Inspired by being a thread highjacker- the OT thread!

[ashjohnson80]

Sooooo.... How was your day?

 

[beckmrk04]

Boring as.... watching snow melt.

Woke up with a horrible horrible headache. Had to work at the salon where my boss thinks 80 degrees is chilly and I sweat my butt off.

But- I did have Imo's for dinner, and the office manager managed NOT to be totally obnoxious, so- yea!

I only have tomorrow, Fri. and Sat. left at the salon, off Sunday, and Monday morning I start the bank.

 

[beckmrk04]

Oh, and I am driving myself crazy because I'm waiting to find out if I got pregnant this cycle, and it's still too early to test.

 

[ashjohnson80]

What is Imo's?

Well just three days left. That thought alone is enough to get you through it. My day was more boring than yours. I seriously Slept all day. I got up at 11. took care of the doggies, took benedryl went back to sleep until 4, took care of the doggies. made some bread. went to my parents house to steal food. came back home. played guitar. watched t.v. mom brought me some groceries. got online. that's all.

 

[beckmrk04]

What is Imo's?

Well just three days left. That thought alone is enough to get you through it. My day was more boring than yours. I seriously Slept all day. I got up at 11. took care of the doggies, took benedryl went back to sleep until 4, took care of the doggies. made some bread. went to my parents house to steal food. came back home. played guitar. watched t.v. mom brought me some groceries. got online. that's all.

I just KNEW you'd ask about Imo's. It's a St. Louis style pizza joint. But, I had toasted ravioli and a salad.

And OMG, Ash, I can so commiserate on the boredom thing. I didn't have a job from January to the beginning of May. I did nothing. I was bored out of my skull- but I wasn't ready to work again, either.

Add the fact that I was struggling to get my depression under control and I would cry when my husband had to leave for work in the afternoon, wow- I was AWESOME.

In fact- boredom prompted my DIS obsession.

 

[ashjohnson80]

I just KNEW you'd ask about Imo's. It's a St. Louis style pizza joint. But, I had toasted ravioli and a salad.

And OMG, Ash, I can so commiserate on the boredom thing. I didn't have a job from January to the beginning of May. I did nothing. I was bored out of my skull- but I wasn't ready to work again, either.

Add the fact that I was struggling to get my depression under control and I would cry when my husband had to leave for work in the afternoon, wow- I was AWESOME.

In fact- boredom prompted my DIS obsession.

Well I haven't gotten online during the day because I don't want to tie up the phone line. (Still hoping I'll get a call back on a job) We have dial-up. What year are we in again?

And my husband works 10 hour days and then goes to school at night, so I really am alone all of the time.

 

[beckmrk04]

And my husband works 10 hour days and then goes to school at night, so I really am alone all of the time.

Ugh- that is awful.

When I was working at my previous job (at the sexual assault center)- I worked 8am-5pm with a 1 hour commute. So, I left at 7am.

DH works 3:30pm- midnight. We NEVER saw each other during the week. It was awful. And I used to be fine being alone, but I'm not so good about it now. I don't know why...

And then, when my depression was really bad- OMG. I would cry and cry and cry when my husband had to go to work because I would have to be alone all night. Not my finest hour. Now that I have medicine (that actually works) I feel much better and I'm "ok" with being home alone at night- but I still don't like it.

I would love for dh to get a different shift at work or find a different job, but that's been like squeezing blood from a stone.

I really hope you get the job you interviewed for, Ash. I finally took the salon job just to get myself out of the house, and then the bank opportunity came up.

What's your dh going to school for?

 

[ashjohnson80]

Ugh- that is awful.

When I was working at my previous job (at the sexual assault center)- I worked 8am-5pm with a 1 hour commute. So, I left at 7am.

DH works 3:30pm- midnight. We NEVER saw each other during the week. It was awful. And I used to be fine being alone, but I'm not so good about it now. I don't know why...

And then, when my depression was really bad- OMG. I would cry and cry and cry when my husband had to go to work because I would have to be alone all night. Not my finest hour. Now that I have medicine (that actually works) I feel much better and I'm "ok" with being home alone at night- but I still don't like it.

I would love for dh to get a different shift at work or find a different job, but that's been like squeezing blood from a stone.

I really hope you get the job you interviewed for, Ash. I finally took the salon job just to get myself out of the house, and then the bank opportunity came up.

What's your dh going to school for?

It's bad but I think we've gotten so used to being apart all of the time that even when he's home we don't talk. All he ever wants to do is watch movies. I think tonight we spent maybe 30 minutes together.... Maybe.

My depression is really really bad right now. I need to go and get on another type of medication but I'm trying to lose some weight before I go back to the doctor, just because I don't think I could handle it if it's gone up with the state I'm in. Blah there I go again.

