Is an 18 year old "really" an adult?

[golfgal]

The troll post about the mom who is having issues with her DD got me thinking, many people on there are saying that the DD is 18, she is an adult, butt out. Now, this isn't the best example because it is so far fetched, but...

Is an 18 year old really an adult in TODAY'S society. When I was 18 we had access to everything an adult has, we could vote, drink legally, rent a car, rent a hotel room, get a loan, etc. Today that isn't the case. I think this is one area that really hasn't kept up with changes to our society. Back when people only lived to age 60, many 18 year olds were out of their parents houses, had jobs, were married, etc. Today and 18 year old is still living at home, still in high school and is fully supported by their parents. I know this isn't the case for EVERY 18 year old but for MOST in our country this is true. If they aren't at home, they are usually in college, etc.

So, do you really feel (outside of any legal definition) that an 18 year old is really an adult. I feel that until a person, no matter what age, is fully supporting themselves they are not an adult (and that would include the 43 year old living in mom and dad's basement having never left ).

 

[kellyg403]

I have some 18 year olds that I think could be considered 'adults'. They have a maturity and their head on straight. I have seen other 18 yo I think will never be able to handle adulthood.

So, in the end...the law says they are adults but I am not sure I was an adult at 18!


Kelly

 

[RunningGirl]

I really don't understand how someone can be legally classified as an "adult" and then not allowed to drink or even rent a car! As far as maturity level goes it varies greatly by person, but generally I think 21 is closer to reality for most.

 

[minkydog]

In the eyes of the law, an 18 year old is an adult. I am sure that there are a lot of 18yr olds who aren't ready to take on the full responsibility of being an adult, but that don't mean they aren't an adult. It just means they're immature. My oldest DS18 was very immature at 18,but he made some pretty adult decisions and had to live with them. My DD17 will turn 18 in 2 months. She is far ahead of where DS was at that age and she is ready now to be an adult. Sure, she will need guidance. Didn't we all? We'll help her find her resources. I was on my own at age 17 and I figured it out largely on my own. My kids are smart, they can figure it out too.

 

[punkin]

It depends. I have an 18 yo. I do not think she is old enough to make completely independent financial decisions, and since I still hold most of her purse strings, she doesn't. However, she is plenty old enough to decide lots of other things (like whom to date in the referenced post). Maturity doesn't just happen at a particular age. It's a process. Frankly, even younger than 18 I wouldn't tell my DD whom to date. I would advise and listen (of course), but it is not really my place to INSIST.

 

[golfgal]

It depends. I have an 18 yo. I do not think she is old enough to make completely independent financial decisions, and since I still hold most of her purse strings, she doesn't. However, she is plenty old enough to decide lots of other things (like whom to date in the referenced post). Maturity doesn't just happen at a particular age. It's a process. Frankly, even younger than 18 I wouldn't tell my DD whom to date. I would advise and listen (of course), but it is not really my place to INSIST.

Our kids have been picking their own friends since they were in school. I guess I was thinking more along the lines of once a child turns 18 there are a lot of people her that seem to think they have no rights to tell their kids anything. I feel that if you are footing the bill for them you do have some rights (and responsibility) to continue to direct them in age appropriate ways. I certainly don't think an 18 year old needs a curfew but I do expect anyone living here to give us a general idea of where they are going and when they plan to be home, for example.

 

[englishteacha]

I think it depends on the person. I was definitely an adult at 18. I assumed all financial responsibility for myself when I went off to college. I paid my bills, paid for school, and worked hard. I got married at 22 and bought a home. Other people I know are 25 and aren't "adults." They live at home with their folks, work part time, and have no responsibilities.

 

[marlynnp]

It depends on the 18 years old.

Much like some parents aren't really parents.

 

[5lilfish]

I completely understand what you are saying about society, and personally I think the drinking age should be 18 (if you can give an 18 yr old a gun and ask them to fight for their country, they surely must be old enough and mature enough to handle a beer). I also agree that, in this society, very few 18 yr olds could live on their own. The fact is that they cannot get a good enough job to afford an appartment/food/car fresh out of high school. So, if your definition of adult is a person fully capable of supporting themself then I guess 18 is not an adult. If you believe an adult is defined by someone with the maturity to make responsible decisions then I certainly hope my kids are adults at 18.

