invitation for small wedding?

[ADisneyQueen]

My sister and her fiance want a small wedding with about 50 people. How can they word the invite so that people are not expecting a big event with 200+ guests, dancing and an open bar? They may only have a dinner after the ceremony. Sis is also worried about not inviting all family members. For instance, she wants to invite an uncle and aunt (that she sees only occasionally at a family function) but not their children and grandchildren who either live out of state or that she hasn't seen in years and isn't close to. Any advice or experience?
As you can see below, the wedding was planned for Las Vegas, but now might be local.

 

[debbi801]

My sister and her fiance want a small wedding with about 50 people. How can they word the invite so that people are not expecting a big event with 200+ guests, dancing and an open bar? They may only have a dinner after the ceremony. Sis is also worried about not inviting all family members. For instance, she wants to invite an uncle and aunt (that she sees only occasionally at a family function) but not their children and grandchildren who either live out of state or that she hasn't seen in years and isn't close to. Any advice or experience?
As you can see below, the wedding was planned for Las Vegas, but now might be local.

Congrats to your sister and her fiance!

When DH and I got married, I think the grand total was 48 people and that included us. There was no dancing, and the only alcohol was wine. We used normal wedding invitation wording, I didn't see any need to word it differently. I would hope, especially with a small close-knit wedding, that the people who are being invited are going to share in the celebration with your sister, not for the big party, dancing, and open bar.

 

[goofy4tink]

When I was married, for the second time, 16 yrs ago, we had tried to keep it small. Only wanted about 50 people, but it 'grew' to 90. Our invitations were pretty normal...had very traditional wording on it, except parents weren't the ones extending the invitation, the bride and groom were.
Now, more recently, my ds was married in a very small wedding last month. They had the ceremony on a dinner cruise boat, then the reception was held as the boat cruised the western intercoastal. They had about 35 people. Their invitations were fairly traditional as well....they did have a drawing of the boat on the invitation, but all the rest of the wording was traditional...they also were the ones 'requesting the pleasure of your company' rather than parents.
I don't think the invitation has much bearing on how large or showy a wedding is going to be. I'm just curious why one would care if it were going to be a group of 50 or a group of 200? Or why they would 'assume' it would be an open bar based on the size of the wedding. I would go with whatever they felt was appropriate and let people draw their own conclusions.

As far as not inviting some family members and not others...this is a no-win situation. We've been there, done that. No matter what we did, someone's nose was out of joint. We finally just made ourselves happy. Those that ended up in a snit were family members we don't normally see anyway. Funny thing is that they all had very small weddings for their kids and said people would just have to understand that finances were tight. I still can't figure out why these exact same people, who didn't invite me to their kids' weddings, were all miffed because they weren't included in our wedding. Do what works for the bride and groom....that's what's important..it's their day.

 

[sugarpie]

Invite them to the ceremony and dinner. Put the word out to family that it's a small, intimate wedding. Maybe include wording like that on the invitation. Tell her to invite whoever she likes, it's her wedding.

 

[Imzadi]

Just word it like: We invite you to share in the celebration with us at our private, intimate dinner of family & closest friends.

 

[mickeyboat]

I would word the invitations as usual. If you include information for the reception, either on the invitation or on a separate card, just say dinner to follow at ....

Then pass the word through informal channels that it is a small, intimate affair.

Congrats to your family!

Denae

 

[ADisneyQueen]

I guess the reason she wants to carefully word the invite is b/c she wants the relatives who are invited to tell the others that the wedding is small and simple. There are already many people who are expecting to be invited. Another relative on the grooms side is getting married in Nov. and is having a large wedding and inviting everyone. People are coming from all over to that wedding and are already asking about sis's. Probably expecting the same kind of wedding.

 

[mickeyboat]

I guess the reason she wants to carefully word the invite is b/c she wants the relatives who are invited to tell the others that the wedding is small and simple. There are already many people who are expecting to be invited. Another relative on the grooms side is getting married in Nov. and is having a large wedding and inviting everyone. People are coming from all over to that wedding and are already asking about sis's. Probably expecting the same kind of wedding.

She does not really have an obligation to anyone, invited or not, to explain the size of her wedding. I think spreading the word by word of mouth will suffice to make sure people understand that it is going to be a small affair.

Denae

 

[Lisa loves Pooh]

I don't think it is her guests business about what to expect size wise.

The only consideration the hostess should have is if her wedding reception is centered around a meal time. If a meal will not be provided..then what will be provided should be stated so as not to catch guests off guard.

I.e. Cake and punch reception following.

Reception with light hors d'oevres following.

ETC.

Whether or not alcohol will be provided or a fancy party--need not be mentioned.

If you ain't invited...you ain't invited. She owes noone an explanation--and the family members owe noone an explanation.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I guess the reason she wants to carefully word the invite is b/c she wants the relatives who are invited to tell the others that the wedding is small and simple. There are already many people who are expecting to be invited. Another relative on the grooms side is getting married in Nov. and is having a large wedding and inviting everyone. People are coming from all over to that wedding and are already asking about sis's. Probably expecting the same kind of wedding.

