Introverted people what do you do at a party

[Juliet25]

I'm very introverted as well. I don't go to many parties; there's just no opportunities. I'm a SAHM without much of a social life. DH's friends host parties, but I never go since someone needs to stay home with out kids.

The worse for me are kid parties that aren't drop off. My kids are in a new school this year, so I'm meeting people for the first time who, FTMP, know each other already. I felt like such a fifth wheel at these things. I have a tendency to stay quiet and observe at first, but the longer than goes on, the more awkward it feels. But breaking the silence feels equally as awkward when you're someone who hasn't spoken for the past hour, lol.

 

[Juliet25]

I've never met a stranger, so conversation is easy for me. Walk up introduce yourself , make eye contact AND smile. It never hurts to start out with a compliment/pleasantry. It can be personal ("love your dress") or about the event (so and so's home is beautiful). Ask questions, comment on a variety of subjects and watch body language....test the water. If you have some knowledge of the individual bring up their interests. Don't talk about yourself. People have a tendency to open up more, if they feel you are genuinely interested in getting to know them...not just passing time or making small talk.

That's good advice, but it's hard to explain just how hard it is to even get the ball rolling. For instance, I took my youngest son to an end of the year party at his preschool and it took me 45 minutes to muster up the nerve to tell his teacher how much I liked her new haircut. I mean, I know how absurd that sounds. It was a sincere compliment, and I still manged to flub it!

This is me exactly!! It feels like I'm reading about myself! I also have very few friends, never get invited out or included, and I feel like I'm always overlooked because I don't put myself out there. Sometimes I get really depressed because it feels like no one likes me. It hurts to be overlooked all the time, but at the same time I don't know what I'd do if I were invited because I'm such an introvert! I just tend to sit quietly and awkwardly at social functions, or just follow DH around. I've done the slow walk or 'bag check' to avoid interaction, too. Cell phones are great for that, too. It's such a relief to know I'm not the only one who deals with this. Sometimes it's a very lonely feeling.

Yes, yes, yes. Sadly I feel the exact same way. I'm hurt that no one seems to like me or invite me to their gatherings... but yet, do I REALLY want to go to a cookout or out to dinner with people? No. I guess I just want the invitations so I can decline? lol.

Totally feel the same way...

 

[DeaverTex]

DeaverTex - do you say anything to anyone when you are leaving? I would feel like I have to tell the host and if it's "early" in the party it would make me nervous to leave so early and come up with some excuse why. Plus I can never leave a party early because my DH is an extrovert and loves to be at parties so he makes me stay.

His parties usually have well over a hundred people present before we sneak out, and I make sure that he's at the other end of the house. We try not to talk to anyone on our way out, honestly. As far as leaving early, all of the employees have to be at the party a half hour early so we can do Christmas presents and (usually) end-of-year bonuses. We usually wait until the actual party has been going on for 45 minutes to an hour before we actually make our escape.

I've never made any secret that I do NOT like these parties -- too many people I don't know and often enough don't WANT to know, and neither Mrs. Tex nor I care for cocktail parties where everybody stands around with a drink and makes small talk. Ugh.

 

[runsandjumps]

I am supposed to be at a party right now. So that about sums up how well I deal with parties. I like small talk about as much as I like shopping with my three children.

Keep trying if you really hate the awkwardness. You may eventually find someone that hates small talk too.

I have a fabulous time laughing with one friend who is a loner like myself. We joke about our lives and I joke about how much I dislike people.

 

[brookmey]

I'm an introvert and DH is an extrovert, so I let him do the talking. I'm perfectly fine with that. He can learn more about a person's life in 5 minutes than I could in 5 years. I always ask him how does he do that, but for him it's so natural. I'm also a SAHM, so I think I've become more awkward in social situations than I used to be. At parties or social gatherings I would mainly hang out with the kids. If no kids are around, I do the smiling and nodding thing to make it seem like I'm involved. But my eyes are constantly roaming the room to find a getaway. Lol

We moved away from our family and friends 7 years ago and I haven't really made any friends here. I want to and I do feel lonely, but the thought of putting myself out there and being in social situations scares so much I don't make the effort. Plus, I have no idea how to make friends now. I had no problem in college, but I saw my friends everyday or lived with them. It's so much harder now when my life isn't just about me.

A friend of DH's and his family are coming over on the 4th of July. I am so anxious about meeting them. I've never met either one before, but we really need to expand our "couples friends" circle.

