Inspired by inhertance question thread

[Stitchfans]

So funny. She is the oldest of the 6 siblings. Maybe the oldest think they have been around the longest so they deserve more. just kidding.

Hey, thats right, I am the oldest in my family.

 

[m&m's mom]

I gotta say there is no way I would be paying that bill.
I would subtract it from her total or I would not pay.

 

[Handbag Lady]

I have NEVER heard of being reimbursed by the deceased to attend the funeral.

The family member asking for it must be in dire needs or they are crazy.

If it were me, I wouldn't give and and I would mock them for even asking such a stupid thing. Peace or no peace, that's NOT showing respect for the dead ergo I'd tell them to go pound sand.

If you are in such dire needs, don't attend and say why. THEN, those minding the estate can decide to use part of the inheritance to pay for the trip.

 

[Stitchfans]

I have NEVER heard of being reimbursed by the deceased to attend the funeral.

The family member asking for it must be in dire needs or they are crazy.

If it were me, I wouldn't give and and I would mock them for even asking such a stupid thing. Peace or no peace, that's NOT showing respect for the dead ergo I'd tell them to go pound sand.

If you are in such dire needs, don't attend and say why. THEN, those minding the estate can decide to use part of the inheritance to pay for the trip.

My DH had made the comment the other night that he wouldn't of said a word if it had been just his sister and her husband, but all her kids and some of her kid's families came. That was 8 tickets that were paid for. Plus a car rental. IMO, very wrong/ unfair.

Won't go in to details, but I highly doubt that they are in dire needs. Not from the comments they were making and all. IMO it is plain old greed.

 

[Chicago526]

Wow, I can see maybe doing it for a family member that could not afford to go any other way, but what the OP is saying sounds like greed, no two ways about it.

If I were in charge of the estate, I'd tell the family member that they could either wait for their share once other claims to the estate were settled, or I'd cut them a check and subtract it from the final amount. No way on earth would I do it any other way, family war be damned. But thats just the way I am, I can see how others may want to do it to keep the peace. Me? I would be severing all ties from anyone that greedy anyway, so it wouldn't really matter!

 

[Stitchfans]

Wow, I can see maybe doing it for a family member that could not afford to go any other way, but what the OP is saying sounds like greed, no two ways about it.

If I were in charge of the estate, I'd tell the family member that they could either wait for their share once other claims to the estate were settled, or I'd cut them a check and subtract it from the final amount. No way on earth would I do it any other way, family war be damned. But thats just the way I am, I can see how others may want to do it to keep the peace. Me? I would be severing all ties from anyone that greedy anyway, so it wouldn't really matter!

Well that is more or less what DH had said. He claimed he wasn't having anything else to do with that sister. As I told him though if he does that chances are some of the others may feel bad for her and back her up. His family can be strange sometimes. I told him we might as well just shut up and move on even though it leaves us with hard feelings towards her.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

What helped in the case of my family was, we knew that one brother was going to pull a stunt like this. FTR, it was my brother in Germany, NOT my druggie brother. Germany brother has been a "taker" his entire life. So, we knew we had to protect the three of us. Heck, even druggie brother has a moral code, of sorts.

We actually had a bet going as to how long after the funeral Germany brother would ask about his money. Correct answer: 52 minutes. My sister's husband was horrified--they aren't even finished putting the dirt on her grave! But, he's fairly new to the family. My DH was expecting considerably less "restraint"!

I'm sorry that you're going through this. Funerals tend to bring out a side of people that you didn't expect. OTOH, my sister was always the family ditz, God bless her, and she did an admirable job of handling both my mother and the executive duties.

 

[Chicago526]

Well that is more or less what DH had said. He claimed he wasn't having anything else to do with that sister. As I told him though if he does that chances are some of the others may feel bad for her and back her up. His family can be strange sometimes. I told him we might as well just shut up and move on even though it leaves us with hard feelings towards her.

Yes, I can understand that. It's not just between your DH and Greedy Sis, it's also involves his other siblings. Then they feel like they have to take sides and it's down hill from there. Unless all the non-greedy sibs agree to take a stand against Greedy Sis, it won't work.

 

[Disney Doll]

If the sister in CA said "deduct my travel expenses form my part of the inheritance" then I'd do the same for the sister in ME.

DH has a sister in the midwest. Believe me when I tell you that when my DMIL died, she was unbelieveable as to what she was requesting "the estate" pay for.

1. Her travel here after the funeral to go through her mother's things. DH & his 2 normal DS's said absolutely not.

2. Shipping said things to her home, which unfortunately my DMIL put into her will that the estate would pay those expenses, so we did. I was in charge of the packing and shipping...she wanted the stuff overnighted in the most expensive way possible, so she "could have Mommy's stuff as soon as possible, she missed her so & it had such sentimental value". I shipped it via the USPS Parcel Post. It got there.

3. One item that I shipped...a china creamer pitcher...arrived to her home with a broken handle. She wanted the estate to pay to replace it. I told her that kind of blew the whole sentimental value & missing Mommy so that she needed her stuff right away thing. Then she was goign to send the broken piece back to me so I could handle the USPS insurance thing here. I told her that I would be happy to send her the insurance receipt and she could handle it out there. She told me that her USPS said that it had to be handled here, where it was insured. I told her she was full of crap and she'd get the insurance receipt from me and she could follow-up out there or keep the broken one.