Unfortunately, I think that society has become the way that it is because we aren't raising kids to be mature and responsible by the time they are 18. If they were then the drinking age wouldn't 'need' to be 18 and car rental places wouldn't be afraid to rent a car to an 18 yr old. I think we are overprotective and do not allow children the freedom they need to learn to be responsible and make good decisions. One example...my child went to middle school orientation at the beginning of this school year. As I pulled up to the school, I saw many of her classmates being walked into the building by mom and mom literally stood outside the school for the entire 90 minutes waiting for the child to come back out. I drove up, pointed to the table outside the school where parent volunteers were directing kids to where they needed to be. I pointed to the table and told my child, "See Mrs. X at that table. You need to go to her and see where you are supposed to be. Have a great time. I'll be back when you're done." My daughter was fully capable of taking care of herself and honestly did not want or need me to walk her in. This is just an example...I'm sure there will be plenty of people that will argue that there is nothing wrong with Mom walking the middle school child in (and if this was just one case, then I'd agree..these Moms don't let the kids do anything), but where is the line drawn...you've got to take baby steps toward teaching kids to take care of themselves.

Jess

 

[FlightlessDuck]

Most of Western society, I think, considers "21" to be an adult, because that's when you can drink and around the age most people graduate college. Although you can smoke and vote at 18 and drive at 16.

But I think it depends on the individual. I knew a lot of people in their mid 20s that still needed to grow up.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I guess I was thinking more along the lines of once a child turns 18 there are a lot of people her that seem to think they have no rights to tell their kids anything.

Personally I reserve the right to boss around my kids until I am dead.

And then I will haunt them after that.

 

[Mickeyistheman]

For me when I turned 18, I had already been working part time during the school year and full time during the summer, paying my own bills etc.

I had already started saving to get my own apt.

Nowadays basically from society as you can see, the kids are very sheltered. I learned about defeat, I learned how to deal with NOT getting that job or in highschool, not getting a medal or chosen for the lead or even any part in the play.

Rejections reared its ugly head, but you deal with it the best way you can and everyone is different. Not saying my parents were the best BUT when I was that age, I was more prepared what to expect.

Now everyone gets a medal, everyone gets a part so the kids don't learn the word NO. I feel sorry for this next generation they are going to have to deal with alot of rejection.

Then they graduate and get into the real world and can't handle ta

 

[Northstar]

Is an 18 year old really an adult in TODAY'S society. When I was 18 we had access to everything an adult has, we could vote, drink legally, rent a car, rent a hotel room, get a loan, etc. Today that isn't the case. I think this is one area that really hasn't kept up with changes to our society. Back when people only lived to age 60, many 18 year olds were out of their parents houses, had jobs, were married, etc. .

This got me thinking... when I was 18, true, I could vote or drink alcohol, but actually, I had less financial freedom. Back then, no way could I have gotten a credit card. If I had gone into a bank looking for a loan, they would have laughed at me. So getting a hotel room or renting a car was theoretically possible, I suppose, but only if you had the cash.

We had to live within our means because nobody was going to accept an IOU... so in that way, (access to credit and financial services), I think an 18-year-old today has more freedom and responsibility.

 

[pat fan]

Well, I have a 21 yr. old set to graduate college this spring, and I "sort of" consider him to be an adult. When he decides to support himself and stop asking his father & I to do it, then I will.

I also have an 18 yr old who got himself a full time job, found a someone to share the rent in a house and lives on his own and supports himself. Do I consider him an adult? Yes. Does he still need some advice? Of course. I still call MY mom for Pete's sake and I'm 42!

I was married at 18, with a job and all the responsibilities that go with that. Seeing's how I raised two great boys and my DH & I are still married 24 years later, I think 18 is a perfectly acceptable age to be considered an adult. Now do I believe our society encourages that? NO! My DS was WAY more adult before he left for college than he is now. I tell anyone who listens that college is not worth it after seeing what it did to my DS. Get a job and learn life the "real" way, IMO.

 

[5lilfish]

Our kids have been picking their own friends since they were in school. I guess I was thinking more along the lines of once a child turns 18 there are a lot of people her that seem to think they have no rights to tell their kids anything. I feel that if you are footing the bill for them you do have some rights (and responsibility) to continue to direct them in age appropriate ways. I certainly don't think an 18 year old needs a curfew but I do expect anyone living here to give us a general idea of where they are going and when they plan to be home, for example.