I hope DH doens't have to take a backshift. They are going to be doing a huge lay off at his company in September. We'll know if he has lost his job by next month. I don't do well by myself at night at all. Not at all.

 

[beckmrk04]

Ugh, Ash, if I was anywhere near SC we could get together and have margaritas- then we wouldn't be sitting at home alone.

And this is just my 2 cents- but go back to the Dr. and get a different medicine!!! Because: you won't put any effort into losing weight while you are depressed anyway. Once you start feeling better with the right meds, though- you'll probably find that you have the motivation/energy/whatever to exercise or eat better. I know I did. But when I was depressed, I could have cared less- I didn't want to do ANYTHING. It was awful.

I had to go through a few meds, too. I tried Lexapro, Cymbalta, Well Butrin, and now I have found that Effexor is the one that works for me. It's a freakin miracle. I feel like *me* again.

Have you talked with your dh about all of this? And about how you feel like you two aren't connecting because when he IS home he watches movies?

 

[ashjohnson80]

Ugh, Ash, if I was anywhere near SC we could get together and have margaritas- then we wouldn't be sitting at home alone.

And this is just my 2 cents- but go back to the Dr. and get a different medicine!!! Because: you won't put any effort into losing weight while you are depressed anyway. Once you start feeling better with the right meds, though- you'll probably find that you have the motivation/energy/whatever to exercise or eat better. I know I did. But when I was depressed, I could have cared less- I didn't want to do ANYTHING. It was awful.

I had to go through a few meds, too. I tried Lexapro, Cymbalta, Well Butrin, and now I have found that Effexor is the one that works for me. It's a freakin miracle. I feel like *me* again.

Have you talked with your dh about all of this? And about how you feel like you two aren't connecting because when he IS home he watches movies?

Actually I am a little bit obsessed with excercising and eating healthy. And I take diet pills for energy. I know they're bad, but I feel so freaking tired all of the time. But none of it really helps with the weight. I have a thyroid problem that is probably the reason, I can't think of anything else.

We've been on the same medications! I started out on Effexor, and I felt great! But.... I gained 40 pounds!!!! And I've always been crazy about my weight. When I was in elementary school I remember dieting. So I tried Paxil. That was a nightmare. I was sick for a month. So then I tried Lexapro. Better, but didn't help with the weight thing and well... then there were intamacy issues.... So then I got on Wellbutrin XL. I just don't think it works. And nothing has helped me to lose a pound. I lose 5, gain 5, lose 10, gain 10.... up and down up and down... Never ending. Blah Blah Blah.

I try to talk to my DH, but it doens't do much good. It's like talking to myself. he doesn't respond to anything. I guess he doens't have anything to say to me. Oh well.

 

[beckmrk04]

AAAHHHAAA! WHen I was on lexapro- it was like, "Don't look at me, I'm not in the mood. I will never BE in the mood." Those issues? Yeah- totally familiar with that!

I guess I'm just different about the weight thing, though. Like I said- I weigh about 200lbs. I'm a size 18. But the way I look at it- I'm married- my dh thinks I'm hot. Losing weight won't make me rich, or fix my problems. Me having a smaller butt will not cure AIDS or cancer- won't fix the war in Iraq; won't feed hungry children.

So, when I think about it- there are just more important things to worry about it (for me).

Have you talked with a therapist in conjunction to the meds? ANd if Effexor helped you feel better- by all means, Ash, get back on it. Losing weight won't fix your depression.

I'm sorry talking with your dh doesn't help. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say/do? I don't know... But it's not an "Oh well" sort of situation, hun. Not if you aren't happy. And trust me- I know how it feels.

Please don't feel like you can't talk about this stuff- even if you want to PM me about it. I know how desperate I was to talk about things, and I will ALWAYS listen. It's kinda funny, since we have never met in RL, but I feel like we all have gotten to know each other!

 

[ashjohnson80]

AAAHHHAAA! WHen I was on lexapro- it was like, "Don't look at me, I'm not in the mood. I will never BE in the mood." Those issues? Yeah- totally familiar with that!

I guess I'm just different about the weight thing, though. Like I said- I weigh about 200lbs. I'm a size 18. But the way I look at it- I'm married- my dh thinks I'm hot. Losing weight won't make me rich, or fix my problems. Me having a smaller butt will not cure AIDS or cancer- won't fix the war in Iraq; won't feed hungry children.

So, when I think about it- there are just more important things to worry about it (for me).

Have you talked with a therapist in conjunction to the meds? ANd if Effexor helped you feel better- by all means, Ash, get back on it. Losing weight won't fix your depression.

I'm sorry talking with your dh doesn't help. Maybe he just doesn't know what to say/do? I don't know... But it's not an "Oh well" sort of situation, hun. Not if you aren't happy. And trust me- I know how it feels.

