Inspired by Goofyluver's Inheritance Thread

[yoopermom]

If you're married, and either one of you receives an inheritance, who decides what to do with the $$? Joint decision? Each gets half? Person who inherits gets to make the decision alone? Does it depend on how large of an amount that it is?

We're going to be facing this within the next few years. My grandmother has made a point of telling us that our inheritances are going to be made out in the blood relative's name only, and it's up to that person whether or not to share with the spouse. (It's because she HATES the one cousin's wife. Thanks cuz.) I can see it causing quite an uproar when the time comes!

Terri

 

[PatsMom]

If it is my inheritance, it is my money. DH and I would probably talk about what to do with it but ultimately it is my money. We are the same way about cash gifts my mother has given us over the years. Nothing enormous, the largest was $3,000. This year she gave us $1,000. It is also quite possible that when her time comes, there will be a small inheritance. It will be left only to me so it is mine to do what I want.

Ma deliberately left money only to her four children and not their spouses. I was the first (and only) to divorce my first spouse. That made her realize that she didn't want to have to worry about updating her will. Also, if one of us were to die, she would want our share to go to our children, not to our spouse.

DH is fine with this arrangement. I offered him part of this year's Christmas money to buy the big screen TV he wanted but he said he'll just keep saving. So I put the cash in the bank for the time being until I decide what I want to do with it.

 

[N&B'smom]

If I were to inherit money from a family member I would feel like it belonged to both myself and my husband. What's mine is his and what's his is mine!

 

[Justanopinion]

I asked DH for input for what he thought we should spend my inheritence on when it comes. He says it's my decision.

I'm confident that when the time comes, when I actually get the money, he will throw some ideas out there.

I also know for sure I am buying a new sofa. I'm sure he will help pick it out as he has to live with it also.

So, in response to your question, it's really up to each couple and their marriage as to how things are done. After the money is received who will know who made what decision. How can an uproar occur? My mom won't know who made the decision to buy a sofa, just that we did.

 

[DMickey28]

Interesting question. Sometimes my mom sends me money to use for myself or DS because her mom used to do that for her when she was a SAHM. In that regard, I think it's just for me and DS. I might use it for clothes for him and/or me, toys or a dinner out for the whole family. If it were an inheritance and a larger amount (over $1K maybe) I would think of it as family money and would spend it on our family. I wouldn't do something that just one person wanted unless there was enough for each person to get something they wanted. I guess it would be "our" money.

 

[BuzznBelle'smom]

I posted on the other thread, too. DH and I have discussed this--we've buried 3 parents, and his mom is healthy but 77, so we try to be realistic and aware, KWIM?

Anyway, when my mom died, Dh told me I could spend the money however I wanted to. It was roughly $25k. I would not have felt comfortable spending that kind of a chunk of $$ without his input and approval. I joked that he shouldn't expect me to reciprocate the offer, as he'll be inheriting 7 figures. That said, depending on how things actually work out, I wouldn't have a problem with a chunk of his inheritance going to him buying a plane, which is a life-long dream of his. But, we would make sure other stuff is taken care of first.

Try not to feel too mad at the cousin. My MIL only gives money to blood--she has trusts for Dh and all her grandchildren, but would never put me or my SIL (DH's brother's wife) in her will or on any trust documents, despite us having been married over 20 years (them, too), and getting along fine all around. It's just not how she rolls. She can't be positive there won't be a divorce in 5 years or something. I understand her line of thinking and try not to let it bother me. She's generous with non-cash gifts, such as Disney trips, and has been generous with my children as well. I can't really fault a mom for protecting her own.

 

[NMAmy]

We share the decision on how to spend that money just like we do with all the rest of our money. Actually, we're savers so that's what we usually do.

 

[Smileybug]

I know for my DH and I it would be a joint decision.

 

[jx3smom]

My dad just passed away. My brother, sister and I will be selling the house and splitting the money. DH and I have already decided together to use it for DS college costs. It should be a joint decision.

 

[disney junky]

When my father passed away, I received a fairly substantial inheritance. My wife was rather insistent that it be kept in my name only which to this point it has. We're going on eleven years. I understand if I die, she'll get it anyway. She has always maintained that it was my dad's money and therefore it's my money. Understand, WE have used the proceeds and some of the principal to pay off OUR mortgage and buy a vacation home in OUR name, so in many ways it's a moot point. Those assets have shifted to joint ownership. I have often asked her to sit down and talk about what the money is doing, investment wise and otherwise, and she really wants no part of it. I am grateful for her attitude in this, not that I foresee ever structuring things differently than they are currently, but that I feel she wants me to know that her love was never based on what I might someday have. I think each situation is different. Her parents' will names only her and her sister. That's fine with me.

