Is DH being too protective or am I being too laid back?

[disneybound2010]

DH's family is having their annual their reunion this weekend at the family cabin. It kicks off tonight with a big catered dinner. DH and I were not planning to go tonite, but had made plans to attend tomorrow. My FIL called last night and asked if he and his GF could take DS4 to the dinner tonight. There are going to be lots of children and our son doesn't get the chance to see his cousins that often. I said yes. DS has spent the night with them and he knows to follow the rules. Both FIL and his GF are very attentive to DS and I see no reason not to go...the cabin is maybe 20 minutes away.

Last night, DH throws an absolute fit and says that he doesn't like the idea of DS going somewhere without us. HE is worried that with all the excitement down there, DS might get lost in the chaos and that FIL and GF will lose track of him. He is also a nervous wreck with it being a holiday weekend and so many people on the roads.( I understand his concern with the traffic. DS was in a minor fender bender with my Dsis when he was 18 months old, so I do worry about driving with DS.) As far as the rest of it goes,though, I think DS needs to have opportunites like this to just enjoy himself out with other friends and family and get a break from Mommy and Daddy. I always worry about him, of course, but I understand that I can't shelter him all the times because of the "what ifs."

So am I being foolish for letting him go or does DH just need to accept that we have to let go just a little bit?

 

[Dax]

DH's family is having their annual their reunion this weekend at the family cabin. It kicks off tonight with a big catered dinner. DH and I were not planning to go tonite, but had made plans to attend tomorrow. My FIL called last night and asked if he and his GF could take DS4 to the dinner tonight. There are going to be lots of children and our son doesn't get the chance to see his cousins that often. I said yes. DS has spent the night with them and he knows to follow the rules. Both FIL and his GF are very attentive to DS and I see no reason not to go...the cabin is maybe 20 minutes away.

Last night, DH throws an absolute fit and says that he doesn't like the idea of DS going somewhere without us. HE is worried that with all the excitement down there, DS might get lost in the chaos and that FIL and GF will lose track of him. He is also a nervous wreck with it being a holiday weekend and so many people on the roads.( I understand his concern with the traffic. DS was in a minor fender bender with my Dsis when he was 18 months old, so I do worry about driving with DS.) As far as the rest of it goes,though, I think DS needs to have opportunites like this to just enjoy himself out with other friends and family and get a break from Mommy and Daddy. I always worry about him, of course, but I understand that I can't shelter him all the times because of the "what ifs."

So am I being foolish for letting him go or does DH just need to accept that we have to let go just a little bit?

I say do it. If you its no big deal, then go with your gut..

 

[lovesmurfs]

DH's family is having their annual their reunion this weekend at the family cabin. It kicks off tonight with a big catered dinner. DH and I were not planning to go tonite, but had made plans to attend tomorrow. My FIL called last night and asked if he and his GF could take DS4 to the dinner tonight. There are going to be lots of children and our son doesn't get the chance to see his cousins that often. I said yes. DS has spent the night with them and he knows to follow the rules. Both FIL and his GF are very attentive to DS and I see no reason not to go...the cabin is maybe 20 minutes away.

Last night, DH throws an absolute fit and says that he doesn't like the idea of DS going somewhere without us. HE is worried that with all the excitement down there, DS might get lost in the chaos and that FIL and GF will lose track of him. He is also a nervous wreck with it being a holiday weekend and so many people on the roads.( I understand his concern with the traffic. DS was in a minor fender bender with my Dsis when he was 18 months old, so I do worry about driving with DS.) As far as the rest of it goes,though, I think DS needs to have opportunites like this to just enjoy himself out with other friends and family and get a break from Mommy and Daddy. I always worry about him, of course, but I understand that I can't shelter him all the times because of the "what ifs."

So am I being foolish for letting him go or does DH just need to accept that we have to let go just a little bit?

Umm. You need to get this stopped soon, or your DS will be in bubble wrap until he's 18.

