Is how you say something as important as what you say?

[pfishgirl]

hey alex.... you are breaking rules, you double posted !!!

 

[DisneyPhD]

I am often surprised that some of these CONSISTENTLY rude people can love Disney.
There are a lot of people on these boards who have no tact and no regard for others' feelings.

True, but the boards are also full of people reporting on the really rude people they encountered at WDW too.

It seems to me that either the nicest or not so niceest people are at WDW. For every 1,000 wonderful nice ones we meet the really rude ones stands out and ruins things for others. I think that is how it is in life too.

It does seem that we all have something in common, at least we can build from that.

 

[popeyeohoh]

A gentle reminder helps. Thanks. Posting anonymously sometimes makes people write things they would not normally say to people in everyday life.

 

[momof2inPA]

In Alex's example, I would choose #1 and the poster would deserve it. What's the harm in stating your opinions plainly? Why post controversial situations or statements and expect every reply to be coated in pixie dust? Dry humor in a reply is always preferrable to and more entertaining than bland old p&pd, anyway.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I believe there are situtations where a "snippy" response is waranted.

 

[WebmasterAlex]

In Alex's example, I would choose #1 and the poster would deserve it. What's the harm in stating your opinions plainly? Why post controversial situations or statements and expect every reply to be coated in pixie dust? Dry humor in a reply is always preferrable to and more entertaining than bland old p&pd, anyway.

Well.. just my humble opinion but I've known quite a few people who use "being honest" and being "blunt" as a smokescreen for being mean. It also seems to me that people feel free to be "honest" on a message board in a way they would never be in real life.

 

[Deb in IA]

Of course it is.


Alex's first example is a button-pusher, guarenteed to get an explosive reaction. And frankly, I believe we have several posters who do just this sort of thing to watch the ensuing fireworks.

In addition, there are certain topics that are sure bets to cause major debates, name-calling, and other unpleasantness. I'm sure everyone knows the list by now, but these topics include:
Homeschooling
Breastfeeding
ADHD
Refillable mugs
Religion
Politics


Finally, I honestly believe that some people just like to argue for the sake of arguing . . .

 

[TLinden16]

Hey Karen. Who asked you for your opinion? Huh???

Don't start with me, John

 

[jbdreamer]

In addition, there are certain topics that are sure bets to cause major debates, name-calling, and other unpleasantness. I'm sure everyone knows the list by now, but these topics include:
Homeschooling
Breastfeeding
ADHD
Refillable mugs
Religion
Politics


Finally, I honestly believe that some people just like to argue for the sake of arguing . . .

Yea, I'm new to disboards. I responded to the breastfeeding thread by leaving my opnion, which the OP asked for. I am now being chewed out for it. It makes me not want to post!

 

[Independent]

Sometimes when I am reading these boards I am struck by the fact that some people just feel the need to say everything in the nastiest way possible. For example let's say someobody posts:

My friend Billy Bob let's his 12 year old son play with his loaded pistol I am really wondering if I should let my son play over there any more. Last week he accidently shot out 2 windows and the parakeet. I have talked to Billy Bob but he feels it's good for 12 year olds to play with guns.

This could be replied to in 2 ways

1. Are you a complete FREAKING MORON??? What kind of idiot would let their child go near that house? How the heck can you be so stupid? Do you have more brains than a goat? You are a complete and total loser and you should be banned from life!

2. I think it would be very dangerous for you to allow your child over there. Personally I would not permit it. Kids should not play with guns untill they are old enough to use them safely and then only under adult supervision

Now obviously I am exagerating badly here but I see so many posts that do the same thing in subtle ways.

But if the poster really posted something like that, and somebody answered with #2, you might get back:

Thanks but don't you dare tell me how to raise my kids with guns. Maybe YOU would not permit it. I believe that of course kids can play with guns. What - are you some liberal, spineless wimp who is against guns? I have a gun. Am I a bad parent? How dare you push your parental beliefs on me. The only thing I was asking is if my DS could go over because Billy Bob thought it was ok to shoot the parakeet. I happen to love parakeets.

So, I agree whole heartedly! People should definitely try to reread what they have answered and try to determine if it could be interpreted a different way, in a different tone. But I think if somebody really wants to, they can find offense in even the kindest of replies.

