Inspired by monitoring IM thread

[ckay87]

I asked this question in the thread about monitoring your kids' IM conversations, but the thread dropped down the list and I was so curious what the responses would be.

The original thread was "how to" go back and review your kids' IM conversations (apparantly that's possible.)

My question was, would you first tell your kid that you were going to review those conversations?

My opinion was that I would. Don't get me wrong, I hadn't known this was possible or I would have been doing it all along! But I think I'll tell DS first that I am going to be doing that. I would just want him to know that he's being watched and that he should be using our computer responsibly.

Heck, maybe I won't even do it. I'll just tell him I am

What are your thoughts on this?

 

[SillyMe]

I did it for awhile and didn't tell my dd. I found out alot of things that shocked me...not about her, but about her friends re: sex and drugs. It actually helped me to guide her in the right direction. She was already heading in the right direction, but it allowed me the knowledge to give her that extra little nudge. I never told her I did it.

 

[cruisnfamily]

My question was, would you first tell your kid that you were going to review those conversations?

Ummm, no.

My kid knows she doesn't have a "right to privacy" where computer issues are concerned. My DH has his own myspace and has added many of her friends to his list(because their profiles are private this is the only way he can see them) and they all know he's reading daily. Anything inappropriate and the priviledge is gone!

We've told DD13 that we can and will look at all her internet activity and will monitor whatever we feel inclined to monitor. I have her email password and have told her I will read them whenever I feel like it. This was a few years ago and I believe she's forgotten all about it but I haven't , I get on her email once every couple of weeks and peruse them.

She also knows that if she ever closes/lowers a screen on her computer when I enter the room, she loses computer priviledges.

As far as IMs go, she doesn't specifically know I am monitoring that particular item but as far as I'm concerned, she shouldn't be saying anything she wouldn't want me to see. And being that we've had the conversation about other areas of the computer, I kind of feel she should expect it. I don't have aol as my internet service but I do have aim so DD does do IMing but I can't seem to figure out how to create the log, so I've been using google desktop search but it doesn't work all that well for my purposes. I took a recommendation from a poster here and downloaded some logging software, I'll let you know how it goes.

So, there's no short answer to your question, but I feel like I am doing the right thing by periodically reviewing things and I've told her in the past that I reserve that right but I don't specifically tell her when/what I am doing.

Clear as mud, right?

 

[Shel]

The same goes here...my DD13 has limited computer access & we have 100% access to her email & also IM. House rules, plain & simple. It's not to be nosey, but protective. At this age she does not have a myspace account & from what I've read about it she can have one when she's 18 & living on her own.

Last year in our Sunday School class we had some police officers from Xenia, OH come in & share about their arrests & operations regarding men coming into our area specifically to "meet" w/ underage children...and what we as parents can do to protect our kids. They also showed interviews of men convicted of "internet crimes" involving children, and what they looked for. Basically unsupervised kids who weren't afraid to give out complete info - name, age, school, town, etc. The internet is not a safe place for kids, and I don't feel guilty at all for literally looking over my DD13 shoulder & doing what I can to protect her.