I have DS16 and DD10. My DH is a bit overprotective of DD (probably the "daddy's girl" thing). For me, any opportunity at all for them to spend more time with family is a precious one, and I take it. Let him go to the dinner, and have an evening out alone with DH.

 

[sunnyday123]

I tend to over analyze and can throw "what if's" out there that would make your head spin...I would ask if there would be drinking and then driving anywhere. That would be the deal breaker for me. Otherwise, I'd let him go.

 

[luvmy3]

If your dh doesn't think anyone in his family can be trusted with your ds's care and safety then I think he is being overprotective. He is young and probably will have many opportunities like this again, so I would let your dh tell his father how he feels and let him deal with what they all say/think about it.

 

[ICF]

DH just needs to accept that you have to let go just a little bit

It's not like he's going with complete strangers or anything....it's the kids grandpa afterall.

 

[Liberty Belle]

I'm like your dh, but I now it's not the healthiest way to be for me or my sons.

In this situation, I think it's iffy. But, again, I'm over-protective, so maybe my view is skewed.

 

[WebmasterMaryJo]

I agree with you, and in your shoes would let my child go with my parent to a family function.

However, if my husband felt so strongly against it I would respect his feelings and not let my child go. Your little one is just 4, and there will be other opportunities.

 

[foolishmortal]

your son must absolutely go!!!!

When time is sparce to play with other family members his age he must be there when the opportunity presents itself. If you DH doesnt trust his own dad with your son then there is something wrong. It's a family gathering which means he is not among strangers, and for the getting lost in confusion excuse, well then what is going to happen to the other kids??? does he really think all the kids are going to get lost in confusion??? your son will be with the kids at all times I would imagine if hes anything like our kids when they see out of state cousins...he wont get forgotten!

 

[disneybound2010]

Thank you for the responses! I was starting to feel like maybe I was losing my mind for letting him go, but I just cannot see keeping DS away from things because something MIGHT happen. FIL and GF are wonderful with DS and their will be plenty of adults there, many with their own small children. I have been to the reunion many times over and this family is is all about the children. FIL and GF are not drinkers and GF is as much of a child, if not moreso, than my DS. She relishes any chance she has to spend time with him.

I just can't seem to get DH to understand that we have to start making dents in that cord.

 

[foolishmortal]

I agree with you, and in your shoes would let my child go with my parent to a family function.

However, if my husband felt so strongly against it I would respect his feelings and not let my child go. Your little one is just 4, and there will be other opportunities.

hate to say it, but how can you be so sure? Time witrh family is precious for kids, espcially family they dont see but once or twice every so often.

 

[NotUrsula]

I think I hear helicopters ... whop, whop, whop, whop, whop ...

The kid should go and have a great time, and you and the hover-man should have a nice dinner alone.

(I can say this easily b/c I'm married to one, too. Daddies are NOT exempt from helicoptering tendencies.)

PS: I re-read and noticed that your FIL has a GF. If FIL is divorced, could it be her presence that your DH is really objecting to? I've seen grown men get weirdly defensive on their mothers' behalves more times than I can count.

 

[disneybound2010]

hate to say it, but how can you be so sure? Time witrh family is precious for kids, espcially family they dont see but once or twice every so often.

That's the other thing. FIL is not in good health and while talking with him a few days ago was also talking about the other family members(he is the youngest of 12!) who are getting up there in age and are having a hard time making it in for these reunions. He even made the comment that we may not be having yearly reunions much longer.

 

[WDWorBUST]

My response would depend on whether or not the cabin is on a lake. I am overprotective and I know it. However, I also try not to let that keep DD from great experiences. But if there is a lake nearby (or the cabin sits right on a busy highway or some other situation that makes it a little less safe) and lots of children I probably wouldn't let my child go...but even that depends on how the group my child was with interacts and watches children. Heck I was at a close friends daughter's birthday party with my DD and we were going swimming. We went out to swim and when we did her DD went along too and got in the pool. We of course watched her but my friend had no idea at all she was in the pool or who she was with. They tend to have the "well someone is watching her" mentality but no one knows who that "someone" is. Every since DD was little me or DH one knew when we were the one watching her. We would always check with each other - you've got DD, I'm going to the bathroom or whatever the case may be. I could just see in a situation where "someone" is watching them and the "someone" not knowing it and it turns out no one is watching the child....especially for someone who isn't responsible for the child often. (although I would hope in that case they would be extra vigilant)

