopefully, she's going to be very busy!

 

[RUDisney]

My brother and one of my SILs went to Pharmacy schools. My brother went to PCPS and was told on his first day of school that if they looked to their left and to their right, chances are that at graduation they'd be looking at different people.

As she progresses through the program, will she be looking for work in pharmacies for the summer? My brother worked at a drugstore and then in hospitals. The money is definitely better for a pharmacy student in a pharmacy. He made at least double what he made at the drugstore. Every dollar helps a student and the experience will be worth it when she looks for a permanent position. My SIL only ever worked in a pharmacy and never in a drugstore. It helped her in the long run, too.

She needs to keep her eye on the prize, and she sounds level headed enough to do that, but at 18, all of us would have gotten distracted by love.

If the new guy is into her, he'll understand what happened with the lab and he'll ask her out again.

 

[Disney Doll]

Hopefully the new guy will understand what happened, and they'll give it another shot. If he's a Pharmacy student as well, I am sure he knows what she's up against. Your DD sounds great, so I am sure she called him and explained the dilemma and dind't just blow him off.

Keep alert, eyes and ears open. So far sounds good, but she's away, so there's no telling what may be happening.

 

[horseshowmom]

Just an update for everybody who was kind enough to help...

It's been 3 weeks now, and everything is great. The first week and a half (or so) DD was somewhat politely distant (not a bad attitude but definitely some distance there - of course, since she commutes, she's home every day). By the end of two weeks, she was getting back to her old self.

This weekend she decided to go do some shopping (we live 50 miles from a real town), and I suggested she take one of her friends with her. She said that if I didn't mind she'd rather just me and her go and that if I'd go she'd buy my lunch (she knew I was planning on washing clothes all day, so she threw lunch in as a bribe!). She got some great bargains (she paid for everything, so it didn't even cost me anything).

Yesterday evening, she brought her schoolwork outside and set up a table to work on it while her dad and I worked outside. Now she's acting like she's always acted. Her dad said today that it sure was nice to have her back!

Thanks to everyone who helped out!

 

[LiteBrite]

That's so weird - I was just thinking about you and your daughter this morning, and wondering how things are going!

Thanks for the update, and I'm so glad to hear things are getting back to normal.

 

[Disney Doll]

Glad things are getting back to normal.

 

[Nancyg56]

I am so glad that things are getting better. Thank you for the update.