Is anyone else's family like this?????

[disfanRN]

Warning: I am about to vent!
Yesterday we had my family over for our annual tradition of making Ravioli.
About 24 people, half being children mostly 8-13, 3 of them age 4.

The trouble started when my niece, 9 yo old came to tell me my other niece 8yo, was upstairs drawing on the walls with a black chopstick. By the time I got up there, she was already downstairs. I asked her to come up stairs, she responded "why?". I told her I wanted to ask her about something, she said "what?", and would not come up. I then got my sister (her mom ) and asked her to find out what happened. My sister asked her if she did it, and she said "no". My sister looked at me and saif "thats good enough for me, she didn't do it". We then set about trying to clean it off, but it was not only black marks but dug into the drywall. We just it painted less than a month ago, so I was sad. My brothers dd, who saw her doing it, would really have no reason to lie. Additionally, my own DD had come to me and said she was uncomfortable because my niece was upstairs by herself and telling everyone to "go away".
My sister divorced her husband (long story) and moved her kids back from another state. I think my niece has had anger issues, among others, as they are living with my brother until they can afford a house. I feel sad that she is so angry she felt the need to be destructive in my house, but also irritated becasue she is old enough to know better.

Then we had chocolate cupcakes and there was chocolate all over the floor from the 4 year olds eating unsupervised, that was then tracked and ground into my living room carpet!!

Is everyone's family so messy? I know you have to expect a certain amount of mess, but I am thinking staining carpet and walls was extreme! After the walls and carpet, I had a hard time enjoying myself. Then I felt guilty because I just wanted them to leave!!!

Does this happen at your house when you have family over?

 

[mom2grace]

OMG! I would have had a conference in the bedroom with all of the girls who witnessed it...........

 

[lucky978]

Yes. That's why I stopped inviting them!!!

 

[disfanRN]

I thought of getting them together, but my sister's reaction totally floored me, and she is the explosive type, so I knew if I pursued it, it would get ugly.
For the sake of my parents, and grandma who is 98, I decided to let it drop. I did tell them that no one was allowed upstairs anymore, and that to whomever was responsible, I found it very disrespectful. They all looked at me wide eyed!

 

[luv2nascar]

sorry you had your good time ruined by the messy ones. Maybe adult only ravioli party or at someone else's house next year. Once my parents friends 5 yr old was allowed to eat chocolate covered cherries at my parents house and she went upstairs and wiped her hands all the way down the way. My mother had a fit when they left but I don't think she ever said anything to the parents. What a mess.

Some parents just don't make their children behave. My children are taught to treat other people's homes even more carefully than they treat their own.

 

[Sandcass]

My DH's family is like this terribly! Our nieces & nephews are total undisciplined slobs. DH is the oldest of 11, and let's just say that a clean house was not a huge priority for my MIL. I run a daycare in my home and manage to keep it pretty clean, IMO. I have rules about only eating in the kitchen, shoes off at the door, etc. Well my inlaws let their kids take food all over my house. I seriously have to empty every toy box & bin after they go home looking for food. Otherwise on Monday am when the daycare kids come to play they end up finding leftovers in with the toys. I always set out spill-proof sippie cups for the little ones, but if they say they don't want a lid the parents just let them go all over my house with cans or cups of pop. It's really gotten to where we don't even want them here anymore. It's not worth it. It's just amazing to me that I can have a house FULL of kids all week and keep it under control, and my inlaws come over for a few hours and TRASH the place.

Ok, guess I needed to vent too. I feel your pain!

 

[hentob]

New rules for next time everyone is visitit::UPSTAIRS IS OFF LIMITS!

I am sorry, but your sister seems rude. I would be mortified if someone even mentioned my child's name along with defacing someone else's property. Is she a lax parent all of the time? Wasn't she concerned that another child said she saw it?

Ugh. Sorry, but sounds like poor parenting.

 

[eeyore kelly]

Sister truly has some issues. I like the idea of upstairs off limits. I would also make a rule that all food and drinks are in the kitchen

 

[malibuconlee]

I feel for you. My nephews are terrors. Undisciplined terrors.

