Inspired by DMickey28...what age would you ''recommend'' starting a family?

[SnoWhite]

Wow, I guess I'll be old by almost everyone's standards. I am almost 30 now, and just got married. We know that it is not the right time for us to have kids. I'm thinking more along the lines of around 34-35. I always thought I'd have kids while I was in my 20's, but now that I'm here, and still trying to figure out what to do with my life, I know it's definitely not the right time!
Plus my DH and I have too much that we want to do before we have a family..which I really think is just fine! It's really a very personal choice.
My friend just had her first baby and she is 38, so although I agree that it is nice to have kdis while you are young for many of the reasons listed, it really does depend on the person and the situation.

Lisa

 

[snoopy]

Why did I think she was dead? I might be confusing her with Tammy Wynette, who I do believe is dead.

Loretta Lynn must be a great-great-great Grandmother at this point.

 

[katerkat]

I think people know when the time is right for them. How's that for an ambiguous answer?

We picked "now" because we want to retire just as the kids get out of college and go off on their own. Plus, we wanted to wait until DH was completely done with training. (We conceived within two weeks of moving to his permanent duty station. ) I also knew I wanted to try a bit earlier because the women on my mother's side tend to have early menopause, so I knew there might be problems with that. Plus, we had been married for 2 years already and it will be nearly three by the time the baby comes, and I've had enough of DH and I alone.

Now, on the other hand, my sister is getting married at 27, not 23 like I did. She'll be 28 or so when she finishes her Master's. (She worked for a time in between.) She wants to wait another couple years after that and have kids around age 30 - and I intend to be done by that age! But it works for her and my plan works for me.

 

[Crankyshank]

I got married when I was 23 and DH was almost 27. There was absolutely no way we were fiscally or emotionally able to handle a child.

Even now, 4 mos from my 30th birthday, we're not ready. I still am going for my Bachelor's part time and I at least want that and our cc's paid off by the time we have kids. DH and I haven't been able to afford to travel so we'll want to do that first.

We're planning for kids in another 4yrs.

 

[mickeyboat]

I had my first when I was 28 and my second when I was 29. It was a good time for us, we were established in our careers, had a house and two cars, etc.

But that age wasn't our first choice. We had fertility problems for several years.

It is frustrating for me to think that I spent so much time trying not to get pregnant, and then have to spend so much time trying to get pregnant.

Sometimes the timing isn't always by choice.

Denae

 

[Strawberry Lemonade]

I agree with you, Mickeyboat. I was "ready" a year and a half ago and I don't have any children yet. You never know what's going to happen (or NOT happen).

To answer the question, I think mid- to late-20s is a good time to start thinking about having children.

 

[dizagain]

I guess the answer is different for evereyone. I married at 23 and was pregnant 7 months later (by choice!). We had our girls two years apart when I was almost 25 and almost 27. Perfect for us. Especially now that they are 8 and 10 and we're toying with the idea of having a third and we still have plenty of time to do so if we EVER decide.

I also love the fact that the girls have young grandparents (one set is mid 50's and one early 60's). We, too, could find ourselves as young grandparents one day which I TOTALLY LOVE!

 

[kimbac3]

I got married the May after I graduated High School. Actually my Dh was still in his senior year of H.S. (Same age but he missed the cut off date). We had our 1st child the April after our wedding. I had all three of my kids before 25. I really am glad. I really wanted a baby when we got married and became a stay-at-home mom right away. Yes, we struggled financially, but we managed and it made us a stronger couple. We like the idea of being young grandparents and we like the idea of having money to travel when the kids are gone.
My mother in law has 7 kids, the first (my Dh ) at 17 and the last at 40. She has always told me to have them when your younger. Of course we made her a young Grandmom. Actually Dh's 3rd sister was born 2 days after our first and Dh's 4th sister was born 3 months after our second. Talk about weird.
My neice however is just turning 22 and she will be married May of next year, and as much as I would love a baby in the family, she is NOT ready.
So I guess it really does depend on the individual.
Kimba

 

[DisneyDreamer8]

Have a child by age 25. Then if we wanted a second, have that one before 30. Moslty because like lots of you have said, I want to be young enough to enjoy grandchildren and still be able to travel when the kid(s) are gone.

Now back to reality...I am 27. We got married when I was 22. We have had a lot of fun traveling with just us. But I can feel that clock ticking . So we have things in motion that will hopefully allow us to start a family next year after our cruise. Since we are starting late we will most likely only have one. But we will see.