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I am seeing some patterns here!

 

[threeboysmom]

I think it's so amusing how we're all conversing just fine here - no awkwardness at all! But put all of us introverts on this thread here into a room together and you could probably hear a pin drop! ...as we all stare awkwardly at our phones, lol!

 

[Goofy_Disney_Dad]

I think it's so amusing how we're all conversing just fine here - no awkwardness at all! But put all of us introverts on this thread here into a room together and you could probably hear a pin drop! As we all stare awkwardly at our phones, lol!

My wife says the barrier created by the fact that none of us are in the same room is the reason she can be so social in an online environment. Take the same people she's been talking to online and place them in our living room and she would clam up. I'm sure that won't be a surprise to anyone who claims to be an introvert but that's how she explained it to me.

 

[threeboysmom]

My wife says the barrier created by the fact that none of us are in the same room is the reason she can be so social in an online environment. Take the same people she's been talking to online and place them in our living room and she would clam up. I'm sure that won't be a surprise to anyone who claims to be an introvert but that's how she explained it to me.

So true! I've actually met a few people from DIS that I've had what I call a close online friendship with, and it's funny... I used to tell them I'm quiet and no one would believe me! Well... then I met each of them in person over the years - totally clammed up. Such a shame.

 

[ELSA711]

I think it's so amusing how we're all conversing just fine here - no awkwardness at all! But put all of us introverts on this thread here into a room together and you could probably hear a pin drop! ...as we all stare awkwardly at our phones, lol!

I am actually very socially graceful, but I prefer to be alone. I'd rather be lost in a book, game or puzzle then hanging out with friends or extended family.
I don't need or desire the social acceptance or company that extroverts do:

"Introverts are more concerned with the inner world of the mind. They enjoy thinking, exploring their thoughts and feelings. They often avoid social situations because being around people drains their energy. This is true even if they have good social skills. After being with people for any length of time, such as at a party, they need time alone to "recharge."

 

[scoutie]

It's common for introverts to dread small talk. I'm the same way. My DH tells me that small talk can lead to more meaningful conversations, so I try to hang onto that. I find myself asking a lot of questions. "Are you traveling this summer? Reading anything interesting? How do you know the host?" etc. If it gets too awkward, I get up and get a drink or try to help the host with something.

 

[si-am]

I'm an introvert, but I'm not necessarily shy. I have a hard time initiating small talk-- that's my big trouble. If there's already a conversation going that I can jump in on, I'm fine.

At parties, I tend to wait for people to approach me, which sometimes happens and sometimes doesn't. Since I generally prefer people watching, anyway, that doesn't bother me except I sometimes feel like people probably think I'm a loser with no friends!

I have several friends who are just SO good at small talk. I'm ways amazed at how they can just start a conversation with random people with no awkwardness at all! I would love to be able to do that, but I figure if it hasn't already happened in my 40 years, it probably never will.

 

[22Tink]

Small talk is so stressful for me. I can never think of anything to say, and even if I do try asking the typical icebreaker questions, I feel dumb. It just doesn't come easily to me at all. Even when I'm with people I know well! I hate going to school activities for the kids because it requires small talking with the other parents. I feel like a hermit sometimes, because I prefer to stay at home. I never invite other people to do things because if they say no I feel like it's because I'm not good enough for them to hang out with. Even if they have a legitimate reason I feel like it's because they don't want to be around me. Low self esteem as well as introverted I guess.

 

[Andtototoo]

I don't know if this will help, but from my perspective as an extrovert who can make small talk with almost everybody, I've had jobs that were almost entirely about talking to people. Plus I've studied conversation and social interaction. Here is the key element to making conversation in social settings:

#1 MOST IMPORTANT: Act like you are interested in the person talking to you.

-Make eye contact. When stopping making eye contact, do not let your eyes roam around the room behind them because they will decide you are looking for someone else/better to talk to than them.
-Nod when appropriate
-Make encouraging "continue talking" sounds/words.
-Smile
-Ask them questions. It's okay to start with, "I'm curious..." and then fill in the rest with the basic reporter questions of how/why/who/when/where, "How did you get your current job? How do you like your house? Why do you go to Disney every year? Where is your kid thinking of going to college? What kind of phone do you have because I'm thinking of switching mine?"