One thing I don't understand about kids these days is how they're allowed to eat all over the house!! We ate at the kitchen table. On a RARE occasion we were allowed to eat on TV trays - the kind that you sit on the floor over your legs.

At my aunt's house it was either at the dining room table or if we were just having a snack we would sit on the rag rugs she kept in front of her cabinets and eat there.

So sorry this happened. My nephew when he was almost 2 took a fork and scraped it down my kitchen table when he was mad during a visit with us.

I've finally come to the conclusion that it's my house, my rules. Eating in the kitchen. No throwing things. That annoying "Gaahh" noise he makes is "not nice".

I'm tired of just sitting by saying nothing. A couple of years ago I just started leaving the room when the nephew misbehaved. I lived away and there was nothing I could do the couple of times a year I saw him. When we moved closer I had a hard time at first. I was raised and around my aunts and cousins a lot when I was their age. I was spanked just as often by my aunt as my mom. We turned out fine.

DH used to really stick up for them. He's since decided that he feels the same way about them as I do. (The last time he was at their house the 5 year old stood up on the kitchen table repeatedly).

 

[EthansMom]

I prefer not to have our nephews over. Every time I clean up after they visit, I find one or more of my child(rens) toys that have been intentionally broken. One time, we found my son's large, plastic bus had been smashed to smitherenes. My SIL and BIL's response is, "Oh well." They don't offer to replace the item or discipline their kids. During any visits, I'm the only one that does any disciplining -- SIL will sit and watch her children misbehave and then blame my DS for any of the kids' disagreements.

I have mixed feelings about DS4 starting kindergarten in the same class with nephew4 next fall. But since we only have one class per grade, here, there isn't much of an alternative.

 

[ChristmasElf]

It sounds like we all have the SAME families!!!

I also have a sister like this. She will come to visit, walk all over the house with her shoes on, her kids do the same, while we all take our shoes off and she knows this. No respect whatsoever.
They leave food all over the house and the pool area (causing ants) she just doesn't care.
Personally, I think it's JEALOUSY. Her and her dh and 3 kids all live up North while we live in Florida. (no snow) I think the difference in houses, lifestyles,whatever is also a problem. Too bad. It doesn't help that her children also have NO discipline. Her dh actually asks my dh to "speak to their kids" for him so they behave better!
They used to visit 3-4 times a year when we first moved to Florida. Thank heavens they only come down 1 maybe 2 times a year now.

 

[disfanRN]

Thank you everyone for making me feel better about my dysfunctional sister and her family, sounds like we all have one of these to contend with.
The answer I think, is only invite them when absolutely necessary, and then WATCH them like a hawk! Next time, they'll call me "eagle eyes!"
Good luck to all in this holiday season, I wish as little destruction as possible to eveyone's home.
What is it with people who won't take their shoes off, when they know that is what the norm in the house is???? Rude!!!

 

[minkydog]

I'm appalled. I come from a big family with several ADHD & autisitc(read:hyperactive) kids and we have very few problems when we get together. I'm not understanding how you can have 12 adults and 12 kids(that's 1:1) and this kind of stuff goes on. Is no one watching the kids?

When you have this many kids together(and 1/4 of them are under 5 ) you better have some plans because you can't just let them entertain themselves--they're running amuck. Make a plan and take turns supervising. Keep the upstairs off limits. Have some outdoor time, craft time, board games and a video.

Consider this a lesson learned and don't volunteer your house again unless you have a firm commitment from the other adults for managing children.

 

[DisneyPhD]

1st, so sorry about your house and walls. I understand your frustration.

About the cup cakes. I would better try to control the situation in the future (if there will be a future of having kids over, I don't blame you for not wanting to host again.) No more chocolate cup cakes, something less messy next time and keep it contained to a space that is easy to clean up (put down some kind of matt over the carpet if there isn't a place that is easy to clean.