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Thank you for the responses! I was starting to feel like maybe I was losing my mind for letting him go, but I just cannot see keeping DS away from things because something MIGHT happen. FIL and GF are wonderful with DS and their will be plenty of adults there, many with their own small children. I have been to the reunion many times over and this family is is all about the children. FIL and GF are not drinkers and GF is as much of a child, if not moreso, than my DS. She relishes any chance she has to spend time with him.

I just can't seem to get DH to understand that we have to start making dents in that cord.

Yea, sounds like some great alone time to me.

 

[NMAmy]

The kid should go and have a great time, and you and the hover-man should have a nice dinner alone.

I totally agree! I remember when dd was a newborn and my mom was visiting us and we took advantage of that to see a movie. Someone asked me how I could leave dd with my mother when she was so tiny to which I replied, "Hey, she's raised 3 kids to adulthood. I've only been a mom for two weeks. She's got a WAY better track record than I do!"

Of course your son should go with his grandfather. It's a great way for the two of them to become closer and for your son to spend time with his extended family.

 

[disneybound2010]

My response would depend on whether or not the cabin is on a lake. I am overprotective and I know it. However, I also try not to let that keep DD from great experiences. But if there is a lake nearby (or the cabin sits right on a busy highway or some other situation that makes it a little less safe) and lots of children I probably wouldn't let my child go...but even that depends on how the group my child was with interacts and watches children. Heck I was at a close friends daughter's birthday party with my DD and we were going swimming. We went out to swim and when we did her DD went along too and got in the pool. We of course watched her but my friend had no idea at all she was in the pool or who she was with. They tend to have the "well someone is watching her" mentality but no one knows who that "someone" is. Every since DD was little me or DH one knew when we were the one watching her. We would always check with each other - you've got DD, I'm going to the bathroom or whatever the case may be. I could just see in a situation where "someone" is watching them and the "someone" not knowing it and it turns out no one is watching the child....especially for someone who isn't responsible for the child often. (although I would hope in that case they would be extra vigilant)

There is a creek, but it is down quite a ways from the cabin and yard(about 5 acres) and to get down to it you have to go down some pretty steep steps to get to it. Although DS is only 4, he is already well aware of safety(we go over many different scenarios with him) and he has actually yelled at DH and I for what he deems to be unsafe. DH threw me into the pool the other nite(we were joking around) and DS burst into tears and asked DH why he would do that when he knows that water is not SAFE and I could get hurt. YOU DON"T PLAY AROUND WATER! It was funny, but I felt good knowing that DS understands this.

The road back there is not a busy one. Here and there you will have a car come through but it is one of the safest places in the area. These reunions have been going on since my DH was a little boy-he is 40 now-and there have always been children down there. Family comes from all over the country for this every year and it's the only time that everyone is together.

 

[Pumbaa_]

unless there is something in the family history that you don't know about with this family, then I would send him. If they tend to not be watchful or are creless with his personal safety, a deal breaker.

good luck!

 

[JessicaR]

Let him go! Time for hubby to loosen the cord a little. Unless there are definite reasons not to. I hope he gets to go and has a great time! You two get some alone time.

 

[jen0610]

I agree with you, and in your shoes would let my child go with my parent to a family function.

However, if my husband felt so strongly against it I would respect his feelings and not let my child go. Your little one is just 4, and there will be other opportunities.

Her DH is dwelling on the what if's. How about these:

What if FIL passes away - There is a missed opportunity to spend time with grandpa.

What if there is a huge disagreement within the family makeup and one of the cousins he hardly ever gets to see, now becomes the cousin he NEVER sees.

What if's are always there. The other good one is coulda, woulda, shoulda. Live is to short and precious - the time to live is NOW!!!