Inspired by Oprah's secret...how would you

[Mrs. Darcy]

How do you think you would feel if you found out you had a half-sibling? I thought about it and I feel I'd take the news better if the sibling came from my father instead of my mother. I know this sounds bad, but I'm just being honest.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

Been there done that but it was a full sibling that we had no clue existed. My parents had a child together out of wedlock and gave him up for adoption and didn't tell a soul. He showed up many decades later looking for his mother and found her married to his biological father along with 3 full siblings and 1 half sibling (from my Mom's 1st marriage).

We were all in shock but welcomed him with open arms. It was such a huge burden for my Mom to carry for all of those years - always wondering where her only son was. It breaks my heart that she suffered so much and never felt that she could tell any of us anything about this secret.

I'm not really extremely close to my brother but I do consider him just as much my sibling as the rest of my parents' children.

 

[katesorad]

I wouldn't be surprised if one of my parents had another child and never told any of us. Though, they got married to each other right out of high school.. but I still feel like my parents keep a lot of things, even little things about their pasts, a secret. I learned more about my mother from my grandma than from her.. so go figure.

But I'd probably be pretty upset with my parents if they kept something like that from me, especially since I already declared that I was their favorite daughter (hopefully I'm their only daughter?).. and they agreed

 

[The Mystery Machine]

How about my story? My kids got it from both of us 3yrs ago.

I gave a baby up for adoption as a teen and never told them.

DH had a dd contact him 3 yrs ago to tell him she was his dd. She also had children.

So we decided to tell our kids about my past and then dh's new found dd at the same time.

My dd's have a half sister and are aunt's to 2 nieces and a nephew.

I will admit it has been slow going with getting to know them. We are busy, she is busy, etc.

My dd's (19 & 14) are fine about things. We are just easy going like that.

That being said, I could relate to a lot of the things said in the show.

 

[Hedy]

I already have a half-dozen of them. (Not a joke, my dad has six kids from a previous marriage)
Seriously, though, I'd be surprised, but I'm not here to judge my parents.

 

[LuvOrlando]

I would LOVE it!

 

[FireDancer]

I think it would be easier to take if it was from your father because your father could have very well not known about the child if the mother kept it from him. Unless her eggs were stolen or she had no short term memory it would be hard for a mother to not know she had another child.

I'd be excited to meet my new sibling and hopefully we'd become as close as I am with my the brothers I know I have.

 

[Mrs. Darcy]

I think it would be easier to take if it was from your father because your father could have very well not known about the child if the mother kept it from him. Unless her eggs were stolen or she had no short term memory it would be hard for a mother to not know she had another child.

I'd be excited to meet my new sibling and hopefully we'd become as close as I am with my the brothers I know I have.

It would be easier to take it from him because I think I'd have a hard time with the idea of my mother not telling me, since I've always felt we're very close. I'd want her to tell me before a half-sibling came knocking at the door. Nothing about stealing her eggs! lol

I'm editing this to add that this is assuming they both knew they had "secret" children.

 

[DVCBELLE]

My DH is adopted and has contemplated meeting his birth mother for a while. We know a lot about her - even where she lives and that she has a daughter. He was the product of an affair with a married man and so we know nothing about his biological father. He never had much desire to meet her or know who his father was until we had children and now he wants her to know that he turned out ok and that she has two beautiful grandchildren...

BUT he is so worried his half sister knows nothing about him and he doesn't want to rock her world. But he has to make a decision soon b/c his birth mom is getting older.

If it were me - I would think it would be awesome to meet another sibling but it would rock my world...mainly b/c my parents were college sweethearts and never with anyone else and we were raised with strong values that would go against them having a secret child...

 

[The Mystery Machine]

It would be easier to take it from him because I think I'd have a hard time with the idea of my mother not telling me, since I've always felt we're very close. I'd want her to tell me before a half-sibling came knocking at the door. Nothing about stealing her eggs! lol

I'm editing this to add that this is assuming they both knew they had "secret" children.

I did not know he had a child and neither did he. He knew about my child, because he knew me back then.

I could totally relate to what Oprah said about "the shame" of something.

My mother and sister pressure me to go and find my child and I have not done that, yet.

My youngest is 14 and well, I think the one half sister is enough at this point. She is a nice gal however they struggle with "bonding" right now.

It has only been 3ish yrs so I am giving it some time. She does not live close so that makes things harder.

I think in the end, you don't tell people because adults around you would not be understanding. Many times on this board you hear people say, I could not give my baby up.

 

[antmaril]

I found out in 1982 (after my mother passed away) that a man I thought was my second cousin, was, in fact, my half-brother. His name was Jack. My mother gave birth to Jack when she was 16 years old and gave him to her aunt to raise.

It's a long, complicated story and I won't bore you with the details. I just want to say that my feelings for Jack didn't change at all after I found out he was really my brother. I didn't know him very well. He was 20 years older than me and nothing really changed over the years. Jack passed away about a year ago and I went to his funeral out of respect for my mother.

