Is a church wedding 'open to the public?'

[Costumesaremylife]

I have heard of people just going in to watch the wedding mass. (Catholic Church) In a big church people at the back wouldn't be noticeable. I can't imagine calling the police to have someone removed from sitting in the back of a church.

 

[mrsklamc]

I have heard of people just going in to watch the wedding mass. (Catholic Church) In a big church people at the back wouldn't be noticeable. I can't imagine calling the police to have someone removed from sitting in the back of a church.

Sorry, I meant if someone were specifically unwanted at a wedding.

 

[amg35]

The Catholic Churches in my city are open to the public, meaning if there's a wedding on a Saturday afternoon, yes you can go in and attend. Same for funerals, first communions, confirmation, etc.

People are in and out of the Catholic Church on my street all hours of the day...I've even gone in later in the night because it is beautiful and creepy and silent at the same time.

 

[fly girl]

I was married in a church and it was open to the public.


Did I have some crashers? Yep, 2 little old ladies who sat in the back. Did it bother me? NOT AT ALL. In fact, I had no idea they were there until we got the wedding pictures and saw them sitting there in the last row.


That being said, I am against someone who is going will ill intent. Then they should be removed.


Otherwise, as long as they aren't disturbing the service I don't see the big issue since technically most churches are considered open to the public.

 

[declansdad]

I was married in a church and it was open to the public.


Did I have some crashers? Yep, 2 little old ladies who sat in the back. Did it bother me? NOT AT ALL. In fact, I had no idea they were there until we got the wedding pictures and saw them sitting there in the last row.


That being said, I am against someone who is going will ill intent. Then they should be removed.


Otherwise, as long as they aren't disturbing the service I don't see the big issue since technically most churches are considered open to the public.

No they are not, they are private property.

 

[amg35]

No they are not, they are private property.

Private property, which in our experiences, were open to the public.

 

[JaneBanks]

My church is open to the public 24/7. It is a Catholic church if that matters.

 

[elaine amj]

In our church, the whole congregation considered themselves invited to all weddings held there. When we had our wedding, I was pleasantly surprised to see so many church members there (who weren't officially invited). I was so thrilled they cared enough to attend.

Unless someone was disruptive or there was absolutely no space, I can't see being offended when if uninvited folks attend - particularly if there is no additional costs involved.

That said, my brother had a lunch immediately following the wedding service at the church (in the adjoining hall). They did this for all the people they couldn't manage to invite to the reception as it was a less expensive meal. (even then...my brother had 600 ppl at his reception - it was madness). My mom would have been upset if uninvited folks showed up for the wedding as it was followed immediately with a lunch.

 

[goofy!]

I voted "other" because there is always an other.

Technically, most churches are to their parishioners and even sometimes anybody who wants to attend. So, in many places, you can technically go and see a wedding.

However, when you specifically know what the bride and groom's wishes are, then you should honor those wishes.

If you receive a wedding invitation that says the wedding is adults only, one should honor the bride and groom's request, even if the church is technically open to anyone.

The intent of the wedding is supposed to be for adults only. To say, hell with what the bride and groom want, I am going to bring my child anyway because he/she is going to be disappointed and we can never disappoint the child, well that is rude. You are now making the wedding about your wishes rather than the bride and groom's wishes.

You know what the bride and groom wish for their wedding to be. Manners would dictate that you follow the wishes of the bride and groom and leave the child at home with a babysitter.

 

[LaurenT]

A church is a public building.
The wedding ceremony is therefore technically open to the public.

Now, is someone who doesn't know you going to "crash" your wedding? Well, that's doubtful save for the rare little old lady who maybe just likes to see weddings. And if there were those little old ladies at my wedding, I'll be honest I didn't notice them and they didn't ruin my day in any way.

I understand that the guest list has to be cut somewhere, so I am never offended if I get "cut". But I have known people getting married where I wasn't invited to the reception but wanted to see them get married. I went to the church. I had people in church at my wedding who did not get invited but they knew me or know my parents and therefore wanted to see me get married. I assume they also understood the guest list dilemma and I was flattered that they cared enough about me to come to the church anyway.

Neither the bride nor groom "owns" the church, therefore has no veto power as to who can or cannot enter it.

I am the OP from the thread they are discussing, and this is exactly the situation. They had to limit the guest list to adults only because of space at the reception. So, me, DH, DSS 22 and DSS 31 are invited, but DD 9 is not.
We want to bring her with us on the trip, have her attend the ceremony and then have my sister take her for the rest of the time.
I do understand people having different views, but there are some really nasty people on the other thread. Going so far as to say I only want to bring my DD to make the bride uncomfortable.... No idea why someone who doesn't know me would jump to think the worst of me, but...whatcha gonna do?

 

[LaurenT]

I voted "other" because there is always an other.

Technically, most churches are to their parishioners and even sometimes anybody who wants to attend. So, in many places, you can technically go and see a wedding.

However, when you specifically know what the bride and groom's wishes are, then you should honor those wishes.

If you receive a wedding invitation that says the wedding is adults only, one should honor the bride and groom's request, even if the church is technically open to anyone.

The intent of the wedding is supposed to be for adults only. To say, hell with
what the bride and groom want, I am going to bring my child anyway because he/she is going to be disappointed and we can never disappoint the child, well that is rude. You are now making the wedding about your wishes rather than the bride and groom's wishes.

You know what the bride and groom wish for their wedding to be. Manners
would dictate that you follow the wishes of the bride and groom and leave the child at home with a babysitter.