How about something in very fine print at the bottom of the invitation put by invitation only. Also, will she and her darlin be doing an announcement in the paper? If they are doing one, they could make it clear in the paper that it is a small, intimate wedding at whatever location and invitations will be sent. Your sister needs to realize now that no matter how hard she tries, someone will get their panties twisted about the wedding. Make sure she and her fiancee stick to their wants and plans and maybe as a nice compromise have a big celebration in a few months.

 

[pfishgirl]

when DH & I got married we had 24 people Including us.. We also used the regular invitation wording for a Wedding.. We never thought to use anything else...

Congrats on the Wedding...



as for an Idea on wording if you are still interested.. what about something like...

Please Join us in Celebrating our Marraige with a Cozy (or) Intimate Family Reception after Church services... or something in that general Idea area

 

[marybet]

She does not really have an obligation to anyone, invited or not, to explain the size of her wedding. I think spreading the word by word of mouth will suffice to make sure people understand that it is going to be a small affair.

Denae

I think this is good advice. There should not be anything on the invitation about the size of the wedding. Word of mouth should do it.

I think your sister should concentrate on what she wants, and not worry what other people think. As others have said, she only needs to do what makes her happy.

 

[Linzybrooke]

If she wants it to be quite obvious try something like this.

When I look in your eyes
I delight in your being
and when you take my hand
I delight in our being together
Together with our parents, we
BRIDE
and
GROOM
request the honour of your presence
at an intimate ceremony
as we begin a lifetime of togetherness
on DAY
YEAR
at TIME
LOCATION
ADDRESS
CITY, STATE

 

[Imzadi]

Your sister needs to realize now that no matter how hard she tries, someone will get their panties twisted about the wedding.

Yeah, I think this is simply par for the course. Someone is always going to think they are more important or special than they are. They would do this anyway, it has nothing to do with your sis. Something about weddings brings out the worst in some people. maybe because they are steeped in such cultural roots, it brings out the deep-seated junk in some people. They use this as an opportunity to make it about them.

 

[Stitchfans]

DD is getting married at the end of June. There is only 50 people invited to her wedding too. We didn't word the invitation in any different way

 

[terri01p]

My dd had a very small wedding...and the reception was small...just cake, and finger foods..what time is the wedding if you have a wedding around 2:00 most people know that it's just going to be finger foods, most people would have already ate lunch etc...usually if it's a formal reception people can tell by you asking if they want chicken or beef . We never said anything on the invitation about the size of the wedding, truth me, people will get the word around just fine, there was not one single person that was suprised that we just had finger foods. If I were you I wouldn't do the invitations any differently...people usually talk and find out what's going on. The wedding/ reception can still be so beautiful and elegant with just a few people. Everyone ended up having a great time...we didn't dance or have a band... just a wedding music CD in the background with a boombox and it was really alot of fun. By the way over half her cake was ate...I went to a sit down dinner wedding over the weekend and only the bottom layer of the cake was even touched, what a shame, it was 4 layers high and cost a mint, and they were even asking people to take some home, but couldn't hardly get any takers..so I helped them out .

 

[Kimberle]

I would just use 1 card and invite people to attend your ceremony (whatever wording they like) with a DINNER to follow. I think by using dinner instead of reception, people will get the "idea". With a larger, more formal wedding, you use at least 2 cards. One for the ceremony, one for the reception.

Congrats!!

 

[PlutoLuvr]

Our wedding was only 18, including DH, the officiant and myself. I don't recall using anything other than traditional wording on the invites.

Our wedding was either one or two in the afternoon, and it was followed by hors d'oeuvres. I did indicate this on the invitations, and we did not skimp at all on the food. It was definitely heavy hors d'oeuvres (chicken & steak satay, baked brie with fruit, scallops wrapped in bacon, little pork medallions in puff pastry with a mango sauce ... I forget the rest, but they were high-end and filling hors d'oeuvres).

Both DH & I come from very large families (200+ on my side; around 100 on his). Inviting everyone, plus a guest, just wasn't economically feasible. Thankfully, we both come from families who are, shall we say, very frugal and fiscal-minded, so no one expressed offense, at least to us. I did have a bit of a bout with my grandmother, who wanted me to invite a cousin and her eight kids (all grown), because the cousin always invited my grandmother to her kids' weddings and Grandma felt it was payback time. Whatever. Didn't happen, LOL. Just immediate family and one friend each.

 

[Disney Doll]

No need to word the invite to "divulge" the size of the wedding. I do agree though, that if it's only goign to be a cake and punch type reception, that would be nice for the invitees to know so they can plan for dining accordingly...you know, eat a meal prior to the event.

As far as pissing people off...you're always going to do that with a wedding.

It's very simple...if you didn't receive an invitation, you are not invited.

 

[fan_of_small_world]

Just chiming in to agree with all the other posters! I do calligraphy (mostly addressing invitations, place cards, that kind of thing) and I've seen both large and small weddings. The wording doesn't have to reflect the size at all. However, both the wording and the typeface selected often reflect the formality to be expected.

As for who gets invited and who doesn't, even brides with huge guest lists manage to upset someone, so the best advice it to use the old family grapevine to spread the word.