I could go on and on, but the bottom line is that these things bring out the worst in families. Thank God my DH had the...nerve...to stand up to her when she pulled her crap, and his other 2 sisters supported him. If you have an executor wiht no...nerve...it could be ugly.

 

[LindaG4458]

My Mom's will specified that everything be evenly divided three ways. My youngest brother, always her favorite, was very upset that he wasn't getting more than us. He was quite blunt about feeling that he did more for her than anyone. The other brother (I am the oldest) was soaking her for money while she was alive. He would have put her into the poorhouse. I tried to talk with her but she felt sorry for him.

Partially as a result of the funeral interactions I have not spoken with either of my two brothers for about 18 years (their choice). I don't miss them but I do wish I could see their children.

Nothing like money to show the true colors of a family.

 

[redrosesix]

Another way to look at it: when my mother's father passed away, my grandmother bought everybody plane tickets to come back for the funeral, grandchildren included (unless their parents preferred not to bring them) Attendance obviously was not optional. When my grandmother passed away we did the same thing -- called them up and asked which day they were coming, how long they were staying, how many were coming. And yes, it was paid for from the estate.

Same thing happened on my dad's side of the family when my grandmother passed away. And when my mother was hit by a car and wasn't expected to live (she did though, and recovered almost completely) we bought my brother and his girlfriend plane tickets to travel from Africa from my mother's account. Attendance has never been considered optional, nor did we ever think that some people could pay for themselves and others needed help -- you just never really know somebody else's circumstances.

There was never a question that any event like this was a lot easier to handle with the whole family there.

 

[EthansMom]

If I were in charge of the estate, I'd tell the family member that they could either wait for their share once other claims to the estate were settled, or I'd cut them a check and subtract it from the final amount. No way on earth would I do it any other way, family war be damned. But thats just the way I am, I can see how others may want to do it to keep the peace. Me? I would be severing all ties from anyone that greedy anyway, so it wouldn't really matter!

That's also what I would have done.

I'm listed as the executor on the wills of several family members. With any luck, I won't have to worry about any of that for years and years.

 

[scrapquitler]

If I were the executor in this case, and I knew that there was enough $$ in the estate to cover all the expenses I would do this: Tell the people that are asking to be reimbursed for their travel expenses that yes, I will do that, as soon as they submit the receipts but then at the final distribution, their share will be decreased by the amount that they had already been reimbursed.

Maybe the sister has no cash to pay for the expenses of coming and needs the money to pay the bills. If she's getting that $ later, let her have it now to keep the peace in the family, but it would come from what she is already getting, NOT extra.

 

[disykat]

She is being incredibly greedy. Shockingly so, IMO.

I would deduct it from her share of the inheritance, not from the estate before it's divided.

However, if the sisters in charge won't do that, ask that everyone's expenses be deducted. That includes reimbursing the CA sister, reimbursing the sister who housed and fed people, reimbursing for the time local siblings spent dealing with arrangements, etc.

 

[Stitchfans]

If I were the executor in this case, and I knew that there was enough $$ in the estate to cover all the expenses I would do this: Tell the people that are asking to be reimbursed for their travel expenses that yes, I will do that, as soon as they submit the receipts but then at the final distribution, their share will be decreased by the amount that they had already been reimbursed.

Maybe the sister has no cash to pay for the expenses of coming and needs the money to pay the bills. If she's getting that $ later, let her have it now to keep the peace in the family, but it would come from what she is already getting, NOT extra.

This is the way it should of been if they didn't have the cash to take care of their expenses right away.( just like the sil in CA) But they expect that money and their share of the inheritance. I am washing my hands of it. It is up to DH or another one of his siblings to open their mouths. Since they won't she will get away with it.

 

[Disney Doll]

This is the way it should of been if they didn't have the cash to take care of their expenses right away.( just like the sil in CA) But they expect that money and their share of the inheritance. I am washing my hands of it. It is up to DH or another one of his siblings to open their mouths. Since they won't she will get away with it.

Well, if they are all going to be woosies, then they have no right to complain.

 

[manning]

I would go by the wishes of the will and nothing else. This way the executors are not exposed to legal problems.Liquidate the estate and destribute it per the direction of the will.

If she comes back complaining mail her a copy of the will without comment.

Personally, if the amount wasn't that much and I didn't need the money I would give it to her with a note in big letters saying. IN THE FUTURE DON'T EVER CALL ME, I WILL CALL YOU--WHEN HELL FREEZES OVER."

I had a situation like this with a step-sister. Dad died first then step-mother. After 23 years of looking after my step-mother (she lived alone and took care of herself, I just made sure she was ok. that's what she wanted) She got dementia and step-sister took her to her state, changed the will and cash everything in. I got nothing. No big deal if she wanted it that bad she could have it. I never regretted it. I got her out of my life.

 

[Stitchfans]

Well, if they are all going to be woosies, then they have no right to complain.

I totally agree.