IRAQI OPPOSITION GIVES THUMBS UP TO SOMEONE ELSE ATTACKING SADDAM
Gives Unqualified Verbal Support to a Someone-Else-led Invasion
A group of Iraqi opposition leaders-in-exile meeting with senior Administration officials today offered their unqualified verbal support for an attack on Saddam Hussein by someone other than themselves.
We are fully prepared to support an attack on Saddam, one opposition leader said, as long as were talking about someone else doing the actual invading, fighting, and whatnot.
We support this attack not just with words, but with complete sentences, the opposition leader added.
Vice President Richard Cheney, speaking via satellite from his Fortress of Solitude in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, said that the opposition leaders unqualified verbal support of a someone-else-led attack on Saddam was just the consensus the U.S. had been looking for.
I am so excited, I almost want to show my face in public again, Mr. Cheney said.
But on Capitol Hill, Democratic leader Tom Daschle took issue with the Vice Presidents enthusiasm about the Iraqis support.
Earth to Cheney! a furious Daschle said. When they say someone else, they mean us, damn it!
The White House, however, denied that the U.S. would have to go it alone in a war on Iraq, saying that the tiny Pacific island republic of Nauru had just offered, in the Administrations words, to help attack Iraq with the full ferocious force of the Nauru military.
But moments later, the tiny Pacific island republic of Nauru issued the following statement: To clarify, the tiny Pacific island of Nauru is offering no actual military support, but will lend unqualified verbal support for any and all attacks on Iraq by someone other than the tiny Pacific island republic of Nauru.
**** BOROWITZ ON NPR THIS SUNDAY ****
Andy Borowitz talks about the violation of sacred trusts -- and why it's cool with him. This Sunday morning on National Public Radio's "Weekend Edition Sunday." Check local listings.
Gives Unqualified Verbal Support to a Someone-Else-led Invasion
A group of Iraqi opposition leaders-in-exile meeting with senior Administration officials today offered their unqualified verbal support for an attack on Saddam Hussein by someone other than themselves.
We are fully prepared to support an attack on Saddam, one opposition leader said, as long as were talking about someone else doing the actual invading, fighting, and whatnot.
We support this attack not just with words, but with complete sentences, the opposition leader added.
Vice President Richard Cheney, speaking via satellite from his Fortress of Solitude in Jackson Hole, Wyoming, said that the opposition leaders unqualified verbal support of a someone-else-led attack on Saddam was just the consensus the U.S. had been looking for.
I am so excited, I almost want to show my face in public again, Mr. Cheney said.
But on Capitol Hill, Democratic leader Tom Daschle took issue with the Vice Presidents enthusiasm about the Iraqis support.
Earth to Cheney! a furious Daschle said. When they say someone else, they mean us, damn it!
The White House, however, denied that the U.S. would have to go it alone in a war on Iraq, saying that the tiny Pacific island republic of Nauru had just offered, in the Administrations words, to help attack Iraq with the full ferocious force of the Nauru military.
But moments later, the tiny Pacific island republic of Nauru issued the following statement: To clarify, the tiny Pacific island of Nauru is offering no actual military support, but will lend unqualified verbal support for any and all attacks on Iraq by someone other than the tiny Pacific island republic of Nauru.
**** BOROWITZ ON NPR THIS SUNDAY ****
Andy Borowitz talks about the violation of sacred trusts -- and why it's cool with him. This Sunday morning on National Public Radio's "Weekend Edition Sunday." Check local listings.