By 18, I can not see myself telling my children what to do. I will have rules that center around living at home....respect, cleanliness, etc. I won't pay for them to flunk classes in college. I might have advise...but they need to make decisions. It is their life. Even at 14, as my son was filling out his high school class selection (he is in 8th..going to HS next year), I sat back and let him make his choices. Since he is extremely good at language and has been put into advance Sophmore Spanish, I suggested that he might consider adding German or Latin. He doesn't want to....his choice. He has to make those decisions. He wants to go into Sports Management (in college). I'm not sure it's a good fit for him. I have pointed out to him the things about Sports Management that make me wonder if it's a good fit (For example: he wants to stay local..jobs in this field often require moving and travel), but beyond making sure he is informed, he has to decide what he wants to be in life. I can't make that decision for him. It's his life and he has to do what he thinks will make him happy.

Jess

 

[LuvOrlando]

Not at all. There are limits to what is or isn't my place to say but in my culture a child has to answer to their parents pretty much forever, its a understood social contract with generational accountability. Everyone I knew was like this growing up and what we did, where we went and how we behaved was all about how our families would react. In fact, only now that I am in Pa and I rubbing up against this 18 & hands off mentality which seems to be a very Eastern European thing. From where I'm standing it boggles my mind that people can watch their kids make the most self destructive decisions and not say anything instead saying, "Well they are 18, not my problem". This is not something that would ever come out of any parents mouth I grew up around. Family bonds are only broken in extraordinarily extreme circumstances and nothing short of severed bonds would end the accountability and even then, in a moment of crisis blood is ticker than anything. Its just the way it is. My kids could be 18, 25 or 40, if they step out of line it's my job to tell them about it because I have to answer for the job I've done as a mother in the end. This isn't a personal thing, it's a cultural thing.

 

[LisaNJ25]

Our kids have been picking their own friends since they were in school. I guess I was thinking more along the lines of once a child turns 18 there are a lot of people her that seem to think they have no rights to tell their kids anything. I feel that if you are footing the bill for them you do have some rights (and responsibility) to continue to direct them in age appropriate ways. I certainly don't think an 18 year old needs a curfew but I do expect anyone living here to give us a general idea of where they are going and when they plan to be home, for example.

I agree about that at 18 and living at home we still have a say... My 18yo is still in High school. He does have a curfew. By law if he is out with the car he cannot drive after midnight.. so we have been using that as his curfew.

At 18 I was already married and he had been born. I could not see him handling something like that nor would I want him to.

 

[pat fan]

Family bonds are only broken in extraordinarily extreme circumstances and nothing short of severed bonds would end the accountability and even then, in a moment of crisis blood is ticker than anything. Its just the way it is. My kids could be 18, 25 or 40, if they step out of line it's my job to tell them about it because I have to answer for the job I've done as a mother in the end.

Amen. I think I would be very careful of how I said things, more questions and opinions than telling them were making a flat-out mistake, but I really agree with you for the most part. The problem is today, there is NO parenting other than society somehow teaching kids that they "deserve" everything. NOT!

 

[tvguy]

Most of Western society, I think, considers "21" to be an adult, because that's when you can drink and around the age most people graduate college. Although you can smoke and vote at 18 and drive at 16.

But I think it depends on the individual. I knew a lot of people in their mid 20s that still needed to grow up.

Maybe U.S. society, a lot of European countries have no age restrictions on drinking and smoking. As liberal as California is seen to be, we never lowered our drinking age to 18, and actually boosted the age you could buy tobacco from 16 to 18.
Legally, society has to pick an age at which someone is considered an adult, and that age does not fit everyone. I work with a 30 year old who has the responsibility and maturity of a 12 year old.
And on the flip side, there are the courts, who have ruled that children as young as 11 can be tried as adults because of the seriousness of their crimes.

 

[ReneeA]

My parents started when we were really young training us for the "real" world. I was raised on a farm and worked my tail off even before I started school. I started a job at my uncle's hardware store after school and during the summer when I was 14. Bought most of my own clothes by 15, bought my own car and paid the insurance when I was 16, and paid cash for college my first 2 years - from my own savings.

I left home at 17 and have been on my own since. I've never asked for anything, and I'm 37 now. Both of my siblings have had similar situations due to the way we were raised.

So yes, I believe that an 18 is an adult, but you have to start giving them lots of responsibility when they are young. I see very few parents allowing their kids to have much responsibility while they are still at home, and then wonder why they can't function on their own - even into their 20's.