 

[ripleysmom]

I agree with your timeline PAW. Mostly because of the whole perimenopause thing.

 

[danacara]

This is such a cultural and socioeconomic question. I graduated high school in a prep school class of 36 girls in 1998. All 36 went to college. Today, at age 24, six of us are married, one with one child. Three are engaged. The other 27 of us are single girls with jobs or in graduate school. That's it. Maybe it's because we're from a weird place (just outside NYC in NJ), but it would be surprising to my family and friends if I decided to get engaged now. To them, 24 would seem very young. That's definitely in direct contrast to most of the US.

 

[disneycrazzzy]

I had my boys at age 34 and 37. More important than my age, fertility, financial status, emotional maturity, or anything else was my relationship with my husband. It takes two to raise and nurture children in a two-job house and I am glad I waited to get married and have children.

 

[mom2alix]

WE got married when I was 24 and DH was 26 (I thought I was young to be getting married, but when the right guy comes along...). The agreement we made was that we'd wait 5 years to have kids which put me at 29 when we got pregnant with DD. Due to job change issues, we were a few months behind the plan (had to qualify for that FMLA!) which made me turn 30 shortly before DD was born. It worked well for us. Now we can't even imagine what life was like before she came along. With #2 on the way, we'll see how much the lifestyle changes now!

 

[mommytutu]

I love that I had Alec when I was 20. I knew that I wanted to be done having kids before 30 and I always wanted a large age difference between kids. It has worked out perfect! I spent as much possible one-on-one time with Alec before he started kindergarten and now Elise is here and she gets the "mommy time" while Alec is at school. Also, going to school while having kids has it's benefits...financial aid. But also the kids, Alec especially, get to see dh and I work hard at school and it sets a good example. All the grandparents are young enough to handle the grandkids for days if dh and I want a long weekend. My parents are 43 and 45 and dh's parents 51 and 53. Also, Alec got to know my grandma---his great grandma and I'll always cherish the picture of Alec with his great-great grandma...5 generations. I can't imagine it any other way.

 

[mommytutu]

Originally posted by Fizban257
DW and I faced this same decision. We decided to go ahead and get married and I switched from full-time work and full-time grad school to full-time work and taking only one class per semester. I started grad school in Aug '98, went to part time after the wedding in 2000, got my Masters in 2001, and will be taking my last PhD course this semester. It took longer, but I've got a beautiful baby boy to show for it, with baby girl coming in November.

Do you feel the kids give you more motivation and inspiration? DH and I feel that way. Reaching those goals just somehow feels more important....maybe it's just us, but I'm wondering.

 

[PatriciaH]

Originally posted by danacara
This is such a cultural and socioeconomic question. I graduated high school in a prep school class of 36 girls in 1998. All 36 went to college. Today, at age 24, six of us are married, one with one child. Three are engaged. The other 27 of us are single girls with jobs or in graduate school. That's it. Maybe it's because we're from a weird place (just outside NYC in NJ), but it would be surprising to my family and friends if I decided to get engaged now. To them, 24 would seem very young. That's definitely in direct contrast to most of the US.

I agree. I went to high school in NYC and graduated with 42 in my class. My college was a small womans college and most of the girls I went to school with just got married the past year. Only one has had a child and we all just turned 34 this year. I was married at 26 and thought that was pretty young

 

[Deesknee]

" think in places like DC, Boston, NYC, and San Fran..it is harder to get a house, and get settled. So, I think for most people in those areas, the avarage age of getting married and having children would be older than 23-27."


We are from Boston. married at 19 Dh=21 bought house at 23/25, had first "pregnancy" at 28 had next one at 40!

oh they said the older you are the less likely you are to concieve. Ya RIGHT. 8yrs of infertility - result=triplets. 11yrs of not "trying" results a baby girl..... at 40.

my opinion - I love kids if I had one at 19 I would've been ok. If I have another one at 45 I'll be okay. (although maybe divorced DH has other thoughts.....permantly).

but honestly in a perfect world. 25-30 for me High energy level being the largest factor.

 

[mrsltg]

Ideally women would have babies younger as opposed to older. Unfortunately the biological facts of life are that you are at your most fertile when you are in your twenties.

Dierdre was born when I was 25, and Patrick when I was 28. I was married at 24 to a man who was 33 at the time. He doesn't want to be an "over 40 Dad", so tick tock the clock is ticking! I hope to have two more babies in the next 3 years or so.

Erin

 

[JessetheCowgirl]

30 worked well for us!!

I think it totally depends on the couple involved, but I know I would NOT have been ready at 23-27.