 

[ELSA711]

I don't know if this will help, but from my perspective as an extrovert who can make small talk with almost everybody, I've had jobs that were almost entirely about talking to people. Plus I've studied conversation and social interaction. Here is the key element to making conversation in social settings:

#1 MOST IMPORTANT: Act like you are interested in the person talking to you.

-Make eye contact. When stopping making eye contact, do not let your eyes roam around the room behind them because they will decide you are looking for someone else/better to talk to than them.
-Nod when appropriate
-Make encouraging "continue talking" sounds/words.
-Smile
-Ask them questions. It's okay to start with, "I'm curious..." and then fill in the rest with the basic reporter questions of how/why/who/when/where, "How did you get your current job? How do you like your house? Why do you go to Disney every year? Where is your kid thinking of going to college? What kind of phone do you have because I'm thinking of switching mine?"

This is all well and good, but some of us 'me' don't want to talk to them, don't want to make small talk, don't give a rats *** if they think I'm looking for someone better to talk to. I'm just looking for people to shut up most of the time. I am comfortable in silence and don't think we need to fill the silence with bs.

LOL

But yes - good points for those who want to be social or feel awkward in social situations

 

[usnuzuloose]

I am an introvert as well. But over time if you start slow with people and go slow, you start with asking what their interests are. Then if you find they have things in common, that is a start. So lets say you like sewing, and find out someone likes sewing you go from there and start sharing the common interest. You may be surprised how many in a room might be introverted as well and just as scared as you are.

Not always do you find someone with your interests but it is a start. Just remember you may not be the only one in the room like that.

 

[wishesuponastar]

His parties usually have well over a hundred people present before we sneak out, and I make sure that he's at the other end of the house. We try not to talk to anyone on our way out, honestly. As far as leaving early, all of the employees have to be at the party a half hour early so we can do Christmas presents and (usually) end-of-year bonuses. We usually wait until the actual party has been going on for 45 minutes to an hour before we actually make our escape.

I've never made any secret that I do NOT like these parties -- too many people I don't know and often enough don't WANT to know, and neither Mrs. Tex nor I care for cocktail parties where everybody stands around with a drink and makes small talk. Ugh.

Thank you for replying Tex, I can see how you could leave a party unnoticed with that many people.

 

[chiefmickeymouse]

At last I've found my people! I'm introverted and I feel I'm socially awkward. I have been accused of being "stuck-up" before because I don't have a lot to say. It is exhausting for me to be around large groups of people. Drinking helps, I might not be any more charming but I care a whole lot less! As I've gotten older I have learned to accept myself the way I am. I don't offer apologies anymore, or explain myself(never complain, never explain darling!). I'm always polite, and I ask people questions about themselves. There's also usually that one guy who won't shut up, (sometimes that guy is my husband), go stand next to him.

I like people, I really do, I just like them in small numbers and small doses. I tend to notice everything going on around me and I can easily read the emotional temperature of a person or a group of people. Once I am your friend, I'll do anything for you. We all have our strengths and weaknesses, hanging comfortably with large groups of people is not one of my strengths. I have fought against my introversion my whole life, but I am finally comfortable being me.

 

[Skywalker]

Yes, yes, yes. Sadly I feel the exact same way. I'm hurt that no one seems to like me or invite me to their gatherings... but yet, do I REALLY want to go to a cookout or out to dinner with people? No. I guess I just want the invitations so I can decline? lol.

Yes, I have experienced that exact same paradox, hoping to shrink and be invisible so no one will notice me; then being kind of hurt when they don't lol.

I agree with you though, the end game is generally to be left alone so I don't take it personally and understand that people are probably just picking up on the signals that I am giving out.

It is amazing to me how many of us think there is something "wrong" with being who we are. Why is it seen as "better" to want to go socialize instead of stay home with a book, a dog, and a glass of wine lol. I am getting more and more comfortable with who I am.

 

[Lil Lil]

So happy to find this thread! I love you all! I have a home. I understand how you all feel. I feel the exact same way. I hate social gatherings especially work related parties. I never feel comfortable and feel out of place and its worse for me because I don't drink. I even feel overlooked during certain conversations at work because I'm quiet. Oh well this is who I am. Fortunately my close friends are talkers so I never have to strike up a conversation. I'm also so happy hubby loves me for me and doesn't want me to change. One thing I love about him is that he is good at holding up or initiating conversations when we are at parties or events with people so that I don't feel awkward.