Please don't feel like you can't talk about this stuff- even if you want to PM me about it. I know how desperate I was to talk about things, and I will ALWAYS listen. It's kinda funny, since we have never met in RL, but I feel like we all have gotten to know each other!

I know that you're right, but I don't know how NOT to make it be a big deal. I obsess over stuff for WEEKS. I don't know why. When I go out with my friends I have to talk myself out of not breaking down and crying. I thought it was alcohol for a while, so I stopped drinking. That wasn't it. I'm just embarassed of myself and I'm always punishing myself. And sometimes being on here doesn't help, so I took a break from here for a while. It's insane but I feel like the threads like, why can't people get why they are fat, are aimed directly at me. I know rationally that being a size 14 isn't the worst thing in the world, but I still obsess about it. Maybe it's because obsessing about that is easier than the things that are bigger. Alright. I need to stop. I am just going to end up alienating everyone I know if I don't. I need to be funny again.

 

[beckmrk04]

The drinking probably isn't helping, and the diet pills are downright dangerous- and not helping your situation at ALL, I'm sure. And neither will holding all of this in. It's just not healthy, Ash. And I suspect you already know that.

Ok. I am going to tell you some things that helped me with my body confidence (which is not to say that I'm always confident, but usually I feel ok).

I (don't laugh) would stand buck nekkid in front of a mirror every day, and FORCE myself to find one thing I liked- no matter how small or inane. After a while, I started thinking- you know what? I'm not too bad! I mean- it ain't model material, but wth.

I also think of all the reasons my body is great. Sex, for one example. And my body gets me where I am going. It has the capability to grow another human being. Etc.

Try it! Seriously- once you stop laughing at what an absolute goober I am.

And- last time I will say it: go see your doc. If you can't tell anyone else about all this, at least tell your doctor. It's nothing to be ashamed of and you will FEEL BETTER and be back to funny, witty, scary-hamster loving Ash. I promise.

 

[ashjohnson80]

Well It's almost 1 am. And I'm really going to make an effort NOT to sleep all day tomorrow. I'm going to go and apply for another job and then my friend's coming to go swimming with me in the afternoon. Maybe the sunshine will be good for me. So I'm going to try to go to sleep. Thanks for the talk.

goodnight!

 

[Stacerita]

Geez, I leave you guys alone for a bit and you start talking about weight and meds. Not my fave things.

OT - ok, so I got a few pairs of those boy shorts panty things. Ive been wanting to try them, but underwear isn't cheap. So I waited till "Lucy's Boutique" aka LB aka Lane Bryant, had them on sale. So I got a bunch of new panties for the 3 for 3 sale and picked up a few of the boy shorts as well. Let me tell you....they feel odd. They go right across my bum, so half of it is hanging out underneath. Not attractive.

 

[beckmrk04]

Anytime Ash!!! I MEAN it!! Get a good tan for me- I'll be stuck at the stupid salon.

Goodnight!

 

[beckmrk04]

Geez, I leave you guys alone for a bit and you start talking about weight and meds. Not my fave things.

OT - ok, so I got a few pairs of those boy shorts panty things. Ive been wanting to try them, but underwear isn't cheap. So I waited till "Lucy's Boutique" aka LB aka Lane Bryant, had them on sale. So I got a bunch of new panties for the 3 for 3 sale and picked up a few of the boy shorts as well. Let me tell you....they feel odd. They go right across my bum, so half of it is hanging out underneath. Not attractive.

Um, yeah- I know what you mean. BUT- my dh thinks they are just the sexiest things he's ever seen. KWIM?

I have many pairs from Lucy's.

The *key* is to get the kind that show the bottom of your butt cheek- the cheeky panties have a tendency to ride up. And that much material in you crack is NOT good.

 

[ashjohnson80]

Geez, I leave you guys alone for a bit and you start talking about weight and meds. Not my fave things.

OT - ok, so I got a few pairs of those boy shorts panty things. Ive been wanting to try them, but underwear isn't cheap. So I waited till "Lucy's Boutique" aka LB aka Lane Bryant, had them on sale. So I got a bunch of new panties for the 3 for 3 sale and picked up a few of the boy shorts as well. Let me tell you....they feel odd. They go right across my bum, so half of it is hanging out underneath. Not attractive.

I could have told you that. I used to wear them when I was thinner. Made me feel all *meow* and stuff.

 

[Stacerita]

I could have told you that. I used to wear them when I was thinner. Made me feel all *meow* and stuff.

Cool deal, yours made you feel all "meow". Mine are making me feel no where near that. Maybe I just need to lose a few pounds. Ok ok, more than a few.

 

[beckmrk04]

I am officially putting an end to the self-deprecating weight talk!!!! Enough! You are all hot stuff!!! I say so.