Is DH being too protective or am I being too laid back?

[disneybound2010]

Believe me, when it comes to a very small child, too many people have learned the hard way that TEN pairs of distracted eyes might not be better than one committed parent.

The thing was, he was very well watched(according to FIL all the adults were going out of their way to play with him) The issue was that GF,who knew our rule, blatantly disregarded it and DS, who I told to do just as the grownups said, felt he was doing the right thing. She led him down to the creek and was got him to play in it. I'm not even concerned that he wouldn't have been safe playing in it(as far as drowning goes) as there were so many adults down there watching the kids play, but I am concerned that the water is contaminated(2 sewage plants nearby and DH and I found some prett horrible stuff in the water one year) and don't want to even risk it with DS.

 

[golfgal]

It's amazing how all of the sudden adult children seem to forget that THEIR PARENTS have a lot more experience raising kids then they do .

OP, I am glad your son had a great time and what a good learning experience for your DH.

 

[Liberty Belle]

What is wrong with letting a 4 year old spend time with his grandfather? You DH is being a helicopter parent. Let you son go and have fun.

I am glad you let him go and he had a great time.

That would depend on the grandfather and where they were going. And, you can see, those in charge did not follow the mother's wishes.

 

[Liberty Belle]

It's amazing how all of the sudden adult children seem to forget that THEIR PARENTS have a lot more experience raising kids then they do .

OP, I am glad your son had a great time and what a good learning experience for your DH.

My stepfather raised us from around age 9 and up. And he did not raise us the way I want my children raised. Beyond that, all children are different. My youngest has ADHD and SID, which throws a wrench in things.

 

[golfgal]

My stepfather raised us from around age 9 and up. And he did not raise us the way I want my children raised. Beyond that, all children are different. My youngest has ADHD and SID, which throws a wrench in things.

And spending one day with Grandpa is going to change how your kids are being raised . The ADHD and SID are only an issue if you let them be...

 

[Liberty Belle]

And spending one day with Grandpa is going to change how your kids are being raised . The ADHD and SID are only an issue if you let them be...

Maybe, if he decides to leave his pills out for him to take or doesn't watch him as he wanders off into the woods, or falls asleep when he is supposed to be supervising him, or does worse, which I'm not going to go into right now.

And, no, the ADHD and SID are issues, period. You do not know my child. He is a wonderful kid, but is very impulsive. That would definitely push my stepfather's buttons and he's not good when he's angry. He also does not understand the SID, no matter how much we explain.

I know my child.

 

[kidshop]

That would depend on the grandfather and where they were going. And, you can see, those in charge did not follow the mother's wishes.

Oh, it's only a little toxic waste! What's the big deal? All the other kids got to play in the sewage.

If they disregard 'little' things chances are they would not follow the parent's wishes on serious issues if they didn't give it the same level (or any) of importance.

 

[tonilea]

It's amazing how all of the sudden adult children seem to forget that THEIR PARENTS have a lot more experience raising kids then they do .

OP, I am glad your son had a great time and what a good learning experience for your DH.

Unfortunately, you can't always count on them. The one time we left DS w/ MIL to go on a date, we came home to find our sweet little boy watching cartoons. What's the problem? The "cartoon" was South Park!


I also think that when you choose to parent differently than your parents, it sometimes offends them. They think you are saying they did a poor job parenting you. Then they disrespect your wishes regarding your child, just to prove a point - they did that with you and you turned out okay.

 

[roliepolieoliefan]

I type this as both my kids are away with my mom and her BF for the weekend, so I guess you know what my answer is.

My mom watches my kids better than I do. So never any worries there.

 

[golfgal]

Unfortunately, you can't always count on them. The one time we left DS w/ MIL to go on a date, we came home to find our sweet little boy watching cartoons. What's the problem? The "cartoon" was South Park!


I also think that when you choose to parent differently than your parents, it sometimes offends them. They think you are saying they did a poor job parenting you. Then they disrespect your wishes regarding your child, just to prove a point - they did that with you and you turned out okay.

And he was scared for life, right. Our kids learned VERY early on that the rules at Grandma and Grandpa's were NOT the same as they were at home--early on being toddlers. So what if Grandma gave them ice cream for breakfast--it was FUN for the kids for a day or two. They knew they wouldn't get that at home. Again, see the post about teacups.

 

[NMAmy]

I'm actually kind of looking forward to the younger crop of parents now becoming incompetent grandparents some day. I'm glad that those with little ones in our family don't have issues leaving them with their grandparents or their great-auntie.

 

[SnowWhite607]

It's amazing how all of the sudden adult children seem to forget that THEIR PARENTS have a lot more experience raising kids then they do .

OP, I am glad your son had a great time and what a good learning experience for your DH.

But experience doesnt always equal good judgement. The way my parents chose to raise me is WAY different from the way I choose to raise DD. My parents BEAT me. Not just spanking......I would call it borderline child abuse. My mother is always saying now when DD get a little mouthy (as preteens tend to do) that she would "slap the s--- out of her." or that she needs a good spanking "just because" or something to that effect. Thats not how we do things and I am not so naive to think that if DD stayed with my mother for a while and got sassy that my mother would slap her in the mouth like she used to do to me. Its not the way I choose to raise my child.