 

[momof2inPA]

Well.. just my humble opinion but I've known quite a few people who use "being honest" and being "blunt" as a smokescreen for being mean. It also seems to me that people feel free to be "honest" on a message board in a way they would never be in real life.

Maybe that's good. IRL you might wonder what people are really thinking, while on the net, people will tell you. No need to wonder.

 

[Buckalew11]

Personally, I see it happen a lot around here and you know, I think it is the moderators faults (or people in charge of running the boards). Most are grown ups around here and should know better than to be rude but as I have see over the years, that isn't always the case.
Once one person post a rude reply and gets away with it, others follow. The line gets crossed and people think it must be OK. #1 might be their fisrt reaction but an answer like #2 is probably how you should say it.

I have read many times that there are other boards much more strict about this type thing than the DIS is. They just don't put up with it and it is a well known fact. So, if you cross the line you pretty much know what is going to happen to you.
There are other boards where it is a free for all. They also have the reputation for being boards that allow free for alls.

Adults are just like kids on this kind of topic. They'll do whatever they get away with. I think the moderators are the ones who set the tone for a board. This one included.

 

[goofy4tink]

Well.. just my humble opinion but I've known quite a few people who use "being honest" and being "blunt" as a smokescreen for being mean. It also seems to me that people feel free to be "honest" on a message board in a way they would never be in real life.

Uh oh Alex....you must know my 29 y/o dd!!! She feels she's being honest but man, can she get insulting quickly. But Mom....I'm just being honest!!! Sorry, usually there is no excuse for bad manners....Oh God...my grandmother is coming right out of my mouth!!!!

If a post is going to push those buttons for you, then don't reply. Yes, I've gotten drawn into one or two, but at days end it's really not worth it. Not saying life is all 'pixie dust' but sheesh....where is it written that if you reply to something without being insulting or rude your full of the ole PD!!! Not to say that you have to be all syrupy and sugary....you can disagree with someone without being offensive. Snippy..sure, but offensive..I think not. I know, I know....some would say that it's a fine line between snippy and offensive.

 

[disney4us2002]

Absolutely HOW something is said is as important and sometimes MORE important than the content. There are several times I just stop reading because of ugliness.

Now Alex, I love ya to death but seriously your example stinks, lol. That type of post will almost assuredly beget the type of nasty replies that should be avoided. The ones that are truly amazing however are the inconsequential posts that then get hammered with no real warning or cause - just out of the blue someone posts something mean-spirited and the thread takes on a life all its own.

 

[swilphil]

Well.. just my humble opinion but I've known quite a few people who use "being honest" and being "blunt" as a smokescreen for being mean. It also seems to me that people feel free to be "honest" on a message board in a way they would never be in real life.

Momof2 makes a good point. In the exaggerated example you gave, bluntness is necessary. You are talking about a life and death matter. In most situations rudeness is not necessary, but there are a few frequent posters who always ask for advice for the same dysfunctional situations. People respond politely telling them why they need to change the given situation. Sometimes the only way to reach people is to be very blunt. It also is quite evident around here that if you lean a certain way politically, you are allowed to be mean.

 

[disney4us2002]

It also is quite evident around here that if you lean a certain way politically, you are allowed to be mean.

Oh lordy, I just can't let that one go by. Which way does one have to lean for meanness to be allowed?

I'm gonna guess that we see this topic differently considering the 5 on my ignore list are all due to political "meanness", lol.

 

[ford family]

Yea, I'm new to disboards. I responded to the breastfeeding thread by leaving my opnion, which the OP asked for. I am now being chewed out for it. It makes me not want to post!

Getting chewed out on the breastfeeding thread, eh?

Sounds painful.

ford family.

 

[disykat]

I agree with independent that #2 would not go over on this board well at all. People would accuse you of being judgemental and calling them a bad parent. Then they'd go on the "I'm a bad parent" thread and make fun of you with some smilies.

 

[disykat]

Oh lordy, I just can't let that one go by. Which way does one have to lean for meanness to be allowed?
QUOTE]

The opposite of what you are. The liberals think the conservatives are mean. The conservatives think the liberals are. It depends totally upon your perspective.

 

[Marseeya]

I know I can get pretty snarky, but I can get that way IRL too. I've yet to have someone I meet in real life tell me I'm mean.