 

[amberg@eastlink.ca]

i have 3 half siblings....that have no idea i exist. my real father has denied me from the begining(mom had an affair, i was the result). he told her if she continued the pregnancy that he would have no part of my life and deny me till the day he dies. no big loss there, but i'd really like to get to know my siblings, but i have no info on them and after many family issues since dd was born i no longer speak to my mother. funny enough, in a weird case of repeating history....when i was 12 my grandmother told my mother she had 2 half brothers in england, turns out my grandfather had been married once before he married my grandmother.

 

[mtemm]

my mom is one of 6 kids, 3 girls, 3 boys. when her father died, it came to light that prior to their family, he had a daughter. all of the "kids" were adults in their 40s/early 50s when this came out. the 3 girls embraced their new sister (she was found not long after, lived in a different state) and have developed a relationship with her and her children. the 3 boys, on the other hand, have wanted nothing to do with her at all. no interest. not sure why the divide, but I do find it interesting how everyone reacted to the news.

my dh has 3 half brothers. actually, only 2 now, because one was in a tragic accident a few years ago. they don't know of dh's existence. dh's father has never had anything to do with him. mom was young (19) when she had him, they weren't married, and from what I understand dad just wasn't interested/around after she found out she was pg. dh had a brief meeting with him right before we were married, and dh said he was sooooo excited to meet dh, and confessed to never telling his wife/kids about him. said he was going to go home and tell the wife/kids about him that week, and was excited to get to know dh and all that jazz. dh never heard from him. I often wonder if they boys (now men) will discover about dh and try to find him someday, but based on my uncles reaction to their half sibling, I guess I doubt it now. I think I have it in my mind that women would be more interested in men in finding/developing a relationship like this. granted, I also know I am going only by my own, very limited, experience here. so who knows!

 

[Mermaid02]

Honestly, if it was my father I would be happy to have another sibling! But I'm not sure I'd want to share my Mother- I'm an only and we are very close. That's probably immature and petty, but it's an honest answer.

 

[ClarabelleCowFan]

I did not know he had a child and neither did he. He knew about my child, because he knew me back then.

I could totally relate to what Oprah said about "the shame" of something.

My mother and sister pressure me to go and find my child and I have not done that, yet.

My youngest is 14 and well, I think the one half sister is enough at this point. She is a nice gal however they struggle with "bonding" right now.

It has only been 3ish yrs so I am giving it some time. She does not live close so that makes things harder.

I think in the end, you don't tell people because adults around you would not be understanding. Many times on this board you hear people say, I could not give my baby up.

This is what my Mom struggled with as well and why she kept the secret for so long. We had to constantly reassure her that it didn't change the way we looked at her or how we felt about her - in fact it made me love her more for knowing that she was human and not up on the pedestal that I always put her on.

I remember your story about your DH, Mystery Machine. Good luck to your family on your journey with your extended family.

 

[LisaNJ25]

I found out when I was 18 and pregnant that my mom had a child before me and gave him up for adoption. My dad told me this on my 18th birthday(my parents are divorced).


18 years later I have never confronted my mother or told my younger sibling. I wouldn't even know how to bring it up.

 

[nikkistevej]

I was thinking Oprah's sister hit the jackpot. LOL

 

[snarlingcoyote]

I'm adopted and some of my sibs didn't find out about me until they were grown. DH is adopted and one brother didn't find out until he was grown.

There've been pages of posters above me, and I'm sure there will be posters below me with similar stories.

I don't think it's really that unusual. Maybe it's not common, but it's not exceedingly rare either. I think it's just something we don't talk about, or haven't talked about in the past.

I think now that being an unwed mother or giving a child up for adoption as a teen isn't something that carries the same stigma, adopted relatives will be just a family tree variant, not anything to cause anyone to pause.

 

[MickeyMomOfThree]

I have 5 or 6 biological half siblings who want to meet me but I have no desire to meet them. They send me messages on FB and send me letters. Won't take no for an answer despite me begging them to. So I see both sides. I understand they want to know who their father had 35 years ago, but I don't want to know him or them and every time they send me more messages I feel like that little abandonded child all over again.

As far as I am concerned biology is a small part of what makes someone family. If you want to meet them and make them your family, great! But if not, just because someone shares DNA with you does not make them family. I don't know anything about Oprah's situation, didn't herar about it till here on DIS, but if they are both interested in being family that is great, for me, not interested.

 

[Magpie]

A friend of mine was just crowing, "Hah! I beat Oprah!"

She's got at least three older half-siblings, all with different fathers, and they all only found each other as adults. There may be more. Her mother had told my friend, "You're the only child I've ever had." When it all came to light and my friend confronted her mother about the others, her mother's reply was, "It wasn't any of your business!"

The freaky thing is, my friend shares a name with one of her older sibs. Evidently, her mother is the sort of person who likes to start fresh. Over and over and over again.

Anyway, she's on good terms with her sibs. (She's dodging her mother, but not over the sibling thing.)

Me, I've also got a half-sib, but I've known about him since he was born. We aren't close, but that's because he's younger and not terribly interested in getting to know a middle-aged mom.