In related news re: children and water/distracted parents.......I have a friend who was visiting relatives in Miami. Some other part of the family came over and as they were saying ther "hellos" in the doorway, her 2 yr old slipped out and fell in the pool. Five - eight minutes later he was found floating face down and is now severely brain damaged. All because someone was distracted for a minute. She is a very good mother, but things happen and people get distracted when there are large crowds around.

My mantra: better to be safe than sorry. I dont think my child is going to be scarred for life if she doesnt get to do ______ because I deem it unsafe.

 

[kidshop]

And he was scared for life, right. Our kids learned VERY early on that the rules at Grandma and Grandpa's were NOT the same as they were at home--early on being toddlers. So what if Grandma gave them ice cream for breakfast--it was FUN for the kids for a day or two. They knew they wouldn't get that at home. Again, see the post about teacups.

You have no objection to a young child watching South Park with Grandma?

 

[golfgal]

I'm actually kind of looking forward to the younger crop of parents now becoming incompetent grandparents some day. I'm glad that those with little ones in our family don't have issues leaving them with their grandparents or their great-auntie.

You have no objection to a young child watching South Park with Grandma?

One episode, no. No, I would not "let" my kids watch South Park when they were little but one episode would not do them in . Again, see "Teacups" thread.

 

[kidshop]

One episode, no. No, I would not "let" my kids watch South Park when they were little but one episode would not do them in . Again, see "Teacups" thread.

What makes you think it would only be one episode? Would you tell Grandma to not let your kid watch that? If so, how is that different than other rules other parents have?

 

[golfgal]

What makes you think it would only be one episode? Would you tell Grandma to not let your kid watch that? If so, how is that different than other rules other parents have?

I never gave Grandparent's "rules" when they watched our kids. Either you trust them or you don't and if you don't trust them, don't send your kids there for free babysitting. No, they may not have done things the way we would have but our kids have a GREAT relationship with ALL of their Grandparents now and that is much more important then worrying about a 2 year old watching South park when everything is going to go over their head anyway.

 

[disneybound2010]

And he was scared for life, right. Our kids learned VERY early on that the rules at Grandma and Grandpa's were NOT the same as they were at home--early on being toddlers. So what if Grandma gave them ice cream for breakfast--it was FUN for the kids for a day or two. They knew they wouldn't get that at home. Again, see the post about teacups.

I have no problem with the rules like sweets for breakfast or staying up extra late to watch a cartoon. I'm all for it and DS loves that he gets those extra things when going to GP's for the night. What I DO have a problem with is them disregarding my rule about swimming in a creek full of human feces! Had I ANY clue that this would have been laughed about or shrugged off, I NEVER NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS would have allowed DS to go. I am all for my son spending time with them. I DO love that he has such a wonderful relationship with them. I will NOT continue to allow them to watch him and put my trust in them when my child's health and well being are concerned. Sorry, but DS has always been a child that gets sick easily. I am not about to throw him in a giant toilet bowl to catch who knows what.

 

[kidshop]

I never gave Grandparent's "rules" when they watched our kids. Either you trust them or you don't and if you don't trust them, don't send your kids there for free babysitting. No, they may not have done things the way we would have but our kids have a GREAT relationship with ALL of their Grandparents now and that is much more important then worrying about a 2 year old watching South park when everything is going to go over their head anyway.

Ok, so you would let a young child watch South Park with Grandma. It would be fine b/c it's Grandma, even if you don't allow it at home. We're clear then.

 

[Bluestars]

.

DH is beyond peeved. He told me that in no way is he upset with me...his concerns with DS going down were that DS would not listen and run off. He never in a million years would have thought that his Dad and GF would go against us like this. I, of course, want to kick my self for saying yes now.

For all of you that said NAY to the idea, I'm beating you to it....YOU TOLD ME SO!

This is why nobody will watch your children as well as you and your husband will. It's a fact. I'm not saying to never let your child stay with his grandparents, but a large party would not be the time I would let my 4 yr old do it. The fact that there is a creek on the property would have made me very nervous.

I'm glad your son is ok and enjoyed himself.

 

[Bluestars]

I have no problem with the rules like sweets for breakfast or staying up extra late to watch a cartoon. I'm all for it and DS loves that he gets those extra things when going to GP's for the night. What I DO have a problem with is them disregarding my rule about swimming in a creek full of human feces! Had I ANY clue that this would have been laughed about or shrugged off, I NEVER NEVER EVER IN A MILLION YEARS would have allowed DS to go. I am all for my son spending time with them. I DO love that he has such a wonderful relationship with them. I will NOT continue to allow them to watch him and put my trust in them when my child's health and well being are concerned. Sorry, but DS has always been a child that gets sick easily. I am not about to throw him in a giant toilet bowl to catch who knows what.

At least you know now. I would also have a huge problem with the the grandparents disregarding your rules about the creek. I would be furious.