Inspired by "never marrying" thread, how did you feel different after you married?

[SDFgirl]

I was reading the thread about never getting married, and it got me to thinking....how did you feel different about your spouse after you married?

For me, the biggest (and most unexpected) change was that all of the sudden, my DH was my FAMILY! I don't know why I didn't expect that, but it seemed so powerful. My little family had stayed the same for years and years, and now, overnight, my family grew in a very important and wonderful way. Living with a family member (to me) meant that you stuck through and worked through anything. What a nice feeling!

You??

 

[lovetheparks]

Felt no different to me. We shared bank accounts, lived together, etc. Then again we met when I was 17 and married at 20 so I hadn't established a whole set life that suddenly changed.

 

[Sandy V.]

I really didn't feel different when we got married. The REAL difference for me was when we had our first child. That was when it sunk in that whatever happened in our lives, we were forever linked by this baby.

 

[mickeyboat]

We were married at 21 and 22, and we did not live together before we were married. We did not even spend the night together before that. (That's my story and I'm sticking to it ). So, getting married was the start of our new lives together.

Denae

 

[Rafiki Rafiki Rafiki]

I didn't marry until 28. I lived with DH for about 6 mos. prior to getting married to him (I know, I'm a sinner).

We dated for a good long while prior to marrying...so I kept forgetting we were married. I guess the strangest part was when we started living together. It was all very strange. I had to start cooking meals rather than snacking, and DH's decorating taste included beer steins and photos of airplanes! It took a few years to snap up his masculinity, but I managed .

I think the give-and-take is the most important change you make. You learn to bite your tongue about things, and you learn that your way isn't the only way to do things.

 

[hiwaygal]

We've only been married six months...so either it hasn't completely sunk in yet or I haven't noticed a big difference between being married and living together...except he has health insurance now!

I find I still get a little thrill when I say "my husband"!!

 

[NMAmy]

I've been married twice and it didn't feel any different either time. I lived with my current husband before marriage. The only thing different is that I refer to him as my husband now!

 

[Sonya]

We dated for 7 years, and lived together in college, but when I got married I felt settled down. We bought a house and I think I realized that I was an adult now!
I also kept feeling thrilled whenever I thought of him as my "husband".
And then there was also the weight my DMIL and DM put on me to be a good housewife. Took one year for me to realize that I didn't have to me perfect.

I also remember the moment I realized I really shouldn't flirt anymore. Not that I did it a lot but you know, suck in the gut, stick 'em out when you walk by a cute bunch of guys.... that kind of thing. It made me laugh!

 

[ead79]

I felt a deeper bond with my husband than I did when we were dating/engaged. It’s hard to explain, I just felt the bond we share. Also, my life changed a lot since we didn’t live together before marriage. It was special to share a home with him.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

I did not feel anything really different since we were all ready living together and completely sharing our lives. I did feel a little inconvenienced since I was the one who had to go around changing stuff to my married name.

 

[disykat]

I married at age 29 after being essentially on my own since I went to college at 17. We didn't live together first. It felt very different, combining our assets and sharing everything. (Ps - I do still have things I consider "mine", my own credit record and retirement funds, and my own identity) The first 6 months we were married was really fun - I can't really put it in words, it was kind of like that first stage of dating again - where you're constantly discovering new things about each other.

 

[TheRatPack]

I didn't really feel differently. I'd just moved out of my parents home so just moved out from a household with 6 people to a home with just me and hubby. I guess I felt like an adult finally though, grocery shopping for myself and picking out things I liked to eat/cook or picking out my own brand of washing powders and not the cheapest for a household of 6 LOL

 

[tarheelmjfan]

I think the give-and-take is the most important change you make. You learn to bite your tongue about things, and you learn that your way isn't the only way to do things.

Shhh Don't tell my hubby that. I've managed to convince him that I'm supposed to always be right.

My DH & I lived together 14 months, before we were married. I got pregnant unexpectedly, & was determined to not be labelled as one of those people who "had" to get married. I waited what I thought was an acceptable amount of time to dispel the myth, then got married. I think the biggest difference I felt was in the commitment. All of a sudden, I felt it wouldn't be so easy to walk away, if I chose. I didn't feel that I magically loved him more over night or anything. IMHO, that comes with time. I do love him much more now (13 1/2 yrs. later) than I did the day we got married.

 

[luvmydogs]

What I *wasn't* expecting was how sad I was when I changed all my official documents to my married name. We've been married 13 years now, and together for nearly 20, but I still wish I had kept my maiden name, legally hyphenated or as a middle name. I guess I miss being "me" a little bit.

 

[Miss Jasmine]

What I *wasn't* expecting was how sad I was when I changed all my official documents to my married name. We've been married 13 years now, and together for nearly 20, but I still wish I had kept my maiden name, legally hyphenated or as a middle name. I guess I miss being "me" a little bit.

I feel the same way, I want MY name. He guilted me into changing it and not including it. I was stupid and listened.

 

[Ava83]

I really didn't feel different when we got married. The REAL difference for me was when we had our first child. That was when it sunk in that whatever happened in our lives, we were forever linked by this baby.

I felt no different either, in fact Corey and I were shocked at how it all felt the same. We did live together for 3 months before the wedding, but we have always felt like we were on the same path. It only changed with the baby, that made our lives different (good different)

 

[palmtreegirl]

I didn't feel any different.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

We lived together in college for 5 years. Then I moved out after I had graduated and got a job. I got pregnant in 6 months...living apart..figure that one out!

So he stepped up to the plate, married me and started a new life together.

I felt like I was an adult finally.

 

[luvmydogs]

I feel the same way, I want MY name. He guilted me into changing it and not including it. I was stupid and listened.

Honestly, Miss Jasmine, I often think about getting it changed back--but then to be even more honest, I'm too lazy to go re-change all the legal documents I had to change in the first place! I'm thinking I'd have to have everything redone--our mortgage, investments, etc...lots of "stuff."

But, yeah, I really wish I would've kept a little bit of 'me.'

 

[pearlieq]

What I *wasn't* expecting was how sad I was when I changed all my official documents to my married name. We've been married 13 years now, and together for nearly 20, but I still wish I had kept my maiden name, legally hyphenated or as a middle name. I guess I miss being "me" a little bit.

I hear you--that's why I kept my name. DH was very supportive about it and even answers to Mr. MyLastName quite a bit!

I was expecting a little more static that I actually got. I still hear from the occasional disgruntled traditionalist, but most women are supportive and even seem a bit envious!

As for the OP's question: I guess I felt a bit more "settled" as if it was now a done deal and taken care of and a bit of ambiguity was taken out of my life. That probably doesn't make much sense, but I'm a little Monk-ish about wanting things resolved in my life. I can't even stand it when someone takes something out of the microwave and doesn't re-set it to 0! It's just a personal thing for me.

I would certainly never look down on someone who didn't want to get married.