 

[Handbag Lady]

His is his and mine is mine.

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

When my grandparents died (both within a month of each other) I inherited $10,000, as did my DH when his grandmother died. We talked about things that we needed for our house and used it on that. The rest went into savings. For us it was a joint decision.

 

[luvmy3]

Legally an inheritence belongs to the one it was given to. If a spouse decides to put that money in a joint account then it becomes property of both.

This has happened with dh and myself. His mother passed away and he got part of her estate. I never considered it my money but I do expect to be in the decision making of what happens to that money because it will effect me. Dh has always had plans to invest some, which he did in both of our names. The rest is in savings, in his name only and he plans on using it to purchase land. I was not really included in that decision, he had his heart set on it but since the taxes on said land will effect me directly, and any maintenance or building of any kind will, I do expect my name to be on the deed.

 

[mom2boys]

We've been married for 20 years. Anything either of us has ever received as an inheritance has come directly to the blood relative. We are very practical people. There is no need to worry that the money will be spent friviously by the other. That said, when we had our wills drawn up, we named specific blood relatives and a friend or two by name. We did not name couples. That said, I would not be upset or surprised if a beneficiary shared the wealth with a spouse.

 

[missj1975]

So, in response to your question, it's really up to each couple and their marriage as to how things are done. After the money is received who will know who made what decision. How can an uproar occur? My mom won't know who made the decision to buy a sofa, just that we did.

I agree with Jusanopinion. Each married couple has a different outlook on finances. For example, my boyfriend and I plan on getting married this year. We have discussed how we want to handle finances when we get married and we both agree that when we are married, all money is "our" money, not "his" or "her" money. Well since the original discussion he has come into alot of money. We discussed it and he still wants it to be "our" money when we get married even though I had nothing to do with the money he recently received.

We also discussed about how one day he will inherit a lot of money from his family and I will never inherit any money unless some long lost rich uncle magically appears. Again, he insists it will be "our" money. This is what works for us. We trust each other with finances and we have similar spending and saving habits.

I am just glad we worked it out before we get married. My sister and her husband have been married for five years and they still separate everything out (each pay half the mortgage, electric, etc.) That seems too much like living with a roommate to me.

 

[PrincessSuzanne]

DH certainly had no say in what I did with what I inherited from my mom. Now, he did benefit from it, but he had no say in the matter.

Now, if he inherited money, I would have to step in and say something, because he is not good with money at all and would spend it all on video games and DVD's, and I am not about to let that happen.

Suzanne

 

[yoopermom]

Keep them coming! I have very conflicted ideas on this personally (and DH's are even more so so all your opinions are helpful.

So if I buy a lottery ticket, does that mean I get to keep it all, or would he get his HALF (like Eddie Murphy used to say so famously!)?

PrincessSuzanne, I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from! Maybe our DHs are long lost relatives?!?

Thanks everyone!
Terri

 

[Alex2kMommy]

I agree with Jusanopinion. Each married couple has a different outlook on finances.

i agree that there is no one right way for everyone. couples handles finances differently, and there might be different emotional attachments to inheritance as well. hopefully the individuals within a marriage can agree.

dh and i have always shared our finances, but friends of ours used to keep separate bank accounts for fun money, and both contributed a portion of their paycheck to a common fund. way too much work for us, and totally unnecessary, as we are both savers also.

when dh inherited money, i felt he should say what to do with it. (i would have been ticked if he did something totally selfish with it, but it would have been his to do that with.) he disagreed, and said this money was no different than the paychecks or any other bonuses we've received, so together we debated various options, and made a joint decision.

 

[ProudMomTo3Boys]

Keep them coming! I have very conflicted ideas on this personally (and DH's are even more so so all your opinions are helpful.

So if I buy a lottery ticket, does that mean I get to keep it all, or would he get his HALF (like Eddie Murphy used to say so famously!)?

PrincessSuzanne, I COMPLETELY understand where you're coming from! Maybe our DHs are long lost relatives?!?

Thanks everyone!
Terri

I believe if you buy a lottery ticket and win, by law he is entitled to half. Again I think it is, but I am not 100% sure.

 

[Bluestars]

I think it's smart to put an inheritance in the name of the blood relative and not the spouse. Who knows what goes on in a marriage. If the marriage is good then the married couple won't have problems deciding what to do with the inheritance. If the marriage is bad then the spouse doesn't need access to it. It's always good for the blood relative to have control.

If my husband or I received an inheritance, we would have no problems. We are both responsible with money and have similar tastes. We have a good partnership in our marriage and money has never been an issue for us.