You are assuming that they don't want any children at their wedding. The fact is, they are having an adult only reception because of limited space at the hall. Why would people think that that means that their wishes are that there be no children in the church? I just don't get that. I am going to have my DH double check with his brother, but I am pretty sure that the bridge and groom would have no problem with a 9 yr old attending the service.
I should also add that my first thought was to have my mom watch DD the whole weekend, it was my DH Who suggested taking her to the service so then she could see my sister...and this is his family's wedding.

 

[Janepod]

I voted "other" because there is always an other.

Technically, most churches are to their parishioners and even sometimes anybody who wants to attend. So, in many places, you can technically go and see a wedding.

However, when you specifically know what the bride and groom's wishes are, then you should honor those wishes.

If you receive a wedding invitation that says the wedding is adults only, one should honor the bride and groom's request, even if the church is technically open to anyone.

The intent of the wedding is supposed to be for adults only. To say, hell with what the bride and groom want, I am going to bring my child anyway because he/she is going to be disappointed and we can never disappoint the child, well that is rude. You are now making the wedding about your wishes rather than the bride and groom's wishes.

You know what the bride and groom wish for their wedding to be. Manners would dictate that you follow the wishes of the bride and groom and leave the child at home with a babysitter.

Well put and you are exactly right. While technically the church is open to anyone, why flout the couple's wishes and bring someone to the church who is not invited? That is just rude.

 

[violetrose]

Our Catholic church is also open to the public 24/7.

When we got married the grandmother of one of my bridesmaids was at the church. I hadn't invited her to the reception simply because it never occurred to me she'd want to come, she was mainly in the church to see her granddaughter be a bridesmaid and get some pictures. Didn't bother me a bit...I only felt bad that I hadn't sent her an invitation.

The situation with bringing a child to the service when the child is not invited to the reception, I would definately be clearing that with the bride and groom. I tend to think if they are having an adult only affair they probably want to have the service be adult only too. Also, where do the bride and groom draw the line? If they allow one child to come to the service do they then allow all children to come? I think I would just honor the bride and groom's wishes, or if unable to do that, not go.

 

[A_Princess'_Daddy]

My church is open to the public 24/7. It is a Catholic church if that matters.

I think the religion does matter in this context, because we are Catholic and were told the same thing, i.e. that the wedding, because it is a sacramental mass, is open to the "full faith community". We did have a few little old ladies attend, and we enjoyed knowing they were there. I am sure that if somebody came with the intention of causing a scene, the church would have dealt with them and had them removed, just as they would with somebody causing a scene at a normal mass.

This church, by the way, was in a upscale suburb of Boston, and while it was not open 24 hours a day, it was open and accessible more than it wasn't, and people were constantly coming in and out; to close it to the faith community for a private wedding was anathema to the values of the church and we never would have considered requesting such a thing.

 

[zurgswife]

In my small town everybody is invited to the church weddings. If there isn't a private reception then that is open to town folk too.

Not something I've come across anywhere else but in my town it is true.

 

[Coconut36]

You are assuming that they don't want any children at their wedding. The fact is, they are having an adult only reception because of limited space at the hall. Why would people think that that means that their wishes are that there be no children in the church? I just don't get that. I am going to have my DH double check with his brother, but I am pretty sure that the bridge and groom would have no problem with a 9 yr old attending the service.
I should also add that my first thought was to have my mom watch DD the whole weekend, it was my DH Who suggested taking her to the service so then she could see my sister...and this is his family's wedding.

And you are assuming it is a space/cost factor related only to the reception. Unless you get the green light from the bride/groom I would go with the assumption that child not invited means both the ceremony and the reception.

 

[kaligal]

I didn't get this from the Pope or anything, but this is what we were taught in Catholic school...

The church is always available to people who need to be there.

If it is the middle of the night and it's locked, you can go bang on the rectory door and drag a priest out of bed to open it for you.

Never put that to the test, lol.

But that is what we were taught...the church is always available.

 

[Coconut36]

I didn't get this from the Pope or anything, but this is what we were taught in Catholic school...

The church is always available to people who need to be there.

If it is the middle of the night and it's locked, you can go bang on the rectory door and drag a priest out of bed to open it for you.

Never put that to the test, lol.

But that is what we were taught...the church is always available.

That is why a lot of them seem to have a smaller section that is kept open all the time (well all the time that someone is physically present). The parish I attend has a small area we call the chapel. The rest of the church might be closed off but that area is open whenever there is someone on site. Same with another one I occasionally go to as well...they have a small chapel where you can enter and pray and is open whenever there is someone on site. In parish for instance if you had a wedding..depending on space needed they would generally close off the "chapel" portion and conduct the wedding in the main part and anyone wishing to pray/be at the church would use the chapel area.

One thought this made me have is that most churches here..those built in the last 30 years or less do NOT have an on site rectory. The priest(s) live in private residences bought/maintained by church/parishioners..in some cases it is several miles away so rousing a priest would not be an option.

 

[kaytieeldr]

You are assuming that they don't want any children at their wedding. The fact is, they are having an adult only reception because of limited space at the hall. Why would people think that that means that their wishes are that there be no children in the church? I just don't get that. I am going to have my DH double check with his brother, but I am pretty sure that the bridge and groom would have no problem with a 9 yr old attending the service.
I should also add that my first thought was to have my mom watch DD the whole weekend, it was my DH Who suggested taking her to the service so then she could see my sister...and this is his family's wedding.

Conversely, why would you think they would want people under 18 at the ceremony either?

I thought this poll was a general question - like Disney Doll's situation, where she sometimes attends a ceremony. Or the little old ladies mentioned in a couple of posts. I didn't realize it was specifically to justify bringing a child to a wedding when that child was intentionally not invited to any portion of it .

 

[mrsklamc]

I actually did start it as a general poll- I had no idea anyone would think it was ok to come to a wedding they weren't invited to. I'm now wondering of its predominately a Catholic thing.