Insulted..Do I have a right???

[ThreeMusketeers]

There, fixed that for you.

, so true.

 

[ThreeMusketeers]

I just wanted to add..that FIL, has told us stories before of how well his MIL treats him on birthdays..(which makes me wonder more). And...he has VARIOUS times addressed himself as "dad" when talking to me.
Oh well, i just don't get it..that's all.

 

[ericamanda01]

The first homeless person I see I would give them the $5 and say it's from my FIL. Then the next time you see him you can tell him that you were so moved by his charity speech that you donated your birthday money in his name! I think your doing the right thing keeping it to yourself. No need to worry DH about it. Your FIL sounds like he's just cheap.

 

[Keggy]

I would be insulted.

My in-law's are very good about this. They will spend the exact same amount on me as they do to DH. Even if it means getting a gift card for x amount to even out the 2 gifts. I appreciate that they do this. Normally for christmas we get a group gift. Like one year the bought us bedroom furniture and another year they paid money towards a vacation for us. They are very generous.

 

[scottishduffy]

My IL's remember my birthday, but just don't always include me in family photos.

Of course, when they remember my birthday the expect me to invite all of THEM over so I can cook a meal for them, while they all speak in a language i don't understand (although all but one speaks english) for MY birthday. Not my idea of fun and yet they got angry at me when I said i did not wish to cook or be excluded from conversation on my birthday. All the other days they can speak in whatever language they want but on my brithday i want to understand. It's my b-day.... why can't i stay home with a book?

Of course, the whole "Lets take a family photo!" thing with my MIL ticks me off too. Altough hubby and I have been together 9 yrs and married for 3, I am not family. At BIL's wedding when the photo guy asked for a family photo with hubby's bio-mom we both went up there. She specifically stopped the guy and asked ME to step out of the photo. MIL and hubby have not spoken in 5 months since that incident.

So yeah.... they acknowledge the B-day with a card or wanting me to throw them a party.

 

[Disney Doll]

I was very fortunate....my ILs were very good to me and treated me like one of their own children.

OP, you say your DH and FIL are trying to repair their relationship, so this leads me to think there is more to this story from your FIL's POV...not that he's right, but he probably somehow thinks he's justified.

I'd probably consider the source and let it go. Perhaps he's looking for a response of some sort, in which case no response will drive him crazy!

 

[Handbag Lady]

I would do what I do for any gift, write a kind thank you note.












Then remember this when it comes to his birthday.

Of course you have the right to feel slighted!

 

[Disney Doll]

I agree with you Handbag Lady.

If DH & FIL are repairing a relationship, there are clearly issues at hand, and anything you say or do will add fuel to the fire.

Plus, like I said, pretending it doesn't bother you will drive him insane....

 

[okeydokey]

I know it is hard not to take it personally, but please remember that the ugly behavior is a reflection of the person doling it out and not the person receiving it. Sounds like your MIL is deficient in some kind of emotional way, but it is her problem. Try not to let it become yours if you can.

 

[okeydokey]

It's almost the other way around for me, IL's give me great stuff (DH and I also live with them which is a huge gift since it is their house). My own mother on the other hand she is just odd... I got a Little House on the Praire style nightie for my bridal shower... I don't think I have gotten anything for my birthday in quite some time...

My dad is cool though and he always remembers his little princess

Now that's funny.

 

[RUDisney]

My IL's remember my birthday, but just don't always include me in family photos.

Of course, the whole "Lets take a family photo!" thing with my MIL ticks me off too. Altough hubby and I have been together 9 yrs and married for 3, I am not family. At BIL's wedding when the photo guy asked for a family photo with hubby's bio-mom we both went up there. She specifically stopped the guy and asked ME to step out of the photo. MIL and hubby have not spoken in 5 months since that incident.

I'd think you were my SIL writing this, except all of our ILs only speak English.

When DH and I had been married for about 5 years, his sister got married. We were in MIL's living room taking pictures, the photographer asked for all of the kids to get into the picture. I stepped forward and MIL told me emphatically that she only wanted her real children in the photo. It was carefully scripted for the rest of the day that I was in no pictures. I guess they still didn't believe that we'd stay together and they could pretend that I wasn't there.

This was the same SIL who asked me to be in her wedding and then picked a dress that would have made me look like a cow. Now, I've worn every other bridesmaid dress that was selected for me whether I liked it or not. This dress covered less of me than what I wear to bed. When I bowed out of the wedding, MIL told me that they picked the dress to de-accentuate my breasts. I told her that I'd have preferred that they would have accentuated the positive instead of all the negatives.

FF to last month. DH and I are married almost 15 years now. My SIL to whom I referred in the first sentence has been married to my BIL for 5 years. We were at our neice's christening. The photographer assembled the family on the altar and my SIL and I were literally elbowed out of the picture. No one made any room for us and elbows were flying. Our BIL, who married the other SIL 10 years ago didn't even bother to attempt to get into the picture. While our kids were in the photo, we weren't welcome.

So, what did we do? When everyone was off of the altar, my SIL and I, after being very vocal about being pushed out of the family picture, stepped onto the altar so we could have our picture taken together. Finally, the photographer, a cousin of my DH and professional photographer, was embarassed into taking a photo of the family again, this time ensuring that all of the ILs were in the picture, too.

When I spoke to my MIL the next day, I told her how hurt we were that we were treated so badly. She pretended to be shocked that we weren't in the first picture, but she got the message. I decided 5 years ago to be direct with her when I like or dislike something. We've gotten along great for the past 5 years because of that. She's on better behavior, usually, because she knows I'll call her out on things. She doesn't like the direct confrontations, as she's more passive aggressive, so this way works out best for all involved.