The biggest deal with your neice wasn't your niece or her actions, but your sisters. That is so frustrating! When there was an eye whitness no less. Is there any way you would let your DD get away with that? I wouldn't and it so frustrating when other mothers do.

Last week we were at a resturant for my nephews 1st brithday. My niece 5 was very volient towards my DD 4, push and grabing something from her. Her "time out" ended up being sitting on her grandmas lap (not my mother's, no way my mother would go for that!) Some parents take the path of least resistance in a puplic place or family gathering. The problem is the kids learns they can get away with it in places mom and dad won't punish me.

My niece is much better at my house when her parents aren't around. She knows my rules and that I am in charge. I find it easier to deal with her when I can set the punishement. (if nessasry.)


So how did the Ravioli turn out? That is an interesting tradtion, but sounds very yummy!

 

[disfanRN]

The ravioli turned out very well, we made 400 of them. It is a 40 year old tradition in my family to get together the Sunday after Thanksgiving and make them all. The men and boys hang out watching football and chatting and rolling all the meatballs to go inside them. The women and girls hang out in the kitchen making dough and rolling them out, and then place the meatballs in and fork them. We then freeze them and have them for Christmas dinner.
It is wonderful and fun, to see my family from Grandma age 98 down to the littlest ones all working together.
I will be wiser next year, and be more vocal about the rules to avoid having this happen again.
Yes, sadly, my sister has issues-too many for me. I alternate between feeling irritated and sad for her.

 

[Marseeya]

IMO, kids will be kids, especially when they're unsupervised! Your sister's reaction was pretty out there. I can't imagine she'd just take her word for it like that.

 

[DisneyPhD]

Yes, sadly, my sister has issues-too many for me. I alternate between feeling irritated and sad for her.

Those are my feelings towards my SIL too! As much as it is hard to be her SIL, it would be much harder to be her!

Sounds like the ravoli turned out great, and yummy.

 

[ilovepcot]

You were kind to allow the issue to drop in order to protect the feelings of the older family members. It's obvious that you have respect for them. That's what your neice needs to learn.....respect for others.

 

[malibuconlee]

That's another good one. Why can't kids behave in public? I know not all kids are this way, I'm talking about the ones I'm related to.

We had one sleepover with DH's nephews. Their parents needed a sitter and it was to be until late. I didn't want to spend that many hours at their house. They know I'm allergic, but got a cat anyway. That's fine, just dont' expect me to hang out at their house very long for parties and things.

So, she reluctantly agreed to let them spend the night. Not sure what the alternative would have been, everyone else had plans.

So, we drive 45 mintues to pick them up and drop them off after church the next day. Over the next day the then 4 yo threw a stick at me when I wanted him to bring his juice cups back inside after eating on the patio, kicked my dog at breakfast for no good reason, had to go into time out because he wouldn't get dressed for church. We had to go we were coffee hosts that day. During young disciples time when the minister talks to all the little ones onstage, he hit his little brother. I was cringing hoping everyone realized these weren't my kids.

I went to the mall last spring with the mom and the 2 & 4 yo for the 2nd b-day pictures. The 4yo laid on the floor and wouldn't get up after I had to chase because he had run out of the store while the mom was picking out pictures.

The hit his little brother and rammed his mom with the stroller twice. I then took it away from him and he threw another fit.

In the shoe store he refused to stay in the same aisle as us. There is NO discipline.

The two year old will be three in April. He still eats baby food and yoghert mostly. I did see him eat a piece of american cheese once. During the family Thanksgiving grandma held him for his ENTIRE nap instead of laying him down and enjoying herself.

I cooked dinner and took it down one night. Grandma didnt' get to eat because she had to take the little one into another room to let him throw his fit.

Gee, and DH's grandparents wonde why we dont' have kids. NO THANK YOU!! I know mine wouldn't act that way, but when these are mostly the only kids you're around, it makes you think twice about it.

 

[Marseeya]

That's another good one. Why can't kids behave in public? I know not all kids are this way, I'm talking about the ones I'm related to.

In the shoe store he refused to stay in the same aisle as us. There is NO discipline.

You answered your own question there.